Picture_Olivia Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Hi all! I am a photography student in one of the most prestigious photography schools in my state and this fall I will enter my last semester and graduate in December. My professor has been the same one since I started and he has always been really great and I have learned a lot from him. In May when classes got out, he asked me to do an internship in his studio for the summer and work with him. He said that I had the most promise of all his students and he thought that with the experience, I could be a wonderful photographer. Which of course, that statement made me feel wonderful. So I started the job, and for the past few weeks it's been great...I have helped him shoot weddings, families, I have been able to travel and go on several photo shoots with him, it's been awesome. And he has been especially generous and nice. Well, yesterday I was about to leave the studio and he asked me to wait and said that he needed to talk to me. We went in his office and he told me that he wants me to come and work permanently in his studio after graduation. I was ecstatic because by working in his studio, I would get a reputation and have the opportunity to find work quick instead of having to build a business by myself. Then the bad part - he said that he has known I was "special" ever since I started photography school and he has had his eye on me for 2 years. He said that he could do great things for my career and that I could start working in his studio immediately after graduation if I will just give him my "cooperation". I didn't know what he meant, but I found out really quick - he came over to me and tried to kiss me. I was really shocked because he had never made a move on me before and he is married and has 3 children!!!! I didn't know what to do, I knew if I got pissed and blew up right there, that would be the end of my career. So I just smiled and said "this isn't the place for this, I'll see you later" and then I left. I didn't have to go in today because the studio was closed, but I do tomorrow and I will have to face him again. I mean I didn't exactly tell him "absolutely not" when he tried to kiss me, but that is what I am thinking!! I can't do that, I am not even attracted to him, but this man could make or break my career and all I have ever wanted to do is be a photographer. I just don't know what to do about it. Can anyone help? Link to post Share on other sites
Ephemeral Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Dear Picture_Olivia, This is a very serious situation indeed. I suggest you get a tape recorder or a small video camera and record any adavnces he makes on you. I'm sure you've seen how it's done in the movies. Then when you get the evidence you need you can bring it to the higher ups for help. Before that though make sure that you let him know your not interested in him in that way very subtly of course. If he apologizes and things are okay then graduate but don't go near him again if you can help it. Resort to what I said at the top when he outright threatens to hurt you or your career. Another thing is believe in your abilities for photography. He may be able to do damage to your career but he can't take it away from you completely as long as you can take beautiful pictures from the heart. After all he's not the only influencial person in the world. Good luck and please be careful. Sincerely, Ephemeral Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 It is a violation of Federal law to make someone's present or future employment contingent upon the employer receiving sexual favors. Contact the National Labor Relations Board in your area and tell them exactly what happened. Never put up with this kind of crap from any current or perspective employer anywhere or anytime. Had I been you I would have given him a swift kick in the groin area, with my knee directed specifically between his two gonads, prior to saying goodbye to him. It would have been something he would have remembered and may have cured him from this kind of behavior. (Not suggesting you do this except in self defense...it, too, is illegal but NOT a Federal offense). Link to post Share on other sites
Picture_Olivia Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 Thanks for the advice guys, but I simply can't afford an attorney and I still have a semester in school left and if he knows that I turned him in, he will wreck my career. I know it. Noone else knows about this, so he would know that I told. I am just kind of stuck. I have no choice really but to just put up with it until I graduate. Then maybe I can do something about it. But that's like 6 months away, and I know he will try something again. What should I do when this situation comes up again. How can I tell him no without offending him or making him feel threatened? Link to post Share on other sites
Picture_Olivia Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 Another thing...if I get him in trouble now, that could put off my graduating. I think the best thing is for me to just put up with it until graduation and then get the hell out of there. Anyone have any other thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
