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stopped doing things


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Old 11th December 2002, 9:33 PM   #1
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stopped doing things

Today after my shift was over from work I started a conversation to one of the regular customers.I think Ill stop doing this.I overheard a manager that I dont like much talking about me saying" I dont talk to anybody at work " "but she made a big deal of how I was talking to this customer" and saying I dont talk much to anyone at work.

Well Im not very comfortable with big crowds of people and going up to a regular customer and starting a conversation I think is a start.She doesnt know I have fear of big crowds,she just starts assuming things about me that arent even true. I take medicine for anxiety and it helps some I guess. But what I did was a start,she cant expect me to talk to everyone at once.

My other job I had a bad experience of harrasement so much that I never felt comfortable around crowds much after that.I still carry that fear with me everyday,hoping Ill never have to have another experience like that.

So what Im planning on doing now is not to talk with the customer I like cause Im afraid of how that person is going to think of me or what she might say to someone else.I bought some co-workers a little present for Christmas but I might have to wait untill shes not there so I can give it to them ,cause Im afraid of what she will say or think.

Im trying to change and be more sociable but she doesnt like seeing me happy so Ill have to go back to the way I was.I feel like I cant breathe around her.My therapist wants me to make friendships with the people at my work but Im afraid to cause of this one manager.

Patty

Last edited by Patty; 11th December 2002 at 9:37 PM..
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Old 11th December 2002, 9:55 PM   #2
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There's a lot you talk about here that you should be discussing with your therapist.

I think you are way too preoccupied with what others think. If in your judgement you are doing something kind...which isn't against any policy anywhere...go ahead and do it. If other people, including your boss, express anger that you did it tell them I said they can kiss my butt.

Unless you get rid of this fear you have, life will surely pass you by.
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Old 11th December 2002, 10:10 PM   #3
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Tony,Im trying very hard to overcome these problems that I have.Your right I do talk alot about stuff I should be discussing with my therapist.Its just hard for me to hold in these feelings,thats all.Ive tried many times holding in everything and it makes me feel worse.I see my therapist every other week.Although,I wish it was every week.

Patty

Last edited by Patty; 11th December 2002 at 10:16 PM..
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Old 11th December 2002, 10:15 PM   #4
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Talk to your therapist about your tendency to hold things in. Have him or her work with you on that issue. One of the purposes of counselling is to teach us how to open up and communicate freely and correctly under the proper circumstances.

Hang in there. Be patient with yourself, work hard, and you will be successful!!!
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Old 11th December 2002, 10:18 PM   #5
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thanks

Patty
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Old 12th December 2002, 10:49 AM   #6
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Patty, something about the human race is that on an instinctual level we fear change in our daily routines. Something I learned - especially in the work place - is that when we first become involved in a situation that regularly occurs (work, church, school, etc.) we establish our own patterns very quickly. One person may be known as a talker, another as someone shy or quiet. A person may be known for always calling in sick, or being late, or never being late. Once we have established those behaviors those around us know what to expect. When we make a change -- no matter if it is a good change or bad -- people fear it. They often don't even know that they fear it and that fear might manifest itself as anger or resentment or suspicion. As long as you are doing nothing wrong (against company policy) then the problem is your managerís. I know you are a non-confrontational person, but if this seems to bother the manager then perhaps you should talk to him about it. Just say that you think your conversing with a customer seems to have upset some people and ask the manager if that is against company policy. Also tell the manager that you are a very shy person and that you are working on getting over than and ask for the managerís help. Sometimes being asked for help by another person makes a big different in how that person is viewed and treated. It might help your manager to know that you are uncomfortable in crowds but that you are working on it so that you can be a better person and employee. (this is also known as Schmoozing ) but it might help you in the workplace, and in your own struggle with anxiety.
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Old 12th December 2002, 10:52 AM   #7
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Patty,

I've read a number of your posts, and whenever someone comments on something about you you decide your going to change. Why don't you sit down and really look at yourself and decide what it is YOU like about yourself and what YOU don't. Change the things you don't like - but do it because you want to, not because someone else commented on it.

As for the work comment made by a boss, maybe they want you to start being friendly to your colleagues not just your customer. I don't think that stopping talking to the customers is a good solution.

As for your therapist, may I suggest you print out all of your posts and go through them with your therapist. He/she can only help if you let them know what you go through on a daily basis.
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