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In love with my boss. =[


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Disastertwins

Yeah, which is always great! False. It all started at my first interview, we talked about serious stuff and then got on to the fact that we like the same video games and stuff like that (he's only a few years older than me). After that it really wasn't noticeable until one day at a store wide meeting I kept catching myself glancing at him, and every time I did he'd notice and smile really wide. It wasn't a problem when I thought it was just me that was attracted, but one day I told another manager (his best friend) that I thought he was cute, not thinking about the fact that he'd tell my boss. So I called my boss a few days later (completely sure my manager had told him, because my boss had started smiling at me more often) and told him whatever my manager told him was a lie. That seemed to work well enough.

 

Well, he was texting me one day (another thing I thought was odd if we were just coworkers) and asked me what the secret was. So eventually I just said "That I think you're cute." He replied saying he knew that, and that my manager wasn't the one that told him. I asked him how he knew and he said "Because when you look at me, I'm pretty sure you can see my soul, and sometimes, I swear I can hear your thoughts.". It was probably the sweetest thing I've ever read in my life. So we have been texting back and forth for the past few days after admitting we liked each other. At one point I said something along the lines of 'Everyone falls in love with me.' he replied 'Is that so?', I replied 'No, haha, actually I'm usually a temp.' and he said 'Who's to say I haven't already?'

 

I find myself coming into work on days I have off to work on cleaning stuff I normally can't do on my shifts. And he asks me to ride along when we need something from another store. I'm a manager in training and have been since I started the job, so I guess that makes it a little better (now that it wouldn't be a Boss/Employee but a Boss/MiniBoss relationship). We're both really good with keeping secrets, so I'm not worried about his boss or our employees finding out. The problem is, is that we're both taken at the moment. I'm with a boy, who I'm positive is getting ready to leave me (his best friend and his wife, who was my best friend, recently decided to clean house on people they didn't need, and I was one of them) but I love dearly anyway. He's with a girlfriend that I'm pretty sure he hates, I asked him if he was in love with her and he said "That's a tough question... Did I? Yes." and she's expecting her second child (his first).

 

I just don't know what to do. It's clear we both have the same intentions, it's just getting on the right path. My relationship is in the gutter, but I'm no home wrecker. I refuse to get in the way of his relationship with his current girlfriend (who is a total jerk, by the way, she believes that women shouldn't work and a man should do everything, ICK.) but I am pretty sure I'm in love with him. I know I should just let it go and let time take it's path, but it's so hard, I work around 30 hours a week and see him every single day I work. Help?

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your boss sounds like a bit of a player to me, and that 'you can see my soul' text thing which you think was so lovely actually is bordering on sleezy/manipulative. A typical player thing to say.

 

he's obviously comfortable with the situation, ie, you giving him lots of attention, and that is a bad sign. if he was uncomfortable with it at least this would indicate that he cares about you and hs partner (who is having his child!)

his ambigous texts about 'who's to say I havent already' etc. are also very suspect. He's managing to make you think certain things without actually saying them, meaning that you're now in a position where you believe what he says, and moreover, you make his words into things you want to hear.

he sees you as being niave and easy to manipulate, and it may be that he's just getting off on that, if he's a player, i guaranee he's absolutely loving watching you squirm while he walks round loving himself.

 

Take what he says with a massive bag full of salt, badmouthing his SO to you is a total classic, all players do this. if she's so bad, why is he still there?

 

dont mean to be harsh but this is how i read it. i would be very cautious about his man.

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you're not in love with him... you're INFATUATED with him. Big difference.

 

He is expecting his first child.

 

Take a step back.

 

If you were with a long term boyfriend and pregnant with his child, and found out he was fooling around with someone on the side, how would you feel?

 

Remove yourself from the situation. Just because you see him, doesn't mean you need to interact with him.

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Did I read wrong and see that you are already with someone else who is married?

 

He likes the fact that you look up to him while his SO rightfully thinks he's a POS. I would just back off slowly. DO NOT pursue.

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Oh yeah, this guy is a player. He says things without really saying anything. He said he knew that you thought he was cute and he does. He is enjoying the attention. When he said "that's a tough question...did I? Yes." was leading you to think he is only around for the forthcoming baby. He doesn't have to be with her as he isn't married and would still have to be responsible financially for his child. If he isn't in love then he should move on and out. She is pregnant and hormonal right now and is probably anxious about him and his future plans.

