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Falling for councelor


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Old 29th April 2011, 11:50 PM   #1
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Unhappy Falling for councelor

I am a woman that has been going to counseling for over 2 years to the same person who is a man that has done more good for me than any man I've been with. We are both married, but I am feeling something for him now that I've never felt before in my lifetime. Is this a common thing? Also, when it's time to leave the session we do exchange a pretty intense hug he initiates, as I put my head on his shoulder and he holds me very close. When we're done hugging he will look away quickly and down and I know we are both standing there both rather dumbfounded for a second or two before I leave. He also will tell me I'm wonderful, and look at me very lovingly. I am pretty confused, as I have been thinking about him now constantly and can't get him off my mind. Could I be imagining all this, does anybody have some good advice?
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Old 30th April 2011, 3:59 PM   #2
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Sounds like the start of an EA...

I should point out that what he is doing is extremely unprofessional. When you visit a counsellor, you place yourself in a position of emotional vunerability. It is the counsellor's responsibility not to take advantage of their client. Intense hugs from the counsellor definitely fall under "taking advantage of the client".

I don't know how deep you are in the affair fog but I would advise you to think with your head before you think with your heart. By continuing on this path, you could end up damaging your marriage, his marriage, his job, and any progress you have made with your counselling.

Have you considered changing counsellor? Perhaps to a female one?
How is your marriage? Is it really that bad that you are willing to throw it away?

Don't rush into anything.

Last edited by OldOnTheInside; 30th April 2011 at 4:02 PM..
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Old 30th April 2011, 5:35 PM   #3
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Thumbs up start of an EA?

What is an EA? "LOL" Anyways, I want to thank you Mighty Mouse. (love the icon) and thankful for that feedback. You are totally right and put my thinking back in prospective. I did need to hear that and know that my marriage is the most important reason I am there. This guy did However helped me quit an addiction to hard drugs, and I owe him my life. I do think now that is where my feelings come in. I have to get my head on straight now. Thank you for being the first in this forum to help me out with this. I am nick naming you "Fearless."
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Old 30th April 2011, 7:36 PM   #4
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EA=Emotional Affair.

Glad to help.
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Old 23rd May 2011, 1:45 AM   #5
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Have you ever been afraid that there will be a time that you cannot emotionally bear what you are being asked to endure? Have you ever been at the place where you honestly thought your suffering (in the body, or emotionally) was too much and that you were unable to make it any longer without relief?



Sometimes we fall back on the mistaken belief that what is happening to us is intended to destroy us, and we rarely think about it destroying us spiritually. We hanging on to the material, earthen vessel part thinking this suffering is going to take our life away and “then what?”
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Old 31st May 2011, 7:24 PM   #6
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I have a master's degree in social work and what you are referring to is called transference and it is common; even downright expected throughout the counseling process. These feelings are coming from unmet needs in childhood. Your counselor should know this and he should be working through this with you. Transference can be a valuable tool to help with personal growth and healing when done properly by a trained and ethical professional.

If his hugs are as your describe at the end of your sessions, I don't think that is entirely professional. However, I caution you from reading too much into this based on your new feelings.

Please do your research on the topic of transference and address it with your therapist. People here who have no training on the topic will be hard pressed to help you here and they will not know the value of working a client through these feelings of transference.
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Old 30th September 2011, 1:52 AM   #7
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Exclamation Wanting some new answers

This is hard to talk about.......You were talking about transference in my counseling sessions and that did make a lot of sense. Since my last post, things have changed a bit. I still go to see him, but things have changed a bit. One of our hugs I accidentally gave him a full-frontal hug, and I must of scared him. I didn't intend that to happen, but WOW..he sure acted strangely towards me and my husband for a long time. Now for the big surprise. I was an Escort For a number of years, and the word is WAS. He does know and is wanting me to talk more about it in therapy, but in our last session told me he loved me and made sure we had a very casual hug before I left. Do you think he's just saying this as a reward for me sharing my life? Maybe I shouldn't question so much and just go with the flow?
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Old 11th October 2011, 11:15 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chrissie View Post
This is hard to talk about.......You were talking about transference in my counseling sessions and that did make a lot of sense. Since my last post, things have changed a bit. I still go to see him, but things have changed a bit. One of our hugs I accidentally gave him a full-frontal hug, and I must of scared him. I didn't intend that to happen, but WOW..he sure acted strangely towards me and my husband for a long time. Now for the big surprise. I was an Escort For a number of years, and the word is WAS. He does know and is wanting me to talk more about it in therapy, but in our last session told me he loved me and made sure we had a very casual hug before I left. Do you think he's just saying this as a reward for me sharing my life? Maybe I shouldn't question so much and just go with the flow?
Proceed with caution. This is either transference and counter-transference, or it is the crossing of ethical boundaries. You would be better off looking for a new counsellor in the latter case.
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