Do I give off some signal that tells him I want to hear about his gay sex life?

[Travelin gal]

There is someone I have to work with from time to time - we don't work in the same company, but we have contact fairly often as he's in sales. He is really friendly, outgoing, charming, etc., as salesmen are supposed to be, right?

 

Well, at some point, he started making references to obviously gay things. He asked if he could come in drag to my company Christmas party. I just looked at him. On another ocassion, he asked if he could do his dolly parton impression at a seminar my company was putting on. He's like, I dunno, 40 or so. Finally I caught on - doh - he's half serious.

 

The thing is, the references haven't stopped, and frankly, I don't want to know about his homosexuality. I don't know him all that well, and I would certainly never say to him, "hey, I'm looking for a hot guy -- dark and sweaty, preferably with a Greek accent, who likes to spank. Know anyone like that?" He, on the other hand, does say this sort of stuff to me. He also told me my husband is hot and that he's jealous of me. I think it's pretty tacky. Not to mention the fact that my husband is in the ministry (which he does not know).

 

I usually look away or down and don't say anything when he starts being flamboyant, or sort of chuckle and say, "ohhh boyyyy..." but I would like to tell him that I am not really interested in helping him in his lifestyle...and nor do I want to hear about it... Another thing -- we live abroad and the foreign community is pretty small. He's made his mark already - a lot of people think he's kind of wacko with his openness about his sex life (apparently he got into sex details at a dinner party and everyone lost their appetites). I know that if my husband meets him - that's it. He'll gently and kindly, well, talk to him and most likely invite him to church.

 

Anyway, I think my question is twofold: 1. do I give off some signal that tells this guy that I want to hear about his search for hot young lovers, or is he just clueless? [an aside: I also tend to find that people speak trashmouth around me...there are certain people who give off the "aura" of goodness (my husband is one of them) where people will say something like, "Oh F***!" and then quickly apologize, because they kind of somehow understand that they shouldn't swear around that person. Me, on the other hand, I had a man grab my hand the other day and say, "Baby, I'd definitely try to get you in the sack if you weren't married!" I was horrified.]

 

2. And how do I stop giving off this signal?

[Tony T]

I don't think you're giving off any particular signals. I just think there are enough jerks in the population and, unfornately, your small community got more than it's share. You have no alternative but to deal with this straightforward and assertively. Get this man aside and let him know you are offended by his references and want him to stop. PERIOD! You should no allow yourself to be repeatedly subjected to this sort of thing, no matter the circumstances. You might want to let him know that you want to avoid the involvement of your husband in this matter....that's all you'll need to say to let him know you are quite serious.

 

Sorry, but there is no other way to get him the message but by being firm.

[NEONINK]

Some gay men are such queens... Some straight people have fun with it, others, like yourself, don't.

 

Just tell him the truth about how you feel and that it makes you uncomfortable.

 

Haven't you noticed that all orientations have those few people that like to tell sex jokes a lot or really open about talking about sex? What would you tell them? Just say the same thing.

[moimeme]

I worked with one guy who would 'treat' me to daily reruns of his previous nightly activities with his girlfriend. Some people are just that way.