D-Lish Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I recently started a new job. I LOVE this job. I make good money, I get to be physically active as well as creative, it's my dream job. I am in charge of a team of people that I get along great with. It's a family owned business- 2 owners and their extended family are all involved in the day to day operations. One of the owner's sons is a young guy, home for the summer from university. He's a cute kid- super nice- but he has started to take a romantic interest in me. I am 39- he is 21:eek: I have NO interest in pursuing anything with him. I have been guilty of being a cougar in the past, dated younger men for fun, but this is different... I wouldn't cross the professional line EVER and jeapordize my job. He lives with his parents who live around the corner from me. His mom asked if I could give him a ride home on certain nights when they are too busy to drive him so I do that a few times a week as a favour to them. So- he's sort of attached himself to my hip. He'll make up excuses to stay late or work early according to my schedule so he can catch a ride with me. Last week I was out in town with my friends and we ran into each other. He was LOADED and I was sober. He professed his feelings for me and sat by my side all night - kept hugging me and telling his friends "this is the girl I told you about".... I told him nothing would happen- I told him I was too old for him, etc. At the end of the night he was going to drive home and was way too drunk to drive- so I took his keys and drove him home. I couldn't get him out of my car because he was arguing with me about why things could work out between us. I am at a loss as to how to deal with this. I have considered quitting. What do I do? How do I handle this? It's really stressing me out! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 D, I would sit down with him, when he's sober and read him the riot act but in a nice way. He has to understand that you're dead serious about not getting involved with him, that not only is it unprofessional but that you're not interested in him, in that way. He'll be crushed but better that, than more work drama and losing a wonderful job. After you have a talk with him, come back to us and tell us how he reacts. It might be worthwhile to have a mature discussion with either his mother or father, adult to adult, so they understand that you're not interested in their son and are trying to handle this in a kind but professional manner. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 yeah talk to his folks like tbf said Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Hey, thanks TBF... It's weird- but I am pretty sure his parents have no clue about a) my real age, and B) what is happening with their son. I think his parents assume I am younger. I have never disclosed my age, although the young guy knows. I get the feeling his mom thinks I am her son's peer and is supporting the crush... Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Oh come on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Oh come on... No, seriously- I'd cross the line normally.... but not in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Your CV or resume should have told them how old you were, unless this was a job through a friend or family member. If she doesn't know, let her know how old you are so she re-evaluates her support of the situation. You know this isn't to insult you because you and I are both in our thirties. It's just an easy way out of a difficult situation. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 No, seriously- I'd cross the line normally.... but not in this situation. No, I mean there's no way she thinks you're her sons age Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Put a DOB on a CV/resume? I never have, and they are not allowed to ask your age, only credentials! Never mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Doesn't your resume show the date of your degree(s) and other employment? Using common sense, any employer should be able to figure out that you're at least X age, assuming you were complete and disclosed everything on it. For example, you ran your own business/store for quite some time. Based on those dates, they can't think you're 21.... right? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I get the feeling his mom thinks I am her son's peer and is supporting the crush... You can have the conversation that TBF mentioned without informing the parent(s) about your age -- the conversation is simply to inform them of your professional standards to which you will hold yourself accountable...nothing to do with your age or any other personal info. Dating sons of bosses is just NOT within your professional code of conduct, would be the message. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Do him a huge favor. Tell him you want to save him from further embarrassing himself because you like him. Tell him that his behavior is inappropriate first because you have a professional relationship with him and his family. Since he is the boss;s son...he better learn this lesson NOW at 21. In the future if he uses his family business and the advantage of being the owner's son as a way to try to pick up love interests...there is going to be a lawsuit. I'm not saying he is awful, I'm just saying he should learn this now, with the advice from someone who cares. It would also be a good idea for you to tell him in no uncertain terms that even if you didnt work there - you would not be interested in someone his age. Tell him that he is mistaking courtesy and friendliness for affection and flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 This dream job seems like it's getting off to an extremely precarious start. I would do my best to avoid any job in which a supervisor's family or close personal friends were in any position to undermine my ability to do my job. I think the only way to deal with this now is to do whatever you can to remove yourself from the position of being involved in any way with the son and stay focused strictly on the job. I would guess that you'll have to find some professional way to tell the owner this, that you don't feel comfortable being in a situation like this. You don't even have to point to anything specific that has happened, either. Just say that you've heard of/known about situations like this that can potentially blur the lines between work and socialization. Unfortunately, you will have to brace yourself for the possibility that this might become awkward. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Stuck Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 How about changing your behavior toward him? Like....don't let him sit next to you in a bar all night long for starters. How about not letting him hug you all night long when he's loaded? How about getting up and leaving the bar? How about not even having conversations with him about "a relationship". How about just shutting up and getting back to work when he attaches himself to your hip? Drive him home if the boss asks you to or the kid is wasted (or even better - call him a taxi!!!), but don't flirt, don't giggle, don't have cheerful, silly conversations with him. You say everyone there thinks you're his age, not a middle-aged woman. Do you dress like you are 21? Do you act like you are 21? You let him refer to you as a "girl" to his friends. You are, by most definitions, even if you don't feel like it, a WOMAN. Act like it, and his crush will disappear. However, it doesn't really seem to me like that's what you want. I think you are enjoying the attention because it makes you feel younger to be accepted and desired by someone so much younger. Sorry. That's what it sounds like to me when I read your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Land Shark Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 What a worm. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I am at a loss as to how to deal with this. I have considered quitting. What do I do? How do I handle this? It's really stressing me out! Just wait for him to go back to school. You can do it D-Lish, you can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Just do what every woman does when they're not interested, tell him you have a bf! Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
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