Wrath Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Hi guys/girls, I really need help from you guys. Theres this girl in my office and we are working in the same department. We started off as friends and now have reached a point where we go for movies, dinner, etc alone but nothing hanky panky. She treats me as a friend but I have developed a deep admiration for her. Let me give a brief overview of her. She is beautiful in the natural sense and doesnt hide it under the pretense of make-up. She has lots of guys falling all over her and you may say she is kind of a flirt. I am no brad pitt. Add to that she is a career woman but not at the office. She has her own small time business too where she channels all her energy. She is a strong woman and has made me fall all over her. Now my dilemma. I have tried to tell her my feelings on numerous dates but one way or the other i couldnt. I am pretty sure she has an idea now and is trying to keep a distance. Distance in the sense , no more long phone calls, making excuses for not going to movies ,etc. Mind you at the office she is the same, cheerful and bubbly but after that it changes. Now it isnt that I cant live without her or something but her constant proximity to me (literally as she sits right next to me) keeps churning up my emotions again and again. I have tried talking less to her, taking some holidays but still the feeling returns. I am sure she is not interested in me and even if she is, our personalities will clash in the future. Please help me get out of this. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Hi guys/girls, I really need help from you guys. Theres this girl in my office and we are working in the same department. Let me give a brief overview of her. She has lots of guys falling all over her and you may say she is kind of a flirt. She is a strong woman and has made me fall all over her. Now my dilemma. I have tried to tell her my feelings on numerous dates but one way or the other i couldnt. I am pretty sure she has an idea now and is trying to keep a distance. I am sure she is not interested in me and even if she is, our personalities will clash in the future. Please help me get out of this. Okay, this is easy. Read the sentences that I cut from your post. Keep it a work relationship. From experience, I can say that as long as you work together, trying to make your relationship into a love relationship will have one of two endings: marriage or breakup. The odds are that breakup is the one that will result. She simply wanted/wants a friendship. It could be that she never expected more or could be she doesn't want more. And it probably is that she thought that YOU only think of her as a friend. Now that she sees that you are thinking romantically, she is backing off. You have indicated that you don't think you are her type, nor do you think she would be your type. So, what you are feeling is an infatuation with her personality and her obvious high self-confidence. You say that you two have been out on "dates." I am guessing that she has not looked at them this way. If she did, then by now..based on your description of her....she would have made some moves already. And since you feel she is moving away from you, then don't pursue her...if you want to keep the friendship that you have. Now reread the last sentences you wrote. The two of you will clash...as you yourself say. You don't need help getting out, you simply need to think rationally and not with your emotions. If she wants more, then I am guessing that you will know. Until then, think of her as only a friend. Stop "dating" if that makes you feel like you are falling for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wrath Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 Thanks for the reply man. I am really trying hard but its tough to keep your mind off her as she is right next to me. Link to post Share on other sites
sderenzi Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 Do not listen to the above poster, this is not simple and will likely cause you further distress in the future. You obviously like her, I think the best solution is to just ask her out on a date, make it clear you mean a date date not a friend date. She'll say no but then your interest will subside and you'll begin getting over it, otherwise you will continue to think about her. After-all why wouldn't you she didn't say no yet right? lol I would take that avenue it's easier than you exerting anymore energy over this... Also let's not forget she did sorta lead you on, how can a women think they can be friends ONLY with a man is beyond me Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 Do not listen to the above poster, this is not simple and will likely cause you further distress in the future. You obviously like her, I think the best solution is to just ask her out on a date, make it clear you mean a date date not a friend date. She'll say no but then your interest will subside and you'll begin getting over it, otherwise you will continue to think about her. After-all why wouldn't you she didn't say no yet right? lol I would take that avenue it's easier than you exerting anymore energy over this... Also let's not forget she did sorta lead you on, how can a women think they can be friends ONLY with a man is beyond me Yeah, don't listen to me....the voice of experience. My comments come from dating three co-workers. Interestingly enough, I had quite a few female co-workers who were great friends while I was single. And when watching us, one could have made the assumption that there was more. Neither of us wanted more or expected more. This is quite possible that this is what she thinks as well. When she