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Coworker flirting??


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Old 7th February 2011, 2:58 AM   #1
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Coworker flirting??

Hello there!

I'm in a bit of a quandry and was hoping to get some advice/input.

I know we, as females, can read into behaviour and such at times. But, I just want to know if I'm imagining something or if it really is what I'm thinking it is.

I want to preface all of this by saying a few things here: 1. I haven't been in a relationship in almost 6 years and haven't dated anyone in that time either, so my ability to tell when someone is interested in me is probably diminished at this point. 2. Since this is about a co-worker, I'm not the sort to dip in the company ink so I'm not sure if I should attempt to develop any romantic relationship with this person, however......

I mainly want to know if this man attracted to me/flirting with me? Or is he just being nice to me and I'm crazily reading into all of this?

A while back, I began having dreams about my co-worker of a rather illicit and personal nature. I quite liked these dreams so naturally I became very attracted to him.

I take many opportunities to lay down innuendo with him and he usually reacts in the same way. He turns red, smiles big, and sometimes says 'oh my god' and slightly snickers. So, in essence, I am highly flirtatious with him.

I'm a bit anal, so forgive me, but I've kind of compiled a little list of things I've noticed that he does when it comes to me. I did this in the hopes of giving an accurate picture of how things are with this guy.

So, here goes: *warning: it's a long list*

He told someone I looked hot at the Xmas party.
He smiled, blushed and acknowledged when someone asked him if I looked good at the Xmas party.
He spent a good deal of time talking to me/teasing me at the Xmas party,
telling anyone who was near us about how we are always teasing each other every day.
He said 'I guess we'll never find out' in reference to an innuendo I made about oral sex.
He tried to squirt whipped cream at me.
He has playfully slugged me on the arm.
He hugged me before I left for vacation, in front of other coworkers. (but only a one-armed hug)
When I came back from vacation, I was told he was quite worried I was alright and when I returned he was very happy, smiley, excessively teasing.
He didn't move when I deliberately stood RIGHT up against him.
He winks at me frequently and gives me a smile and flashes his eyebrows with a coy smile.
He stares at me prolonged when I stare at him. Sometimes he coyly asks 'What?' or shakes his head, blushes, and smiles then looks away.
He stares at me for long periods of time, while he's walking.
He normally stands close to me when talking to me and doesn't take a step back. He allows me into his personal space to the point
where we are maybe 2 or 3 inches apart without him moving or flinching.
He often looks or glances at me, almost every time when he comes out of our office in our kitchen.
He looks to me for my reaction if he's making a joke or teasing another coworker.
He teases me multiple times every single day, waiting for my reaction or to come playfully swat him/grab him.
He always smirks whenever I say something that he perceives as innuendo, i.e. if I say something like 'this is hard'.
He seems to want attention from me when my attention is on something else,
i.e. asking in front of others if I remembered what he got me for Xmas last year, reminding me his birthday is in March,
or wanting opinions on him/his clothes and shoes/actions if I'm complimenting/noticing someone else's.
He doesn't seem to mind/flinch/allows me to touch him, i.e. kiddingly pretending to strangle him, touching him on the shoulders/chest/arm
tugging on his clothes, picking lint/string off of him, moving him out of my way when he's in my way.
He has called me babe.
He has caught a kiss I've blown to him.
He bought me two drinks at the holiday party.
He didn't seem to complain or mind when I was grabbing him to try to make him dance at a work function, and watched me dance the entire time.
He always gets concerned when I get sick.
He seemed very downhearted when I was ill recently, after beaming a huge smile at me (his first time seeing me that day).
He has checked me out head to toe, several times in which I've seen him do it.
He often gazes at my chest on occasions and I've seen him do it. Sometimes he smiles afterwards. He has let me straighten him up and preen him a few times.
He has let me stand so close to him where our faces were practically an inch apart and hasn't stepped back.
When he knows I'm around, he wants to know everything I'm doing.

*takes deep breath*

Of course, for all these actions, there are these contrary actions:

When we are completely alone, even after a bout of flirting,
he doesn't take any opportunity to touch me appropriately or even inappropriately.
He doesn't go out of HIS way to cross my path during the day.
He only occasionally will do favors for me.
He only rarely makes physical contact with/touches me.
His flirting runs hot and cold various times of the day/week and he can be very oblivious to my existence at times.
He doesn't say goodbye to me most days.
He is oblivious to me even at times when I'm talking directly to him.

So, what do I get from all this? Is he flirting and if so, why is he so odd and oblivious half the time?

And, is there any way to find out directly if he is attracted to me without asking him straight out?? We don't have any contact outside of work. He has no personal email address, doesn't know how to text, and barely even knows how to use his cell phone.

Please help me understand a bit.

Thanks for bearing with me!



