EricaH329 Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 I work with a 48 year old man that seriously drives me insane. Maturity most certainly does not come with age! He goes through these periods of lectures. He will lecture me for a week straight, and then be very nice. I love being around him when he isn't lecturing me. He only does this with me. I assume it's because i'm young, and he has a daughter around my age. I welcome constructive criticism, but this has gone far passed that point. At first, I thought it was endearing because I figured he cared enough to give me advice. After about 6 months of the same lectures, it has become very very very annoying. Ok... so on to what he lectures me about. He is constantly telling me that i'm a negative person, and I need to change. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not an overall negative person. I consider myself to be fairly optimistic. I do have my moments (just as anyone else does). He also misreads me entirely too often. For example: one day he came into our job when he wasn't working. He approached me and began talking about something random. I sat there for a moment, and stared off into space. It's because it was 1 in the morning and I was dead tired. He assumed it was because I was being 'negative'. There have been a few other co-workers who have noticed this, and have asked him to politely stop because what he is doing isn't constructive, it's degrading. I have also asked him to stop many, many times. And he will not. The last conversation him and I had went something like this: Him: You need to stop being so negative all the time. Me: You need to stop telling me what to do all the time. Him: I wouldn't have to if you lived your life the way i'm telling you to. Me: So, if I begin living my life to your standards, you'll leave me alone? Him: Exactly! :mad::mad: I just don't know what to do. I have to work with him and I cannot stand the thought of being around him. I've asked him many times to please just leave me alone, and he refuses to listen! It's becoming worse and worse, and it's bringing me to the point of seriously considering leaving my job. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Ironically I can relate to your co-worker. Thank you for that eye opener of your view point and how it affects you. I shall not lecture you here or even advise other then to say , thanks for letting a guilty party understand that its insulting and you deserve acknowledgement for having a mind and attitude of your own. Sorry that your enduring this .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted April 21, 2010 Author Share Posted April 21, 2010 Ironically I can relate to your co-worker. Thank you for that eye opener of your view point and how it affects you. I shall not lecture you here or even advise other then to say , thanks for letting a guilty party understand that its insulting and you deserve acknowledgement for having a mind and attitude of your own. Sorry that your enduring this .... Wow, thank you! That means a lot to me! Now if only my co-worker could understand... Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Erica, is this guy your boss? If not then simply tell him to STFU. No reason to leave your job over this Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted April 21, 2010 Author Share Posted April 21, 2010 Erica, is this guy your boss? If not then simply tell him to STFU. No reason to leave your job over this No, he's not my boss. Not anywhere near it. I have told him many times to leave me alone, to please not talk to me anymore, that I appreciate his concern but I really don't want to hear it, etc. I have to tell him multiple times while in a conversation with him to please go away before he actually does. Then, he'll come back up to me a couple of hours later and continue. It's non-stop. Also, it doesn't help that he drinks, a lot. And the majority of his lectures begin after he has been drinking. You cannot talk to him when he has alcohol in his system. He has been bothering other co-workers (not with lectures, but by the way he acts) lately, and i've been hearing a ton of complaints regarding him. Nothing will be done though. And now i'm really uncomfortable around him at work. I try everything I can to avoid him at all costs. It's just a very unnecessary situation, and i'm not sure what else I can do at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 you cant let him run you off. What if you and all your pals went to the boss and explained what a pain in the a$$ he is? Is that possible? Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 He sounds mentally unstable. Is there any possibility that he could have a crush on you (horrors..)?? But it sounds like a juvenile 12 year old guy trying to get the attention of a girl he likes by being obnoxious... could be wrong, but just wondering... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted April 21, 2010 Author Share Posted April 21, 2010 you cant let him run you off. What if you and all your pals went to the boss and explained what a pain in the a$$ he is? Is that possible? That won't happen. The owner already knows what kind of a pain in the @$$ he is, but he is a good worker so he won't ever fire him. Ugh He sounds mentally unstable. Is there any possibility that he could have a crush on you (horrors..)?? But it sounds like a juvenile 12 year old guy trying to get the attention of a girl he likes by being obnoxious... could be wrong, but just wondering... Funny you say that. I was talking to a girl that I work with, that I happen to be good friends with, and she was saying the same thing. That he wants attention from me and he doesn't care what it takes to get it. What I didn't mention (because I didn't really want to focus on this) is that one time when he was drunk, he had told me that he liked me and wanted to know why I didn't think it would work between us. I couldn't believe it. The mere fact that him and I cannot get along to save our lives, should be a huge indicator. Also, I can't stand to be around him! My friend is hell bent on the idea that he is acting like a little boy who has a crush on a girl. But that's just rediculous. You don't get positive attention from someone by treating them poorly! Link to post Share on other sites
