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Feelings for female coworker!


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Old 29th January 2007, 5:56 PM   #16
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Wow!

Thank you all so much for your feedback!

I have found that me letting this problem be aired out here helped in itself. Writing it down somewhat enabled me to analyse what was going on.

My head is slowly winning out over my heart. Away from her, I have less and less trouble keeping her out of mind.... at work it is a lot harder but I think I will slowly win that battle as well.

I'm not going to tell my wife because I know she would be devastated. I'm working on being a lot more attentive to her.

This whole thing caught me totally offguard. It has been and will continue to be a learning experience for me. I'm still amazed at how sudden and uncontrollable emotions can be.

In one sense, it has made me feel alive, because I have not had that raw punch to the guts feelings since I first met my wife.

In fact, if anything, I feel it will ultimately strenghten my relationship with her.

I knew early on that the OW was not into me, but my heart didn't know it.

Thanks again

Last edited by uplooker80; 29th January 2007 at 6:02 PM..
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Old 30th January 2007, 4:50 AM   #17
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Wink

I am glad the comments helped you somewhat. You are not the first nor will be the last to feel these things. Interestingly one of the things my exMM said to me was that after 8 years of marriage, it was kind a 'wicked' feeling to have someone say those kind of 'admiring comments' to him again and so I think that 'feeling' serves the ego but not the heart. Think of all the special things you have established with your wife and focus on them. I know this is the pot calling the kettle black but I know from experience it is best to leave well enough alone in the end. I am currently waiting with bated breath as to whether my latest single guy emails me back this evening. Thank the stars you are past this pathetic stage and have a loving wife you already know so well....

Feelings for the opposite sex whether you are single or attached will always be problematic but you just have to work on them and yourself. As long as you can find peace at the end of the day, this is what matters. All the best UL80!
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Old 30th January 2007, 9:55 AM   #18
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I certainly don't want to judge you but the truth is you had no right to go after her when she had already told you she was 100% commited to her husband. Would you want someone to do that to your wife? Yes you have a crush but since you both are married you should keep it to yourself and try to get over it. If you are getting jealous of other co-workers you may want to get your resume in order and look for another job. I think your thoughts or this woman are becoming obsessive.
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Old 30th January 2007, 5:39 PM   #19
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Once again thanks to all

stillafool, your comments are a tad mean spirited, and I don’t think you really understood my situation or what I was saying, but I suppose I asked for it by posting here in the first place.

freakygal78, your insight was very thoughtful, and a special thanks to you for responding with empathy and kindness. The best of luck to you with your future relationships!

Last edited by uplooker80; 30th January 2007 at 5:43 PM..
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Old 30th January 2007, 5:59 PM   #20
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I certainly don't want to judge you but the truth is you had no right to go after her when she had already told you she was 100% commited to her husband. Would you want someone to do that to your wife? Yes you have a crush but since you both are married you should keep it to yourself and try to get over it. If you are getting jealous of other co-workers you may want to get your resume in order and look for another job. I think your thoughts or this woman are becoming obsessive.
What is mean about this???? I don't believe in sugar coating what I see. I don't think it was fair of you to write her an email about your "caring" for her in the manner that you do. Especially since she already told you she was commited to her husband. You do sound as if you are obsessed with your co-worker and that's why I think you should maybe consider looking for another job. Seeing her everyday is feeding your obsession. Maybe another suggestion would be to see a therapist.
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Old 30th January 2007, 9:37 PM   #21
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Glad that you're doing better with this situation and that posting about it helped. If you think this will devestate your wife, then I agree you shouldn't tell her.

If you feel those feelings do start to creep back either for this woman or another one, consider talking about it to a real live person. Either a therapist or a friend that you know won't blow it out of proportion or encourage you to pursue her or anything. A therapist is your best bet, but I know some people are averse to going. That's why I offer the friend solution as an alternative.

All the best to you. Feel free to come back and post again if you need to.
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Old 30th January 2007, 11:19 PM   #22
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crazy_grl, my apologies for not specifically thanking you as well. You also made me feel like you cared, even though, apparently to some, care is just another four letter word.
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Old 13th February 2007, 1:32 AM   #23
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What's your status on this, uplooker?
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Old 13th February 2007, 7:37 PM   #24
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What's your status on this, uplooker?
Thanks for asking empty906.

I'm still having lots of trouble with this, some days are worse than others. I continue to be friendly with her, and she with me, but I've kept conversations as trivial as possible. I can't stop being nice to her....it would hurt me too much and it would be very obvious on my part to suddenly make it all business only. Not only do I have this "love" for her but I like her very much as well. She's so nice *sigh*

I've just clued into the fact that I get most of my jealousy from when my boss chats her up, (he's her boss as well).

This is obviously a secondary "alpha male" problem of mine that is compounding my feelings for her. I'm hoping that this new clue helps me sort this whole mess out. I just have to find a way to get over her.

Last edited by uplooker80; 13th February 2007 at 7:59 PM..
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Old 24th February 2007, 7:23 PM   #25
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Thanks for asking empty906.

I'm still having lots of trouble with this, some days are worse than others. I continue to be friendly with her, and she with me, but I've kept conversations as trivial as possible. I can't stop being nice to her....it would hurt me too much and it would be very obvious on my part to suddenly make it all business only. Not only do I have this "love" for her but I like her very much as well. She's so nice *sigh*

I've just clued into the fact that I get most of my jealousy from when my boss chats her up, (he's her boss as well).

