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Help!! I am gonna be sick...


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Old 11th April 2002, 6:06 AM   #1
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Help!! I am gonna be sick...

I have recently taken up meditation classes but by the second session my 'teacher' asked me if I have MSN messenger, and cos I find it difficult to lie I blurted out yes.

So he put me on it and I was too embarassed to say no but I took it off automatic connect and haven't been on it since.

But he keeps sending me sms messages which are a tad too affectionate for my liking...

At first I contemplated never going back to the classes and cancelled my session to think about it.

But then I decided that learning meditation practices were far more important...and decided to ignore all sms's, which again I have never answered since that day.

He suprised me in the last session by suddenly asking me why I am not on msn messenger while he was giving me a teaching! But I was cool about it and he said and did nothing after that.

But the last sms is the last straw, he is pissing me off. He asked me if I was free to go to the movies with him tonight!

I really don't think it is proper behaviour for a teacher. Normally i'd think he was being friendly however I doubt very much he sends his male students such affectionate sms's.

Now i am not sure what to do, tell him he is behaving improperly, tell him no thanx i am not interested or what.

And the worst part is I have a session scheduled in 3 hours! I don't even want to go to it...

The way i feel now I would probably lose my cool and tell him off, but then again in afew hours my anger at this situation may just subside and I may just ignore that it happened and just say no thanks and carry on.

But the discomfort level is even higher than the msn saga...

I'd hate to not learn these practices. I have half a mind to report him to the divine channel if he has an e-mail! I already sent out complaints in my meditation sessions ))
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Old 11th April 2002, 8:47 AM   #2
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Re: Help!! I am gonna be sick...

A big part of your spiritual evolution is not letting these kinds of things bother you so much, not responding with anger or irritation, and just letting his advances go. Smile, tell him you appreciate his thoughtfulness, but you are sorry you cannot join him for a movie. Treat this as you would any male approaching you for a date that you do not want to accept.

If you have to be firm, explain to him...like you said...that you are there for meditation classes and you would not feel comfortable dating someone you are looking to for spiritual and other guidance...and be very firm.

This is not uncommon. In the 1960's, all four Beatles went to Maharishi Yogi in Switzerland for transcendental meditation classes. During those encounters, the Maharishi started making a play for one of their girlfriends. They left, sad and disillusioned, but they did come back different people and were all the better for their experience.

Again, be very firm with this guy. It is extremely inappropriate for him to be doing what he's doing. If anything, he should have waited until much later or even until the end of the course to ask you out.

If you find you cannot look upon your classes with the same spirit as before, you may have to find another class with another instructor...and tell him/her of your experience so it doesn't happen again. But please do not shy away from your meditation or seeking further instruction. No matter where you are in the world or what you are doing, men will always make a play for an attractive lady. Some are better with their timing than others.

Please don't let this anger you. Be amused. It's only life...nothing more.
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Old 11th April 2002, 8:50 AM   #3
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Re: Help!! I am gonna be sick...

Quote:
A big part of your spiritual evolution is not letting these kinds of things bother you so much, not responding with anger or irritation, and just letting his advances go. Smile, tell him you appreciate his thoughtfulness, but you are sorry you cannot join him for a movie. Treat this as you would any male approaching you for a date that you do not want to accept. If you have to be firm, explain to him...like you said...that you are there for meditation classes and you would not feel comfortable dating someone you are looking to for spiritual and other guidance...and be very firm. This is not uncommon. In the 1960's, all four Beatles went to Maharishi Yogi in Switzerland for transcendental meditation classes. During those encounters, the Maharishi started making a play for one of their girlfriends. They left, sad and disillusioned, but they did come back different people and were all the better for their experience. Again, be very firm with this guy. It is extremely inappropriate for him to be doing what he's doing. If anything, he should have waited until much later or even until the end of the course to ask you out. If you find you cannot look upon your classes with the same spirit as before, you may have to find another class with another instructor...and tell him/her of your experience so it doesn't happen again. But please do not shy away from your meditation or seeking further instruction. No matter where you are in the world or what you are doing, men will always make a play for an attractive lady. Some are better with their timing than others. Please don't let this anger you. Be amused. It's only life...nothing more.
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Old 11th April 2002, 8:58 AM   #4
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Re: Help!! I am gonna be sick...

wrong button ))anywayz )

I am always shocked when I trust someone and they do something innapropriate. I know you are right but if had any any brains, like you said, he would have waited till after.

