LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Business and Professional Relationships

Two-faced coworkers


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 24th October 2010, 5:19 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
Two-faced coworkers

Has anybody ever worked with people like this? They talk about other coworkers behind their backs and then are really nice to their face. I have worked with so many people like this and it really makes me sad. I worked with this one girl one time, she continously bashed our coworkers behind their backs to me, then was really nice to them when she talked to them. I never really did anything that would make her talk about ME behind my back, but I'm pretty sure she did.

I have a coworker now who does the same thing also. Now I have been guilty of blowing off steam about someone who slacked off, but I actually TALK to them about the problem and try to work it out.

Do you know what I mean?
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 5:27 PM   #2
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: on and off the grid
Posts: 7,854
Journal Entries: 1
Gosh yes. The American office work place is character assassination central. Either on purpose or by default people sabatoge each other for recreation. It can be really bad sometimes--you think everything is fine and there's no obvious hostiliy to worry about. Then one person can come along and poison everything to the extent that the only recourse is to seek employment elsewhere.
Feelin Frisky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 5:28 PM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 26,462
LB, what do you do when you don't like a coworker? Do you let them know it?
Star Gazer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 5:32 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Gazer View Post
LB, what do you do when you don't like a coworker? Do you let them know it?
Like I said in my original post, if I am having a problem with a coworker I tell them-nicely-and try to work it out. I just did that recently actually, things are much better. I generally try to get along with coworkers since we are all a team.
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 5:37 PM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 26,462
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauriebell82 View Post
Like I said in my original post, if I am having a problem with a coworker I tell them-nicely-and try to work it out. I just did that recently actually, things are much better. I generally try to get along with coworkers since we are all a team.
What if they're just an annoying person? What if they snort when they eat, mouth open, at their desk, while having a meeting with you? Or have an annoying voice? Or talk on and on and on and on about a subject that has no bearing on what you're working on? Or are just flat out stupid and make no sense?

Do you "work it out" with those coworkers? Or do you just smile and nod and then walk away rolling your eyes?
Star Gazer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 5:42 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Gazer View Post
What if they're just an annoying person? What if they snort when they eat, mouth open, at their desk, while having a meeting with you? Or have an annoying voice? Or talk on and on and on and on about a subject that has no bearing on what you're working on? Or are just flat out stupid and make no sense?

Do you "work it out" with those coworkers? Or do you just smile and nod and then walk away rolling your eyes?
I feel like I'm being cross-examined.

I have never really worked with a therapist who is overly annoying like that. They have had their "quirks" but nothing so crazy that I can't stand talking to them on a regular basis. You have to have good social skills to be a therapist, so maybe that's why I have never encountered anyone like this.

I did work with an "eccentric" coworker one time, she was always making jokes and saying things like "dawling, you are beautiful" or things like that. That is not my personality, but it was her's so I didn't try to tell her to change. She did her work and was a good therapist, that's what matters the most.
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 6:04 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 26,462
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauriebell82 View Post
I have never really worked with a therapist who is overly annoying like that. They have had their "quirks" but nothing so crazy that I can't stand talking to them on a regular basis. You have to have good social skills to be a therapist, so maybe that's why I have never encountered anyone like this.

I did work with an "eccentric" coworker one time, she was always making jokes and saying things like "dawling, you are beautiful" or things like that. That is not my personality, but it was her's so I didn't try to tell her to change. She did her work and was a good therapist, that's what matters the most.
I imagine in your career you'll interact with far more than just therapists.

My point is this: Everyone has their quirks, some more severe than others. I think it's highly unreasonable to expect that you'll be able to "work out" whatever your issue is with every single one of them, particularly if the thing that's bugging you is an inherent part of their personality. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue, smile, and nod...and yes, vent to someone who understands (often another coworker). You may think that's being two-faced.
Star Gazer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 6:19 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 15,862
I work with people like that every single day. People are always tattling on others, critisizing others, complaining, bashing, etc. It happens on the low end of the ladder all the way to the very top. I've engaged in it too. One of the managers has horrendous smelling breath, and I'd never address it with her because there is no point- but my assistant and I get in the car after leaving and vent about it all the way home.

Sometimes it's malicious, and sometimes it's just venting. Often, when you vent about something, you get it out of your system, then the frustration passes and you're good to face another day with the person.

Talking about people is just human nature. It happens in social circles as much as it does office environments. I know people talk behind my back- I just don't want to know about it.
__________________
Frosted Lucky Charms are magically delicious!
D-Lish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 6:27 PM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 13
Yes, i know exactly what you mean. At my previous position, my working environment was so negative. Everyone there would focus on the negatives, and yes two-faced business happened all the time. I think a lot had to do with the age of my coworkers; they were good people, just immature. This negative influenced me as well in all aspects of my life. My bosses even lectured me one time on being professional, when they lacked professionalism themselves! I have since left this position to a new place of employment, and am so much happier! Is this a possibility for you?
fanatic7 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 7:55 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
Quote:
Originally Posted by fanatic7 View Post
Yes, i know exactly what you mean. At my previous position, my working environment was so negative. Everyone there would focus on the negatives, and yes two-faced business happened all the time. I think a lot had to do with the age of my coworkers; they were good people, just immature. This negative influenced me as well in all aspects of my life. My bosses even lectured me one time on being professional, when they lacked professionalism themselves! I have since left this position to a new place of employment, and am so much happier! Is this a possibility for you?
I don't want to leave my current job, this happened more at my other job. My current coworker is a nice girl, I am friends with her. She is just very negative about everyone we work with..it seems she always has a gripe. Then she is very sweet and nice to their face. It's strange to see her interact so positively with everyone after she bashes them to me. It's not a job dealbreaker, as there will probably ALWAYS be someone like that in every work environment. At my old job there were like 10 people like this, so it was much worse.

