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Sexual harrassment laws and workplace relationships


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It's generally advised that it's not a good idea to get involved in a workplace relationship. There are lots of good reasons for this, but the fact remains that many people have met their partners at work or through work so this way of meeting the love of your life is not yet obsolete. If someone does like a colleague at work, then what do they do? How do they let that colleague know without falling foul of harrassment laws or company rules? Do you think fear of being accused of sexual harrassment actually prevents guys in particular from making their interest in a female colleague known? Are these fears sufficient to put them off or do most guys find ways round it if they are truly interested in a woman?

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Feelin Frisky

Sexual harassment is very different from having some attraction to someone at work or even moving things along to see that person romantically. Just like rape is considered an act of violence rather than sex, sexual harassment is viewed as an assertion of power rather than a mere advance. At work people are in a "captive audience" position where they can't escape because of the consequence of losing their livelihood. So, there isn't much latitude for getting things wrong there--if you make someone uncomfortable they will have the advantage in a complaint. What I've done is bottle my feelings--even though there were a few women on my jobs over the years who I developed absolutely love-sickness for.

 

I only went with one girl on my job and I was absolutely sure she was into me--no doubt in the slightest (hell, now that I think of it, I probably could have had her up on charges:p). I've flirted with many woman on jobs but it's always wise to make sure that no one feels intimidated or cornered in any way. And for absolute sure, it's a no no to get involved with someone under your supervision or management. That won't end well and someone should start making moves to leave the job ASAP if it happens.

 

I can say that there was a bitch--that's right, a real bitch--who used to say things to me who I had to threaten with sexual harassment. We had no attraction or reason to speak even. But for some reason she started making rude comments to me. One time she asked: "so when are you getting married?" followed quickly by "what am I saying, who would marry a creep like you?" WTF? That hurt. I don't know what her problem was but I had to tell her she is to have nothing whatever to say to me ever. And I would start documenting her behavior the next time. She would just stare at me with sunflower seeds sticking out of her lips with this dagger look. What a miserable wart hog of a woman. Life can turn bad in a hurry when someone really socially sick comes into your scope.

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LeaningIntoTheMuse

In general, it creates an uncomfortable vibe, though. Because you have to see that person every day, even though you might have been rejected or ended on a bad note.

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Thanks for your replies. It's interesting to get an idea of whether the laws have had an impact on a decision to approach a colleague or not. I felt there was more open talk about romance, sex and flirting at work when I was in my early twenties but I don't know whether it has changed because: i) I've aged and therefore don't see much of it (though this isn't the case in my private life where I do get approached); ii) whether it is the kind of people I work with (scientists); or iii) the sexual harassment laws. It's not as if I see male colleagues flirting with young female colleagues either; they all talk work.

 

I'm sorry you've had some unpleasant experiences Feelin Frisky. The laws are there for a reason and I can remember guys being unpleasant. One guy used to follow me into the store cupboard for example. Thankfully, that was a temporary job. He was my boss and I had no idea how to get him to stop. All I could do was be very careful about when I went into that store room. I'm glad the laws are there to protect women and I hope the are protecting guys too.

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Sexual harassment laws are basically laws that protect women against unwanted sexual advances or punitive acts by superiors as a result of being rebuffed for a date or something like that. It's actually pretty hard for a plaintiff to win a sexual harassment claim, especially if she spends any amount of time with you outside of work; however, most HR departments discourage dating among employees because a) it's a pain in the ass that they don't want to deal with when things go south, and b) it costs virtually nothing for someone to file a claim, regardless of however baseless the claim might be. The flip side is, it could cost a lot to defend that claim.

 

Check with your HR manual/personnel manual. If there's no specific policy against it, I say go for it, but use common sense. Keep your relationship private and maintain professional decorum in the office.

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