 

I would be cautious of this guy because his gf may not want sex soon and he may need a "substitute".

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  • 2 months later...
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Disastertwins

:3 I know this is an old post, but I can't help it!

 

We ended up not pursuing each other while we were with our SO. I stayed with my SO, and he stayed with his...until she starting accusing him of sleeping with me (Which hadn't happened, we actually stopped talking outside of work completely to avoid hurt feelings) and that started a huge argument where he finally vented all his frustrations about her spending more than he makes and her not loving him. They broke up. At the same time, my boyfriend accused me of sleeping with a friend that had visited me for the weekend (not my boss) and said that my not wanting to have sex until we're married is invalid and has alternate motives. We broke up.

 

My boss and I started dating, and he ended up moving in with me. About a month after that he popped the question (very quickly, I know, but when it's different it's just different.) and we're engaged now. Our wedding was originally March 10th, but I moved it to June 2nd because I want an outdoor reception. His first child is due at the end of January, and we will have at least shared custody, though with the things his ex has been saying (like how she wishes she could be on acid again, or how if my boss doesn't walk the straight line she gives him he'll never see his son) and the fact that she refuses to work more than 7 hours a week and works a server job and is a jerk so she doesn't get tipped we might try and get full custody. He is currently living at a friends, as I moved back in with my parents to save cash to move somewhere together and get the wedding together, and he pays the rent for his ex to live in the apartment they used to share until she has the baby and can start work again.

 

Thanks to everyone who was concerned and warned me. I definitely took everything he said at first with a grain of salt. I got moved to another store so he's no longer my boss, which is good, no more secrets!

 

:D I'll post a follow up after the wedding!!!!!

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  • 3 weeks later...
:3 I know this is an old post, but I can't help it!

 

We ended up not pursuing each other while we were with our SO. I stayed with my SO, and he stayed with his...until she starting accusing him of sleeping with me (Which hadn't happened, we actually stopped talking outside of work completely to avoid hurt feelings) and that started a huge argument where he finally vented all his frustrations about her spending more than he makes and her not loving him. They broke up. At the same time, my boyfriend accused me of sleeping with a friend that had visited me for the weekend (not my boss) and said that my not wanting to have sex until we're married is invalid and has alternate motives. We broke up.

 

My boss and I started dating, and he ended up moving in with me. About a month after that he popped the question (very quickly, I know, but when it's different it's just different.) and we're engaged now. Our wedding was originally March 10th, but I moved it to June 2nd because I want an outdoor reception. His first child is due at the end of January, and we will have at least shared custody, though with the things his ex has been saying (like how she wishes she could be on acid again, or how if my boss doesn't walk the straight line she gives him he'll never see his son) and the fact that she refuses to work more than 7 hours a week and works a server job and is a jerk so she doesn't get tipped we might try and get full custody. He is currently living at a friends, as I moved back in with my parents to save cash to move somewhere together and get the wedding together, and he pays the rent for his ex to live in the apartment they used to share until she has the baby and can start work again.

 

Thanks to everyone who was concerned and warned me. I definitely took everything he said at first with a grain of salt. I got moved to another store so he's no longer my boss, which is good, no more secrets!

 

:D I'll post a follow up after the wedding!!!!!

Sounds like your interaction with him had already dealt the fatal blow to his relationship with the mother of his child.

 

Irrespective of the outcome with you and him, a lot of people have been harmed for little to no benefit. It all seems rather childish and premature to marry this person, given the circumstances. Of course we don't have all the information so could be missing things. Either way, you risk losing him the way his child's mother lost him and he risks losing you the way your boyfriend lost you. Instability and chaos are likely to reign.

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Sounds like your interaction with him had already dealt the fatal blow to his relationship with the mother of his child.

 

Irrespective of the outcome with you and him, a lot of people have been harmed for little to no benefit. It all seems rather childish and premature to marry this person, given the circumstances. Of course we don't have all the information so could be missing things. Either way, you risk losing him the way his child's mother lost him and he risks losing you the way your boyfriend lost you. Instability and chaos are likely to reign.

 

I disagree. It sounds like they both did the right thing and didn't get together until they both ended their other relationships. Just because he has a child with someone else doesn't mean that relationship was going to work out. I know a guy who married someone just because his gf got pregnant and their marriage is a living hell.

 

Disastertwins, good luck to you and your fiance. I think you're going to have a very happy life together.

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