I feel uncomfortable going to his place now, and more so if I tell him that I think he behaved inappropriately or I am not interested or that I don't like his 'attention'most especially cos he is a meditation teacher.I think this would make it uncomfortable all around...

It feels like he is invading my personal life without my permission, bormbarding it in fact.But I need time to cool off, like last time...I did cancel this appointment, claiming that a personal problem that i have to deal with now has just come up-not exactly a lie since he is the personal problem I meant ))

I really just cannot go.And telling him a white lie was better than plan A-just completely ignore him and his many messages and silly over affectionate comments and stupid kisses-ok i am still mad...
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Old 11th April 2002, 9:17 AM   #5
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Re: Help!! I am gonna be sick...

Avoiding confrontation is fine if that's what you choose to do. But in life you will face many situations that must be dealt with immediately and decisively. There are a lot of trashy, inconsiderate, and rude people in this world and you never know when you will encounter them.

Generally, people in the position of your meditation teacher will not be this way. I certainly understand your disappointment because you were looking forward to these classes and his behavior has now soured you to this particular experience.

Considering your strong feelings and your discomfort, I urge you to find another class. And be sure, right up front, to let the instructor know of your experience so this does not happen again. You can just tell him/her that you had to discontinue meditation classes before because the instructor made a move on you and that it was unacceptable and repulsive to you. This will get the message across.

I am sorry you are angered by this, although I fully understand. I would be extremely disappointed and very disillusioned. But that does happen. There are these kinds of people in every profession. However, they should be informed of how their behavior affected others and be made to understand the consequences of their actions. I hope you will consider at least calling this instructor to tell him just how he destroyed your enthusiasm for his class. He needs to understand the impact of what he did.

Perhaps he does this often and people just never show up again. Or, more likely, he may score with a female in every class. It is the tendency of females, especially the very young ones, to look up to these teachers with great admiration and he probably has used that in the past to get women. It's extremely sad and he is pretty pathetic for being so shallow and without any consideration of his purpose.

I think you made the right decision by cancelling considering the way you feel right now...but I do hope you get up the nerve at some point to tell him how pissed off you are.
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Old 11th April 2002, 9:25 AM   #6
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p.s

p.s Treating him like any any male approaching me for a date that I do not want to accept is not a good idea Tony...

I am an Aqaurius, and sweet as I look i am zany, unpredictable and eccentric, and depending on my mood he may get replies like:

me on a good day: I admire you for coming up to me, thank you very much for your kind offer, but no thanks.*sweet smile*

me on all the other days:

I am ten years older than you! *pride*

I know your wife, how is she? *bitchy smile*

Do you have a mirror at home or did they all break? *exasperation*.(This one is rare but I did say it once to a very persistent and very old idiot of a man)

If I only wanted sex I could take my pick of any man under the age of 24, why would I want you? *the truth*

pure silence *did I hear something...? nahhh...carry on day-dreaming*

my current mood: oh just PISS off and leave me alone! *pout* *frown* you betrayer of trust you. Then *guilt* would I really be reacting like this if my meditation instructer was Brad Pitt? *frown softens, more guilt*

And i do try not to overreact...i am much beter than before, just not quite there yet...
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Old 11th April 2002, 9:32 AM   #7
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Re: p.s

I think whatever your current mood is is the best response. React with how you feel at the time.

YOU WRITE: "my current mood: oh just PISS off and leave me alone! *pout* *frown* you betrayer of trust you. Then *guilt* would I really be reacting like this if my meditation instructer was Brad Pitt? *frown softens, more guilt*"

I love to tell people to piss off when it's called for, even if they're Brad Pitt...he doesn't much impress me frankly.

If you weren't in such a pissy mood right now, I'd probably suggest you take your classes with Brad Pitt(lol).