Ella whispers Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Lecture him. Lead all of the conversations that you have. Once he starts, change the subject to something work related. If he changes it back to your "negativity" ask him to please stay on course and since he's on the clock, discuss work, maybe he should be more professional etc. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Ah, yes, but to his immature mind, negative attention is better than no attention at all... Look at it this way. Look at all the attention 'whores' on TV. People behaving like total trailer trash. for attention - even BAD attention is better than NONE to these people....and I doubt if he weren't obnoxious that you would give him the time of day. He would probably be invisible to you...Correct? Also look at all the movies based on people who can't STAND each other actually falling madly for each other. Too many to count. That is the kind of emotion he is trying to stir up here. Plus, he really let the cat out of the bag when he was drunk. He spelled it out for you. You just don't want to read what he spelled, because it revolts you..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted April 21, 2010 Author Share Posted April 21, 2010 Lecture him. Lead all of the conversations that you have. Once he starts, change the subject to something work related. If he changes it back to your "negativity" ask him to please stay on course and since he's on the clock, discuss work, maybe he should be more professional etc. That's a really good idea!!! I'm going to have to try that next time. I just get so aggrevated once he begins his lectures that I don't even want to talk to him anymore. Maybe this will work... hopefully... something has to! Ah, yes, but to his immature mind, negative attention is better than no attention at all... Look at it this way. Look at all the attention 'whores' on TV. People behaving like total trailer trash. for attention - even BAD attention is better than NONE to these people....and I doubt if he weren't obnoxious that you would give him the time of day. He would probably be invisible to you...Correct? Also look at all the movies based on people who can't STAND each other actually falling madly for each other. Too many to count. That is the kind of emotion he is trying to stir up here. Plus, he really let the cat out of the bag when he was drunk. He spelled it out for you. You just don't want to read what he spelled, because it revolts you..... Him and I actually have decent conversations when he is being nice. We used to get along great. I don't know what happened. The lectures were only about once a week in the beginning. Over the course of the past month, though, it's been almost an every day thing. You bring up good points though. I'm not one to fall for someone that totally turns me off. I won't even have a friend who acts like he does. That is just the beginning of his issues though. He is the biggest hypocrite i've ever met in my entire life. But that's another story. He is just seriously messed up and immature. I've been able to keep my composure for the most part, but I can feel my anger building up towards him. I have a huge feeling that I won't be able to remain calm about this for much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
green_tea Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Can you listen to music on your headphones while you work? That might stop him trying to talk to you, and if he does interrupt you, if it's not work related, go back to the music. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Well.....I think if you were not such a negative person, you'd see that he is just worried about you and wants you to be happy. But seriously. I work with some real winners myself. I feel your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Well.....I think if you were not such a negative person, you'd see that he is just worried about you and wants you to be happy. But seriously. I work with some real winners myself. I feel your pain. thats funny! EricaH329, i think you're taking this guy too seriously.. he's getting WAY too much of an emotional response.. and i think its because you're feeling indignant/righteous about this.. really, this guy shouldn't matter like it is right now.. the truth is you can do whatever whenever and he has NO authority over you whatsoever.. i mean.. i think the real issue is that you're annoyed, and you know you're right.. which you ARE.. but still, to let this not get to you anymore you're gonna have to kind of lower the priority/importance of these stupid lectures.. also, try just being brutally off the cuff.. "you smell like **** right now".. "i love it when you get drunk and tell me how to live my life".. its funny and its okay cause this guy is all up in your space.. if he insists on breaking boundaries.. "okay, well then this is how i really feel".. it doesn't have to be mean, and you don't have to hate or hurt him.. just be real. at least, that's my suggestion.. i think it would be refreshing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 then again, it could hurt him pretty bad.. then again, could help him too.. i dunno.. at the least, do what you can to lower the emotional impact these "lectures" (annoying conversations ) are having on you without disconnecting.. that's unhealthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 thats funny! EricaH329, i think you're taking this guy too seriously.. he's getting WAY too much of an emotional response.. and i think its because you're feeling indignant/righteous about this.. really, this guy shouldn't matter like it is right now.. the truth is you can do whatever whenever and he has NO authority over you whatsoever.. i mean.. i think the real issue is that you're annoyed, and you know you're right.. which you ARE.. but still, to let this not