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I am pissed off! Should I send this e-mail?


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Old 16th February 2010, 8:51 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by meerkat stew View Post
Managers are there to manage employees for their superiors, not to cater to gossip and rumors being flung around the office. So IMO he is doing a good job by deflecting.

In your shoes, would drop this entirely, as he is being good-natured so far. Hope he will forget it at review time. Keep pushing it, and your next review is likely to suffer.

Of course do not know the details, but taking lots of sick days and having your performance be called into question at all is not a good strategy if you want to keep your job in an economy like this.
Eh, he is not there to cater gossip? The guy is the biggest gossip there is. He talks s@it about almost everyone he works with (and he talks about it with me so I am 100% on this) plus he is up to date on gossip on everyone's personal lives and he spreads it around. So don't think for a second that he is above gossip.


His behaviour is COMPLETLY unproffessional. The only reason that he is deflecting and being "good natured" is that he has gotten caught and doesn't know what to say. He knows that he is in the wrong.

Also, now I should beleive "the gossip" that my performance is in question? What if I choose "not to beleive in the gossip" and only improve my performance if it is questioned by my superiors
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Old 16th February 2010, 10:50 PM   #17
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He's the boss, you are not. Try to concentrate on doing your work as opposed to worrying about what he does.

Have made this same mistake myself in the past. These things have a way of working themselves out if you let them.
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Old 17th February 2010, 4:40 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by meerkat stew View Post
He's the boss, you are not. Try to concentrate on doing your work as opposed to worrying about what he does.

Have made this same mistake myself in the past. These things have a way of working themselves out if you let them.
I agree with you there. I have stopped responding to his jokey e-mails and won't push the matter further. I guess that most people dislike their bosses but keep it to themselves. Anyhow, I need to learn to be more two faced to survive in the corporate world.
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Old 17th February 2010, 5:42 AM   #19
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...the way she said it, full of glee - she was thoroughuly enjoying my reaction. There were issues in the past when I was sent to expensive trips and she hasn't etc and she made many nasty backhanded comments. She is not my friend.
So given that, I go straight back to Art's comment that I would consider whether this "friend" was feeding you false (or at least exaggerated) information to inflame you and stir the pot. And you took the bait!

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Originally Posted by SadandConfusedWA View Post
Oh and I can very well do without her inside info. My performance shouldn't be a problem unless it is addressed with me directly by my supervisors. I don't think that in an effective work setting one should rely on mind reading and gossip.
And yet you fired off a potentially career-damaging EMail to your boss based strictly on a third-party account, from someone you can't trust...
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Old 17th February 2010, 5:46 AM   #20
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Paper trails are for management only.

Never put down grievances in writing. Never complain to your manager in writing. For one thing, you never know how it's going to be taken. For another, if it's taken the wrong way, it can be interpreted and used any number of ways - and it can be used again and again. For years.

Management uses a paper trail to fire people. Don't help them by contributing to their paper trail.
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Old 17th February 2010, 6:12 AM   #21
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Trimmer, it just sounded like something he would say. As much as I think this girl dislikes me and vice versa, my gut feeling strongly says that she didn't make it up.

And yes, I realize that I would have been better off discussing this in person with him. At least, he wouldn't be able to evade my direct questions so easily. Something to think about for the future.

As for paper trail, my e-mails weren't nasty at all. I pretty much just said that I would appreciate it if my performance was discussed only with me and my supervisors (and I still think it was a reasonable point even now that I have calmed down). I didn't really give him any details. Further e-mails were just me asking for a meeting to discuss my performance.
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Old 17th February 2010, 8:00 AM   #22
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Well, I ended up getting another e-mail from the boss unprompted. He said that he is quite happy with my performance and went into a bit more detail on things that I have done in the last few months that he really liked. He also said that I have "absolutely nothing to worry about".

He sounded reasonably friendly and didn't seem put off by my previous e-mails. I am feeling very releived to be honest.
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Old 17th February 2010, 10:33 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by amerikajin View Post
Paper trails are for management only.

Never put down grievances in writing. Never complain to your manager in writing. For one thing, you never know how it's going to be taken. For another, if it's taken the wrong way, it can be interpreted and used any number of ways - and it can be used again and again. For years.

Management uses a paper trail to fire people. Don't help them by contributing to their paper trail.
Want to emphasize and agree with the above advice also.
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Old 18th February 2010, 4:18 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by SadandConfusedWA View Post
Well, I ended up getting another e-mail from the boss unprompted. He said that he is quite happy with my performance and went into a bit more detail on things that I have done in the last few months that he really liked. He also said that I have "absolutely nothing to worry about".

He sounded reasonably friendly and didn't seem put off by my previous e-mails. I am feeling very releived to be honest.
You are lucky this time, but this is a good chance to learn a lesson. I'm glad the matter now seems resolved - but still be aware.

First of all - when you stand up for yourself - do so face to face and not in a way that leaves a written record for a future reference. Nobody can prove what you said in private behind a closed door (and an unannounced recording is inadmissible).

Second - this is not about being right or wrong and "showing your boss" it is about being able to put food on the table and keeping the power to decide by yourself when you are ready to leave (not before you have another job).

Third - What you think of your boss is irrelevant, this is a professional environment, if you don't like him/her - I guess the wedding is off... But don't let your feelings get in the way and control your responses, this will get you absolutely nowhere (I have the weirdest boss in the universe, so trust me I know what I'm talking about...)
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Old 18th February 2010, 7:30 PM   #25
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I'm very relieved for you, but I STRONGLY advise that if something comes up like this again, do NOT send a snarky email like the one you sent (and yes, it would come across as snarky to your BOSS to be directed what to do/not do by his subordinate).
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