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How do I give comfort to a coworker.


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I work in a small office. One of the girls "Sandy" is about 10 years older than I. We have never really been close, and we have had some minor spats in the office, mostly just due to her toxic attitude (The whole office agrees she has major issues). ANYHOW, we have a funcational working relationship.

 

Fast forward to today, lately she has been worst than ever. Turns out her husband ( a very sweet man we all care for) has been having health issues, and has been getting testing done. She found out today he has ALS (Lou Garrets disease). I read up on it, and it's terrible! It's very progressive and leaves you with a funcational brain but a vegetable body. She of course is devasted. She emailed saying she wouldn't be in, and I emailed her back saying how sorry I was, and that we all hope the best for her husband.

 

I don't know how to react! She is very private and kind of off-putting, but I know she needs support. Any simple easy ideas on ways to show her we care, and that she can talk to us?

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Boundary Problem
I work in a small office. One of the girls "Sandy" is about 10 years older than I. We have never really been close, and we have had some minor spats in the office, mostly just due to her toxic attitude (The whole office agrees she has major issues). ANYHOW, we have a funcational working relationship.

 

Fast forward to today, lately she has been worst than ever. Turns out her husband ( a very sweet man we all care for) has been having health issues, and has been getting testing done. She found out today he has ALS (Lou Garrets disease). I read up on it, and it's terrible! It's very progressive and leaves you with a funcational brain but a vegetable body. She of course is devasted. She emailed saying she wouldn't be in, and I emailed her back saying how sorry I was, and that we all hope the best for her husband.

 

I don't know how to react! She is very private and kind of off-putting, but I know she needs support. Any simple easy ideas on ways to show her we care, and that she can talk to us?

 

 

I hope she doesn't abandon him. He is going to need a lot of care. Caring for an ill spouse can be a shockingly huge gift of time and emotion and money. From what you descibe about her coping skills -- she doesn't have this within her to give.

 

Maybe get her a card and flowers for when she comes back. Maybe get a separate card for him (I have no idea if you have that kind of relatioship with him).

 

If she does hit the ball here, then she is going to need compassionate days from work from time to time etc. Is it possible for her to do some work from home?

 

Sounds like you are a caring co-worker. It is work and she is a private person. So expect turbulence from her in the months to come. Part of her is going to be angry this is happening to her, and she may take it out on those around her, so practise being calm in face of her drama. Particularly because it is a workplace environment.

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Thank you for your reply.

 

I know she will stay with him. They have been married for then years and have two small children.

 

Our office is very supportive (imho). Our boss is setting it up already so that if Sandy or any of us need to work from home, it can be done. So if things get bad and Sandy has to stay home to care for him, she can do that.

 

For the time being, she says work is what is keeping her sane.

 

I though about sending her flowers, but that is what her husband always does..I worried it would make her sad. Maybe I will give her a card for the time being.

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GorillaTheater

I'm thinking a hug. A simple hug, which nevertheless can convey an amazing depth of caring. Were I in her shoes, that would mean alot. Of course, I might just cry all over you, so I hope her getting emotional wouldn't be a problem for you.

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Boundary Problem

Well - he is living with this, not dying of it.

 

Why not a gift cert for a nice dinner for the two of them, or something that they would never splurge on themselves.

 

I agree about the flowers. Got to do something different. Chocolate is so - yawn. Plus women are always watching their weight. Something experience oriented where they can have a glass of wine and enjoy each other. Quite a bit blow for them as a family. They need to make sure they are bonded as a couple if they are going to survive this.

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