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Married man at work, soon to leave, should I make a move?


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Old 10th October 2003, 6:40 AM   #1
lia0792003
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Need Advice

I've been working with this guy from work for quite a few years. He is in a senior manager position and I was just a junior officer when I first knew him. Over the years, we've worked together in several projects. Although, he was never directly my boss - he has been my unofficial superior. Lately though, because of several problems at work we've gotten closer to each other. We would talk about work and stuff for hours. He would often invite me for lunch with just the two of us and he would not include anyone else. He has even invited me out for dinner too. He's probably 14 years older than me and is married. If he weren't married, I'd say that we were dating. Do you think there is something else here? Will this be a source of gossip at work? Btw, he has recently filed his resignation. need your advice.

Lia
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Old 10th October 2003, 9:48 AM   #2
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Yes, this will be a source of gossip. He has nothing to lose if he's resigned, but you do, if only being your reputation. The guy is married and you will more than likely be known around town as his mistress, even if it is platonic. Unless he can start bringing his wife or others with him to your lunches and dinners, I think you're asking for trouble. How long before you feel like he is your boyfriend and you're in love with him while you could be dating single guys? Or are you in love with him already? There's no future in a married man; remember that.
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Old 10th October 2003, 10:20 AM   #3
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Until he files his resignation from his marriage, he's off limits. Why would you be interested in a man who flirts and practically dates women at work while his wife is elsewhere thinking he's behaving himself as promised? It would seem that you'd want a man who was slightly more loyal than that.
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Old 10th October 2003, 11:31 PM   #4
lia0792003
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Re:Married man at work, soon to leave...

Thanks for the advice guys. I see your point. Those are also the things that I tell myself. However, I can't help wanting to be with him on a personal basis already. I really enjoy his company. Frankly though, if he weren't married and if he was from another company, I'd say that we are already dating.
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Old 11th October 2003, 12:03 AM   #5
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but..

Quote:
"Frankly though, if he weren't married and if he was from another company, I'd say that we are already dating."


The point is, he IS married. And he DOES work at the same place you do. And don't forget....another glaring distinction is that he likely has regular, passionate sex with his wife.

Do you respect a man who's married but spends time at work with single women? How would YOU feel if the tables were turned and you were the wife of a jerk like this?
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Old 11th October 2003, 12:27 AM   #6
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why dont you just respect his wife and LEAVE HIM ALONE? how would you feel if you were his wife...geez, the selfishness in people!
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Old 14th October 2003, 11:40 PM   #7
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No don't make a move...

Okay lets say you did make a move on this guy who is 14 years older than you and he dumped his wife for you. What would you get?

1. A guy who would go out for lunches and dinners with other women and not tell you about it.
2. A guy who might dump you someday for someone else.
3. A guy you could never trust.
4. A guy who is such a good liar he can actually go out for dinner with you and his wife doesn't find out.
5. A guy who is likely flattered that a woman 14 years his junior is paying attention to him.
6. Good reason to worry when your guy is out of your site at work, on business trips, out for the afternoon on weekends with "the guys."
7. Etc.

And in the end any relationship with this guy beyond a platonic one would be doomed.
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Old 22nd October 2003, 11:25 PM   #8
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>>>Frankly though, if he weren't married and if he was from another company, I'd say that we are already dating.<<<

I think it's good that you're at least candid about the situation, and you're trying to see it for what it is. I want to add one more thing, though.

The fact that he is married and works at your company is completely irrelevant here. You are either dating, or you are not dating. If you aren't dating, make sure you don't start. If you are dating, stop - immediately.
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Old 31st October 2003, 6:16 PM   #9
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If you're developing feelings for him I'd say you should curb your activities with him. It's ok to do stuff with him as long as you and he are straight on one thing - no hanky panky. You're both adults - talk about it.
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Old 31st October 2003, 11:48 PM   #10
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Well this guy obviously enjoys being with you. By the way I don't think a guy going to lunch with a girl on a semi-regular basis is necessarily flirting. I did it often with women I didn't found attractive at all, but with who I had very good conversations. In your case, you went to dinner with him and this a bit suspicious. But I would not go has far has calling this guy a jerk since he didn't made a pass at you.

If you really want to make a "move", try to know how things are going in is relationship first. If he tells you its going very bad and he is about to divorce, maybe you could consider letting him know you would be interest IF he leaves is wife. If he tells you everything is fine with is wife, then don't make a move.
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Old 1st November 2003, 1:15 AM   #11
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Quote:
If you really want to make a "move", try to know how things are going in is relationship first. If he tells you its going very bad and he is about to divorce, maybe you could consider letting him know you would be interest IF he leaves is wife. If he tells you everything is fine with is wife, then don't make a move.
Yes, because he wouldn't think of lying!
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Old 1st November 2003, 4:07 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tony
Until he files his resignation from his marriage, he's off limits.


Wrong. Until death do us Part !!

Marriage isn't a hockey contract.

You get one shot. You F it up. Tough tities Then don't get married, very simple, no?
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Old 6th November 2003, 11:53 PM   #13
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I guess I do not understand why there is a question here. He is MARRIED.

The answer is no, you should not make a 'move' on a married man.
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