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Supervisor Flirting or Just Comfortable With Me???


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I've been working for my supervisor (female) for 2 1/2 years now and over the past several months I've developed a huge crush on her. I mean, I am constantly thinking about her. She is 51 and I'm a 49 year old male. We're both married with two teenagers each. We both had very few partners before marriage and we've both been married for quite some time....21 years for me. My relationship with my wife has not been great for a number of years but we're getting by. My wife is a shift worker and its not unusual for me to spend more hours in a week with my supervisor than with my wife. Not sure about my supervisor's marriage. I know she is out of the house more than at home as she does a lot with girlfriends and she is quite active. My wife is 5 years my junior and I'm just feeling a connection with my super. We're always the first two people to arrive at work every morning and we chat over a coffee discussing what we did the previous night. We both have been having major issues with our teenagers (what parents don't) and we discuss fairly intimately what's going on with the home life in that regard.

 

She is very easy to talk to and we get along fantastically. When we're not talking about personal problems we keep things light with lots of laughter and pulling little jokes on each other. Its common for some of the light-hearted talk to contain sexual innuendo by both parties. She's in the habit of during these types of moments to playfully hit my arm or chest to emphasize something or if I'm sitting on the edge of her desk she'll give me a playful kick with her foot. I honestly don't see her doing that with other guys around the office, just with me.

 

I know about not fishing in the office pond, I'm just trying to wrap my head around how she really feels about me. I have no doubt that if we weren't already married to others, we'd be good together and I don't believe she is the type to cheat on her husband because whenever the topic of infidelity comes up among her and other girls at work, she is adamant that if her husband ever did that, she'd kick his butt out damn fast. She's a very confident, strong, independent type personality. As I say I'm just trying to figure what message she is sending (if any) by the way she talks to me, being touchy feely with me, etc. Maybe I'm trying to read more into it than is there. Its confusing and drives me crazy since I can't get her out of my mind.

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I think your perceptions are really more a product of your sagging relations with your wife and resulting unfulfilled emotional needs as opposed to something that is actually there in terms of your boss.

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whichwayisup

You're married, she's married. You both have children. She is your boss and you are her employee.

 

NO good can come of it so don't go there.

 

Focus that energy into your wife, into your marriage. Reconnect with your wife again. Remember WHY you got married and had kids with your wife! Date your wife, have fun, hold hands, talk and try to capture that intimacy again.

 

You have alot of history with her, a family, a life. Don't throw that away for a crush at work, let alone one for your boss. That's just asking for trouble!

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If you just need to know, yeah, she's probably flirting with you. But, the truth is, it doesn't matter. It's complicated enough that the two of you are married, but compound that with the fact that not only does she work at your office, she's your boss. I can't even begin to list the problems this would result in and how much you would end up regretting it if you got involved with her.

 

I have employees under me and I can't even imagine getting romantically involved with any of them - married or not. Talk about a nightmare. One of the husbands of someone on my staff kissed me at a xmas party a couple of years ago and I was absolutely shocked. And then I started thinking about how incredibly stupid the whole thing would be if he seriously wanted to start something with me. Having an affair with the husband of someone who worked for me??? It totally made me laugh to even think about it.

 

If you cherish your job, don't even entertain going down this road. It can truly destroy your life.

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Trialbyfire
I know about not fishing in the office pond, I'm just trying to wrap my head around how she really feels about me.

These two phrases are conflicting. What does it matter how she really feels about you? If you were indifferent to her, the following wouldn't be happening.

Its confusing and drives me crazy since I can't get her out of my mind.

 

You're headed towards a downward spiral. For the good of your family unit, back off of your friendship with your supervisor.

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  • 4 weeks later...

For me, a good rule of thumb with women has been 'If you are confused about their intentions, there's nothing there'.

 

By and large, the women I've known have always made it exceedingly clear when they're interested. If she's not actively stroking the back of your neck and rubbing her breasts on you, or asking you for private time, there's nothing there.

 

Whatever she's doing, reciprocate, and if she wants to escalate, she will.

 

If she's not actively escalating, there's nothing there.

 

Enjoy your friendship - the friendship of a good woman is worth its weight in gold for a long-married guy.

 

If she ever decides she wants it to be more, you'll be the first to know.

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  • 2 weeks later...
For me, a good rule of thumb with women has been 'If you are confused about their intentions, there's nothing there'.

 

By and large, the women I've known have always made it exceedingly clear when they're interested. If she's not actively stroking the back of your neck and rubbing her breasts on you, or asking you for private time, there's nothing there.

 

Really? That's interesting because I had huge crush on many guys over the years and was very shy to show this much interest. Maybe, maybe, she's just like me, shy! :p

 

I think she's obviously interested in the OP though especially that she took the convo to another level, which is touching!!

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We may offer advice to OP til its doomsday and they both might find such a strong attraction that this and any other advice will be cast aside for the thrill of whats going on inside their brains.

 

So given that , OP needs to be strong and back away. Or be prepared for quite a ride....He may want to take a ride with her after 21 years with wife because the lust factor is higher than the common sense factor.

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NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS! There are too many complicating factors, the primary one being that you're already married. The fantasy result you want is that you two will run away and live happily ever after in perfect bliss. The best conceivable realistic result is that she'll turn you down and make your relationship with her very clumsy. Maybe permanently. The options go downhill after that with "losing everything" at the other end of the spectrum.

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