stupid&depressed Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I had a crush on a coworker and it seriously messed up my head. I'm married and plan to stay that way, and I want to get her out of my head. To end it I have been avoiding her for the last couple of months, but she keeps asking me to come see her, why don't I visit her anymore her. This leads to increasingly awkward situations and I have to make up some reason like being busy, or promising to go talk to her sometime in the future. The question is should I keep avoiding her hoping that she will get the message or should I just tell her straight that I think it's best and the right thing that we stop being friends? I'm not gonna tell her the reason for this decision. One super-awkward moment to end all future awkwardness ?? Is this a mental problem? Like Obsessive-compulsive disorder? Should I see a shrink ? Link to post Share on other sites
FieryDream Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I think what shes wondering is why all of a sudden you've been avoiding her. you dont have an ocd because ino some1 who has got it and trust me, its a serious mental health problem which u dont have (from your discription) anyway:P I think that maybe you should tell her that you had a tincy wincy crush on her and thats why you were avoiding her. at least let her know instead of making exscuses because its an awful feeling when ppl keep making up excuses not to see u. maybe have a chat with her over the phone and one way to banish wrong signals is to actually talk to the person properly and see how you feel. as its just a crush the most likely outcome is she'll seem like your friend you thought you had other feelings for. i defo dont think your suffering from a mental illness, but sometimes mixed feelings can be down to personal insecurities, though by the sounds of things, its WAS only a crush hope i helped and I dont want to cause you any offence of any kind, tell me if i did sophie Link to post Share on other sites
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Don't tell her you have a crush on her!! are you kidding? If shes like most women that will give her an ego boost and she'll probably try to pursue you even more. To a lot of women out there (I know its crazy) but, it gives them a feeling of power to have a married man lusting over them. Just tell her the truth...that it’s inappropriate to have cute little flirty chats with a woman at work... Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Tell her to respect the fact that you're married. Sheesh. Some women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stupid&depressed Posted January 27, 2010 Author Share Posted January 27, 2010 Thanks for the reply, it wasn't anything offensive in it. We actually had that talk a while ago, I told her that I had a crush on her, and we agreed to remain friends. However after a while, it only made me think even more about her. My mind is playing tricks on me, it keeps telling me all these rational arguments why this whole crush is stupid and childish yet I can't get her out of my head. That's why I thought I had a mental problem I think I'm gonna tell her. I owe her that much. I hope she will understand and won't hate me guts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stupid&depressed Posted January 27, 2010 Author Share Posted January 27, 2010 Don't tell her you have a crush on her!! are you kidding? If shes like most women that will give her an ego boost and she'll probably try to pursue you even more. To a lot of women out there (I know its crazy) but, it gives them a feeling of power to have a married man lusting over them. Just tell her the truth...that it’s inappropriate to have cute little flirty chats with a woman at work... Too late, I told her that already. At one point I thought, that she was sending all these mixed signals, and I asked her what was going on, but she told me that it was all in my head and I think too much. I still don't believe her 100% but I think she is a moral person, so even if she is attracted to me, she won't show it, because she might be scared of the consequences. What I'm saying is, that she is not pursuing me, but she does some weird stuff like noticing if I don't talk to her for a few days, asking whats going on. Anyway its a messed up situation thats got to end. Link to post Share on other sites
KarlDV Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Married and crushing on a coworker... agrr thats a horrible situation to be in. I would downplay the whole thing and try to treat her in a friendly manner without escalating the whole thing any further... yikes! Link to post Share on other sites
Chantal Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Office romance is bound to happen. If you have people sharing common interests (work) + extended time together (40 hrs) + physical attraction = a perfect match." But this equation is valid for two single colleagues. Be careful of sexual harassment accusations and all the gossips that will definitely damage your career, your marriage and your future. Now ask yourself is it honestly worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
H1N1 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Avoid her like...h1n1. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stupid&depressed Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 Office romance is bound to happen. If you have people sharing common interests (work) + extended time together (40 hrs) + physical attraction = a perfect match." But this equation is valid for two single colleagues. Be careful of sexual harassment accusations and all the gossips that will definitely damage your career, your marriage and your future. Now ask yourself is it honestly worth it? I know it's not worth it. That's why I'm looking to end it. Been feeling better lately though, started to sort out all the feelings I had for her. I'm starting to accept the thought, that we will never be together and it's not the end of the world. I think I went temporarily crazy for a while, I had all these strong feelings for her, that I have never felt before for anyone. Somehow I was able to rationalize most of it, convince myself that my feelings were not that strong after all and they were temporary. I don't know if going from one end to another this fast makes me officially crazy or just emotionally unstable. I came to work this morning feeling better and more certain than I have felt in a long time. That is until a I heard her voice.. made me weak in the knees. I'll have to keep avoiding her, to hold up. I haven't said anything to her about it and I'm not planning to. Thanks for everyone who responded, you've helped tremendously. I couldn't talk about this to anyone I know, always felt extremely guilty about it and I was afraid they might not understand and might be very judgemental. Link to post Share on other sites
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