I Dislike My Supervisor

[Gwyneth]

Hello All

 

I've worked with this guy indirectly for almost three years now and I've never liked him. I've been back to work for a couple months now and have transferred to a new location. He and several other colleagues have followed. This time though this guy is directly my supervisor; I'm disgusted. He's acts like a robot and annoys people yet is so oblivious to the fact that he's so disliked and so gosh darn annoying.

 

A few of us have been having issues adjusting to the new atmosphere and two of my friend and I have addressed our concerns to him--fully aware of how useless he is and how he hears what he wants to hear and twists people's words. He then told my one friend he doesn't want her talking to me or our other friend--after he mentioned to her that Gwyn and nameless colleague have also addressed our concernes to him. She chats to us online and calls me but is Terrified of talking to either of us when the robot is around.

 

Does he have the right to tell her who she can and cannot talk to? And what she can and cannot talk about? I feel he's crossed the line. All three of us are just about ready to report him to HR.

[Eve]

Sounds to me as though the days of the clique you belong to are numbered and it will most certainly serve you right once you fall at the next hurdle. I say this because it seems that you are going to ignore the warning you have been given.

 

Never mix personal feelings with work. Personal feelings are for home.. behave professionally whilst in the paid time of an employer. I hate scenarios such as what you have mentioned. I bet you have made this mans life a nightmare! all for something to talk about..

 

In the adult world we have to co-exist and so get on without negative snide remarks such as what you have stated. Especially without anything concrete to base it on!

 

I would sack you and the clique you belong to in a heartbeat, simlpy for an unprofessional aproach to teamwork. Then I would get a decent team together.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[whichwayisup]

It sounds more personal than anything..I mean, when it comes to work, is he unprofessional or pick favourites? You can't go to HR to complain that he won't let one of the coworkers 'talk' with you and afew other women around the office. They will laugh it off and tell you to get back to work. Now, if your new boss/supervisor is playing games and making life difficult for you on a professional level, then by all means go to HR.

[Gwyneth]

I think there's been confusion. He didn't tell Me to not talk to the other two; he told one of the other two not to talk to me and the other colleague. I think he is insinuating that we are the reason she's having a difficult time adjusting to the new office. That makes no sense because her problems are separate from out problems, so there's no legitimate reason--neither did he give her one--to tell her Not to talk to us.

 

He's a manipulative jack-a** and he has had problems with his workers as long as I've known him. So this isn't really a shocker that he's trying to manipulate my friend / coleague. No one likes him at the new office and he has no fans from the former office or any of us that came along with him to the new office. UGH. He has also told this colleague not to talk about the former office or her roles at that office. I just think he's crossing some lines he shouldn't be crossing.

[Art_Critic]

Maybe you are getting it mixed up since the info is coming to you 3d party.. Since you didn't hear him tell them to not talk to you then you don't really know that is what he said to them..

 

He might have said " from now on when you have a problem with me or someone in this office you come to me and not talk to Gwen about it "

Then they told you that he said they can't talk to you anymore..

 

He is your boss..

 

If you don't respect your boss then you are not doing the company any good and honestly if you want to get fired then keep bad mouthing him behind his back and keep up with the petty whispering with other coworkers and you will get fired too..

 

While you don't have to respect the person your boss is you MUST respect his position and it seems you are not doing that right now..

[TwinkletOes26]

This is from a non working gals perspective lol (still job hunting) i mean he is the boss as long as hes not beratng you or mistreating you theres nothing you can do. I mean i would just socialize with your friends after work. He cant control that...i mean i wouldnt be ugly to your friends say good morning and then work then afterwork get together for cocktails and bad mouth him there if ya wish ;). Again just my take on it

[RecordProducer]

Does he have the right to tell her who she can and cannot talk to? And what she can and cannot talk about?

No, he doesn't have that right.

 

I just have one problem in this story:

 

He then told my one friend he doesn't want her talking to me or our other friend--after he mentioned to her that Gwyn and nameless colleague have also addressed our concernes to him.

YOU NEVER HEARD HIM SAYING IT! She did - IF she did. YOU are NOT a witness - you're a recipient of a piece of gossip! As far as I am concerned, she is kissing his ass and thinking if somebody loses their job, she doesn't want it to be her. I wouldn't trust anyone at work, unless you're very close friends outside work. These times are those when bigger fish eat smaller fish.

 

I feel he's crossed the line. All three of us are just about ready to report him to HR.

No! Let the one who heard him say that report him. You can only report him for being an annoying robot. You don't have a case. I am very sorry that you have to put up with him, but you personally have nothing that you can use against him. Or at least I can't see that from your post.

