Jump to content

If MM's wife blows the whistle will I get fired?


Recommended Posts

MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

I think there are a few infidelities going on in our office. I'm one of them, having just come out of a 1 yr affair with the married man I report to.

 

If you've read my posts on the OW forum, you will know he is struggling with his emotional health. He knows he has to come clean with his W. He is debating not admitting to the physical part of the affair and might go as far as saying that I (me) didn't know he even felt that way, making their marriage problems only about his feelings for an OW.

 

He does not want her to blow up and call the office, and cause trouble for me. I need my job. The two of them can get jobs anywhere in the country, and can even be jobless for a longer period of time if necessary. But I have a house and two kids to pay for and while there are alot of jobs here (recession isn't quite as bad) I wouldn't find a job as rewarding that pays as well. I LOVE my job!

 

Don't tell me I should have thought of that before, it is obviously much too late to turn the clock, and we all have our weaknesses.

 

I want to know if you think I will get fired? I am talked about in the office is the "saviour" and what would they do without me, etc etc so I know I am a valued employee, and I am considered "management" although nobody reports to me. I'm okay with being reprimanded, not being allowed to travel, reporting to someone else, and MM could also get his wrist slapped. But I doubt they would fire us, but there is a chance if his wife makes that phone call.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Is it stated anywhere either in the office policies or on your contract that you should not be having a relationship with a coworker?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

No. There is no policy. But we have taken alot of trips together for work, and stuff happened on those trips. So they could use that against us and make the assumption we were using company time and resources to have our affair.

 

That reason probably doesn't hold water because we actually saved them money on a hotel room on one trip :laugh: and the fact that we have this close connection actually makes us more productive. And if we weren't having fun together on the trip we might have gone out to bars at night and been too hungover to be productive the next day (justification).

 

But if shyt hits the fan, the results of the affair and the effect on his emotional health, and the fact that we probably couldn't work that closely together anymore would cause our performance to decline.

 

Maybe he will leave, which would look bad for me. I do have one job prospect but it's contract work and lots of travel and no guaranteed income.

 

I don't know his W well enough to know her breaking point or what she is capable of. I don't think she would call, but he thinks there is a chance.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As your AP is just a colleague (and not your boss) and you are not the only one who had an affair, I guess your colleagues will not be too hard on you, unless

- someone has personal reasons to make things more difficult (they either know the W or are against affairs and think you deserve to pay for it)

- someone has something to gain if you are fired and they could use the affair against you.

 

Your colleague is probably going to change job... please make sure that concentrating on your job is your priority while at the workplace... compartimentalizing love and work is not easy, but you have to do your best not to think about him while you are at work... you have too much to lose and you can't afford to let your job performances decrease too much for to long.

Stay strong and do your best... [hug]

if he is staying in his marriage perhaps if he leaves the job he is doing you a huge favour...you will heal sooner!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally agree with Adunaphel..

 

I doubt you will get fired.. even reprimanded..

 

You can always deny the whole A... ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

Yes, my AP IS my boss. I report to him, and he does my performance reviews, so they can't use that "Oh but she had a great review" LOL even though it was very honest and professional.

 

Nobody in the office has anything to gain or lose. We may have manipulated some of the road trips around times when others weren't going, so we could be alone, which meant others would have to find their own transportation. We have offices all over, within 2-4 hrs of driving so there are alot of travellers, and we are always together, and it does not go unnoticed. I'm sure people suspect the affair. Hell, I suspect a few other affairs in the office too.

 

His W wants him to leave his job but he hasn't even decided he wants to stay in the M and he doesn't want to leave. But he said he will if it comes down to it and I said I could as well, if it comes down to it.

 

I guess I should not fear this. I am doing better than him as far as focusing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40
I totally agree with Adunaphel..

 

I doubt you will get fired.. even reprimanded..

 

You can always deny the whole A... ;)

 

LOL well if he tells her everything, and she calls the office, I can't deny it. I would have very little integrity left to lie even more.

 

I've told one coworker, and another of my best friends, he has told some of his friends. There are private emails but I'm sure there are a few office emails with subliminal hints at the affair, although we try to avoid that and delete anything that could be incriminating.

Link to post
Share on other sites

OK.. so if you can't deny it.. can you say that you had absolutely noooo idea he was married..

 

You can say that he swore he wasn't... (if he tries to put you in hot water) :mad:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes, my AP IS my boss. I report to him, and he does my performance reviews, so they can't use that "Oh but she had a great review" LOL even though it was very honest and professional.

