Wife overly affectionate to her female employees

[RangerMan28]

My SO runs a small business with 3 female employees. I have talked to them and they all love working for her. They say it is a great easy going environment and everyone gets along. However, a number of times I have dropped by to have lunch with my SO I have noticed a few odd things.

 

On one occasion after she complimented one of the female workers I saw my SO kiss her right on the lips after calling her “sweetie” or some pet name like that.

 

On another occasion when I came by my SO was in her office talking to another employee. This lady was sitting on the desk and she was wearing a dress with bare legs dangling and swinging them off the side of the desk while talking. I noticed that she was also bare foot. I did not notice her shoes but assumed they must have been left at her desk. She glanced at me with a smirk and they went on with their conversation. I overheard them long enough to realize they were planning a social gathering which I used as a chance to jump into the conversation. I said something like “I hope I am invited” at which point the lady said “sorry, girls night out”. My SO responded in a low tone which I did not quite catch but sounded like she said “…or girls night in” and they both laughed. They seem to have these girls only social gatherings about once a month.

 

I talked to my SO about my observations over lunch and she laughed it off saying that women have latitude to behave like this with each other as long as nobody is offended. They do seem to get along well as a small team and the business is running well. I do believe my SO is an attractive lady and when we started our relationship I expected that from time to time I would behave like a jealous husband. However, I never expected to be jealous in this way? Am I acting silly about this?

[Mary3]

While its true that women can share that special connection and say things that guys can't say to other guys such as :

 

" Wow you look really pretty today "

 

" Who did your hair , your so sexy , I am jealous ! "

 

But the kissing on the lips really draws the line ! I don't kiss my boss on the lips , male or female , ever !

 

I know some cultures kiss on the lips .

 

But my gut feeling is , YOUR gut feeling is right !

 

Another no no is the buddy buddy stuff....The girl sitting on the desk with no shoes on and having inside jokes with your girl...

 

Two things are going on here, A or B

 

A : You are jealous and insecure for no reason... ( NOT !)

 

B : Your girl digs the female attention and where it can go later...thus she could be bi sexual and is using the work arena to flaunt her interest.

 

Keep an EYE on this ...

[marsle85]

I personally don't think it's a big deal. I am not bisexual and love men- and if comfortable, I'd do what was mentioned. Except the kissing on the lips.

 

 

For example, there are 2 spare bedrooms at my parents place. If my friend and I were planning to stay overnight- we'd probably sleep together. I don't know, I guess I enjoy the emotional intimacy... it's not a sexual thing, and when I love my friends - it's not a love I associate with romance.

[Peaceful Guy]

i think that even though they might go overboard they might all be overjoyed to be involved in a work environment in which they truly feel loved. lots of workplaces suck and it sounds like they've decided to make working with each other truly a dream. that said, if there's something that you're uncomfortable about you have the right to talk with your SO about it. the source of your discomfort does not even have to be legitimate. if there is no reason to be jealous than talking about it should help, not hurt. be your SO might offended that you don't just trust her flat out but trusting her enough to share that your uncomfortable is WAY healthier than sitting on bad feelings. just, you know, be cool about it.. share with her that this is about YOUR feelings, not stopping her from having fun or even that these feelings mean that something is wrong with the relationship or her relationship with her coworkers.. however, if your not comfortable with your SO kissing other people on the lips than that does matter.. there doesn't have to be a right and wrong here.

[RangerMan28]

I did not feel like talking much about my feelings on this with my SO over the weekend. We can talk about so many things but somehow I am having a hard time talking about this. The thought of women being attracted to each other is not easy for me to discuss with her.

 

She did catch me sulking in front of the TV. All she did was imitate my facial expression back to me patting me on the head and going "ohh". I feel like she is treating me like a child. Someone who could not possibly understand the chemistry that goes on in her office. She did say that the girl bonding is not something that should bother me.

 

I am feeling nervous and I dread going into her office this week in case I see anything that would make me feel more uncomfortable. She has a new girl starting this week and I help her with the accounting. My SO seems to be good at picking people that work well together. I hope it is only for business reasons.

[Mary3]

I still say if you feel uncomfortable that you should follow your gut.

 

If you were overly insecure and a jealous person and always reacted this way I would feel differently.

 

But it sounds like this SPECIFIC situation does not feel right to you.

 

There is an old saying that goes " All the signs were there , I chose to ignore those signs " You aren't ignoring them.

 

I still stand in your corner unless you can prove later that you were being overly sensitive.

 

The other red flag is the offhanded comments the wife and her employees made while you were in the room. THATS what is bugging me.

