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Sexual Harassment at Work: What do I do?


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SOS_Please

Hello all. This is my first post, because this is the reason I went searching for a website that might be able to help me with such a problem. So, hopefully, some of you can help me out, because I feel totally degraded and really need advice.

 

I have been working at my current job as a receptionist for a little over a year now. I have had repeated incedents with one man for the whole time. However, about six months into my job, I practically told him off, and he quit...for a while. However, today he started up worse than ever. I try to avoid him, I ask him to stop, I even threaten to inform the company manager as well as his wife, to which he retorts that his wife will believe him over me and kick my ***, and the company will side with him, because he is a minority and higher up than me; he has also been there longer, and made the company quite a bit of money.

 

Prehapes I should be more specific as to what he does: he touches me constantly, he makes obscene gestures with his face and hands, he says lude things about what he wants to do to me, etc. He is always eyeing me, and it bothers me to no end! I tell him, and it just seems to egg him on. He also tells me that I really like it, even when I say I don't, and that all women do. I don't know what to do. I live in a very backward area, where women aren't highly regarded to begin with. Also, I am friendly with everyone, and I am afraid that if I do tell, he might just say that I am flirting with him, and that he is just the victim here.

 

I am just so depressed. I don't want to get the guy in trouble, because he is married with two kids (one newborn baby) and his wife doesn't work. So, it wouldn't only affect him, but his whole family. I have heard, though, that this isn't the first time this has happened to women who work there.

 

Also, I can't quit. It is the only job in the area that pays well; I have established insurance (which is hard to come by in these parts) and vacation time. And too, I know and love all the people I work with--with the exception of this one person...

 

Please help: I don't know what to do!

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Start documenting everything. Keep a notebook with dates, times, and what he did, and whether anyone else was around to hear him.

 

Then make an appointment with HR and tell them what he's been doing. This is harassment and no, you don't have to accept it. Companies are required to investigate harassment claims, and if this guy behaves this way with you, it's likely he's done it with other women, and it's likely at least some people have noticed.

 

Don't believe what this guy tells you - he's trying to intimidate you into keeping quiet about his illegal behavior.

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Star Gazer

I agree with NJ.

 

Go back and document everything that has happened thus far as well. Keep a diary as of this moment forward. Report it to HR AND his direct supervisor. Once you do, make sure to continue documenting everything that happens.

 

Please note that yYou cannot be retaliated against for reporting illegal activity. Reporting this jerk is not only the best thing you can do for yourself, but the best thing you can do for all of your female co-workers.

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+1 on the two above posts.

 

 

Well, that or buy a trusty handgun.

 

 

J/K

 

Document it and let him know you are doing so. Maybe that'll deter him.

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SOS_Please

Thank you all for your suggestions. I shall start documenting right away...though, the hand gun doesn't sound like too bad of an idea...:p

 

Seriously, this guy is such a jerk; he thinks he is God's gift to women, when he is in all actuality just gross.

 

Why is it that men think they can (and very often do...) get away with this, I wonder? I mean, it isn't too often that you hear of women sexually harassing men...

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This_Too_Shall_Pass
Get a tape recorder.

 

And a pepper spray.

 

Or even better, a stun gun.

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I found out it is illegal to tape record someone harassing you.

 

You could be terminated by your employer.

 

Document document ....camera phone might work nicely....

 

Go through the right channels and if all else fails , hire an attorney .

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I have never heard that it is illegal to use a tape recorder in a public place. It might be illegal to tape a phone conversation without the other parties consent or a court order.

Another thought is, to set up your own security camera. I do believe they can be rented. it would be easy to hide a small digital movie camera somewhere around your work station. You would be doing it for your own protection.

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I have never heard that it is illegal to use a tape recorder in a public place. It might be illegal to tape a phone conversation without the other parties consent or a court order.

Another thought is, to set up your own security camera. I do believe they can be rented. it would be easy to hide a small digital movie camera somewhere around your work station. You would be doing it for your own protection.

 

According to some attorneys I consulted regarding a harassing co worker I was told I could not bring a tape recorder into the building and tape that offending person. I could likely be terminated by my employer.

 

I agree with the security camera ( hidden ) but would also recommend the OP find out anonymously if she can bring such a device to work legally.

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Well you could use any tape illgally as in Black mail. Not that I would ever advocate that someone do something like that. :D

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The only federal law applicable to surreptitious tape recording in the workplace is the Federal Wiretapping Act, which makes it a felony to intentionally intercept any "wire, oral or electronic communication" through the use of any "electronic, mechanical or other device." However, there are three exceptions to the act's broad prohibition:

3) A third exception permits recording if one party to the conversation consents. Thus, under federal law, employers are limited in how and when they can monitor or tape-record employees, but employees are free to record any conversations to which they are a party.

 

 

Do you give yourself permission to record the conversation? ;)

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Why is it that men think they can (and very often do...) get away with this, I wonder? I mean, it isn't too often that you hear of women sexually harassing men...

 

hmmm... women sexualy harass men all the time they just usualy get away with it. I cant count the number of times in my life a female supervisor has done something like put a hand on my arm and said "wow your so strong" or some litle touch out of no where. I gaurantee that if a man went around puting his hands on female co workers and saying nice anything he'd be 99% more likely to get in trouble. In fact Ill go one step further if your a man being sexualy harassed by a woman and u actualy tried to get the woman in trouble they would probably turn it back around on you and make you the sexual haraser.

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A woman claiming sexual harassment takes priority over someone shouting the race card, which is exactly what he will do when you report him.

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I say you kick his balls as hard as you can, so that he will never ever use them again. That might teach him a lesson or two about how to behave with a woman.