Like D-Lish said, it is human nature. And I completely agree that you can't work out EVERY problem that comes up...I'm just saying that I make an effort to try and speak to people if there is a conflict that CAN be resolved.

I also think there are different degrees of venting. Speaking about how you are frustrated with a coworker is much different then calling them names and putting them down.
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 8:16 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 15,862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauriebell82 View Post
I don't want to leave my current job, this happened more at my other job. My current coworker is a nice girl, I am friends with her. She is just very negative about everyone we work with..it seems she always has a gripe. Then she is very sweet and nice to their face. It's strange to see her interact so positively with everyone after she bashes them to me. It's not a job dealbreaker, as there will probably ALWAYS be someone like that in every work environment. At my old job there were like 10 people like this, so it was much worse.

Like D-Lish said, it is human nature. And I completely agree that you can't work out EVERY problem that comes up...I'm just saying that I make an effort to try and speak to people if there is a conflict that CAN be resolved.

I also think there are different degrees of venting. Speaking about how you are frustrated with a coworker is much different then calling them names and putting them down.

The best and most professional of us vent. Being professional often entails putting on your best front while in the work place despite personal differences. SO... when you don't like someone, you put on a brave face and do your work despite the personal issue.

I only vent in front of people that I can trust- because venting in front of the wrong people can put your job on the line.

Someone that is negative all the time isn't demonstrating venting behaviour, they are demonstrating their character. Be careful with this girl LB, you don't want to become guilty by association, nor do you want to let her negativity bring you down (it could).

If you're cool with addressing problems in the workplace as you said you were- this is one of those issues that is worthy of confronting. The "negative nellie" never gets promoted- so being negative nellie's sidekick isn't going to help you get a promotion.
D-Lish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 10:04 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
Quote:
Originally Posted by D-Lish View Post
Someone that is negative all the time isn't demonstrating venting behaviour, they are demonstrating their character. Be careful with this girl LB, you don't want to become guilty by association, nor do you want to let her negativity bring you down (it could).

If you're cool with addressing problems in the workplace as you said you were- this is one of those issues that is worthy of confronting. The "negative nellie" never gets promoted- so being negative nellie's sidekick isn't going to help you get a promotion.
Yeah, you made some excellent points, thanks! My supervisor is aware of her negativity and has told me before not to get sucked into it, because she knows that I am not like that. My coworker is very negative about patients as well. She is always saying how manipulative they are and she just speaks about them in a negative manner. Yes addicts/alcoholics can be manipulative liars, but they are still people. Having an addiction is like living in hell. My coworker has never had any kind of addiction so maybe that's why she lacks the right kind of empathy? I don't know.

I have been trying to keep my distance from her because I don't want to be known as her "sidekick" like you said.

Last edited by Lauriebell82; 24th October 2010 at 10:06 PM..
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2010, 10:11 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 15,862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauriebell82 View Post
Yeah, you made some excellent points, thanks! My supervisor is aware of her negativity and has told me before not to get sucked into it, because she knows that I am not like that. My coworker is very negative about patients as well. She is always saying how manipulative they are and she just speaks about them in a negative manner. Yes addicts/alcoholics can be manipulative liars, but they are still people. Having an addiction is like living in hell. My coworker has never had any kind of addiction so maybe that's why she lacks the right kind of empathy? I don't know.

I have been trying to keep my distance from her because I don't want to be known as her "sidekick" like you said.
Totally LB, you just take baby steps away from someone like that! This is the instance where you demonstrate professionalism by distancing yourself.

So, do you like your relatively new job?
Is this the specialized field you would like to stay in?
Hope you are settling back in after the honeymoon!

xo
D
D-Lish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2010, 12:19 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 785
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauriebell82 View Post
Has anybody ever worked with people like this? They talk about other coworkers behind their backs and then are really nice to their face. I have worked with so many people like this and it really makes me sad. I worked with this one girl one time, she continously bashed our coworkers behind their backs to me, then was really nice to them when she talked to them. I never really did anything that would make her talk about ME behind my back, but I'm pretty sure she did.

I have a coworker now who does the same thing also. Now I have been guilty of blowing off steam about someone who slacked off, but I actually TALK to them about the problem and try to work it out.

Do you know what I mean?

Allll day long I deal with this. It is annoying to say the least. This is why itís a good idea to keep your personal life out of the office mix. They are not really your friends, they are just acquaitences you work with, looking to get their jollies at your expense.
__________________
If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.
paleblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2010, 8:15 PM   #15
Established Member
 
BklynGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: NYC
Posts: 256
A company I used to work for actually encouraged employees to rat each other out during training. This makes working for this corporation virtually impossible if you're a trusting personality. EVERYONE was two-faced from coworkers all the way up to managers & directors.
BklynGuy is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Two faced? Guest Business and Professional Relationships 3 4th June 2006 5:56 AM
Two-faced: one for me, one for her. samzoe The Other Man / Woman 0 3rd June 2006 3:45 PM
Are all girls two-faced? niceguy69 Breaks and Breaking Up 7 30th May 2005 10:49 PM
He finally faced me! onesadgirl Breaks and Breaking Up 5 8th February 2004 9:47 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:19 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.