allina Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I get along with the people I work with very well and we are all friendly with each other. About two months ago I was chatting with a male co-worker who I like and consider a friend. While we were talking he says "Do you want to grab a drink sometime?" Not really thinking about it I'm like "yeah sure" and he told me to e-mail him. I have a bf who I love very much and I'm committed. When my co-worker asked me to have a drink some time I took it as going out for a platonic drink after work (this is very normal for a group of co-workers to do where I work) I didn't think anything of the incident till later that night when I was like "sh*t, did that guy ask me out?" I have zero intention of going on a date with this person or anyone other than my SO. In my relationship going out to dinner/drinks/whatever with friends of the opposite sex is not an issue, however I'm not going to go on a date! Not knowing what to do I never e-mailed the guy or mentioned anything to him about getting drinks. I see him at work about every other day and talk to him briefly in passing, he's always polite and nice but I can't help but feel some awkwardness (or maybe I'm just paranoid) Next week I have to work on something one on one with him and I think he might mention something. If he does should I just come clean and explain what happened? He's a cool person and I'm sure he'd understand if I explain that I consider him a friend but was unsure of his intentions and I didn't know what to do. I just don't want to be presumptuous in assuming he was asking me out, but I think he was Link to post Share on other sites
Zolie Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 If he brings it up again, say something like this: "Is everyone going? That would be fun." That way he will know that you would enjoy hanging out with everyone, but no one in particular. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Yeah, I would bet that he was asking you out romantically. Does he know you have a bf? If he does should I just come clean and explain what happened? He's a cool person and I'm sure he'd understand if I explain that I consider him a friend but was unsure of his intentions and I didn't know what to do. I think if you did this it would be fine. I think most guys would prefer to be told something like that rather than be led on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 If he brings it up again, say something like this: "Is everyone going? That would be fun." That way he will know that you would enjoy hanging out with everyone, but no one in particular. I feel like I should have said this to start with Yeah, I would bet that he was asking you out romantically. Does he know you have a bf? I think if you did this it would be fine. I think most guys would prefer to be told something like that rather than be led on. Most of the people I'm friends with at work know that I have a bf, however I don't go on and on about having a bf so there is a chance he doesn't know or didn't know when he asked me. If he was asking me out romantically I feel like my behavior was weird in accepting then avoiding the issue. I don't think he's upset with me or anything but I think he may be slightly confused :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I don't think he's upset with me or anything but I think he may be slightly confused :laugh: I guarantee it's not the first time he's been confused by a woman's behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 If he does should I just come clean and explain what happened? He's a cool person and I'm sure he'd understand Yep, honesty is always a good strategy. If he brings it up, maybe first ask, "Yeah...about that...were you asking as friends or to explore something more?" And, if he doesn't bring it up, you can still say that you have a question about his prior invite. I'd want to discuss it, no matter who starts the conversation...otherwise how is the awkwardness that you're sensing now ever going to dissipate? If just as friends, something like, "I'm glad to hear that. What happened is my brain went all goofy and..." If more, "I'm very flattered but..." Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I think he was asking you out romantically, too. Don't fret about not emailing him, we all say "call me and we'll get together" and don't follow through at times. If he brings it up again, yeah, just clarify that it would be meeting for a drink, not a date. If he is still down with that, go. I would give him an "out" based on it not being a date if that's what he was really asking for, though. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I don't know for a fact but I think he was hitting on you. But not immediately but in case things don't work out with your BF. This way he made himself be in your head. And that's what feels so awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 I guarantee it's not the first time he's been confused by a woman's behavior. But I think I'm a straight forward, uncomplicated woman:D I want to clear things up with him. I just don't want to tell him that I have a bf so we can't go on a date and have him be like "Uhm relax I wasn't asking you out" because I still don't know if he was or wasn't Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 I don't know for a fact but I think he was hitting on you. But not immediately but in case things don't work out with your BF. This way he made himself be in your head. And that's what feels so awkward. I'm not sure what you mean by this. I am sure that if he was romantically asking me out then he didn't know I had a bf. He's a good, honest guy and he wouldn't pull any sleazy crap So do you guys think I should keep quiet about it unless he brings it up? Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 So do you guys think I should keep quiet about it unless he brings it up? I would. He may have gotten word by now that you do have a BF and won't even broach the subject. But if does, I don't see anything wrong with simply clarifying that you don't want to mislead him. Like Tan said, he will appreciate that more than coyly agreeing to a drink, or flat out unwillingness after you seemed willing before. If you're like me, we make things out (in our heads) to be worse than they are and reality is much more comfortable than imagined. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I want to clear things up with him. I just don't want to tell him that I have a bf so we can't go on a date Is it that you prefer to not mention about your b/f unless he was asking you for a date? Otherwise you can just find a way to casually mention b/f in whatever context and WorkGuy will clue to the whole picture, anyway. I'd also want to clear the air about it. (He may not be stressing about it but you're feeling awkward, and no reason not to take care of that part of things.) And I'd want to be 100% sure rather than just assume it was a 'date' invite (although if he didn't know about b/f, chances are really pretty good.) Link to post Share on other sites
