SpicyNachos Posted July 31, 2003 Share Posted July 31, 2003 I work for a very small, i mean small company. There are 14 employees, 11 of which work out in the field doing construction. I run the office and then there is my boss and an estimator. My boss and I share an office and work very closely. I had been working at this company for about 3 months when I was out one night with my girlfriends and he came into the restaurant/bar with his buddies. I didn't see him right away. He sent me and my girlfriends a drink and I didn't think anything of it. Later on in the night after he had a few drinks in him, he said to me "you were hired as soon as you walked into the door". Meaning before he even interviewed me. I was very flattered and thrilled because I think he is so sexy, but he is married and he is my boss. Anyway, three weeks after that night, and after lots of flirting and inuendos, we wound up seeing each other out at that same bar, (probably not by coincidence - but not planned by me) and we ended up leaving together. Since then we have been getting together once a week sometimes twice and having great sex! I know it is wrong and I feel so cheap. How do I end this without screwing up my job. The money is great and I love the job. I just wish it was strictly business. Link to post Share on other sites
Nazima Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 You work in a small office and you're fooling around with your boss who is married. Just how long do you think it will be before his wife finds out and you get fired? If I were you I'd be looking for another job 'cause I'd say your days are numbered. And even if you two did manage to cool it, how comfortable would you be working so closely with the man you've had an affair with? I don't see any way possible to get out a situation like this gracefully and with your job intact. You made a big mistake, and I really don't see how it can be fixed. I'm just giving you my opinion, maybe someone else can give you a different take on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 This man can't fire you because you won't have sex with him. Labor laws are strict about this...he's already in BIG trouble if you decide to report him. The best way to get out of this arrangement is to tell him you are beginning to date around and you want to be free, as a single lady, to find someone special for yourself. Seeing him sexually would not be a proper thing to do when you are dating and searching for Mr. Right. He should understand this. I'm very sure you considered the drawbacks before you started this affair. The best way to do just about anything is to be upfront with your feelings and take the consequences. In this case, your job is protected by law. The bes thing that could happen to you is tha you refuse to have sex with him any longer, he fires you, and you get a million dollars from the company...minus whatever you have to pay your lawyer. Why don't you seek legal advice about this before you do anything else? Link to post Share on other sites
Nazima Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 I knew someone would have a better take on your situation. Seeking legal advice is the best thing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 Wait! yes, seek legal advice but don' t let the lawyer talk you in to filling out a police report or filling a suit before you've made your decision, Lawyers are hungry and will try to process this quickly. this will ruin his mariage! So talk to a lawyer and then see if that's what you want to do but don't jump on anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 I know it is wrong and I feel so cheap. Then stop friggin doing it. Honestly...you got yourself into this mess. It's not like this is one incident of indiscretion. I really don't have a lot of sympathy for you because this is your own damn fault. Your job is never going to be comfortable or "all business" after this. Link to post Share on other sites
superd Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Your not going to quit doing it, so I am not going to waste my time with that. I notice from observation that people have a hard time quitting things they are having fun with or are getting pleasure from even if it is unhealthy in some ways, i.e. cigarettes. My only advice is don't let your heart get attached to this man. What you are dealing within is your own fantasy world, I am would be lying to myself if I thought that you would make an attempt to shatter it and see reality. If have seen or heard about this kind of thing one million times, he is obviously going to get bored of you at some point like he got bored of his wife. Beware of the "yes but I am different then her" fantasy, because you may be but he will never see that because he has intimacy issues. Have your fun, but when the crap hits the fan and it will, I don't want to see you on here crying that you are life's victim. Remember, you are choosing to keep this going just as much as he is, so he is not the only bad guy. P.S. I don't know if you can quit the sex and keep the job. You said it yourself that he hired you before he even found out what your real skills were. This job is a very conditional, dangerous and compromising situation. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 is this a permanent job, or a summer one? either way, i'd just find another job, ASAP, and make sure the sexy boss has no way of contacting me. that's the only way to put an end to all this. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted August 3, 2003 Share Posted August 3, 2003 You know a red flag goes up, or it should go up when you know a guy is married. Doesn't that make you feel cheap? I know I would. I would hate to be in your situation. First off, you have to be the one who puts a complete stop to this relationship. Or if you keep going with it. Try to put yourself in the shoes of his wife and if she found out. Boy would she be pissed. I would not blame her. You are making a huge mistake with being with this guy sexually. Working with him at work is one thing, but you have to have some control with your sexual urges and pass the temptation. I personally would find myself another job. Don't be the one who would slit this marrage up if his wife found out. Be safe, and get the hell away from the losser. Take care. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpicyNachos Posted August 4, 2003 Author Share Posted August 4, 2003 Thank you for all of the advice. I already knew what I needed to do, I guess I just needed to hear someone else say it. At first, when I thought of his wife, I told myself "he's gonna cheat, so it may as well be with me". Wow, was that a stupid, selfish thing to think. I can't believe I did this! I have never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. Lust and temptation are two very strong forces that you must avoid, because after a while, you can't resist it. It is like quitting drinking and then having a bottle of booze in front of you everyday. I am going to start looking for another job tomorrow. And if he approaches me for anything besides business, I am going to be blunt and tell him that I am very uncomfortable with it and that is was a big mistake to ever do in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted August 4, 2003 Share Posted August 4, 2003 Okay, first off don't be so harsh on yourself. Hey we all have urges, and yes we all have made mistakes. But it is a good thing that you are doing what your doing. Take care and good luck in your search. Link to post Share on other sites
Hunter Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 You have already "screwed" up your job, because you literally "screwed" the boss. Now there is no going back. My advice get another job, before you break up a family and be called a home wrecker. Link to post Share on other sites
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