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Okay, what is with my boss?


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So I feel uncomfortable around my boss most of the time. He has never said or done anything inappropriate with me nor with anyone else within the company, at least not to my knowledge. I am not worried about him doing anything bad as I think that's unlikely to happen.

 

However I do notice he smiles at me and looks at me a lot when talking to me. When my other coworkers talk to me, they will look at me, but not as intensely as he does. Maybe he is just like this with everyone and I haven't noticed it, I don't know. I am very shy and don't like making eye contact with people and especially don't like being looked at too much, so it makes me very uncomfortable. I will try and look back and act normal, but then I'll sort of look away (as I do with anyone really) and I can feel him still looking at me. I feel as though he is awaiting a reaction from me and I don't really understand what the hell he wants me to say or do besides my usual "yep" or "okay then sounds good." It freaks me out.

 

It's not a boss thing because I've had no issues like this with any of my other bosses, both men and women. It's not a man thing because I work with other men and I have no issue with them. It is something to do with him. I even remember during my job interview there were a couple of times when he looked at me in a way where I felt analyzed and I had no idea if it was in a good way or not. I have been to interviews before and never have I gotten that impression from interviewers before.

 

I should also mention that he will often ask for my opinion about things, such as "why do you think we fell behind today" which is a weird effing question to be asking the new girl. I mean I still hardly know how everything works, so how the hell should I know why we fell behind. All I know is we tried our hardest. I felt like I was being tested or something. But I know that they're happy with me because he told me I was doing a good job and he was smiling. Then the next day he stopped by again and made a comment about me working extra hours (we were short-staffed and they asked me to stay late) and he was smiling about it and looking at me as if he was wanting me to be all happy about it too. Yeah because I'm so excited about working late on a friday night!!!

 

Anyway I am sure it is no big deal but I am just confused about what the hell is going on. When I get a weird feeling about something it is usually for a good reason.

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PrettyLady1

Probably has feelings for you lol. Thats gross if you dont like it, especially if hes old and ugly. I envy you though, I'm so in love with my boss. The good thing is he seems like the opposite of yours. Its tough on you because he's your boss. Make up a bf if you dont have one and if you do you should start talking about him at work or have him bring you lunch once in a while.

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Okay that was the feeling I was picking up on but wasn't sure if I was just imagining it. He looks to be in his 30s and isn't bad looking but isn't really my type and I most definately don't want anything romantic to do with my boss or even my coworkers. I like to keep my personal life completely separate from my work life.

 

Whenever he tries to be conversational with me about non-work related stuff I put up a wall and don't reveal a whole lot about myself as I don't want things to become personal in any way shape or form, no matter how innocent it seems. I do have trust issues so perhaps I am overdoing it or being paranoid. Oh well not much I can do I guess except maybe look on the bright side that when my contract is over he might want to keep me on!! lol

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PrettyLady1

Totally feel ya on the first paragraph. I dont think your paranoid you just dont want to be put in some awkward situation especially at work because that is the worst! Continue doing what your doing, hopefully he leaves you alone and stops giving you those staring eyes.. That is a very good bright side haha good luck girl!

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Well now that the idea is in my head I am thinking things I shouldn't think. I am starting to see that we have similarities in our personalities and that makes me sort of like him. Or maybe I just like the idea of something bad happening. This is awful. Now I feel even weirder around him and don't know how to act. He is a very observant, analytical person (as am I) so he most likely has noticed that I am weird around him and not other people. I think I feel weird around him because I know that he can probably read me like a book.

 

Or maybe he can't read me at all. God, I hope not. I don't like it when people can see what I'm thinking!!

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PrettyLady1

Wow girl! Now you gotta bad!! lol. Dont worry to much about it because if you act too weird around him he might be able to tell and start thinking things he shouldnt haha. Let me know what happens!

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In your first post, I saw a man who was trying to get your mind into your new job, with his questions and his trying to turn your mind into work related things.

 

And he looks at you. And you are shy. So you get all freaked out. But you have zero interest in him.

 

And one poster (a poster who coincidentally happens to have an unrequited crush on her boss) suggests that your boss is flirting with you and so now, you sort of like him.

 

You have created a dangerous work scenario, all in your own mind. And now you will start putting off "interested" vibes, and he will pick them up, and we are off to the races, and you will come in last place.

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Oh don't worry I am realizing now that he is just like that with everyone. He is analytical and grills people all the time about everything and drives us crazy.

 

I am not so sure that I actually like him after all. I am getting over an ex-boyfriend. The idea of someone smart and mature actually liking me is exciting. But I don't think he sees me like that. He really pissed me off today anyway lol so yeah so much for my short-lived crush.

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I always pay more attention to new managers and staff on my team, and I am a female leading females. That question you mentioned "so why do you think we fell behind today?" I'd ask that too. You want to get an impression of how this person (you) is going to fit into your team. Are they promotion material? Are they a team player?

 

If someone new puts in extra hours, I'm totally going to let them know I noticed it and appreciated it. Having said that, I don't stare at my female employees:eek: Everything else you mentioned sounds a lot like my management style though. I like to get to know new people, challenge them, and reward them with positive feedback when they are going above and beyond.

 

Maybe you are reading into it too much, maybe you aren't- time will tell a little better.

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I agree in part with D-Lish as its common for Upper management to get a sense of the new employee. It's called feedback and keeping the lines open.

 

I will say though that as a lady, always trust your intuition. If you are getting strange vibes its your defenses placing you in a position to stay alert.

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I agree in part with D-Lish as its common for Upper management to get a sense of the new employee. It's called feedback and keeping the lines open.

 

I will say though that as a lady, always trust your intuition. If you are getting strange vibes its your defenses placing you in a position to stay alert.

 

Agreed, instincts rule!

 

I have had male bosses that have maybe leered a little too much- but as long as they don't cross the line into touching or other ominous waters...they aren't doing anything wrong.

 

In university I had a summer job in lawn care- my boss leered a lot- but he never crossed the line, and he always treated me the same way as he did the boys... Just stared at my "girls" a little too much:laugh:

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Okay, he's doing weird things again. I may not have mentioned this already, but he has badmouthed my coworkers to me occasionally. I don't know if he is just talking out loud and I happen to be standing there (he KNOWS that I'm standing there...) or if he is trying to get me on his side. Or maybe is testing me to see what I'll say back?

 

It hasn't happened too many times but the most recent time was today. He recently fired one of my coworkers. Today he was helping out our department as we were short-staffed. When it was just me and him, he asked me a question about "has anyone shown you how to do this? do you know that you need to balance it?" And I was just like yes of course, because of course I knew that. It seemed like a very odd question for him to be asking me since he KNOWS that I know that. He was just asking me in order to bring up the subject.

 

He then commented on how the fired coworker seemed surprised when he had explained it to her, and how he thought that knowledge was pretty standard. So basically, he implied that she was stupid. I didn't know what to say to that so I was just like oh okay, and walked away to do something else.

 

Sometimes I feel like he gets stressed out or annoyed and tries to use me as someone to blow off steam with. But it seems inappropriate. It certainly makes me feel uncomfortable, anyway. Am I imagining things again?? This seems kind of odd.

 

And if this helps at all, I may as well mention that I am the sort of person that many people naturally confide in without me even asking. Am I becoming his confidante??

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