lofi_tokyo Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I have a co-worker who has been going through some rough times lately, and though were not the closest of friends, I'll let him know I'm there for him if he needs someone to talk to. Now admittedly, because were not super close, I can sympathize with him thinking I'm a bit strange texting him after working a shift with him where hes sad at work. My problem is, I think he thinks I'm coming on to him! I've told him flat out I am NOT trying to woo him, I'm just trying to be nice, and that I would not chase after a man that is still dealing with emotional issues revolving not only one, but two ex's. Nonetheless, whenever we DO talk, he asks if were going to have sex. Initially I thought he was kidding, but he's completely serious! A few months ago this happened - he kept asking to come over and have sex - to which I told him it wasnt happening. That stopped once he reconnected with his Highschool sweetheart, but not that thats over, hes asking again. He litterally says "lets get drunk and have sex". So. Beyond telling him NO, which I've done, what more can I do to get him to stop thinking of me as someone to ****? I feel so awkward working with him these days. Link to post Share on other sites
BoredPerson Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Having sex is not a bad thing it does not make you anything at all. I think you should sleep with him. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 **** wish I had some one randomly asking me for sex lol.. sorry I couldn't be more helpful I don't think she wants to Bored sex is only good if both are into it... Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 They call that sexual harassment. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 He'd probably get the picture if you stopped being nice to him. If you laugh it off and keep being nice, you're just reinforcing his ideas. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I put up with this for two long years. He would outrageously flirt with me in front of colleagues, saying all sorts of sexy stuff about me. He would also call me up at home and ask if he could come over for sex. I took him aside a couple of times and asked him to kindly stop alluding to me in a sexual way in front of others. I told him that it was both disrepsectful and distasteful. He still wouldn't stop. I let the word out that his behaviour was bothering me and we wound up not speaking to eachother for over a year and a half, which was jsut fine with me. Today we are on speaking terms but just barely. I was attracted to him in the beginning. Had he approached the whole thing differently, I migh have been tempted to give into his advances. I thank my lucky stars I had the sense not to bed this man. I am sure, it would have been all over the staff room. So. Beyond telling him NO, which I've done, what more can I do to get him to stop thinking of me as someone to ****? I feel so awkward working with him these days. You can't get him to stop thinking anything as his brain is his own and he'll do whatever he wants with it. You can lay down boundaries..even if it means reporting him or stopping any further communication with him like I did. I would have reported him but my boss was just as bad!! Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I have a co-worker who has been going through some rough times lately, and though were not the closest of friends, I'll let him know I'm there for him if he needs someone to talk to. Now admittedly, because were not super close, I can sympathize with him thinking I'm a bit strange texting him after working a shift with him where hes sad at work. My problem is, I think he thinks I'm coming on to him! I've told him flat out I am NOT trying to woo him, I'm just trying to be nice, and that I would not chase after a man that is still dealing with emotional issues revolving not only one, but two ex's. Nonetheless, whenever we DO talk, he asks if were going to have sex. Initially I thought he was kidding, but he's completely serious! A few months ago this happened - he kept asking to come over and have sex - to which I told him it wasnt happening. That stopped once he reconnected with his Highschool sweetheart, but not that thats over, hes asking again. He litterally says "lets get drunk and have sex". So. Beyond telling him NO, which I've done, what more can I do to get him to stop thinking of me as someone to ****? I feel so awkward working with him these days. Maintain your log of communications for your own protection. Be persistent on refusing him, but otherwise keep it friendly/professional and you should be good to go. Link to post Share on other sites
janey815 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 damn, that really sucks. you better stand your ground. Be strong and just ignore him. make sure you tell sumone. you never know about people these days, sadly you really can't trust anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Chantal Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 You have a strong case for sexual harassment. That's why employers are encouraged to take steps necessary to prevent sexual harassment from occurring. They should clearly communicate to employees that sexual harassment will not be tolerated. They can do so by providing sexual harassment training to their employees and by establishing an effective complaint or grievance process and taking immediate and appropriate action when an employee complains. Link to post Share on other sites
xxlovegame Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 i think thats calledSEXUAL HARASSMENT..yeah.. Link to post Share on other sites
endorphins Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 go get some girl! these people that say its sexual harassment, I guarantee they are probably yanks.. they always take things six steps too far, all for attention. as I said, go get some oh I bet you are a yank... never mind, forget what I just said, haha! Link to post Share on other sites
Gumbo69 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Random sex is a wonderful release and turn-on. But like anything else in life, it needs rules...guidelines if you will so as not to get into too sticky a sitch w/o being able to gratefully and graciusly extract one's...self. So, give 'im a rule: one-time, that's it. Kiss 'im up and enjoy the exchange if you will and if push comes to shove, giv him a hand -- the ole HJ. Enjoy...but once:D Link to post Share on other sites