get to you anymore you're gonna have to kind of lower the priority/importance of these stupid lectures.. also, try just being brutally off the cuff.. "you smell like **** right now".. "i love it when you get drunk and tell me how to live my life".. its funny and its okay cause this guy is all up in your space.. if he insists on breaking boundaries.. "okay, well then this is how i really feel".. it doesn't have to be mean, and you don't have to hate or hurt him.. just be real. at least, that's my suggestion.. i think it would be refreshing.. then again, it could hurt him pretty bad.. then again, could help him too.. i dunno.. at the least, do what you can to lower the emotional impact these "lectures" (annoying conversations ) are having on you without disconnecting.. that's unhealthy. At first it was just annoying. Something that I could easily blow off and continue on working. But it's been happening for so long, and it's becoming progressively worse in nature. It went from talking to me, to demanding things from me, to just talking down to me. You can only ignore something like that for so long. It begins to wear on you, and after awhile, you begin getting aggrevated and frustrated that you cannot get away from it. It's taunting! To be honest, i'm not sure how i'm going to handle the next rounds of lectures. I've been trying my best to steer clear of him, and avoiding eye contact at aaallll times. However, that only lasts for so long before he begins on another one of his rampages. He will stop at nothing. I want to try and remain as civil as possible, but I highly doubt my anger will allow that to happen next time around. I've found that while he is going through some tough times in his life, is when he attacks me the most. Almost as if he needs to feel as though he still has control over something. Well... it doesn't matter either way, i'm tired of it. And I shouldn't have to hate going to work every day because I get verbally attacked every single time I step foot into that place. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 At first it was just annoying. Something that I could easily blow off and continue on working. But it's been happening for so long, and it's becoming progressively worse in nature. It went from talking to me, to demanding things from me, to just talking down to me. You can only ignore something like that for so long... oh my god im so sorry! i really do mean that! i think i understand a little better the situation. i was in a work situation recently that was wearing me down, making me lose self respect and happiness in my free time (because of a coworkers behavior towards me).. it got to a point where i resigned.. but it wasn't easy, its tough to get a job etc. but ultimately im so glad i left. as tough as its been having a detour in my career im so much better off for it! my heart goes out to you! Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Erica, you're going to have to get right in his face and tell him to leave you the hell alone. Tell him you won't tolerate any more lectures or bs from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 oh my god im so sorry! i really do mean that! i think i understand a little better the situation. i was in a work situation recently that was wearing me down, making me lose self respect and happiness in my free time (because of a coworkers behavior towards me).. it got to a point where i resigned.. but it wasn't easy, its tough to get a job etc. but ultimately im so glad i left. as tough as its been having a detour in my career im so much better off for it! my heart goes out to you! I'm very sorry you had to go through that! I totally know what you went through. It becomes so very draining in every aspect of your life. I wish I could just pick up and leave, but I can't afford to right at this moment. Thank you for your sympathy! I will need to figure out a way to deal with this without letting it completely destroy me. Erica, you're going to have to get right in his face and tell him to leave you the hell alone. Tell him you won't tolerate any more lectures or bs from him. Yes, I will. I have tried this before, but it has only been when both of us are talking. I am going to try and say this in front of other people we work with... so maybe they might encourage him to stay away from me. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 I'm curious, does he hassle the other girls where you work in the same manner? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 I'm curious, does he hassle the other girls where you work in the same manner? No. He doesn't bother anyone else at work except for me. He does get on others nerves, but that's only because he can be a bit immature when it comes to certain situations. But he doesn't lecture or bother anyone else that I work with. Edit: Lucky me!! Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 No. He doesn't bother anyone else at work except for me. He does get on others nerves, but that's only because he can be a bit immature when it comes to certain situations. But he doesn't lecture or bother anyone else that I work with. Edit: Lucky me!! Yea I thought so. This old man either has a thing for you or he's treating you like a daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Yea I thought so. This old man either has a thing for you or he's treating you like a daughter. Well,,...I don't think it's either/or, I think it is BOTH.. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Well,,...I don't think it's either/or, I think it is BOTH.. ughhh! You're probably right Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 Yea I thought so. This old man either has a thing for you or he's treating you like a daughter. Well,,...I don't think it's either/or, I think it is BOTH.. Ugh!! I guess we will see how everything goes down on Saturday. My mission: to ignore, ignore, ignore!! He'll be drinking though... so I doubt I can dodge the fury of a 48 year old man-child when that begins... Link to post Share on other sites
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