CandyGirlXO Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 How am I supposed to deal with this crush that I have at work. I just found out now he has a GF, and I have had a major crush on him for over 2 years! What would you do?!?!? I want to find another job, it is hard for me to have to see him everyday knowing he is involved with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 How am I supposed to deal with this crush that I have at work. I just found out now he has a GF, and I have had a major crush on him for over 2 years! What would you do?!?!? I want to find another job, it is hard for me to have to see him everyday knowing he is involved with someone else. TWO YEARS?! Why in the hell have you not made SOME kind of move by now? This is your own fault. No sympathy. Tell him how you feel. NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 TWO YEARS?! Why in the hell have you not made SOME kind of move by now? This is your own fault. No sympathy. Tell him how you feel. NOW. LOL because I am shy and the fact that we work together, I was worried that if he didn't feel the same way that I would be too embarrassed, since we work together. I was hoping that if he was interested, that he would have pursued me. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 LOL because I am shy and the fact that we work together, I was worried that if he didn't feel the same way that I would be too embarrassed, since we work together. I was hoping that if he was interested, that he would have pursued me. And how is that any different from the reasons you didn't do anything? Trust me, what you are feeling now is WAY worse than awkwardness after a rejection would have been. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is absence in the face of fear. Grow some ovaries (i would say balls, but you're a girl. ) and tell him how you feel. Sorry for being harsh, I'm just trying to motivate you. I'm actually very nice and supportive. Other LSers will vouch for me. At the very worst, you'll get shot down, stop wondering if he likes you or not, and be able to move on. 2 years is a HUGE waste of time for something that never even happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 LOL yeah I know your right. Maybe one of these days when we go out I'll tell him how I feel. I need to correct my original post... She isn't his GF just a FWB. Still hurts the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 LOL yeah I know your right. Maybe one of these days when we go out I'll tell him how I feel. I need to correct my original post... She isn't his GF just a FWB. Still hurts the same. That's great news! That means he's still single! Move in now before it goes any further. Seriously... two years. I'm kinda pissed at you right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 That's great news! That means he's still single! Move in now before it goes any further. Seriously... two years. I'm kinda pissed at you right now. LOL right that's my fear. That it will go furthur. But don't you think if he was interested he would have pursued me. I don't want to make an ass out of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 LOL right that's my fear. That it will go furthur. But don't you think if he was interested he would have pursued me. I don't want to make an ass out of myself. Guys don't always pursue. do you guys flirt? is there chemistry? do you think he might like you? Why is it his job to make all the moves while you sit on your ass and do nothing? If you like him, show some interest! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Guys don't always pursue. do you guys flirt? is there chemistry? do you think he might like you? Why is it his job to make all the moves while you sit on your ass and do nothing? If you like him, show some interest! True, we do flirt... but his FWB told me that he is a big flirt and does with everyone. Yes... I know her. I thought he did, but now I don't know anymore. It must have been all in my head. Thats true I was thinking about maybe telling him, but after I found out about this I am not so sure anymore. I mean he must obviously like her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 I mean the way I see it is that why would he want to end this FWB thing. All his guy friends were telling me that he really wanted a GF, but was scared because of his past. But maybe they don't really know. If he really wants a R, then why is he having a FWB, maybe he is hoping for more. He doesn't know that I know about his FWB by the way. Talk about a weird situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I mean the way I see it is that why would he want to end this FWB thing. All his guy friends were telling me that he really wanted a GF, but was scared because of his past. But maybe they don't really know. If he really wants a R, then why is he having a FWB, maybe he is hoping for more. He doesn't know that I know about his FWB by the way. Talk about a weird situation. Of course SHE told you he was a big flirt! She wants to keep you away from him. If anything, that proves my point. Do something, anything! YOU NEED TO MAKE A MOVE!!! You are doing this to yourself. You're inventing reasons why this won't work because you are afraid. If you don't want to do this, fine, but don't torture yourself with a guy you will never pursue. Life is about risks. Take one! Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 IAll his guy friends were telling me that he really wanted a GF, but was scared because of his past. But maybe they don't really know. If he really wants a R, then why is he having a FWB, maybe he is hoping for more. He doesn't know that I know about his FWB by the way. Talk about a weird situation. Chances are that his guy friends know him better than the FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Since it's so hard for you to work with him since you like him, I think you're going to have to quit your job either way. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't. So I guess there's no harm in telling him. Dating your co-worker especially since he has a FWB..just makes the picture ugly, for all you know you could wind up his next FWB. If you can deal with it stay at your job. If you can't I'd advise another job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 I kind of told him how I felt and we decided to become official. I have not brought up the FWB since he doesn't know that she told me. I am going into the relationship thinking that he will do the right thing and stop his FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I kind of told him how I felt and we decided to become official. I have not brought up the FWB since he doesn't know that she told me. I am going into the relationship thinking that he will do the right thing and stop his FWB. Wow - that's quite an improvement!!! I think you should address the FWB issue in the same way you did your feelings - straightforward. It's the only way to get rid of the anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Wow - that's quite an improvement!!! I think you should address the FWB issue in the same way you did your feelings - straightforward. It's the only way to get rid of the anxiety. Thanks, but don't you think its too soon to bring up something like that? I just don't want him to think I am nagging him or anything else like that when we have only been together for 4-5 days. I figured the best thing would be not to bring it up, and trust that he wouldn't do that to me. I just don't see what bringing it up would do. He could either: 1. Lie to me if I bring it up or not, and see her anyways 2. Do the right thing whether I bring it up or not So there is no difference. This R just has me so nervous because I like him so much and for so long. It is nerveracking and exciting all at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 The best time to set boundaries in a relationship is at the beginning. If you're establishing exclusivity, it's only fair to explain to him what you know about his FWB, and that you expect exclusivity will mean his FWB relationship will end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 The best time to set boundaries in a relationship is at the beginning. If you're establishing exclusivity, it's only fair to explain to him what you know about his FWB, and that you expect exclusivity will mean his FWB relationship will end. Yeah I agree with that, but don't you think that should be assumed? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Yeah I agree with that, but don't you think that should be assumed? Yes, but you're worried about it. The only way to calm your fears about actually having that mutual understanding is to talk to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Yes, but you're worried about it. The only way to calm your fears about actually having that mutual understanding is to talk to him about it. Thanks for the advice I guess I was worried about bringing it up, because she told me she wasn't supposed to say anything and I don't want to cause problems between him and his friends....LOL I know sounds weird. If you were me, would you bring it up? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 She's telling you something about him she shouldn't? About what he does with her? And now you're his GF? Do you really have to ask whether you should be telling him what she's saying? Yes, I absolutely would talk to him about it. At the moment we became official, I would have said something along the lines of (if even done in a joking tone), "You know, this means your FWB relationship with _____ is going to have to stop. ;)" You gotta take care of YOU first, and foremost. The goal here is to calm your fears and anxieties about his relationship with her. The only way to do that isn't to ASSUME, but to actually discuss your expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CandyGirlXO Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 She's telling you something about him she shouldn't? About what he does with her? And now you're his GF? Do you really have to ask whether you should be telling him what she's saying? Yes, I absolutely would talk to him about it. At the moment we became official, I would have said something along the lines of (if even done in a joking tone), "You know, this means your FWB relationship with _____ is going to have to stop. ;)" You gotta take care of YOU first, and foremost. The goal here is to calm your fears and anxieties about his relationship with her. The only way to do that isn't to ASSUME, but to actually discuss your expectations. Thanks! I will bring it up the next time we are alone together. It will be such an ackward conversation, but yes I am sure I will feel a lot better afterwards. She is in his circle of friends so I already know they will see eachother again, its best if I address the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
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