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Old 10th February 2011, 6:37 AM   #2
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If your colleague always brings you coffee, even if you have a cup, she flirts.

Another sign of flirting is when a coworker stops talking to another person when you walk by.

A colleague who sits next to you in the dining room every day can be linked.

Employees often have dinner together, but a colleague who asks you to go and flirt.

A coworker is flirting with you when you keep asking if she can help anything.
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Old 10th February 2011, 1:21 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvjezza View Post
Hello there!

I'm in a bit of a quandry and was hoping to get some advice/input.

I know we, as females, can read into behaviour and such at times. But, I just want to know if I'm imagining something or if it really is what I'm thinking it is.

I want to preface all of this by saying a few things here: 1. I haven't been in a relationship in almost 6 years and haven't dated anyone in that time either, so my ability to tell when someone is interested in me is probably diminished at this point. 2. Since this is about a co-worker, I'm not the sort to dip in the company ink so I'm not sure if I should attempt to develop any romantic relationship with this person, however......

I mainly want to know if this man attracted to me/flirting with me? Or is he just being nice to me and I'm crazily reading into all of this?

A while back, I began having dreams about my co-worker of a rather illicit and personal nature. I quite liked these dreams so naturally I became very attracted to him.

I take many opportunities to lay down innuendo with him and he usually reacts in the same way. He turns red, smiles big, and sometimes says 'oh my god' and slightly snickers. So, in essence, I am highly flirtatious with him.

I'm a bit anal, so forgive me, but I've kind of compiled a little list of things I've noticed that he does when it comes to me. I did this in the hopes of giving an accurate picture of how things are with this guy.

So, here goes: *warning: it's a long list*

He told someone I looked hot at the Xmas party.
He smiled, blushed and acknowledged when someone asked him if I looked good at the Xmas party.
He spent a good deal of time talking to me/teasing me at the Xmas party,
telling anyone who was near us about how we are always teasing each other every day.
He said 'I guess we'll never find out' in reference to an innuendo I made about oral sex.
He tried to squirt whipped cream at me.
He has playfully slugged me on the arm.
He hugged me before I left for vacation, in front of other coworkers. (but only a one-armed hug)
When I came back from vacation, I was told he was quite worried I was alright and when I returned he was very happy, smiley, excessively teasing.
He didn't move when I deliberately stood RIGHT up against him.
He winks at me frequently and gives me a smile and flashes his eyebrows with a coy smile.
He stares at me prolonged when I stare at him. Sometimes he coyly asks 'What?' or shakes his head, blushes, and smiles then looks away.
He stares at me for long periods of time, while he's walking.
He normally stands close to me when talking to me and doesn't take a step back. He allows me into his personal space to the point
where we are maybe 2 or 3 inches apart without him moving or flinching.
He often looks or glances at me, almost every time when he comes out of our office in our kitchen.
He looks to me for my reaction if he's making a joke or teasing another coworker.
He teases me multiple times every single day, waiting for my reaction or to come playfully swat him/grab him.
He always smirks whenever I say something that he perceives as innuendo, i.e. if I say something like 'this is hard'.
He seems to want attention from me when my attention is on something else,
i.e. asking in front of others if I remembered what he got me for Xmas last year, reminding me his birthday is in March,
or wanting opinions on him/his clothes and shoes/actions if I'm complimenting/noticing someone else's.
He doesn't seem to mind/flinch/allows me to touch him, i.e. kiddingly pretending to strangle him, touching him on the shoulders/chest/arm
tugging on his clothes, picking lint/string off of him, moving him out of my way when he's in my way.
He has called me babe.
He has caught a kiss I've blown to him.
He bought me two drinks at the holiday party.
He didn't seem to complain or mind when I was grabbing him to try to make him dance at a work function, and watched me dance the entire time.
He always gets concerned when I get sick.
He seemed very downhearted when I was ill recently, after beaming a huge smile at me (his first time seeing me that day).
He has checked me out head to toe, several times in which I've seen him do it.
He often gazes at my chest on occasions and I've seen him do it. Sometimes he smiles afterwards. He has let me straighten him up and preen him a few times.
He has let me stand so close to him where our faces were practically an inch apart and hasn't stepped back.
When he knows I'm around, he wants to know everything I'm doing.

*takes deep breath*

Of course, for all these actions, there are these contrary actions:

When we are completely alone, even after a bout of flirting,
he doesn't take any opportunity to touch me appropriately or even inappropriately.
He doesn't go out of HIS way to cross my path during the day.
He only occasionally will do favors for me.
He only rarely makes physical contact with/touches me.
His flirting runs hot and cold various times of the day/week and he can be very oblivious to my existence at times.
He doesn't say goodbye to me most days.
He is oblivious to me even at times when I'm talking directly to him.

