Like a co-worker, does he like me?

[dp]

I am getting divorced but my husband is still living with me until it is final. Only about another month to go. I've been going through this for about a year now. Well, in this year I got a new co-worker. I like him a lot. He and I have gotten pretty close. He's called me up when he was drunk and told me how he feels about me and that he likes me and that he'd be lucky to have me. He also came to my house and again he had been drinking some, but he told me he had some feelings for me.

 

I asked him if us working together would stop him from pursuing something with me and he said absolutely not. But he said let's just let nature take it's course and he wants to wait until my husband is out of the house. Well, he's continued to flirt with me, texting and verbally. I've been to his house and decorated it for Christmas with him. I ended up falling asleep on the couch and when I woke up he was sleeping on the other part of the couch which surprised me. I asked him about that and he said he was really glad to see me there when he got up. He thought I might sneak out after he fell asleep.

 

I was surprised he was on the couch with me since he's said it's not appropriate to get involved with a married woman, even though I had already filed for divorce.

 

We had a great weekend after that but then he seemed distant. My birthday was about 2 weeks after that and he gave me a card and signed it with love and drew 3 red heart balloons. He gave me a $50 gift card as well. I needed to get my own cell plan because I was on my mother-in-law's plan and this guy offered to add me to his. So I'm on his family plan with him and his mother and I only pay $15/mo. He said he wanted to help me out.

 

Well, he became somewhat distant again until after New Year's when he gave me a couple of Christmas gifts (a little late I know) but, he gave them to me without me giving him one. Then he was distant again. I finally had to ask him what was up. I said I felt like he was leading me on.

 

His response was that with everything going on it's not gonna happen for us because we work together. I asked him why he told me that he wouldn't let that stand in his way and he said he says stuff when he's drinking and that it's truthful but without logic. Then he said let's just wait and see what happens once my husband is gone.

 

I'm so confused over this guy. It seems to me that he likes me but is scared or confused as well. I feel like he's crossed the line and broken his own rules he's set up for himself regarding taking a working relationship and making it personal. He said he never hangs out with people he works with outside of work. But with me he has, not all the time but he has.

 

So, my question is Do you think he likes me and is scared? Is he confused? Is he a player that is just keeping me around? We've never fooled around at all. I just don't know what to think. Anything you could offer up would be appreciated. Thank you and sorry for the long post.

[MadysonBelindaRobert]

yes of course he likes you and plz tell him what do you feel about himself.

[dp]

Thank you for the reply. I have told him in great detail, more than once my feelings for him. I asked him again while he was sober how he felt and he said he already stated it. I asked him not to lead me on and he got upset and said he made it perfectly clear how he felt both drunk and sober and he wasn't leading me on.

 

Then when I questioned him about if this was going anywhere he said we work together and it most likely won't happen. Then he said it could happen, let's just wait and see. I'm just so confused by him!!

 

He called me one night at 3 am for directions. He was out with a friend and couldn't find a restaurant. I helped him find it. He called me when he dropped his friend off at 4 am and talked to me all the way home and then ended up coming to pick me up at 6 am just to ride around and sing a song that he didn't think I knew the words to. We put over 200 miles on his car that day. Then, he was distant about 2 weeks later.

 

I'm just so frustrated with the whole situation that I don't know what to think.

[edenvegan]

Dear dp,

 

I have questions for you:

 

Do you truly have closure on your present relationship with your soon to be ex-husband? It is so important to close the door behind you before opening the new one in front of you.

 

Would a relationship with the co-worker break company policy? You wouldn't want either you or him repremanded for inappropriate relationships on the job.

 

Do you think you need time to yourself after your divorce before pursuing a new romance? Going straight into another relationship before knowing what went wrong in the old one or not taking time to heal yourself of any emotional wounds can cause problems in new relationships.

 

Are you willing to continue to be treated this way?--Mixed signals, I mean. If this is how he treats you and you allow it, is it possible that he will continue to treat you this way? Is that going to work for you?

 

*Note: it sounded like he was serious about you in the beginning, but perhaps he is conflicted about your living arrangements with your still legal husband. Maybe it was a strong reality check. Consider his perspective.

 

Will you confront him? Whether you do or don't there's risks involved. (Rejection, embarrassment, or even missing out on a healthy relationship.)

Assess those risks and choose what is best for you.

 

Last, how long are you willing to wait for the co-worker? It may be a good idea to give yourself a date and circle it on a calendar.

 

 

 

You are the most important person you know. Keep yourself in mind when answering these questions.

 

Best wishes.

[dp]

I'm not looking to jump into things the minute my husband walks out the door but I want to know where this could be heading, if anywhere. If this were last year I would say no, it hasn't been long enough. This has been going on for a year, I only filed in Oct. though.

 

 

There are no rules against dating at my company. There are lots of people who date or have dated and who are even married working there.

 

 

He and I talked about this and we had said we weren't going to try to build things up all at once if something were to be pursued. I had gone to counseling last year for several months and it's through the counseling that I came to realize that divorce was the best option for me as this is the 3rd time my husband has done this to me. I know that if I stay with my husband this cycle will repeat and he is unwilling to go to counseling with me even though he said that he would. I know what went wrong in my marriage and I am over it. I just want to be done with it. My husband and I actually get a long better now that we are getting divorced than we did when we were staying together.

 

I feel like I am hanging in there until my husband is gone to see what happens then. I do think a lot of the problem is that my husband is still living here. This guy knows the reasons he is still living here. He always hopes that he'll be gone sooner than later but he has said to me that there is light at the end of the tunnel so try to hang in for another month or so. He just feels, in my opinion, that even though the marriage is over we are still legally married so he won't get involved in that and I understand that. I just don't like the mixed signals. If they continue after the divorce if final, I'll have to decide then if I want to continue like this with him. For now because of the situation I will stick it out.

 

 

 

 

I did confront him and we got into a big fight in January about this. That's when he said that since we work together there will be no dating and then he said let's just see what happens once your husband moves out. I think he's just as mixed up about it as I am or he's scared. He always said he didn't mix business and pleasure but then he did with me. Now I think he's fighting to keep himself from dating me but then he said let's just let nature take it's course. We are back to talking again but there is more distance between us I think because he's afraid of how I'll react if he goes back to his flirty self. But he still does flirt and he'll do some other stuff like he used to as well. Then I think he catches himself and he'll back off.

 

 

I have no idea how long I'm willing to wait for him. I guess I'll know when I'm ready to throw in the towel but right now I can't make that decision until the current situation with my husband is resolved.

[dp]

Sorry I didn't put your quotes into my response to follow along easier but it wouldn't allow me to post for some reason when I tried. Thanks for your response.