JenBee123 Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 Dear Picture_Olivia, I have been in your shoes before. And I also said the same things you have said. The only real answer is to tell the head of the school. Who cares if he finds out you got him in trouble. What he is doing is wrong. He is trying to take advantage of you in a way he knows he can get what he wants. If you wait until you graduate who's to say he won't stop after that? Men like this don't just stop, especially after those advances he has made to you. Get out of that situation and get out of it quick. Stop interning with him, and possibly see if there is another professor that can take you instead of him. Nonetheless, go to the head of the school. It will only make you less stressed out for your future. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 I agree with JenBee, not to mention, he could also be in a position to do it to someone else after you graduate. By telling the head at your school, you're putting your foot down on inappropriate conduct, period! Whether it happens to you or someone else. DO NOT let this person make you feel that he holds your career in his hands, because the truth is he doesn't. And if you allow yourself to think like that, you're letting him have control over you. Photography is a career you want and one you have the right to attain the proper way. There are other resources available to you that you need to educate yourself about that can help further your career. If you wait until you graduate, his sexual advances could escalate along the way to something more that you do not wish to happen. I do feel that you should give him the benefit to of the doubt to change his behavior and conduct to you. Firmly tell him that you do not wish to have any relationship with him at all. If he doesn't, then you need to contact school officials. No one has to put up with sexual harrassment. Link to post Share on other sites
android808 Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 Dont be silly, it's wont ruin your career. Not standing up for whats right, and "your" rights will however, affect your career. Time to step up to the plate here. Time to learn about the ways of the world. And even before I finished reading your post, I knew excatally where it was going. So next time try not to be so nieve, what did you think was going on silly? What did you think was about to happen? Get a clue and wake up, duh.... But, you do not have to tolerate it, even if your not bright enough to see it coming a mile away. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 this jackass is attempting blackmail, and you don't need to fall for it. Keep a log of all the things he's said and done to you, the dates of the incidents and be as precise as you can, and as factual as you can. And hide it in a good spot. It will come in handy in helping build a case against him. Schedule a meeting of his superiors (the dean of the journalism college, or whoever heads your department; your advisor; your university provost/president) and someone who can represent you legally. Contact the local women's shelter or public defender or even the bar association in your area to see who can help with your case. Or you might even contact the Society of Professional Journalists if this photography class/internship is part of the school's journalism department. You've got lots of potential aid for a case like this, you just need to take a deep breath and start digging around to see what's available in your area. you probably are just one of many he has coerced or tried to coerce into an unethical situation as this, and by confronting him in front of his superiors you can peg him on an ethics violation adopted by the school. Don't try to do this without legal representation, though, because the school will only look out for it's best interests, not yours. don't give in to this jackass; just keep your cool and go about doing what needs to be done to fry his butt. HE cannot make or break your career, only YOU can do that. He's the kind of jerk who thinks he can sway innocent young women into doing what he wants .... Link to post Share on other sites
android808 Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 don't give in to this jackass; just keep your cool and go about doing what needs to be done to fry his butt. HE cannot make or break your career, only YOU can do that. He's the kind of jerk who thinks he can sway innocent young women into doing what he wants .... [/b] LOL, very true, especially the photographer part. He probably desires a job working for Hugh Hefner, and no telling what else he's pulled in the past. My friend is an amateur photographer trying to break in on the Band/Music photo angle. But we go out to clubs and joke about being "fashion photographers" and the cute girls will need to come by the "studio" for a photo session. Of course were just joking, but there are those that "Would have you believe" a great many things. P.T. Barnum said "There's a sucker born evey minute." and he's right.....dont be a sucker girls ....i still can't believe you didn't see it coming.... As a guy I know too, there is an attitude that women develop to prevent these things