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How To Not Come Across As Naive?


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solo_flyer

I admit it: I've been naive for a long time and didn't know it. People have always been trying to take advantage of me in one way or another, but I let them do it because I always just assumed people were acting in a completely honorable manner and would not try to be dishonest or sneaky. I'm a naturally helpful person and will go out of my way to give people assistance if necessary.

 

But this is the real world. A lot of people will be less than honest to get ahead. I got manipulated and scammed really badly not too long by some unscrupulous business associates of mine and it resulted in some big problems. Fortunately some good lawyers were working on my side and it wasn't as expensive as I thought it would be.

 

So now my resolution is to be more cynical so I will get scammed less often. Because I've worken up now, I realise that people are trying to put something by me on a regular basis, probably because they already know that I have done naive things in the past and I am always trying to help people even at my personal expense. I don't let them get away with it anymore, but people keep trying.

 

So here is my question: What would you do to prevent people from getting the impression that you are naive or eliminate that impression if they already formed it? I don't want people to think of me as someone they can scam.

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I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing a lot younger than me. I think I will always be somewhat naive because I get scammed over and over by co-workers, romantic partners and wives, and business partners and employees, not to mention people selling dodgy investments, mortgages, insurance policies, and other services, and even lawyers supposedly acting on my behalf.

 

Maybe the only way to proceed is to assume that everyone is out to scam you. Never sign an agreement without reading it, never buy on impulse but check out the proposed purchase and the vendor online first, make sure your agreements are always in writing and never oral, and look into every agreement for loopholes that will favor the other party. It's easier said than done especially for people who are honest and well intentioned. Probably it's second nature for scammers and crooks.

 

I wouldn't worry about how you appear - it's how you act that counts. If you are not sure about a proposition or question, say you will think about it and let them know later. Don't try to bluff.

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I have a problem in that I appear naive but really am not. I suspect we are similar, because I just listen to people trying to be kind and polite. I run my own business so this is a good/bad quality, as partners have tried to take advantage of me, but were surprised at the result.

 

The solution for me is to be more assertive and less polite. It seems that 90% of people, be it friends, girlfriends, or business associates are always looking for that extra edge to screw me over and I'm not going to let them have it.

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