Land Shark Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Tell him to knock it off, it's making you uncomfortable, and that's not what you want from him. It will probably make him feel a bit embarrassed and maybe ashamed. And that will make it unlikely you will remain friends. But you have to stick up for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
BoredPerson Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Having sex is not a bad thing it does not make you anything at all. I think you should sleep with him. The above is very good advice. I think you should sleep with him it would be best for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I have a co-worker who has been going through some rough times lately, and though were not the closest of friends, I'll let him know I'm there for him if he needs someone to talk to. Now admittedly, because were not super close, I can sympathize with him thinking I'm a bit strange texting him after working a shift with him where hes sad at work. My problem is, I think he thinks I'm coming on to him! I've told him flat out I am NOT trying to woo him, I'm just trying to be nice, and that I would not chase after a man that is still dealing with emotional issues revolving not only one, but two ex's. Nonetheless, whenever we DO talk, he asks if were going to have sex. Initially I thought he was kidding, but he's completely serious! A few months ago this happened - he kept asking to come over and have sex - to which I told him it wasnt happening. That stopped once he reconnected with his Highschool sweetheart, but not that thats over, hes asking again. He litterally says "lets get drunk and have sex". So. Beyond telling him NO, which I've done, what more can I do to get him to stop thinking of me as someone to ****? I feel so awkward working with him these days. Must be tough having to have worked with this guy to this date (for so long) with his advances starting months ago. How is he communicating his desires to you? If written, send him a written response explaining that the two of you work together and that his behavior is unprofessional. Period. And that you are not interested. Follow up with a verbal discussion either face to face or on phone. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
BoredPerson Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Must be tough having to have worked with this guy to this date (for so long) with his advances starting months ago. How is he communicating his desires to you? If written, send him a written response explaining that the two of you work together and that his behavior is unprofessional. Period. And that you are not interested. Follow up with a verbal discussion either face to face or on phone. Best of luck I sidagree with the aboce you should sleep with him b.c if you don't ur being a corprate american by writing notes and telling stories using buzzwords. How about you set up an efficiency dividend and have me make a spreadsheet ? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I sidagree with the aboce you should sleep with him b.c if you don't ur being a corprate american by writing notes and telling stories using buzzwords. How about you set up an efficiency dividend and have me make a spreadsheet ? Ouch! you've got me pegged to the tee. I'm enjoying my one dimensionality. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Send this in writing via email: "Dear Coworker, While I like you as a person, I'm not interested in you so please stop with the requests for sex. It might be a joke on your side and if it is, this joke has gone too far and needs to stop. If you're serious, just stop. It's not going to happen. Let's just be professional and civil. tokyovogue" Once it's documented, if he continues to harass you, then send another email that states outright that you see this as grounds for sexual harassment and for him to cease and desist. If he continues after that, go to your boss or HR, reliant on your corporate structure and provide them with the emails and his responses. If his continued sexual harassment is verbal, document date and time and submit as such. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 In my opinion, this guy isn't joking about sex, it's his way to throw it out there without being a freak. But, make no mistake, if the OP gave even a hint that she would be interested, he'd be all over it... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I agree gopher but you want to give the guy a chance to back off, with some of his dignity intact. If you mow him down right away, his ego will want some form of restitution. Link to post Share on other sites
BoredPerson Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Look, I think this has gone far enough. If he is still asking for sex you've clearly been leading him on. Let this be a lesson to you not to use sex on your superiors to get what you want. Seems you lead him on it is only fair that you give him what you said you woujld and sleep with him once. Then tell him that it is only a once off and that if he comes after you again you will have him sued for sexual harassment. I don't think it is fair to lead a man on and then get upset when he comes after the prize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lofi_tokyo Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 *********** This post is now several months old - I havn't checked it since maybe a few days after its initial posting ************* I never hooked up with the guy, and the case was closed maybe a week after this was posted. Thanks for all the responses, but really, no need to keep going.... lol Link to post Share on other sites
BoredPerson Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 *********** This post is now several months old - I havn't checked it since maybe a few days after its initial posting ************* I never hooked up with the guy, and the case was closed maybe a week after this was posted. Thanks for all the responses, but really, no need to keep going.... lol So you slept with him ? Good I am glad you decided to do the right thing and you should be proud that you had sex with such a good honest man. I thought I should point out that you have made 888 posts which is why I really felt compelled to congradulate you on having such an awesome number of posts, but also for having the courage to sleep with this man. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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