from happening to begin with. As a professional flirt, I can tell right away which women in a group are flirters, and which ones have the "wall". At my job, there are the women who flirt, and there's the real professional types. The really beautiful girls have the "big wall" because they are so beautiful, she cant even say hello or make eye contact with a guy because she dosn't want to give him the wrong idea. And then guys call her B**** because she isn't more friendly. So it's a catch-22 for the girls. Find your balance. I'm married, and I had to explain all this to my wife as I got tired of finding her talking to "this nice man" everytime I turned around or come back from the restroom. She's younger than I, and all innocent enough as you probably were. Oh sure, he's reeeeeeeel nice, GUESS WHAT HE WANTS DARLING?!?!?! And I'm not insecure or anything, it's more about not wanting anyone's BS. And sure he's got an innocent story, he's lost needs directions or my favorite a Camcorder battery? I look at him and let him know I ain't buying it, and he quickly turns tail, he knows I saw right thru him. Guys are sharks girls, and you can't take your eyes off them or give them an inch. But you gotta be sweet too. She's since learned, and now "sees" these things, and even reports them to me for a chuckle. We are very solid. You'd probably have better luck talking about this subject with your girlfriends more than I. But it is very relevant to prevent these things from happening in the future. There's a way for young ladies to evolve into society and NOT give off the WRONG signals. Thats not to say it wont happen, it just lessens them. But on the flip side, too much of that attitude or wall, and you'll be complaining how guys never ask you out and wonder why. You know what I've learned about sexual harassment? It all depends on how cute you are......(yes, I'm very cute, even called beautiful, so I get away with alot more)....sorry, it's just how it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 Originally posted by android808 You know what I've learned about sexual harassment? It all depends on how cute you are......(yes, I'm very cute, even called beautiful, so I get away with alot more)....sorry, it's just how it is. Say what? "Get away with a lot more"? Sexually harassing women, you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
android808 Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 " QUOTE: Say what? "Get away with a lot more"? Sexually harassing women, you mean?" Ohhh, only for the ones that want it...lemme clarify that. And dish it back out too, I'm harassed all the time, ever since I was a young teen, the comments, the innuendo, the hanging on me, etc. Trust me, I know all about it. At work and since I got married I keep it under wraps, I generally play it off or otherwise do NOTHING to ENCOURAGE any futher idea of ME & YOU doing ANYTHING other than work. There's girls I never flirt with at work because I know they'll probably take me up on it. And I love my wife and got married in a church before God and that actually means something to me. Amazing isn't it? LOL Sooooo, I wasn't really wanting to discuss me as much as I just wanted to make a valid POINT. Remember my "wall" theory. If you have a wall up. you'll get no attention from me, and like I'm trying to point out to Miss Oblivious is that when you go around without some sort of wall of awareness, then dont be surprised if guys are getting the wrong idea, again, not to say that they wont try anyway even with a wall up "Most Guys are Idiots", and will harass or ask out girls anway. I agree, thats actually the problem area with the whole topic. LOL, I knew that would stir the pot. ....see the big red button? push it! push it again! ROTFLMAO Link to post Share on other sites
android808 Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 Picture_Me_Oblivious says QUOTE: "this isn't the place for this, I'll see you later" and this one....." I mean I didn't exactly tell him "absolutely not" when he tried to kiss me, but that is what I am thinking!! I just read her post again, not sure why. Read the above line, here's where the problem lies. At first glance I felt sorry for her, but read that again. Waaaaaaait a minute......she's leading him on in her delusional off chance that it MIGHT further her career. Or maybe a little awe struck by a father figure that holds qualities and skills she appreciates and desires?!?! Or both. And now she tells him "this isn't the place" Oh Boy, thats rich, when is honey, back at your apartment? The parking lot......Imagine what this poor saps thinking. Yea, he's a poor excuse for a father and husband, and now time to swollow your own responsibility too. I say scr** you, and him too. Your both idiots, probably deserve each other. Matter of fact, ya'll could hook up, both a couple of photographers, start an Internet company. Jeez I live in a world of idiots that take no responsibility for their own actions and the first to cry foul when it's their own fault all along. Hey Jerry Springer called...... oh, before the flames start, yes, I'm outta here, nuff said..... Link to post Share on other sites
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