I love all your lines, though. I don't think I would ever risk being on the receiving end of your wrath, though.

I hope you feel better later. This is a major disappointment for you...and, if I knew who this guy was, I would go and tell him off myself.
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Old 11th April 2002, 9:42 AM   #8
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last one promise

First its so great talking it all out, i really needed this right now.

And jokes aside, everything you said I knew deep down it is what should be done.

I think he just didn't/doesn't realise he is making me uncomfortable.

Its all very well to hit on a girl and go for it when you want her. I usually admire it if the guy is single and sane.

However its just not fair to do this when she is coming to you for guidance, lessons, and long-term and pre-paid I might add, because the student has willingly put herself under the tutors power in a way, and feels tied to a commitment and feels trapped when someone behaves socially in this environment. Like coming onto a mouse trapped in a mousetrap ) ok I cannot resist jokes )

But the right thing to do is to tell him that by mixing 'come on signals' with my meditation classes has made it too uncomfortable for me to continue. I will not run away from doing the right thing...

And I will also say all is ok *sweet smile through the mobile* but the a level of discomfort remains and makes it impossible for me to continue even if he is sorry, didn't realise he was doing it or that what he was doing was making me very uncomfortable. *the truth*
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Old 11th April 2002, 9:48 AM   #9
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Re: last one don't promise

I totally agree with you. Perhaps this guy was so attracted to you that he really didn't care just what the circumstance was. Even then, he could have waited until the end of the course. If it's ongoing, he should have waited some months...or until you stopped going yourself.

But he needs to find out that he has paid a dear price for his stupity and lack of timing...that of never getting to know you.

I'm glad you will be letting him know just how you feel. He needs to know exactly how his behavior can affect people.

Please find another class soon. Meditation will be good for you to learn and practice.
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Old 11th April 2002, 9:39 PM   #10
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Re: last one promise

I would be interested to know what hes like when hes in the sake. Maybe kind of tantric and Godly. (my little joke)

Tell him your flattered, but your just not getting what you wanted out of the lessons and ask him or whom ever to refund you a portion of the fee for the classes you can no longer attend.
Quote:
First its so great talking it all out, i really needed this right now. And jokes aside, everything you said I knew deep down it is what should be done. I think he just didn't/doesn't realise he is making me uncomfortable. Its all very well to hit on a girl and go for it when you want her. I usually admire it if the guy is single and sane. However its just not fair to do this when she is coming to you for guidance, lessons, and long-term and pre-paid I might add, because the student has willingly put herself under the tutors power in a way, and feels tied to a commitment and feels trapped when someone behaves socially in this environment. Like coming onto a mouse trapped in a mousetrap ) ok I cannot resist jokes ) But the right thing to do is to tell him that by mixing 'come on signals' with my meditation classes has made it too uncomfortable for me to continue. I will not run away from doing the right thing... And I will also say all is ok *sweet smile through the mobile* but the a level of discomfort remains and makes it impossible for me to continue even if he is sorry, didn't realise he was doing it or that what he was doing was making me very uncomfortable. *the truth*
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Old 12th April 2002, 5:18 AM   #11
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Reply to velvet

He is a charlie, that means english greek-like me. However he is a male charlie and for some reason male charlies and not very clever )) Oh I am being bitchy-but its true ))

He looks at me with admiration, like its an honor or something to be in my presence. He said I took to meditation like a duck to water, which i did. I always find stuff like that easy-so i thought thats why.

I knew he had a little crush, nothing wrong with that ))

I will have to tell him nicely, or bitchily put HIM on the spot,about crossing the line and see what his reaction is. In the innocent looking but manipluative way women do to trick men or catch them out ))

I am much calmer today )) I always get fired up when people I trust completely disappoint me.

But I will have to get used to this. You see I have been lucky )) I have wonderful parents and had wonderful teachers throughout my life who never abused their positions of trust in my life. I just didn't expect this is all ))

He is in for it when he calls...I will not be a doormat because some guy can't use his noodle or control his other noodle )) The funny thing is, I bet he won't even realise that what he did is wrong, even after i put him on the spot.
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