So, what do I get from all this? Is he flirting and if so, why is he so odd and oblivious half the time?

And, is there any way to find out directly if he is attracted to me without asking him straight out?? We don't have any contact outside of work. He has no personal email address, doesn't know how to text, and barely even knows how to use his cell phone.

Please help me understand a bit.

Thanks for bearing with me!


Question: Is he married?
(sorry, skimmed through your post)
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Old 10th February 2011, 8:38 PM   #4
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He doesn't wear a wedding ring, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything, I know.

He doesn't talk much about what goes on in his life outside of work, so I'm not terribly sure. However, I do know he has two adult children.

He very well could be.

If he is, I would definitely not have any sort of affair. I just want to know if he is attracted to me and is flirting.
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Old 10th February 2011, 9:53 PM   #5
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IMO he knows you like him, like him and he is flattered and enjoying the attention. He hasn't made any bold moves though and that could mean he is married/seeing someone (you know nothing of his private life) or not as attracted to you as you are to him.
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Last edited by hopesndreams; 10th February 2011 at 9:55 PM..
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Old 10th February 2011, 10:06 PM   #6
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He wants you!!!!!!!!


Sheesh, how many signals do you need?

And just because he has not made any bold moves. Well lets see - you work together, it could be sexual harassment, he could lose his job etc etc. Also, workplace romances can be fantastic but they can be a nightmare if and when things go sour.
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Old 11th February 2011, 12:51 AM   #7
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I've thought about trying to ignore him when we're in the same room or when we come in contact with each other, but if I do that, he'll ask me what's wrong with me or he'll clear his throat to get me to look in his direction or he'll make fun of me or tease me.

I suppose it's a bit of a validation for me to know if he finds me attractive.

Then there are times where I think he just thinks I'm ridiculous. Today was a prime example, he was about to back out in his car and I was peering out of the entrance door. He looked up and I waved goodbye, he smiled and shook his head a little.

Oh, I just have no idea and feel confused!
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Old 11th February 2011, 12:51 AM   #8
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Old 11th February 2011, 4:50 PM   #9
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He could be shaking his head at himself.......like "why don't I ask that girl out" - just a thought. Here's another - why don't you invite for a drink after work?
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Old 11th February 2011, 4:54 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvjezza View Post
I've thought about trying to ignore him when we're in the same room or when we come in contact with each other, but if I do that, he'll ask me what's wrong with me or he'll clear his throat to get me to look in his direction or he'll make fun of me or tease me.

I suppose it's a bit of a validation for me to know if he finds me attractive.

Then there are times where I think he just thinks I'm ridiculous. Today was a prime example, he was about to back out in his car and I was peering out of the entrance door. He looked up and I waved goodbye, he smiled and shook his head a little.

Oh, I just have no idea and feel confused!
If that were to happen to me, it would be game over, time to look elsewhere. It would be embarrassing to still ego stroke someone that doesn't fancy me.
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Old 11th February 2011, 9:39 PM   #11
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I suppose you're right.

I guess I was just confused thinking perhaps he may have been attracted or flirting from the things I catalogued.

Maybe I am making a fool of myself?
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Old 11th February 2011, 11:15 PM   #12
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Why haven't you been in a relationship for 6 years?
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Old 11th February 2011, 11:27 PM   #13
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Well, there are several reasons.

1. I met a man 6 years ago in whom I became incredibly interested and it was a very complicated situation. We met when he was single, we grew close/intimate, he wasn't honest with me that he began dating someone/getting engaged, he got married, we still stayed close, he got divorced, and after that, he decided he couldn't see growing old with me, despite maintaining he should have given me a chance, we should have moved in together, we should have tried, and maybe he should have married me instead.

That took up most of my time, while I waited for him to make up his mind. (and yes, I thought he was 'THE ONE', so that's why I waited so damn long)

2. I haven't met anyone who really sets me alight. I've been friendly with some chaps, but none of them have really made me wish to pursue anything more permanent.

3. I'm a bit of a hermit. I don't really go out socially as I don't have anyone to really call a friend. My only friend lives in another state.

I'm not a societal reject, ugly, unfriendly, nor have terribly unattainable standards. At this stage in my life, I just know what I seek in a mate and haven't found it as of yet.
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Old 16th February 2011, 2:41 PM   #14
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It sounds to me like he knows you are flirting with him, and is flattered, and flirting back.

I have a similar situation going on at work that is driving me nuts.

It seems to boil down to either waiting until he asks you out. Or asking him out yourself.
I've decided it IS possible to read too much into things. Try talking more, and flirting less. Ask him what he does on his days off. Maybe you can find out if he is married. Or just ask him to coffee.
Easier said than done, I know, but what the hell.
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