 

I think that is disrespecful to you. We women have close friends but we don't say things under our breath while our SO's are standing there unless there is a reason.

[shunter]

First, make sure she gets a good EPL insurance policy in case one of the employees gets pissed.

 

Second, I wouldnt make a big deal of this unless you have other evidence she is a bi/gay.

 

Her treating you like a child feels somewhat appropriate. I mean act like a man. Either accept it or do something about it. but dont be a sulking kid sitting in front of TV.

 

I think you should just accept it and continue on. If she happens to be bisexual then you will cross the bridge when the time comes.

 

If everything is okay in the relationship then I wouldnt think twice. If she is always there for you and treats you good otherwise then move on. Sulking in front of TV when she has done nothing wrong is not going to go anywhere. This will become self fulfilling. good luck

[Chrome Barracuda]

She's emasculating him and not giving him any respect and people think it's okay. Let me ask everyone this if Rangerman was a female and he said he saw her husband kissing co-workers on the lips and being flirty and secretive y'all would be up in arms.

 

This is a damn double standard!!!

 

Ranger it's time to investigate your gut isnt lying that burning sensation in your gut is called intuition, do not ignore it, follow it. Whereever it may lead. Either your wife is bi-sexual and has had or engaging in affairs with the same sex, or she just has piss poor boundries and is a poor excuse of a damn wife.

 

I would have went ballistic if i saw what she did in front of me and i wouldnt have let it go. If your aggressive about your business how can she consider it cool. I bet if you asked can i kiss my female co-workers on the lips, I bet she would have been pissed right???

 

If all else fails, divorce the tramp and move on , some women are just plain whores and are not wife material, no matter what anyone says.

 

That is their issue.

[JaneInVegas]

I think the whole situation is just ... weird.

 

I've had a zillion female friends, and I would have been appalled if one of them kissed me on the lips. The only female people I find acceptable to kiss on the lips is immediate family.

 

I think your gut is screaming at you right now, and that's usually a pretty strong indicator. If I were you, right now I'd ask myself, "IF she's gay or bi, would I be happy being with this person indefinitely?" There is no right or wrong answer, it's what YOU would be comfortable with. But if the answer is 'no', then I would get to the bottom of it and find or whether she really is gay or bi. Find out before you get more invested in this relationship.

 

Good luck to ya, I think you're going to need it.

[RangerMan28]

But the kissing on the lips really draws the line ! I don't kiss my boss on the lips , male or female , ever !

 

I know some cultures kiss on the lips .

 

 

An update on this. Her ethnic background is Russian and so is the other woman involved in the kiss. I pressed her on this. She claims it is their custom. I did not know that. She says men do it as well. I would like to believe that is all there is to it. However, I think the posts regarding my gut feelings are right. Thanks for the advice on that. It is just the whole atmosphere that gives me butterflys in the stomach. I don't apologize for being sulky I do have the right to my feelings. Sorry guys.

[Mary3]

An update on this. Her ethnic background is Russian and so is the other woman involved in the kiss. I pressed her on this. She claims it is their custom. I did not know that. She says men do it as well. I would like to believe that is all there is to it. However, I think the posts regarding my gut feelings are right. Thanks for the advice on that. It is just the whole atmosphere that gives me butterflys in the stomach. I don't apologize for being sulky I do have the right to my feelings. Sorry guys.

 

I WILL check out her kissing claim and get back to you.

 

Do Russians disrespect their husbands and have private ta ta secrets with their subordinates ?

[Mary3]

Okay. I think she is lying. Everything I read states that Russian women greet each other with kisses on the Cheek !

 

GREETINGS :

Russians shake hands with strangers when they greet and when they part.

 

 

Always take off your gloves or mittens to shake hands, and never shake hands over a

threshold. Russians believe this will cause an argument between you. (Women

must offer their hands first.)

 

Russian greetings are seen as cool to Westerners. Do not smile: it is seen as a sign

of stupidity or foolishness.

 

Russians give bear hugs to close friends and family members, and kiss each other

on each cheek.

 

The person being greeted always kisses the greeter.

 

Russians kiss people three times on the cheek as a sign of devotion. (3 is considered

a lucky number because “God loves the trinity"

Edited April 26, 2010 by Mary3

[Chrome Barracuda]

You need to file for seperation ranger. If you dont it will continue to get worse.

