"You're a jackass!"

[redfathom]

Last Friday I had to put my cat to sleep. I was very attached to my cat and it was a very hard thing to do. My H called me at 9am and said Chip was not looking good and we needed to take him to the vet and he would most likley have to be put down. I told my boss I needed to leave to take my cat to the vet and that if we put him to sleep I would not be back to work. Needless to say, I called my boss a few hours later and told him I would not be coming back to work. The past few days have been very difficult for me and my husband. I was very attached to this cat, I have been sobbing off and on since Friday.

 

This morning, my boss asks me: "Are you over your cat yet?" I replied no and let him know that I would not be over him for sometime. I kind of expected that comment from him, he is rather insensative.

 

So this afternoon: Background first: My grandpa has been very sick and decided he does not want to fight it anymore. He is 87, just got done with radiation for two skin cancer's. His kidneys are failing. His heart has been bad since his 60's (they gave him a few years back then). He has had several pace makers put in, etc. Over the last eight months he has just gotten worse and asked to go into hospice.

 

So my sister called me this afternoon to let me know that he asked his doctor to turn off his pace maker, tonight. Basically he does not want it to start his heart up again if he has another heart attack, he just wants to pass.

 

After I got off the phone with my sister, I told my boss.

 

I walked in and said I just got off the phone with my sister and told him my grandpa has been in hospice (at this point he threw his hands in the air) and I continued, letting him know that my grandpa asked his doctor to turn off his pace maker, he interpurts me and says: "So do you need to leave work now?" I said, "No, I am just letting you know that it could be day's or even a few weeks, but my grandpa will be passing soon and I thought I would give you some notice."

 

What an insensative jerk!!! So am I suppose to feel bad or guilty about wanting to greive over the passing of my grandfather?

 

How should I handle this?

[amerikajin]

I don't know if there's a history here. Have you had ongoing problems with your boss?

 

Some people are insensitive. I would just try to ignore him to the best of your ability whenever he makes a remark like that.

[quankanne]

yep, some people completely lack the social skills needed when dealing with the issue of death – whether a family sees it coming with an ill relative, or if it's kinda-sorta sudden like with your kitty.

 

I say, just ignore yer booby-headed boss and know that you've done your part by informing him about your grandpa.

 

meanwhile, hugs to you on the loss of your kitty and with what you're going through now with Grampy. As hard as it is emotionally, take comfort in knowing that he's mentally prepared for the next stage, and that's saying a lot.

 

XXX

quank

[Sarita12385]

Wow...what an @$$. Sorry to hear about your insensitive boss, and even more sorry about your cat I know it's hard losing a pet, and my sympathy goes out to you also regarding your grandpa *hugs*

 

Corporate America, hm? *sigh*...let what your boss says go in one ear and out the other. He's obviously never lost anyone close by the way his reactions to YOUR needs were presented. I agree with the previous poster, at least you did your part and gave the warning. You've done nothing wrong. Shrug it off and continue about your day.

[thisishowitis]

This is what I believe. Because it's a professional relationship he doesn't care about your personal life and he doesn't want your personal life interfereing with your work. He sees you crying over your cat and he looks down on you for it because he sees you as a pathetic crybaby. And then you start talking about your grandfather and he thinks 'oh no, not again'.

 

Basically I think you're blowing it out of proportion, he's a boss who doesn't care about your feelings and that shouldn't bother you, he isn't there to hold your hand.

 

IMHO.

[thisishowitis]

I don't know if there's a history here. Have you had ongoing problems with your boss?

 

Some people are insensitive. I would just try to ignore him to the best of your ability whenever he makes a remark like that.

 

Yeah he's just probably pissed off with his own life so he's enjoying her misery.

[redfathom]

Morning all.

 

Amer, I have not had too many problems, but he has problems with almost everyone. Most staff memeber's don't like him. I just stay out of his way when I can. He does target people to take his anger out on, maybe it's my turn.

 

Quan, he is the type that does lack social skills on many levels. I am sure this is not the most insensative thing he had said. Funny thing is he has a wife and two kids, so you think he would be softened by that at least. I can take comfort in knowing I did my part. Thanks for the condolences. I know my grandpa is ready and that does make it a hellofa lot easier.

 

Sarita, yeah, I have shrugged it off, but while I can manage it, he will always be an a$$. Our HR Director told me to that the next time he says something like that to tell him his comment was rude and insensative, which is what I will do.

 

Thisis, I know he does not care about our personal lives, but that does not change the fact that people personal lives will interfer with their professional lives. If he does not like it he should get a job where he has no people working for him. Sorry but my job does not take priority over anything else in my life, family will always be more important.

 

Also, I never cried in front of him about my cat. I calmly told him I had to leave work to take my cat to the vet to be put to sleep and I told him I would not be back to work. There is a big difference then sobbing in his office expecting him to comfort me. I don't even expect him to understand, but I do expect him to act professional. Whether or not he agree's or understand's there is no need or reason to be rude to someone. Also, I did not talk about my grandfather. I informed him that in a short amount of time, I would need to take some time off for bereavment. Both bereavment and personal time are all things I am entilted to take with out just cause, or permission (by law).

 

I am glad that he is enjoying someone else misery, his life must be pretty sad then.

[quankanne]

well, hon, some people just don't get it when it comes to social graces. It doesn't matter what you think about X situation, but it damn well does matter how you respond to said situations!

 

blow him off and do what you need to do.

[redfathom]

Thanks, I know you're right. You can't control other people, only the way you respond to them.

[Star Gazer]

I think that because you're demonstrating to him that you don't care about your job or him, that he's going to not care about you... although, I don't see how asking if you need to leave work is all that horrible.

[Gordon's Right]

What a jerk. don't let people like him get you down.

[Taramere]

This morning, my boss asks me: "Are you over your cat yet?" I replied no and let him know that I would not be over him for sometime. I kind of expected that comment from him, he is rather insensative.

 

That sounds like exactly the kind of thing an old boss of mine would say. His approach to any personal problems employees had was a combination of bluntness, discomfort and slight insensitivity. He was a good boss though. Ran a tight ship, and took an interest in the training and professional development of his staff and certainly wasn't an unkind individual....but just not the type you'd go to for tea and sympathy.

 

I walked in and said I just got off the phone with my sister and told him my grandpa has been in hospice (at this point he threw his hands in the air) and I continued, letting him know that my grandpa asked his doctor to turn off his pace maker, he interpurts me and says: "So do you need to leave work now?" I said, "No, I am just letting you know that it could be day's or even a few weeks, but my grandpa will be passing soon and I thought I would give you some notice."

 

You've been unlucky in having two upsetting things happen in a short space of time. Your boss possibly isn't much of a cat lover; people who aren't all that keen on animals don't tend to understand the depth of affection people can have for their pets, and can often be a bit insensitive when an animal passes away.

 

I think that was a case of your boss just not having the level of empathy you perhaps hoped for - but his reaction didn't strike me as an unusual one. The frustrated reaction about your grandfather's illness was a bit of a different matter. The distress of losing a family member is something that most people can surely relate to. Throwing your hands up in frustration because an employee is close to suffering a bereavement seems pretty crass to me.

 

How should I handle this?

 

I think it would do no harm to express some appreciation for your boss's offer to give you time off...and I think it might result in him showing a little more empathy.