 

I would advise you to make him look good before the higher management so he gets promoted and off your back. He might even change his attitude if he sees you are contributing to his success. Try not to pay attention to his flaws, not to get involved in anything against him, and most importantly, NOT to give away how disgusted you are by him. He is just a human being with severe issues. He also wants validation and recognition, and when he doesn't get it, he becomes mean to everybody. Learn to be more manipulative in the good way, as in to make people feel good about themselves. Bosses, too! And stay away from the friends who want to drag the case to HR. If you're in this with them, then you either have to play in their team against the robot or play against them. You're already too deep in this, so try to cool the situation down. Act like you don't care that much and you have a life outside work.

[eNc]

Hello All

 

I've worked with this guy indirectly for almost three years now and I've never liked him. I've been back to work for a couple months now and have transferred to a new location. He and several other colleagues have followed. This time though this guy is directly my supervisor; I'm disgusted. He's acts like a robot and annoys people yet is so oblivious to the fact that he's so disliked and so gosh darn annoying.

 

A few of us have been having issues adjusting to the new atmosphere and two of my friend and I have addressed our concerns to him--fully aware of how useless he is and how he hears what he wants to hear and twists people's words. He then told my one friend he doesn't want her talking to me or our other friend--after he mentioned to her that Gwyn and nameless colleague have also addressed our concernes to him. She chats to us online and calls me but is Terrified of talking to either of us when the robot is around.

 

Does he have the right to tell her who she can and cannot talk to? And what she can and cannot talk about? I feel he's crossed the line. All three of us are just about ready to report him to HR.

 

I don't believe he has crossed the line but he is definitely on thin ice. It is very important for you to act as a professional in your workplace if you want to present a clear case against him if he escalates the situation to an unprofessional level. This fellow clearly lacks emotional intelligence, and doesn't realize the impact of his words upon others. You can deal with him by fighting his arrogance self righteous attitude by acting very kind towards him, and doing your best to show little emotional impact by his words. Once he sees that he doesn't get a rise out of you and you continue to remain professional, he should cease a lot of his unprofessional behavior. We all come across people we can't work with, but its important for you to be a strong team player.

[Taramere]

Hello All

 

I've worked with this guy indirectly for almost three years now and I've never liked him. I've been back to work for a couple months now and have transferred to a new location. He and several other colleagues have followed. This time though this guy is directly my supervisor; I'm disgusted. He's acts like a robot and annoys people yet is so oblivious to the fact that he's so disliked and so gosh darn annoying.

 

A few of us have been having issues adjusting to the new atmosphere and two of my friend and I have addressed our concerns to him

 

What are your concerns? That you're finding it difficult to fit in to the new location?

 

--fully aware of how useless he is

 

That's pretty strongly worded. Useless at his job? Useless at helping you to feel more comfortable in the new environment? Useless as a person?

 

and how he hears what he wants to hear and twists people's words. He then told my one friend he doesn't want her talking to me or our other friend--after he mentioned to her that Gwyn and nameless colleague have also addressed our concernes to him. She chats to us online and calls me but is Terrified of talking to either of us when the robot is around.

 

Does he have the right to tell her who she can and cannot talk to? And what she can and cannot talk about? I feel he's crossed the line. All three of us are just about ready to report him to HR.

 

Yes...go ahead and raise the matter with your HR dept. It sounds like this problem (whatever it is) needs to be discussed in a neutral forum, with all involved parties being able to present their perspective of things, and hear other people's. Be prepared for some embarrassment though. It might be that some of your complaints about this guy seem insubstantial when you're pressed to clarify them in the context of a formal hearing. He may well be a little lacking in people skills, but you'll need to evidence how this presents a managerial problem worthy of HR intervention.

 

Does he shout at people? Does he play favourites in a manner that leaves some staff feeling isolated? Is he unacceptably rude...eg does he cut people off or ignore them when they're trying to discuss work related matters with him? I can see how those would be management problems, but if you don't feel comfortable in the new environment because the boss just isn't a loveable kind of man...well that doesn't really cut it as far as complaints go. You'd be better, in that scenario, presenting positive suggestions at a team meeting with regard to promoting friendly but professional teamwork. It sounds as though there's a lot of back-biting and politicking going on at the moment.

[Trialbyfire]

If he's fairly new to the game of management, he's not going to have developed the skills to handle people. I'm guessing he goes by the book to the nth degree, which is a sign of this. Some people have a lot of charm, which can circumvent this stage, to a degree. It sounds like your supervisor doesn't, so he handles his role in the only way he knows how to.

 

If this is the case, turn this around a little. If you were his boss, would you want someone on your team who predictably goes by the book or a more loose cannon, especially if the former gets the job done?