sensed more from you, she backed away. I am sure she is not interested in me and even if she is, our personalities will clash in the future. This one statement is upon what I based my response. I can say that if you already think that it won't work, then I would not pursue anything with her. The probability is that your gut instinct will be right, and then you will be sitting next to a girl whose heart you broke or who broke your heart. This can lead to at best a very uncomfortable work atmosphere. IF you felt that she was the one, then I would say take a risk. But as a guy who did that twice, I can say that when/if the relationship does not turn out as expected, the question is...then what? Best solution...keep up the dates and friendship with no expectations for more. If more develops...good, but I would not push it in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wrath Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 Do not listen to the above poster, this is not simple and will likely cause you further distress in the future. You obviously like her, I think the best solution is to just ask her out on a date, make it clear you mean a date date not a friend date. She'll say no but then your interest will subside and you'll begin getting over it, otherwise you will continue to think about her. After-all why wouldn't you she didn't say no yet right? lol I would take that avenue it's easier than you exerting anymore energy over this... Also let's not forget she did sorta lead you on, how can a women think they can be friends ONLY with a man is beyond me A little update. I think she has started flirting with another guy in the office. They stop chatting whenever I walk in. Though it may be only friendship, their cagey attitude baffles me. The other guy is already in a relationship but what you may call a playboy. And as I said she isnt as friendly outside the office as before. But I guess if she does come on another date (which seems unlikely), I need to clear the air as this is just maddening. Best solution...keep up the dates and friendship with no expectations for more. If more develops...good, but I would not push it in any way. No expectations for more is hardly likely. I will keep yearning for more and will be pulled even deeper. I need to completely stop going out with her i guess:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wrath Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 ....sorry had reposted the above one Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Ask her out on a real date and if she rejects you then you need to accept it. I suggest you just become her friend and hold back your feelings for her until she makes the next move. But don't pine for her, start looking for other girls as well. Overtime you'll learn how to accept rejections and move on while still being friends with your crushes. Above all, if this one doesn't work out then think of it as she has let you go so you can find a girl just for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wrath Posted December 3, 2007 Author Share Posted December 3, 2007 OK i did a bad thing today but i finally feel better after it. I hacked into her mail account just to see what she thinks of me. Seems that she already has an idea that I like her and has been telling her friend how she has been avoiding my calls,etc and lamenting how she has to put up with me. Clearly shows all the bonhomie in office is a farce. Atleast now i know what opinion she has of me and can finally move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Sorry to hear that you read her messages and she is not interested in you. But it is easier to know than not to know. Tell me, how did you hack into her computer? Did you have her password? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wrath Posted December 3, 2007 Author Share Posted December 3, 2007 Sorry to hear that you read her messages and she is not interested in you. But it is easier to know than not to know. Tell me, how did you hack into her computer? Did you have her password? Naah its ok. I actually feel very good today after weeks of traumatic expectations. For her password, I just uploaded a keylogger at her workstation through the LAN. I know its not right but yeah well, love makes you do crazy things Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Hey- I'm kinda in the same sitch at work with a guy friend I'm pretty sure likes me. I make an effort to keep it a FRIENDship, and nothing else. We hang out outside work, but I don't take him up on all his invites, or invite him around too much. If this girl wanted more than a friendship, she wouldn't pull away. It sounds like you can accept a friendship, so do that. We all know every crush isn't going to be reciprocated. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Hey- I'm kinda in the same sitch at work with a guy friend I'm pretty sure likes me. I make an effort to keep it a FRIENDship, and nothing else. We hang out outside work, but I don't take him up on all his invites, or invite him around too much. If this girl wanted more than a friendship, she wouldn't pull away. It sounds like you can accept a friendship, so do that. We all know every crush isn't going to be reciprocated- that doesn't mean you're not a great person and friend. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted December 4, 2007 Share Posted December 4, 2007 I suggest next time you straight out ask the girl if she's into you without investing yourself into her so soon. Braking into her email account is borderline stalking and you don't want to become a stalker, do you? Link to post Share on other sites
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