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Surviving at work


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The last job I had was very stressful. It was a small place with a dedicated staff. I have learned through prior mistakes not to trust or get close to coworkers. The job was mostly female with one male per shift. I made close friends with one guy, used to sleep at his house, etc. We had a working and personal relationship.

 

He liked a coworker but did not end up with her, she just used him. My aim at work was to come in, do my job, and stay out of any job bs. I had to sign a contract which stated I would stay at this location for one year then be given the opportunity to transfer out.

 

This girl Jill was attracted to me, but had a boyfriend that she would constantly put down and she seemed unhappy. One day we hung out in her neighborhood and there was an obvious mutual attraction. She advised me to wear a specific outfit to a job gathering one day as if we were going together. The day of the function, her man shows up in the exact same outfit and she didn't warn me he was coming.

 

A few weeks later she begins to flirt much more intensely & then tells me she likes me so we begin seeing eachother, slept together. Next job gathering was a going away party for another coworker. My friend Jimmy becomes angry and starts yelling at me because I am now hanging out with this girl and he lets his anger rip towards me. I was shocked as we were close and used to confide in eachother. Jill doesn't like Jimmy. Jill's boyfriend then calls me & Im shocked because he sounded rather angry. Jill leads me to believe Jimmy told her boyfriend about us as he was angry. Jimmy & I are no longer friends. I then back away from Jill because she's a liar and very calculating. I find it hard to believe that all the time Jill flirted with me was just a front to her ulterior motives of getting back at her boyfriend and a means to make him jealous and pay her more attention. I felt humiliated and disgusted with my coworkers.

 

I then applied for a transfer after a year, denied. I tried to get part time hours, denied. My bosses then began making me look like a bad employee to ensure I couldn't go above their heads to get out as it's a large company. I tried everything I could to survive and be a good employee but disaster struck me in that place. It makes me angry because Jill caused a lot of trouble in my life in an attempt to appear innocent. She also gave her man all of my information, phone number, picture, address, email. It's like you really can't trust anyone.

 

How do I avoid these problems next time?

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Another thing, since Im quiet and shy, I avoided any social gatherings with my coworkers. This seemed to make everyone want to harass and try to get to know me more. It hurts that the one person I did get to know just used and abused me. Sat there looking pretty because she had ulterior motives. Disgusting.

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a4a's post was pretty useless. If you're going to date a colleague you need someone who is 'safe'. You brought most of this on yourself by dating a girl with a boyfriend.

 

Your post was really confusing. Did Jimmy tell her boyfriend, or was that a lie from her? And why are you 2 no longer friends?

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She told but lied on Jimmy to cover it up. Jimmy said nasty things which indicated he had some undesirable feelings towards me. After this day, and believe me Jimmy really blew a gasket, basically cursed me out all day....I just figured Jimmy shouldn't be considered a friend any longer. I always tried to avoid the jealousy issues with him that come along with women, couldn't avoid this one.

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don't crap where you eat.

Bang on again a4a. If you crap where you eat, expect some of it to leak out.

 

Translation: If you don't want drama at work, don't get involved with a coworker.

 

While I've dated men from work in the past, they were always at arms-length to my areas of responsibilities or direct reporting line.

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a4a's post was short but to the point. The best way to prevent this in the future, is to not pursue romance at work. If you must, keep it in a group not within your own. A different building maybe, or something further apart than a few cubicles or whatever.

 

A way to deal with it now, well you either find a new job elsewhere, or grin and bear it. That's about all you can do now.

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The work environment is prone to backstabbing. It's also prone for office gossip.

Be careful what you say about others to others, people could rat you out when you turn your back...or even talk about you when you turn your back.

 

Like a4a said, don't ***** where you eat.

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The thing I found so hard in this place was I tried to stay away at all costs, but they wouldn't stop trying until they sucked me in. Took about a year for them to do it. It was hard to keep my guard up all that time. The second they did, my entire worklife exploded and ended up totally broken. Disaster struck me personally & professionally there.

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Totally agree with what the others said about dating in the workplace.

 

Also, I've noticed in your posts a sense that things "happen" to you rather than you taking charge of things. Sounds like you need to start learning how to take charge of your life rather than just letting things happen and then later wondering why.

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I am somewhat naive to the ways of the world & sometimes idealistically believe in the good of all people. I know I make mistakes but feel like Im learning through each negative experience. People just blow me away with their STUPID behavior at times. I know I play my own role.

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I am somewhat naive to the ways of the world & sometimes idealistically believe in the good of all people.

 

Oh.....well just hang around me.....I'll fix that........ :laugh::cool::p

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