 

Okay, let's turn this back to your side of things. Straight up, you're a highly emotional and sensitive person, judging by what I recall of your posting in the past. You connect with people on an emotional level, needing approval, affirmation and warmth.

 

For someone who isn't this way, you're a puzzle. How do they connect with you if they can't grasp this, can't feel this way? Think of your hostility due to a lack of respect but also, I'm guessing, due to a little fear, since he has power over you.

 

Why not meet him halfway? He's human. Act professionally, do your job, in a coolly competent manner and stay out of the office gossip cliques. You might find that he can learn to trust you more, thereby connecting more with you.

 

Keep in mind this isn't highschool. You don't have to hate your boss/teacher to be cool. You get paid to do a job and to keep drama out of the workplace.

[RecordProducer]

Okay, let's turn this back to your side of things. Straight up, you're a highly emotional and sensitive person, judging by what I recall of your posting in the past. You connect with people on an emotional level, needing approval, affirmation and warmth.

 

For someone who isn't this way, you're a puzzle. How do they connect with you if they can't grasp this, can't feel this way? Think of your hostility due to a lack of respect but also, I'm guessing, due to a little fear, since he has power over you.

 

Why not meet him halfway? He's human. Act professionally, do your job, in a coolly competent manner and stay out of the office gossip cliques. You might find that he can learn to trust you more, thereby connecting more with you.

 

Keep in mind this isn't highschool. You don't have to hate your boss/teacher to be cool. You get paid to do a job and to keep drama out of the workplace.

This was a great post! And the bold part applies to all situations and relationships where emotional and sensitive people deal with concrete and emotionally stiff people. Emotional people don't accept hierachy. We do accept it on a professional level, as in "you know more so you tell me what to do," but we cannot accept the social element of the authority. In other words, we still want to be treated as equal because outside work, we're equal.

 

You can't "domesticate" a free-spirited, emotional human being - and the corporate world is all about domestication and hierachy. I rememebr when i used to work as a singer, I was very "obedient" simply because it totally didn't matter to me whether I sang when and what I wanted or when and what I was told to sing by my partner/band. And it was very easy to work with me in this respect, because I genuinely respected their concept (because I didn't care). However, there were things that I did care about (e.g. money) and I wasn't easy to agree with in these areas.

 

My eternal expectation of equality among people has brought a lot of heartache to me. People think I should kiss their asses, obey, and devote my efforts into impressing them, because they are more powerful, have higher positions, been there longer, I depend on them, etc. From my partners to my colleagues, to my in-laws, I've gone through battles that were based on the concept of equality (on my side). On their side, these batles were based on silent blackmail - if you think you're equal, survive on your own.

 

The typical emotional person wants to be authentic and genuine. She might forget your birthday, but she will help you when no one else will, because she is not trying to impress anyone; she is genuinely compassionate. However, insensitive people (especially those with issues)don't care if your ass-kissing is fake. The more you agree when you actually disagree on the inside, the more they know you're afraid of them, you respect them, you acknowledge their power over you.

 

It's a war between small-mindedness and open-mindedness; between hypocrisy and authenticity; between desire to create harmony and desire to control. The emotional people are stronger on the inside, but the non-emotional are stronger on the outside. The former profile wants to enable a free flow of emotion and good vibe; the latter wants to cut that flow.

 

If you're the sensitive type, you can play their game or battle with them. Or (!) you can meet them half way, as TBF suggested. Emotionally cripled people, behind all the fake layers of wishing control and unconditional respect, want nothing more than genuine recognition. If they see that you notice their flaws, but they don't bother you, they feel like they're not so bad.

 

Your boss knows very well that people don't like him. That's why he's trying to keep secrets and manipulate people. If you can understand that beneath the robot shell, there's a little mouse that's scared sh*tless, perhaps you could accept his personality with more warmth and improve your relationship. The ball is always in the court of the smarter person. In this case it's about psychological issues, so the ball is in the court of the warmer and emotionally more mature party. Think of him as a six-year old child who doesn't smile and say "hello." Trust me, many of the people you meet every day are emotionally crippled, but they hide it very successfully. And this guy is so defective that he can't even hide it.

 

Your problem is not that he's above you and you have to be afraid of him. Your problem is that you're REALLY afraid of him. As TBF said, he has power over you and that makes you feel cornered and humiliated. Other than being a robot, does he cause any problems for you? If yes, list a few examples, please.

[BoredPerson]

He is your boss and you have to do what he tells you to do.

[BoredPerson]

 

Why not meet him halfway?

 

I find it interesting that even women can't understand women.

 

OP stop being a girly girl and being over sensitive he is your boss.

[Gwyneth]

Now I remember why I left this board...