[marsle85]

An update on this. Her ethnic background is Russian and so is the other woman involved in the kiss. I pressed her on this. She claims it is their custom. I did not know that. She says men do it as well. I would like to believe that is all there is to it. However, I think the posts regarding my gut feelings are right. Thanks for the advice on that. It is just the whole atmosphere that gives me butterflys in the stomach. I don't apologize for being sulky I do have the right to my feelings. Sorry guys.

 

 

My best friend is Russian and she kisses on the cheek. I've never seen lips, ever- even with parents

[D-Lish]

The only female people I find acceptable to kiss on the lips is immediate family.

 

 

I find that way creepier than kissing a female friend on the lips. I've never kissed a family member on the lips...

 

My best friend is super affectionate- she hugs and kisses me all the time. I am generally more stand-offish about it, but I don't have issues with her giving me a closed mouth kiss here and there.

[SadandConfusedWA]

We Russians greet each other by kissing on the cheek, males or females, but never on the lips.

[Mary3]

We Russians greet each other by kissing on the cheek, males or females, but never on the lips.

 

There ya Go OP !

 

I don't know any employees kissing their bosses on the lips unless they might be having an affair...

[RangerMan28]

We Russians greet each other by kissing on the cheek, males or females, but never on the lips.

 

You are correct.

 

Apparently what I witnessed was an "air kiss" from cheek to cheek. According to my SO it was not a kiss on the lips even though it looked like it to me from a distance across the room. It is a kind of a greeting which is given between people of the same culture who are very close friends which was true in this case. She would not do it to just anyone. She said it was my ignorance of the custom.

 

The private joke in her office was just her personality and I should not take offence to it. I should try to act more mature. She has a small female office team who get along well and feel really comfortable with each other so they are relaxed when talking with her. It this sounding like I might be too sensitive?

Edited April 26, 2010 by RangerMan28

[Mary3]

You are correct.

 

Apparently what I witnessed was an "air kiss" from cheek to cheek. According to my SO it was not a kiss on the lips even though it looked like it to me from a distance across the room. It is a kind of a greeting which is given between people of the same culture who are very close friends which was true in this case. She would not do it to just anyone. She said it was my ignorance of the custom.

 

The private joke in her office was just her personality and I should not take offence to it. I should try to act more mature. She has a small female office team who get along well and feel really comfortable with each other so they are relaxed when talking with her. It this sounding like I might be too sensitive?

 

Why is she supervising very close friends ?

[RangerMan28]

Why is she supervising very close friends ?

 

I don't think she sees herself as a supervisor. It is a small business and a small team. They are building the business together and all have a stake in it's success. They got together with different skills to create the business and knew each other before it was created.

[Mary3]

I don't think she sees herself as a supervisor. It is a small business and a small team. They are building the business together and all have a stake in it's success. They got together with different skills to create the business and knew each other before it was created.

 

So they are close friends formulating a business as opposed to her being their superior ?

[RangerMan28]

So they are close friends formulating a business as opposed to her being their superior ?

 

Yes that is true. It depends on what needs to be done. I always see my SO as an authority figure maybe because she treats me that way.

 

Based on everything you know about this do you think I should still be worried?

[Mary3]

Yes that is true. It depends on what needs to be done. I always see my SO as an authority figure maybe because she treats me that way.

 

Based on everything you know about this do you think I should still be worried?

 

I would always look at the total picture. If she is bisexual and is hiding that from you , you will know by weird things that happen. Keep on eye on this if you still feel weird in your gut.

[RangerMan28]

I would always look at the total picture. If she is bisexual and is hiding that from you , you will know by weird things that happen. Keep on eye on this if you still feel weird in your gut.

 

I seem to have mixed up a cultural custom for a weird thing yet I went through a whole range of emotions over the last week. I must admit going into an all female office all of whom seem to be strong women does intimidate me a bit. I think they sense it too and enjoy seeing me feel a bit uncomfortable although that is just my opinion. It is likely to stay that way although nobody seems to have a problem but me at this point.

[Mary3]

I seem to have mixed up a cultural custom for a weird thing yet I went through a whole range of emotions over the last week. I must admit going into an all female office all of whom seem to be strong women does intimidate me a bit. I think they sense it too and enjoy seeing me feel a bit uncomfortable although that is just my opinion. It is likely to stay that way although nobody seems to have a problem but me at this point.

 

They may be tough cookies but no REAL women will disrepect her husband for ANY reason in front of the girls...

 

I still don't like how they sniffed the air when you were around. The fact that they got off making you feel uncomfortable.

 

If it were a man you were concerned about it should get the same care as if the woman made you feel strange...

 

Let me know if they jive you again in the office and if they get a kick out of it...I know I would not like that one bit.