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Client Asked me to Lunch


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I've been working with this man for a few months. He makes changes to his acocunt so often that I can barely follow all the changes he's made, so i have asked him to come in for a meeting so we can discuss exactly what his needs are and how to go about cleaning up the mess of his we have on file. His response was compassionate and understanding and he said he'd love to talk about it. Then he asked me to lunch at the most expensive vegetarian place in this city. At first I was thinking it was totally normal for him to do so, but after considering everything, I wondered why he would ask me out to lucnh when all the resources I need are in my office (computer, his files, the schedule...)

 

The strange thing is, he is the one client i made a comment about to my coworkers which was that I though he was good looking. I am in a committed LTR and am pretty happy this way.

 

What do you make of his asking me out. Is he being flirty, (is it a come on) or is this common and I shouldn't worry about it? I know my boyfriend probably will not be okay with it.

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LonelyInTheDark
What do you make of his asking me out. Is he being flirty, (is it a come on) or is this common and I shouldn't worry about it? I know my boyfriend probably will not be okay with it.

As a boy I would have to say...

 

If it is not VITAL and he is not your FRIEND then don't go,

 

that is just asking for trouble.

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As a boy I would have to say...

 

If it is not VITAL and he is not your FRIEND then don't go,

 

that is just asking for trouble.

 

 

I went to lunch with him the other day. You're right...this is asking for trouble because I am soooo very attracted to him. We spoke about life and personal stuff for awhile. He knows I'm in a LTR (3+ yrs.), that happens to be a LDR with a married man (long long story. see previous posts for the full details).

 

Anyway, Im definately interested and I dont know why. I love my boyfriend very much and would never do anything with this man to seriously jeopardize our relationship. I think i just like the attention. I like the way he's interested in me. He's sexy and makes me feel sexy. My boyfriend has yet to be divorced, and it is something that serioulsy bothers me. I dont know if I'm doing this subconsconsciously

because I'm upset about that.

 

Not sure what i'm doing!

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LucreziaBorgia

I'm inclined to think it is subconscious anger/frustration/chance for escape toward your boyfriend for not divorcing. You see a man paying you attention - one who is not married, and holds the promise for the type of relationship you may want while you own boyfriend refuses to divorce for you.

 

I don't know if it is running toward this guy, so much as it is running away from the frustrations of your current relationship. When we run away, we tend to map a lot of wishful thinking onto what we think is waiting for us at the finish line.

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I'm inclined to think it is subconscious anger/frustration/chance for escape toward your boyfriend for not divorcing. You see a man paying you attention - one who is not married, and holds the promise for the type of relationship you may want while you own boyfriend refuses to divorce for you.

 

I don't know if it is running toward this guy, so much as it is running away from the frustrations of your current relationship. When we run away, we tend to map a lot of wishful thinking onto what we think is waiting for us at the finish line.

 

 

Right on, right on, LB. You hit the nail on the head. Ever since that one date, I cannot get him out of my mind. I fantasize about him. I want to feel his hands on my body. Its insane!!!

 

What should i do? Continue on, or call it off? I'm supposed to see him agian this coming Monday.

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LucreziaBorgia

It is a tricky situation - on one hand, if your boyfriend is still married then technically you are free to do what you want. On the other hand, if he considers himself married by technicality only he may be incensed that he "left" his marriage and had his girlfriend then "cheat" on him. He may be keeping the marriage as a back burner option for situations like this not realizing that his keeping his marriage is what is creating them.

 

I would sit down with myself and a blank paper and make a few columns: one for "why I want to stay with technically married man" and "reasons not to stay with technically married man" and another one for "what can this new man bring me that I can't find in my current relationship" and lastly "how realistic is it that I will find that with the new man, or is it the new man at all so much as what he represents"?

 

Light some candles, drink a glass of wine, or a beer if that is your thing and just write your heart out. Then read, re-read and commit to memory what you wrote and then you had best discard it well if you think someone will snoop and find it.

 

It may help to get some of this out before Monday rolls around.

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It is a tricky situation - on one hand, if your boyfriend is still married then technically you are free to do what you want. On the other hand, if he considers himself married by technicality only he may be incensed that he "left" his marriage and had his girlfriend then "cheat" on him. He may be keeping the marriage as a back burner option for situations like this not realizing that his keeping his marriage is what is creating them.

 

I would sit down with myself and a blank paper and make a few columns: one for "why I want to stay with technically married man" and "reasons not to stay with technically married man" and another one for "what can this new man bring me that I can't find in my current relationship" and lastly "how realistic is it that I will find that with the new man, or is it the new man at all so much as what he represents"?

 

Light some candles, drink a glass of wine, or a beer if that is your thing and just write your heart out. Then read, re-read and commit to memory what you wrote and then you had best discard it well if you think someone will snoop and find it.

 

It may help to get some of this out before Monday rolls around.

 

 

He definately considers himself married by technicality, and would definatley think me, his girlfriend, cheated on him. No doubt about it. We don't fight much, but when we do, it is ALWAYS about him continuing to stay married and when I ask him why he says, "i dont know" It is so frustrating and recently he has complained about me pulling away sexually. I told him the reason i was pulling away was because of his hesitancy to divorce, and that it made me feel disrespected and used.

 

This new sexy man is totally about me taking control over my pain. If he can have his cake and eat it to, well then, why shouldn't i?

 

I really dont know how sexy man feels. I dont know if he thinks this is all business, or if he is interested. How can I know? After monday, will we be having any other rendezvous? I want to kiss him. I want to push myself onto him. The feeling is so fierce and powerful. its like this sexual side of me is ready to come out and attack!