 

Nobody in the office has anything to gain or lose. We may have manipulated some of the road trips around times when others weren't going, so we could be alone, which meant others would have to find their own transportation. We have offices all over, within 2-4 hrs of driving so there are alot of travellers, and we are always together, and it does not go unnoticed. I'm sure people suspect the affair. Hell, I suspect a few other affairs in the office too.

 

His W wants him to leave his job but he hasn't even decided he wants to stay in the M and he doesn't want to leave. But he said he will if it comes down to it and I said I could as well, if it comes down to it.

 

I guess I should not fear this. I am doing better than him as far as focusing.

 

Ouch... I guess that him being your boss *could* complicate things.

If he is not one of the firm/business owners, but he just has an administrative role, I think it is very unlikely that you would get fired.

Moved, perhaps. But firing you if there is no office policy regarding affairs? I don't think so.

Your colleagues might be a problem, though. There are going to be rumours, and you might be the object of some unpleasant voices.

And you will have to act more professional than you ever did, so noone can accuse you of anything!

Link to post
Share on other sites
PrincessOfDarkness

How many of those trips were you taking? (how many did you take so far in 2009?)

 

If your job didn't suffer I do not see why you would get fired. But if the number of trips was excessive it could be seen as using company money/time to get it on..

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

The trips were every couple of weeks since last fall, mostly just one night. There is probably an even split between creating projects to work on, being asked to go and work on some projects by executives, and being requested by the staff at the other office for more training and follow-up.

 

It is tough to avoid all the trips but we haven't had overnight trips together in two months. Just day trips.

 

Yeah I am paranoid, and as I said, I shouldn't fear losing my job.

Link to post
Share on other sites

From how I've seen affairs handled by maanagement in the workplace recently, you won't get fired. You may even get promoted, as I've seen that too. You mentioned that there are other affairs going on in your place of business which probably mean management is either choosing to turn a blind eye or are just plain involved in one of those affairs themselves.

 

I loathe cheaters, but I do know there are companies out there who wouldn't fire you over something like this. From your post, we can already see that they think highly of you and your work which will be in your favor. Some management will not see the point in losing a good worker who brings a lot of value to their company over something that is a personal issue.

Link to post
Share on other sites
There are private emails but I'm sure there are a few office emails with subliminal hints at the affair, although we try to avoid that and delete anything that could be incriminating.

Just a quick aside. I don't have anything to offer about whether you'll get fired or not - my guess is probably not, but I don't have the expertise to back that up - but bear in mind that ANYTHING on email, even if it's deleted, is an open book to your IT department. You may have deleted stuff from your personal computer, but if you're using, for instance, Lotus Notes as your inter-office email program, your IT department can easily retrieve it from their servers.

 

Never, ever, put anything on email that would embarrass you if it was published on the front page of the newspaper.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

Actually, we are the IT department. And he is the boss. I'm sure the network boys have already done some spying and know alot more than people think they do.

 

Someone also mentioned something about rumors starting? I'm sure they have been floating around for a while. Based on the rumors I've heard and participated in, it would not surprise me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Actually, we are the IT department. And he is the boss. I'm sure the network boys have already done some spying and know alot more than people think they do.

 

Someone also mentioned something about rumors starting? I'm sure they have been floating around for a while. Based on the rumors I've heard and participated in, it would not surprise me.

 

 

... also add to the fact that you've already told one (or two?) coworkers yourself. People in affairs always give themselves away either verbally, electronically (emails), demeanor (touches or glances...road trips/working overtime) or by trying reverse pyscology on fellow coworkers ("oh I hate -insert name of affair partner- he's so awful." "I can't hardly stand when he's in the office." etc...)

 

But still, even with these examples, as I've said before - I haven't seen anyone having to pay for it with losing their jobs by being involved in an office affair. The only major issue I've seen come up from situations like this is that companies lose other employees because of percieved favortism. But that's about it. Even loss of employees may not be that big of an issue for some because with this economy, they will always be able to hire and train new employees for those vacant positions.

 

I think your job is safe, but please try to date available men in the furture. It's more healthy of the two choices. ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just a quick aside. I don't have anything to offer about whether you'll get fired or not - my guess is probably not, but I don't have the expertise to back that up - but bear in mind that ANYTHING on email, even if it's deleted, is an open book to your IT department. You may have deleted stuff from your personal computer, but if you're using, for instance, Lotus Notes as your inter-office email program, your IT department can easily retrieve it from their servers.

 

Never, ever, put anything on email that would embarrass you if it was published on the front page of the newspaper.

 

 

Words to live by.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

Trust me, I've been closer than I felt comfortable to that front page news and even had it out with a reporter once or twice in another area of my life.

