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What will you do in my situation?


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Hello everyone, I am new here and would like to consult with so many friends here about my personal issues. :) Recently, I worked with one of my client, a married middle age man. I worked at the client site for a couple of days with him, and I went out lunch with him for business purpose. After I come back to the office, he had been calling me and asking me out for lunch ever since. (FYI, I am married, no kids yet. I clearly informed him that I am married.) To be friendly and maintain the client relationship, I accepted his invitation for one time. And he asked me if I want to go out lunch with him every week. Then I started asking myself what's his intention. I am just clueless if I am overreacting or he is just being friendly. And he is still calling me to go out lunch with him as usuall, almost every week, although I've already turned him down for several times. What should I do?:confused:

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Hello everyone, I am new here and would like to consult with so many friends here about my personal issues. :) Recently, I worked with one of my client, a married middle age man. I worked at the client site for a couple of days with him, and I went out lunch with him for business purpose. After I come back to the office, he had been calling me and asking me out for lunch ever since. (FYI, I am married, no kids yet. I clearly informed him that I am married.) To be friendly and maintain the client relationship, I accepted his invitation for one time. And he asked me if I want to go out lunch with him every week. Then I started asking myself what's his intention. I am just clueless if I am overreacting or he is just being friendly. And he is still calling me to go out lunch with him as usuall, almost every week, although I've already turned him down for several times. What should I do?:confused:

 

He may just want to get and know you since you are new on the job.

 

Has he flirted with you at all? Don't assume anything until he says or tries something.

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While I've attended a lot of business lunches, rarely is it a request for a weekly luncheon. I would avoid this because not only will your paths collide in future, through business dealings, but he's a client of your firm. Run away before it gets unprofessional or uncomfortable...

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He may just want to get and know you since you are new on the job.

 

Has he flirted with you at all? Don't assume anything until he says or tries something.

 

I was thinking the same thing that maybe he was just being nice. I assume you are a guy, could you tell me what is considering flirting? :o

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While I've attended a lot of business lunches, rarely is it a request for a weekly luncheon. I would avoid this because not only will your paths collide in future, through business dealings, but he's a client of your firm. Run away before it gets unprofessional or uncomfortable...

 

should I let my manager know about this? Because I almost run out of excuses to his inviting, and I just dont want to be rude to our client.

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should I let my manager know about this? Because I almost run out of excuses to his inviting, and I just dont want to be rude to our client.

You can do this, reliant on your relationship with your manager. Better yet, just shut him down by telling him you're uncomfortable with the situation and would prefer to keep things on an arms-length, more professional basis. The longer you draw this out with soft-sell excuses, the worse he's going to be offended, thinking that you strung him along.

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Blue Eyed Brain

Sticky situation..... but if you think it's because he likes you on a romantic level, bring up the husband a lot in conversations. This is a real pecker relaxer...... if that doesn't work, (which it should), then when he makes a move, tell him NO.

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Hello everyone, I am new here and would like to consult with so many friends here about my personal issues. :) Recently, I worked with one of my client, a married middle age man. I worked at the client site for a couple of days with him, and I went out lunch with him for business purpose. After I come back to the office, he had been calling me and asking me out for lunch ever since. (FYI, I am married, no kids yet. I clearly informed him that I am married.) To be friendly and maintain the client relationship, I accepted his invitation for one time. And he asked me if I want to go out lunch with him every week. Then I started asking myself what's his intention. I am just clueless if I am overreacting or he is just being friendly. And he is still calling me to go out lunch with him as usuall, almost every week, although I've already turned him down for several times. What should I do?:confused:

 

He's obviously interested in something more than just a client relationship. Maybe you could occasionally meet him for lunch and bring a male friend or co-worker each time. He'll get the picture.

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My first impression... he likes you and wants to get to know you.

Tell the man straight forward it's against company policy to mix pleasure with business. If he persists inform your Superiors that the client makes you feel ill at ease. And that you wont compromise your marriage over ANY job. Many companies take this action in their policy. It's thought to be considered offering favors.

He wants to know you on a personal level.

The fact you are married only tells him you wont be calling his wife. "cause he could always call your husband if things get sour"

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I was thinking the same thing that maybe he was just being nice. I assume you are a guy, could you tell me what is considering flirting? :o

 

Well the fact that he is asking you out for lunch on a daily basis is a red flag. I should have mentioned that before.

 

What do the two of you talk about when having lunch? Does he compliment you about your looks?

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Hi,

 

Just the fact that you are not happy about those lunches, and that you turned him down is enough.

 

Do you have an ethics dept in your company? Maybe you should want to talk to them to assist you in this situation. Else, talk to your supervisor.

 

I'd say be firm and don't go with him again. He is intimidating you making you believe that you have to go with him in order to keep your job and do your business.

 

Ariadne

 

Ps: Oh, and what would I do? I'd send him to hell (not literally, but yes).

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Sticky situation..... but if you think it's because he likes you on a romantic level, bring up the husband a lot in conversations. This is a real pecker relaxer...... if that doesn't work, (which it should), then when he makes a move, tell him NO.

 

Thanks for your advice, I can not tell if he likes me on a romantic level or not. But I surely have mentioned to him about my husband several times. He is a smart person and I am pretty sure he already got the hint.

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Well the fact that he is asking you out for lunch on a daily basis is a red flag. I should have mentioned that before.

 

What do the two of you talk about when having lunch? Does he compliment you about your looks?

 

Not work related. He didn't compliment about my looks. But he said something about his friend (girl) who comes from the same country where I come from, and he said she is so pretty. He mentioned about this to me more than once, which make me feel uncomfortable. And he would ask me what kind of person I am. Outgoing or quiet? To be honest with everyone here, my first impression to stranger is that I am a quiet and shy person. So he concluded and asked me you are shy, arent you? I said "yes to strangers".

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Hi,

 

Just the fact that you are not happy about those lunches, and that you turned him down is enough.

 

Do you have an ethics dept in your company? Maybe you should want to talk to them to assist you in this situation. Else, talk to your supervisor.

 

I'd say be firm and don't go with him again. He is intimidating you making you believe that you have to go with him in order to keep your job and do your business.

 

Ariadne

 

Ps: Oh, and what would I do? I'd send him to hell (not literally, but yes).

 

I think you are right about he is intimidating me to go out with him in order to keep my job, because he knows that my company will ask his opinion on my performance. When I first got on this project, he asked me if I wanted to come back and work on the same project next year. And of course I said Yes. Then he started the lunch thing...

 

I think the only way is to let my supervisor know about this. We dont have ethics department.

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Hi,

 

I think the only way is to let my supervisor know about this.

 

I think that's a good idea. Because if things go bad you can get in trouble.

 

It's best to report it and ask how to deal with the situation, so that you are not at fault.

 

That's a nasty situation if he can give his opinion of your performance. Maybe if they know this they'll keep him out of giving an opinion for ethical reasons, if you report it.

 

Best of luck!

 

Ariadne

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