MakeLemonade Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 If you are feeling awkward about it, you should definitely say something to clear the air, the sooner the better - something along the lines of "hey, that drink you mentioned the other day? Still up for it? How about inviting.....so & so and so & who? If he says sure, more the merrier, you know it was innocent, if he hesitites and says something more along the lines of Uh, I was kinda thinking just you and me...that is your opening to reiterate if he knows about bf already or mention the bf and clear the air. I hate that awkward stuff at work, I spend more awake time at work than anywhere else during the week, I never let that stuff hang, it drives me nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 Is it that you prefer to not mention about your b/f unless he was asking you for a date? Otherwise you can just find a way to casually mention b/f in whatever context and WorkGuy will clue to the whole picture, anyway. I'd also want to clear the air about it. (He may not be stressing about it but you're feeling awkward, and no reason not to take care of that part of things.) And I'd want to be 100% sure rather than just assume it was a 'date' invite (although if he didn't know about b/f, chances are really pretty good.) Why did you only quote half of my sentence? It took me forever to find what post you were referring to. Also your post is a little confusing to me, I'm not sure what you're saying. I would prefer to clear things up because that's how I like them. I just don't want to jump on this guy with assumptions that he is romantically interested in me when I'm not sure this is the case. I hate that awkward stuff at work, I spend more awake time at work than anywhere else during the week, I never let that stuff hang, it drives me nuts. I agree with this especially since there is such a great, friendly atmosphere at my work place, I don't want to ruin it. On top of it I do like this person, just not romantically. My concern is creating and even weirder situation by bringing it up two months after it happened. Link to post Share on other sites
MakeLemonade Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 My concern is creating and even weirder situation by bringing it up two months after it happened. I don't think it would be weird if you keep it casual and light like I mentioned, like hey remember that drink you mentioned awhile ago? etc. etc. I see what you are saying though. 2 months is a bit of time to go by....I would still go for it though, if you all go out for drinks regularly, it wouldn't be such a weird thing to bring up. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 wait wait wait! If he was romantically interested in you, then societal norms would have it that he be the one initiating the date by following up with an actual plan. Maybe he did have a romantic interest at the time and didn't follow through, but whether his approach was friendly or romantic, this puts all the potential awkwardness in his court. Bring it up if you must, but IMO it isn't absolutely necessary. And hey, straightfoward uncomplicated women miscommunicate sometimes. If you notice that things are awkward between you two, then you might consider bringing it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Why did you only quote half of my sentence? ... Also your post is a little confusing to me, I'm not sure what you're saying. Sorry. I also get that I quote too much of the previous post . So I try to only quote the part(s) to which I am responding directly, as I have done here again. I was suggesting that one solution might be to just casually mention b/f to help WorkGuy understand your situation...unless there is a reason you don't want to - in which case, don't do it. (It could be any reason that you feel is not WorkGuy's business, or that he'd misuse the info, or whatever.) And I was agreeing with you that [1] it makes sense to want to clear things up, and [2] it makes sense to not jump to conclusions about WorkGuy's original intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Sorry. I also get that I quote too much of the previous post . So I try to only quote the part(s) to which I am responding directly, as I have done here again. I was suggesting that one solution might be to just casually mention b/f to help WorkGuy understand your situation...unless there is a reason you don't want to - in which case, don't do it. (It could be any reason that you feel is not WorkGuy's business, or that he'd misuse the info, or whatever.) And I was agreeing with you that [1] it makes sense to want to clear things up, and [2] it makes sense to not jump to conclusions about WorkGuy's original intentions. Ah ok, got it. I didn't mean to get on your case about how much you were quoting, I just got confused. Now that I've opened this up for discussion I think I forgot to mention two little details. When he asked me and I said ok he gave me his email address, and said something about not mentioning it to people. It was his hint to keep the conversation private which later caused me to have the "oh ****!" reaction because it made it feel like he maybe wanted some secret office romance. Now I'm really feeling stupid but at the time I didn't think anything of it. Since I have no romantic feelings for him I wasn't thinking in terms of dating. I should have e-mailed him later that day to clear things up. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 (Why didn't I notice before that we have the same sigs?) Yep...that would have been best, to clear it up right away his intentions became obvious ~ of which his need for privacy is a pretty clear indication. Have you decide what you're going to do? PS: No worries...I didn't feel that you were getting on my case. Something in my post just hit you sideways, and we have cleared it up - thanks for that opportunity . Link to post Share on other sites
Author allina Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 (Why didn't I notice before that we have the same sigs?) Yep...that would have been best, to clear it up right away his intentions became obvious ~ of which his need for privacy is a pretty clear indication. Have you decide what you're going to do? PS: No worries...I didn't feel that you were getting on my case. Something in my post just hit you sideways, and we have cleared it up - thanks for that opportunity . I didn't notice the sigs either, are you sure you weren't coping me? I haven't decided for sure what I'm going to do. I don't want to seem conceited and assume that every guy out there is interested in me but I think I need to say something. If I say something I'm going to wait till next week when I will be working with him one on one a lot. I think I'll just say sorry for never e-mailing him and that I was confused so I avoided the situation and that he's a cool friend but I'm in a committed relationship so any hanging out will be platonic. Link to post Share on other sites
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