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Bosses: how would you deal with your employee having crush on you?


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Old 6th October 2009, 3:08 AM   #1
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Bosses: how would you deal with your employee having crush on you?

Say if someone that works under you develops a strong long term crush. Now this person has never said anything directly but it's obvious by the way they look at you, giggle etc. Also assume that you don't have any romantic interest in this person.

How would you act? It's kind of hard bringing this up if the person hasn't said anything about the crush... Would you be more distant and less friendly than to the other employees? Would you feel uncomfortable and creeped out?

I am really curious...
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Old 6th October 2009, 10:36 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by SadandConfusedWA View Post
Say if someone that works under you develops a strong long term crush. Now this person has never said anything directly but it's obvious by the way they look at you, giggle etc. Also assume that you don't have any romantic interest in this person.

How would you act? It's kind of hard bringing this up if the person hasn't said anything about the crush... Would you be more distant and less friendly than to the other employees? Would you feel uncomfortable and creeped out?

I am really curious...
It would depend on the nature of the creepiness. If it's just the occasional stares, and it doesn't lead to that person (or yourself) not being able to do your job effectively: then I would leave it be. If it is causing problems for either individuals work, then I would have an independant talk with both people and put an end to it. I'm the kind of boss who has NO problem fixing things (or having difficult conversations) that maintain the efficiency of my team. Crushes happen at work all the time - but if it directly affects one or more people from doing their best effort, then it gets addressed immediately.

Managers are suppose to manage the health of their teams, and if the health is affected, they are expected to fix it.
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Old 6th October 2009, 3:39 PM   #3
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Also remember

... just because an employee has a crush on a boss, it doesn't automatically mean they want to actually sleep with the person they're crushing on. You can have a crush but also have sense and maturity enough to not want to risk your job and/or your professional reputation.

And on the other hand, I also think that the employees who witness these crushes also should consider the fact that even if their fellow coworkers may have designs on sleeping with the boss, it doesn't mean they will actually get to. Some employees will try to give the impression that they are boinking the boss as some sort of mind game directed to other men./women in the office. Very juvenile, but it happens.

@Blackfrost - you gave a good example of how I wish more bosses would treat situations like these. I've seen some situations where the boss choose to turn a blind eye or are actually the ones involved in the sleeping around. Or they feel as long as their business isn't suffering, they couldn't care less. Your response was a refreshing read.

** Sorry this went a bit off topic. I misread it and thought the OP was including sex between bosses and staff.

Last edited by imani; 6th October 2009 at 3:42 PM..
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Old 9th October 2009, 11:32 AM   #4
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I would make sure they even have a crush on you haha. If they don't and you presume they do, you'll just end up with a weirded out employee. Think Steve Carrell's character on "The Office".
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Old 21st November 2009, 7:38 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by SadandConfusedWA View Post
Say if someone that works under you develops a strong long term crush. Now this person has never said anything directly but it's obvious by the way they look at you, giggle etc. Also assume that you don't have any romantic interest in this person.

How would you act? It's kind of hard bringing this up if the person hasn't said anything about the crush... Would you be more distant and less friendly than to the other employees? Would you feel uncomfortable and creeped out?

I am really curious...
If they ask me out then I would accept it.
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Old 21st November 2009, 8:42 PM   #6
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Years ago I used to think co-workers were human, then one day my boss said, you are each a dime a dozen and can be replaced. Thats when I realized wow, we are products in a business dynamic. Move the inventory if it doesn't appease the bosses.

So I no longer carry anything other then a business attitude towards my co workers, we are each replaceable and each here to serve a duty. There is no *crushes* or personal ties.

It seems hard but I can tell you this, its a cold hard truth about the business world. After times of my battling differences of personalities or dynamics in the business, I learned most recently to treat folks with respect and leave it at that. They dont pay to be personal they pay to be professional. Crushes are not in the business 6 month plan to expand.
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Old 2nd December 2009, 10:56 PM   #7
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I have had several of my male employees develop crushes on me, and this I know because their conversations got back to me.

I try not to make too much of it. Take it as a compliment, and act the same way to that person as you do to every other employee, and don't get in to any situations where you are alone together.

The other side of this coin is that if someone beneath you suddenly feels you are slighting them, they can turn on you on a dime...the old "woman scorned" thing. It is not pretty.
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Old 2nd December 2009, 11:16 PM   #8
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As long as they're discreet about it, I've always ignored it and treated them like anyone else.
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Old 7th December 2009, 7:15 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by SadandConfusedWA View Post
..Now this person has never said anything directly but it's obvious by the way they look at you, giggle etc...
this put me on the defensive. here's why: i frequently have people that act like im hitting on them even though im just friendly.. guys, girls, sometimes its really funny to hear the way people take someone being nice to them.. sooooo, here's a couple alternatives.. maybe you remind them of a friend.. maybe they think your cool and therefore let their guard down and act like themselves around you.. maybe their stoned and they think you are too.. maybe they are totally crushing hard on you ... its hard to say, thats my point. and that's why i don't think you should treat them any differently than you would otherwise.

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How would you act?
lets say i was sure that the person had a crush on me.. i would be very nice, and treat them with respect. no one should ever be made to feel ashamed for having genuine warm feelings towards someone else. in time, people will learn how to appropriately enjoy those feelings, so give them the benefit of the doubt. here's an example: when i was little i had a crush on my camp counselor.. she probably thought it was cute.. and was nice to me. it would have sucked if she was mean or distant because her and i couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't ever be together.. but she wasn't.. she saw it for what it was, and acted accordingly. at the time, i had to deal with the fact that she was into one of the other 20 something counselors (****ing duh..), but her being cool only helped me learn that easier. i think this is applicable to the situation that you described.

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Would you be more distant and less friendly than to the other employees?
no.. that would really, really suck for that person.

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Originally Posted by SadandConfusedWA View Post
Would you feel uncomfortable and creeped out?
being uncomfortable and creeped out is one of those things that just happens.. its not really something i look at as a choice. in fact, now that i think about it, the last couple questions you asked imply that you might be trying to fight having feelings back for this person.. if that is the case, i would say don't worry about it. people sometimes feel uncomfortable because their afraid they'll do something they know they shouldn't.. but that's ridiculous.. because "they know they shouldn't".. the more big and dramatic someone makes a situation, the less likely they are to behave appropriately in my opinion. and if, just if, just in case this is true, you really do have feelings have feelings for this person but don't think it would be appropriate because you're their boss, i think thats lame. boss/employee/janitor/ceo.. people are people whatever their title.. of course interoffice dating is risky, but hey, if that's what you want i say go for it!
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Old 8th December 2009, 12:28 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by SadandConfusedWA View Post
Say if someone that works under you develops a strong long term crush. Now this person has never said anything directly but it's obvious by the way they look at you, giggle etc. Also assume that you don't have any romantic interest in this person.

How would you act? It's kind of hard bringing this up if the person hasn't said anything about the crush... Would you be more distant and less friendly than to the other employees? Would you feel uncomfortable and creeped out?

I am really curious...
I would treat all employees the same so long as they did their job well. I would act professional and businesslike around all of them. Also, if they are 'giggling' at you, maybe they are just nervous or insecure and you intimidate them. I used to have the urge to giggle when one of my teacher's yelled and lectured the class. He would go on and on... I would have to bite the inside of my mouth so I wouldn't laugh out loud and be punished. Are they giggling while you are lecturing or instructing? Maybe you should just ask them what is funny in a polite firm way and find out.
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