 

I think we'll be okay. I just hope that he doesn't "not" tell his W what really happened just to spare her feelings or hoping that she "gets it" based on what he does tell her. He should tell her what he thinks is right, and not save that part just in case she doesn't understand. But, supposedly, I am out of the picture (according to me?)

 

Yes, available men only, gotcha, clear as daylight(?)

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're so damaged to a point that you have no respect whatsoever for marriages. Are you ashamed of yourself, especially considering the fact that you were a betrayed wife in the past?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40
You're so damaged to a point that you have no respect whatsoever for marriages. Are you ashamed of yourself, especially considering the fact that you were a betrayed wife in the past?

 

 

BlackWhite, I've read your whole 3 messages on LS and you are not helping anyone. My past and where I am emotionally have nothing to do with my question in this "Business" forum.

Link to post
Share on other sites
BlackWhite, I've read your whole 3 messages on LS and you are not helping anyone. My past and where I am emotionally have nothing to do with my question in this "Business" forum.

 

In denail! The trueth hurts, doesn't it?

Link to post
Share on other sites
If MM's wife blows the whistle will I get fired?

 

I doubt it but you can't control the actions of anyone but yourself. Personally, I'd be formulating a backup plan. Business/professional associations and persuant reputation can be very fluid; IOW, the winds can easily change direction from positive to negative, especially if gossip becomes involved and believed. I don't know your professional reputation so can't comment as to how much it could withstand such a dynamic. Just be careful :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

MWC as an IT person you probably already know that even if you delete messages from your system they exist on the harddrives somewhere (you would know more about that than I do). Are you in a position to erase those things? Or is that the job of the network boys?

 

I would keep all communication to work related stuff and save anything personal for texts on a phone that isnt owned by the company.

 

Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

We mostly used hotmail and also text (my personal cell phone). Emails at work are strictly business but we used secret code LOL. We spoke of a certain project that needed attention. We referred to it by number and nobody would know it wasn't a real project. For IM's it was mostly "come see me" and then we'd have a "meeting".

Link to post
Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda
I think there are a few infidelities going on in our office. I'm one of them, having just come out of a 1 yr affair with the married man I report to.

 

If you've read my posts on the OW forum, you will know he is struggling with his emotional health. He knows he has to come clean with his W. He is debating not admitting to the physical part of the affair and might go as far as saying that I (me) didn't know he even felt that way, making their marriage problems only about his feelings for an OW.

 

He does not want her to blow up and call the office, and cause trouble for me. I need my job. The two of them can get jobs anywhere in the country, and can even be jobless for a longer period of time if necessary. But I have a house and two kids to pay for and while there are alot of jobs here (recession isn't quite as bad) I wouldn't find a job as rewarding that pays as well. I LOVE my job!

 

Don't tell me I should have thought of that before, it is obviously much too late to turn the clock, and we all have our weaknesses.

 

I want to know if you think I will get fired? I am talked about in the office is the "saviour" and what would they do without me, etc etc so I know I am a valued employee, and I am considered "management" although nobody reports to me. I'm okay with being reprimanded, not being allowed to travel, reporting to someone else, and MM could also get his wrist slapped. But I doubt they would fire us, but there is a chance if his wife makes that phone call.

 

Well I can certainly show compassion for people in bad situations... but MWC? WTF was you thinking of sleeping with your Married supervisor???

 

Of course she can blow the whistle! She's gonna be P.O. that your working there with him, the affair cannot be truly over in her eyes unless the OW which is you is far away.

 

You should have been looking for a new job when this affair began or when it was over you should have been looking anyways.

 

Dont crap where you eat...

Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to work as an IT consultant. I had to replace an entire IT department with another consultant behind just what you mention: inappropriate relationships that the company had tired of tolerating. THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT, I kid you not.

 

I don't know if you will lose your job or not. I can only say that I agree with Carhill - you can't tell which direction the wind is blowing on these things. They might decide to make an example of you. They might decide to do it to the next illicit couple that decides to conduct a relationship on company time.

 

Who really knows?

 

Either way, you'd do well to avoid talking too long with him for a while. I can only imagine what the rumor mill is saying about you two.

 

"I haven't seen them sneak away to the copy room for a while, maybe they broke up"

 

People at work ALWAYS know who is having an affair. Too hard to hide even though you two probably thought you were geniuses with your "secret" code. LOL. I'm sorry. I've seen so many people with that "surprised" look when we told them what we knew and it was always concerning the stuff that they just knew they'd kept so hidden (the secret code is never that secret).

 

But like I said, no telling. Just hope she doesn't call if he does tell. She might not (I didn't). But he might lose his job as well with the way this recession is going.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...