This is obviously a secondary "alpha male" problem of mine that is compounding my feelings for her. I'm hoping that this new clue helps me sort this whole mess out. I just have to find a way to get over her.
So why is it so hard to beleive you are in love again? Yes, you love your wife but you are not "in love". You do not have to leave her or tell her to still have a happy marriage. Try to have a secret affair with the woman at work and do not tell your wife. Do not stop being sexy and loving with your wife. Write the woman at work one last letter explaining everything you feel. Be prepared to be rejected of even fired.

It is worth it. Live in the moment and enjoy the feeling of being inlove and feeling passion again. Ignoring the feeling is not natural and it is unhealthy. DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE. DO NOT STOP LOVING YOUR WIFE. Best of luck.
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Old 4th March 2007, 3:08 AM   #26
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Anything new, uplooker? Having to let go is the hard part I am finding out. The surface stuff is somewhat simpler to deal with but those deep feelings seem like they don't want to fade away.

Don't know about you but I think there is something we men are looking for, some sort of 'package', that causes us to latch onto someone. I wonder if that is the case because I can befriend, flirt, be alone with, and get close to women and never feel a thing. No butterflies, no fireworks. But this particular woman, in my case, was different. I couldn't relax and flirt and say the things I normally do because something was there.

I am wondering if she had the right combination of qualities I desire and that is what attracted me so to her. Something had to spark the interest that never shows up with any others.

And I wonder if the same has happened with you and this woman at work. Could she just have the right stuff for you and you can't help but be completely attracted to her. She doesn't have to do anything, you are simply attracted to her. And not to any of the others.
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Old 4th March 2007, 6:46 PM   #27
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To the OP, I do believe it is possible to love more than one person very deeply in the same romantic way. I'll take your word that you do love your wife truly and completely and that these escapades that you've had with this other woman at work may very well be just an infactuation *OR* actual love dependent on other details, just with that freshness of a blooming-new-romance feel to it.

You can have this great, swooning, powerful relationship that's been ongoing for years upon years with another person whom you dedicate yourself to with genuine affection, love, honor, and respect. But, on the other hand, there is this other person who's not in the picture and has so many qualities that you admire and are romantically drawn to with the same "The One" feelings that you have for your lover. They'd be an awesome candidate for a love affiar as well. However, you wouldn't want to hurt or dishonor your significant other like that at all unless you are in those kind of committed relationships that allow side affairs in agreement, but your feelings are some things that have arisen and cannot be denied.

There's a great chance that time will not let it pass (and will). It's similar to the feelings people have for the loved one that died in a car accident. They tend to never forget how they feel about that person, right? Your admiration for this office woman will probably won't extinguish or dissipate drastically, and you may need to get yourself together before trying to be friends with her as a resort as to not let yourself go on her. You've just got to remind yourself all the great things you've had in your life and are having and tell yourself that this is something that you planned on sacrificing in monogamy, in a committed relationship. There are pros and cons to almost everything; maybe the con in this case is you cannot have both woman, lol.

Last edited by GoldPenny; 4th March 2007 at 6:53 PM..
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Old 4th March 2007, 10:54 PM   #28
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Interesting comments!

I'm pretty sure I could get over her if I was able to stay away from her. Even a weekend dulls it a little bit.

Pretty shallow eh?

Tomorrow is Monday and I'm back into the **** again. I just have to see her once and the game is back on again for me. *sigh*
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Old 6th March 2007, 11:05 PM   #29
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If we can't have them then we desire them even more turning this into an obsession which is not good. She is basically preventing you from moving on. You have got to stop seeing her. Just a single glance a day will wreak havoc with your emotions. I've been there. I was lucky because she quit and I no longer see her at work. It's not just you but we all go thru this. It needs to be taken seriously because it will affect you in negative ways and god knows, when folks didn't get their way some of them killed their significant other. I hope it won't come to this with you but then love is a very powerful emotion and screws up with the best of us.
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Old 8th March 2007, 7:48 PM   #30
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You need to detach from her and don't let yourself fantasize, or think of her at all. Distract yourself, keep busy and focus on your wife.

People get crushes, attractions, and just because you're married that doesn't stop...But, what has to stop is feeding it, letting it grow. (excuse the pun, seeing as you're a guy, LOL!) Don't put yourself in a situation where saying NO will be difficult to do.

It isn't about your wife, it's about you enjoying the feelings this woman brings out in you - TOO MUCH. It's feeding the ego, making you feel and do things that you can't do since you have a wife.

Mid life crisis, it's possible...So, DO something wild and crazy, but do it with your wife. Spice up your sex life, GO skydiving! Bungee jumping! Something that will make your give you a rush. Buy a new car, dye your hair, I don't know, but do something that involves your wife and not the other woman.
I think whichway said it all perfectly here. Ha! whichway your pun made me laugh.

The MM I was in an A with told me he was addicted to the "Rush" so to speak. I think it's very possible that you could be in a mid life crisis. I think my A happened partly do to that and also because I was unhappy in my marriage. You must disconnect with this woman if you want those feeling's to go away. It might take sometime because it sound's like you have some very strong feeling's for this OW, not just a sexual attraction. Can I ask you this? Have you found yourself very attracted to Other woman while married or is this the first time?
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