 

I didn't state all the facts; I forgot I had to. I would report him to HR with my fellow colleagues for reasons I didn't discuss nor would I discuss on this board. He's never had a good track record of being "boss of the year." Probably never would. He has social issues and management and I think HR is well aware of this issues. Why he's even a manager / supervisor is beyond me. Someone like him should never have been promoted to manager. He likes to stir trouble where it isn't welcomed.

 

I trust my friend / colleague in that he told her not to speak to myself and the other colleague, because she's an honest person. I get what the poster who said never trust anyone at work means, but knowing what else she said about her meeting with him and hearing how upset she was and still is over their meeting, I believe her. She's afraid to even say hi to either of us in front of him. I wouldn't let him bully me around. He's our supervisor, not our manager and I am sure his and our manager would have a severe problem with him telling her not to speak to us. He's insinuating things he shouldn't be--such as, we are her problem and brainwashing her with issues, when really, her issues are completely separate from our issues with this new location. I stated that in my first post.

 

Side Note: He also told her to think of every human being as an a*hole because that's what he does and that way he's never disapointed. He's a basket case.

[Gwyneth]

He is your boss and you have to do what he tells you to do.

 

He's not my boss though. He's a supervisor which is a nice way of saying a "glorified admin assitant" because he mainly does administrative things. He doesn't know my salary or anything a boss would know about me. So that's why he has no right to say what he did to her.

[BoredPerson]

He's not my boss though. He's a supervisor which is a nice way of saying a "glorified admin assitant" because he mainly does administrative things. He doesn't know my salary or anything a boss would know about me. So that's why he has no right to say what he did to her.

 

What I don't understand is that people don't understand that challenging authority in the workplace will get you nowhere but fired.There are all these malcontents where I work and I want to scream at them to stop it and just kiss the bosses ass long enough to become the boss.

 

Supervisor, boss, admin assistant if he out ranks you do as he say. If he tells you to get on your knees you get on your knees.... this is a very simple concept. As much as I hate to say it that is the way the world operates.

 

It is unfortuate when a boss has it in for you but you're only hurting yourself by defying that boss further. You need to kiss ass first then worry about what you are going to do. I don't know what else to say.. what are you going to do ? Report him to hR ? Ooohh I'm sure he is terrified given HR usually consists of such kind, caring, intelligent people with a strong sense of right and wrong and lots of power in the workforce.

 

If he tried to rape you in a meeting with clients, in the meeting room then HR might do something to stop the company getting sued. They'd probably fire you and try to claim you never worked there at all and that you are an escaped mental patient who lives outside the building in the garden asking people for spare change..

 

 

 

From the sounds of your posts your just don't like him.

[BoredPerson]

Maybe you are getting it mixed up since the info is coming to you 3d party.. Since you didn't hear him tell them to not talk to you then you don't really know that is what he said to them..

 

He might have said " from now on when you have a problem with me or someone in this office you come to me and not talk to Gwen about it "

Then they told you that he said they can't talk to you anymore..

 

He is your boss..

 

If you don't respect your boss then you are not doing the company any good and honestly if you want to get fired then keep bad mouthing him behind his back and keep up with the petty whispering with other coworkers and you will get fired too..

 

While you don't have to respect the person your boss is you MUST respect his position and it seems you are not doing that right now..

 

Man, facists, they make it so hard to respect the chain of command hey ?

 

You don't have to respect him. But you have to be smart about what you do, and that means following directions as they're given.

 

Respect is something that is earned. Furthermore most companies don't want management to be respected because that leads to respect between the ranks which makes it harder for them to get management to screw you over at a later date.

 

Do as you are told. That is all you need to do.

[Gwyneth]

The problem was resolved this morning. The colleague who had told me the supervisor said this to her had confronted the manager of our department yesterday and stated she was upset with his behavoir and demands. She also stated it made her extremely uncomfortable he insisted she shouldn't talk to myself or the other colleague. The manager felt indeed the supervisor crossed lines, pulled him into the room and the three of them discussed the situation.

 

Since the supervisor had no relative reason to demand my friend not speak to me or our other colleague, the manager pretty much told him he is out of his rights to demand such a thing.

 

Afterward, my friend left the meeting and the manager and sup talked alone and I was called in for an early meething this morning along with both of my colleagues, HR and the sup and manager to discuss the issues. HR is upset with the supervisor to tell my friend she shouldn't talk to myself or our other colleague and that his reasons are irrelevant.

 

So, I'm glad that's settled. Afterward, I went home as today isn't my day to work and HR and manager stayed to talk to supervisor along with the other supervisor (who is aware the staff is not a fan of his). So, hopefully things will work itself out.

 

Now I can rest

[whichwayisup]

All of you now have to let this go and be professional. Don't talk about him behind his back. And hopefully he'll act professional as well and do his job properly.