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I want to be more than friends..does she?


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Hello I'm new to this forum...and new to this type of forum all together. I'm male, 29 yrs. I have a burning question regarding a co-worker/friend that I would like some opinions on; I apologize if this gets long.

 

There is a girl I have worked with for about 2.5 years now with whom I have developed a relatively close friendship. By relatively close I mean we don't really hang out that much outside of work but share very personal details about our lives with each other. I have always been physically attracted to her but I have always realized that it was nothing more than just that, "physical attraction".

 

The more I have gotten to know her however the more it seems like I'm developing really strong romantic feelings towards her. For example, I realize how much I miss her when she isn't around, and how happy I am to see her when she is. I get the butterflies when I think about her and I'm excited to receive any attention from her.

 

The problem is, is that I'm having a really hard time reading her...or maybe just subconsciously in denial of what she's telling me. But it seems I've always been terrible at reading girls. So just this past Friday, after everyone else went home from an early Christmas party at work, we spent literally all day and night talking with each other (we were alone). We finally decided to call it a night around 12:00 am and went home. After I got home, reflecting on the evening, I had this feeling that we had really bonded or became closer. I really wondered if she felt the same way, and I was dieing for some kind of feedback from her. So I sent a text message to her phone which read "I had fun tonight <her name>". It was actually a subtle joke referencing something we had talked about earlier when we discussed the definition of fun, but I was also fishing. Her response was: " me too! I'm really glad we are friends!" As well as wishing me a Merry Christmas and to drive safely (I was traveling the next day to visit family)

 

For me it was utter devastation...she used the "friends" word. So now here I am. My interpretation of her message was, "I know what you were fishing for, but I only want to be friends". That seems pretty clear to me but I have such strong feelings for her, and given my track record at misinterpreting females, I just want to be absolutely sure before I put it to rest; I really don't want to get this one wrong and miss a wonderful opportunity!

 

There are also extenuating circumstances that cause me to question her response. We are both in bad relationships that are going nowhere, mine is particularly messy and perhaps I'm just hoping that she is being cautious because she doesn't want to get mixed up in it. I also think she is really confused about her relationship with her significant other.

 

I don't know, I'm sorry this was long but if you've gotten to this point, thanks for taking the time to read and I appreciate your collective comments!

 

-JT

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Welcome to the shack neighbor.

 

From the sound of it, she does only consider you a friend, but you will never know until you hear it from her. Tell her how you feel because these feelings you are having need to be let out into the open.

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Thanks for the response Riddler. Of course I would love to just let her know how I feel but I'm not sure how to approach her about it. Since we work together, I don't want things to be weird if she has no romantic interests in me whatsoever. Most important to me is preservation of the friendship....which probably means I should just forget about it and move on. Reality hurts :(

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Why not break up with your girlfriend first before you start dogging after some other woman? If she ever breaks up with her boyfriend, you can ask her out on a date and have it all be clear if she says yes. Unless she wants to cheat on her boyfriend and is ok with you cheating on your girlfriend, you aren't going to get very far. You shouldn't want her to be a cheater, and you shouldn't want to be a cheather either. That's a bad start to a relationship.

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I was never suggesting anyone cheat. She actually has broken up with her BF, the situations just kinda weird because she still acts like they're together but when I ask her, she says that they aren't together...I just think she doesn't want to be alone. As for my situation, I'm broken up with my SO as well.

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About 6 months for her. About 6 months for me too actually, it was around the same time. Which is actually one of the reasons why I have a hard time reading her, because she broke up with her SO about 2-3 weeks after I told her I broke up with mine. That seems like an open invitation to me...or a hell of a coincidence. But then there are other times when I get the feeling like she's not interested in a romantic relationship at all. The problem is that I didn't feel this way about her when she broke up with her BF, so I never made a move.

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Well shes either playing you, loves the attention, or does not want to jeopardize her job.

 

Are you her boss?

How long was her relationship and how long was yours? This could be a possibility too, her attachment to ex could depend on length and would need time.

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About 6 months for her. About 6 months for me too actually, it was around the same time. Which is actually one of the reasons why I have a hard time reading her, because she broke up with her SO about 2-3 weeks after I told her I broke up with mine. That seems like an open invitation to me...or a hell of a coincidence. But then there are other times when I get the feeling like she's not interested in a romantic relationship at all. The problem is that I didn't feel this way about her when she broke up with her BF, so I never made a move.

 

But you said:

 

We are both in bad relationships that are going nowhere, mine is particularly messy and perhaps I'm just hoping that she is being cautious because she doesn't want to get mixed up in it. I also think she is really confused about her relationship with her significant other.

 

You may be broken up with your exes, but it doesn't sound like those relationships are over and done. If you're both still emotionally involved with your exes, you can't expect her to be open to a new one.

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No, I'm not her boss.

 

BlackSwan, you are correct I did use the present tense when referring to our "relationships". But I was using the term very loosely, I apologize for the ambiguity.

 

The original question however wasn't WHY she may or may not want to pursue a romantic relationship, but rather IF she would consider it.

 

At any rate you are correct BlackSwan, it is obvious that neither relationship has been completely resolved and I think the best thing to do is do nothing at this point and see what happens. Thanks to all that commented I appreciate your help! I hope that I have an opportunity to contribute to the forum in the future.

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