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amerikajin
Hello all. This is my first post, because this is the reason I went searching for a website that might be able to help me with such a problem. So, hopefully, some of you can help me out, because I feel totally degraded and really need advice.

 

I have been working at my current job as a receptionist for a little over a year now. I have had repeated incedents with one man for the whole time. However, about six months into my job, I practically told him off, and he quit...for a while. However, today he started up worse than ever. I try to avoid him, I ask him to stop, I even threaten to inform the company manager as well as his wife, to which he retorts that his wife will believe him over me and kick my ***, and the company will side with him, because he is a minority and higher up than me; he has also been there longer, and made the company quite a bit of money.

 

Prehapes I should be more specific as to what he does: he touches me constantly, he makes obscene gestures with his face and hands, he says lude things about what he wants to do to me, etc. He is always eyeing me, and it bothers me to no end! I tell him, and it just seems to egg him on. He also tells me that I really like it, even when I say I don't, and that all women do. I don't know what to do. I live in a very backward area, where women aren't highly regarded to begin with. Also, I am friendly with everyone, and I am afraid that if I do tell, he might just say that I am flirting with him, and that he is just the victim here.

 

I am just so depressed. I don't want to get the guy in trouble, because he is married with two kids (one newborn baby) and his wife doesn't work. So, it wouldn't only affect him, but his whole family. I have heard, though, that this isn't the first time this has happened to women who work there.

 

Also, I can't quit. It is the only job in the area that pays well; I have established insurance (which is hard to come by in these parts) and vacation time. And too, I know and love all the people I work with--with the exception of this one person...

 

Please help: I don't know what to do!

 

First off, you need to finish this guy off once and for all (as in getting him fired).

 

I think if it were me, I would consult with an attorney who specializes in harassment cases. I would only consult him at this point - you don't have any grounds to litigate unless you've got proof, but that's why you need an attorney. You need to find out how to get that proof or see what he can recommend as far as your next step. He may tell you to go to HR and he may tell you how to go about doing that, and I would follow his advice.

 

To my knowledge, in most jurisdictions, it is illegal to record telephone conversations without the other person's consent, but using a tape recorder or hidden camera is a different matter. You still might have to have the consent of your employer, though, as it's private property. But fight back - you really have no choice. You can either defend yourself or take it. Choice is yours. Good luck.

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Ish...what a slimy character. You don't have to put up with that crap, and it's not your responsibility to worry about how his family may be affected. He's making a choice to break the law, so he can damnwell deal with the consequences himself.

 

I agree with those who advised you to keep a log book of incidents. I wouldn't go squealing to his wife though, it could backfire badly. At least go through the official channels first to report him. Also, go to a doctor or shrink and report the detrimental effect that this is having to your health. This could come in handy later on. I really think you need to quit being so timid and making excuses for not standing up for yourself. I also think you need to learn the art of mild-aggression. It's all fair and well to be assertive but with morons like this it apparently doesnt work. Do whatever it takes to shock him and make him back the hell off. Raise your voice suddenly, glare daggers at him, take an aggressive stride in his direction, raise your lips in a snarl and growl "I TOLD you NOT to do that, you CREEP". If you go through the official channels to deal with his behaviour, and they turn a blind eye then take your case straight to one of the big current-affairs shows. They'll make a field day of it; "After the break, the heart-rending story of a small-town secretary who was subject to vicious sexual harrassment by a colleague - and the company did nothing because he was worth more!".

 

*Shakes head* it amazes me how oblivious and possibly stupid some people are. While I'm pretty sure that your guy knows exactly what he's doing, lots of people really don't have a clue as to when they're overstepping the boundaries. In my workplace, we've had a number of briefings lately about workplace discrimination. A few weeks ago, one of the newish male employees C**** asked me out of the blue "So, who have ya shagged here?". When I answered "Nobody" he replied "Oh cmon, everyone shags eachother in call-centres, tell me who you've shagged. Oh hey, you're single now aren't you? What are you doing tonight? Oh - you're not interested? That's ok coz I've got a date with Rachael over there anyway". I wasn't upset, just a little annoyed. Found out later that evening from one of the supervisors that the same guy had seriously upset a number of women at work recently. I confided in the supervisor what had happened and he wanted me to make an official report of the incident because it was sexual harrassment, which I chose not to do. The next week we had yet another briefing about workplace harrassment and I couldn't believe it when C**** piped up from behind me and said loudly "But how d'ya know when you've upset someone?? Coz I find it real hard to tell". I seriously wanted to get up and slap him :mad:. Then, believe it or not, two days later he was sitting next to me and turned and said "So, c'mon are you gonna tell me who you've shagged here or not?". I glared at him, leaned towards him and snarled "Listen, I've already TOLD you it's not up for discussion. I find your questions VERY intrusive". Suddenly a look of recognition dawned on his stupid face...*rolls eyes*.

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What are your companies policy on work place harassment?? Its usually a good thing to find that out before you do anything.

 

I would find it hard to believe that any reputable company would not have a standing policy for this. If a employer does not protect its workers... they are liable for it. Think about this... if you got hurt at work.. what would the company do...?? Well this is not different... it is there responsibility to protect you while you are on the clock.

 

You might also want to find out the laws in your area regarding criminal harassment...

 

As for the tape recorder... how could you be fired.?.. if this fella comes up to you... and you pull out a tape recorder...? You inform him that anything he has to say.. will be recorded.. (this goes back to the employer being responsible for the safety of its workers) If they will not do anything about it... sue the ba*tards.. for unsafe work environment..

 

Just do a little research for where you live... the US and Canada have different laws.. I guess each state has different laws on this too :confused:

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