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Hi. I have been married for about a year with a woman who I have been with for quite some time. She recently told me that occasionally she goes out to lunch alone with a male from her office who is also married. Apparently this has been happening for quite some time, but recently was the first time she has mentioned it. I do not like her going out to lunch with a man who I don't know, and I suspect she would feel the same way if she was in my position. When I tried to bring this up it resulted in her getting very angry and defensive, and accusing me of not trusting her. Is this a trust issue? Am I wrong to not want her to have lunch with a male coworker? Am I being overprotective? I personally feel as though it is inappropriate, but I could be wrong. PLEASE HELP!

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  • 2 weeks later...

You have no real way of knowing if it's a problem or not. Women go out to lunch with people in their office - sometimes it's purely platonic and other times it's an emotional affair.

 

How is your marriage? Do you have any reason to wonder if there is more than meets the eye to their lunches?

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Hi. I have been married for about a year with a woman who I have been with for quite some time. She recently told me that occasionally she goes out to lunch alone with a male from her office who is also married. Apparently this has been happening for quite some time, but recently was the first time she has mentioned it. I do not like her going out to lunch with a man who I don't know, and I suspect she would feel the same way if she was in my position. When I tried to bring this up it resulted in her getting very angry and defensive, and accusing me of not trusting her. Is this a trust issue? Am I wrong to not want her to have lunch with a male coworker? Am I being overprotective? I personally feel as though it is inappropriate, but I could be wrong. PLEASE HELP!

 

HOw about telling her that you'd love to join them next time, you'd love to meet him... see how she reacts...

 

And to be honest with you...if she really wants to scr*w around, she will and you might never find out... she told you about him, she could have just kept it secret if she wanted but she probably thought it was no big deal or... she told you, just in case it comes to your ears because she's attracted to this guy and wants to go out to lunch with him more often. It's hard to say.

 

The more you'll be possessive, the more you'll drive her away. Just keep your eyes wide open.

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seibert253

Tell her you would like to have lunch with the two of them and see how she reacts. If she readily agrees then there's probably no problem, but if she's hesitant or against this, then I feel you have a problem.

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Hi. I have been married for about a year with a woman who I have been with for quite some time. She recently told me that occasionally she goes out to lunch alone with a male from her office who is also married. Apparently this has been happening for quite some time, but recently was the first time she has mentioned it. I do not like her going out to lunch with a man who I don't know, and I suspect she would feel the same way if she was in my position. When I tried to bring this up it resulted in her getting very angry and defensive, and accusing me of not trusting her.

 

Boom!...there is your sign right there. If she truly wasn't doing anything and loved you, it would be more like, "oh honey...sweetheart...you have nothing to worry about."

 

Her defensiveness tells me she's messing around. And if she hasn't...she wants to.

 

Is this a trust issue? Am I wrong to not want her to have lunch with a male coworker?

 

Absolutely not...you are not wrong to feel upset that she is lunching it with another guy...especially when she gets defensive at your concerns rather than loving about it.

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HokeyReligions

Not knowing the dynamic of your marriage no one can tell you if she's cheating or not. Are you the jealous type? It could be nothing but lunch with a coworker and she doesn't want to deal with jealousy issues when she knows there is nothing to be jealous about.

 

I'm married - I go to lunch with male coworkers. I've gone to the opera with a male coworker - my husband hates opera.

 

Let it go and don't mention it for a week or so then drop by and take her to lunch one day. Pay attention to what she says about her work and try to time it when you know there isn't a meeting or some work emergency that she talks about and just have a little visit for the two of you. Maybe call her a couple of hours before lunch so she can schedule her workload and go with you. My husband does that sometimes with me because he knows that just dropping by doesn't mean I'll have time to go to lunch right then - my lunch hour could start at 11 or 2 - depends on my work load, but if I get a call from him that day I can say "Sure, how about 12:30?" or something.

 

You might also want to reassure her that you do trust her, but that you also are a little uncomfortable with her going to lunch alone with another manand see if you can find some compromise.

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The more you'll be possessive, the more you'll drive her away. Just keep your eyes wide open.

 

Boom!...there is your sign right there. If she truly wasn't doing anything and loved you, it would be more like, "oh honey...sweetheart...you have nothing to worry about."

 

I agree with both of these statements. It might not be cheating, but there seems to be something wrong here. If there wasn't, she would have tried to reassure you.

 

I personally feel as though it is inappropriate, but I could be wrong. PLEASE HELP!

 

Yes, it's inappropriate. I don't think married people should be going to lunch alone with coworkers of the opposite sex. But others might disagree.*shrug*

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Trialbyfire

I think you have to look at her normal patterns of behaviour. If she talks incessantly about her female coworkers and lunchmates, then to not mention something like this previously, is unusual. If she's as casual or never even mentions the latter, she's following her normal behaviour.

 

You can't immediately assume that she's cheating if she goes for lunch with a coworker, any coworker. To ask to go to lunch with them probably breaks your pattern of behaviour, therefore making her feel uncomfortable when she might well be innocent.

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i am going to a baseball game with one of my best friends this weekend. we have always done that through the years. me= 40's - him 50's.

 

i love going with him because he appreciates the game like i do. nothing ever happens. we both just baseball and each others company - so it's easy.

 

sometimes it's just networking - if it's business. if it feels not right - then that's different.

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It all starts with lunch. And lunch is innocent because come on, it's just lunch and he's my coworker and friend, and don't you trust me??? Then you trust her and suddenly lunch turns into dinner. Don't you trust me??? Coworker and friend, blah blah....Oh, we have to go to Vegas together for work, don't you trust me? Of course we have separate rooms!

 

When someone is in a relationship and has a friend of the opposite sex, it unequivocally spells trouble. Some people just love playing with fire.

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whichwayisup

Bottomline, you need to meet this guy and see how your wife reacts then. LOOK closely at her body language. You know her, and her mannerisms, so if something is going on, there's a good chance you'll pick up on the energy level between them, that vibe.

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Bottomline, you need to meet this guy and see how your wife reacts then. LOOK closely at her body language. You know her, and her mannerisms, so if something is going on, there's a good chance you'll pick up on the energy level between them, that vibe.

 

Absolutely. Everyone has a tell. It's like poker but the stakes are higher.

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Trialbyfire
Absolutely. Everyone has a tell. It's like poker but the stakes are higher.

Who's the big blind and the little blind?

 

Btw, love the avatar. Lauren Bacall?

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Who's the big blind and the little blind?

 

Btw, love the avatar. Lauren Bacall?

 

Yep, Lauren Bacall. ;) Love the screen goddesses.

 

As for blind/little blind...yikes, I don't gamble enough to know what that means!

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Trialbyfire
Yep, Lauren Bacall. ;) Love the screen goddesses.

 

As for blind/little blind...yikes, I don't gamble enough to know what that means!

Here, here for silver screen. I'm an old movie buff.

 

Check out Texas Hold'em. The blind part was in reference to players and blindness within an affair situation.

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