 

How can I know if he really is interested in me or not?

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How can I know if he really is interested in me or not?

 

If you can't discern that on your own then I would say it's time to put your radar in the shop for a tune-up!

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LucreziaBorgia

Cairo, I guess the real question is ... are you going to be happy with the man you are with, or should you leave him?

 

The new man shouldn't factor into that decision. If you make him the reason, or you begin to have an affair with him then you will not accomplish anything except to compound the problems that are already a burden to your heart.

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Cairo, I guess the real question is ... are you going to be happy with the man you are with, or should you leave him?

 

The new man shouldn't factor into that decision. If you make him the reason, or you begin to have an affair with him then you will not accomplish anything except to compound the problems that are already a burden to your heart.[/quote

 

I know, you are right. The boyfriend and I had a chat this weekend, and are considering opening up our relationship. He says he is fine with the way things are, but knows I am not entirely satisfied. We both care and love each other deeply, but he knows he cannot give me what i need. We've been talking about having an open relationship so I can date, and perhaps find someone who is willing to commit fully. He said it'll give him the chance to either S*%t ot get off the pot in terms of us.

 

Now, I'm supposed to have this lunch date today with sexy man, and I will at 1:30pm, but I'm kind of nervous about it because he probably isn't much better for me. He's 50 (I'm 31) has been married and has a 14 year old daughter. He could be good sexually, but that's not what I'm really looking for. My sex life is great with the boyfriend, for the most part.

 

I'm feeling all anxious and uncertain right now. I don't think I want to lose my boyfriend, but I don't want to stay in an unfulfilling relationship either.

 

Breath, breath, breath....

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LucreziaBorgia

Ah, I see your update. I had asked about it in your other thread.

 

Just go to lunch today and enjoy yourself. No pressure, no obligation. It may just end up being a pleasant lunch. You never know.

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Trialbyfire

What I'm seeing here is someone who lacks self-control. You can't rely on someone else, to create happiness for you.

 

In so many ways, you're doing exactly what your MM has done before. This is an exit affair. You're using the new man to bridge.

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Ah, I see your update. I had asked about it in your other thread.

 

Just go to lunch today and enjoy yourself. No pressure, no obligation. It may just end up being a pleasant lunch. You never know.

 

Okay, so i went and it was very very pleasant and mostly business. I asked him a bit about what he does on his free time and he said he works even in his off time. He has no time for relationships and that basically, any woman he dates is number 3, number 1 being daughter and 2 being work.

 

I then sent him an email asking him if he'd like to go do something outside of work and gave him my digits. It seems we could be a good match becasue he doesn't have time to commit and I seem to be entering into an open relationship. The truth is, I think i'd love to have a no strings attached sexual relationship with him. He really really turns me on.

 

Dunno if I am still asking for trouble or not since I really do not know what is going on with my relationship.

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I went to lunch with him the other day. You're right...this is asking for trouble because I am soooo very attracted to him. We spoke about life and personal stuff for awhile. He knows I'm in a LTR (3+ yrs.), that happens to be a LDR with a married man (long long story. see previous posts for the full details).

 

Anyway, Im definately interested and I dont know why. I love my boyfriend very much and would never do anything with this man to seriously jeopardize our relationship. I think i just like the attention. I like the way he's interested in me. He's sexy and makes me feel sexy. My boyfriend has yet to be divorced, and it is something that serioulsy bothers me. I dont know if I'm doing this subconsconsciously

because I'm upset about that.

 

Not sure what i'm doing!

 

 

Oh boy... I hope this doesnt become more than it should be, for the sake of your sanity.

Can yo get in trouble at your job for entertaining clients?

I'm in finance, and in my sector if I went to lunch with a client, I have to bring my assistant or a 3rd party, not sure if this is "industry policy" but my firm doesn't want anymore legal suits. LOL! We've had enough!!!

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Okay, so i went and it was very very pleasant and mostly business. I asked him a bit about what he does on his free time and he said he works even in his off time. He has no time for relationships and that basically, any woman he dates is number 3, number 1 being daughter and 2 being work.

 

I then sent him an email asking him if he'd like to go do something outside of work and gave him my digits. It seems we could be a good match becasue he doesn't have time to commit and I seem to be entering into an open relationship. The truth is, I think i'd love to have a no strings attached sexual relationship with him. He really really turns me on.

 

Dunno if I am still asking for trouble or not since I really do not know what is going on with my relationship.

 

 

 

Darn it!! LOL!

Can you take time away from you bf?

OH OH! Girl! Throw some cold water on yourself! LOL!

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Darn it!! LOL!

Can you take time away from you bf?

OH OH! Girl! Throw some cold water on yourself! LOL!

 

 

Ha...

 

I think that was exactly what i needed. He hasn't shown any interest ever since and that sexual tension i was feeling for him is gone. Ahhh....maybe that was it?

 

My bf is taking his kids to hawaii in a few weeks, so yes I'll have some time to myself.

 

he's still sexier than anyone I know though. :love:

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Ha...

 

I think that was exactly what i needed. He hasn't shown any interest ever since and that sexual tension i was feeling for him is gone. Ahhh....maybe that was it?

 

My bf is taking his kids to hawaii in a few weeks, so yes I'll have some time to myself.

 

he's still sexier than anyone I know though. :love:

 

 

OH Lordy! You're a hotmess girl! Well be careful we dont want you to come out next to Client #9. LOL!

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