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Finding out god is a monster


Spirituality & Religious Beliefs Contemplate your place and purpose in the universe.

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Old 15th August 2017, 8:42 AM   #1
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Finding out god is a monster

I wasn't really sure where to place this. I've trawled these forums quite a bit lately after going through a divorce and some pretty hard times so it seemed as good a place as any.

For most of my life I have been an atheist. Never believed in god. Religion in general just seemed kind of crazy to me. I tried to be a good person but that came from my parents raising me to respect others and try to treat others how I wanted to be treated. Not from any religious superstition. When I hit my 30's its like my entire life got just nuclear bombed. Divorce followed by going through a series of other truly terrible times which affected my family and people close to me. I guess out of desperation from the seeming catalogue of disasters and grief I started reaching for something more. I don't want to go into the details but I ended up having a pretty intense experience that left me in no doubt there is actually some form of god or whatever the hell you wanna call it.

But different to what most seem to get from belief or knowledge there is a god, this hasn't served to comfort me in any way shape or form. Initially I had this temporary blissful experience which quickly passed. It left me laughing as if this little pat on the head was some how supposed to be a comfort ?!? For me it did more harm then good - now I can't help but see God as some kind of awful monster. I know now without a shadow of a doubt he is real and its worse for me then the alternative.

It made sense before. That this life is imperfect because it was random chance and luck and sometimes bad things just happen. Its a statistical probability. But now knowing that there actually is a god who has a measure of control and he allows the awful, terrible and disgraceful things to happen. A god that sinks the boot in when you are down - I am lost. I actually have developed a deep hatred and anger towards god. Honestly if I ever make it to the pearly gates and sit face to face with him I would not ask for entry. I would probably spit in his face and tell him he can shove his eternal life straight up his ass.

I feel like some of my punishment is karma - but any karma I have received has so outweighed anything bad I have done its incomprehensible. I made mistakes in my life but nothing to warrant what I have gone through. I have no respect or understanding for a god who operates the way he does.
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Old 15th August 2017, 11:56 AM   #2
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your enemy is satan not god , god truly does love you !
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Old 15th August 2017, 12:55 PM   #3
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I might suggest watching the movie The Shack. You might some comfort or perhaps an opportunity to reconsider some of your views about God and why bad things happen to good people.
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Old 15th August 2017, 1:06 PM   #4
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I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but it's not unheard of . I think a lot of people think that a belief in God will lead to a rosy life and it's just not the case. My exBF was like this, and he's still a Bible believing Christian--he struggles with this resentment, and dare I say almost an air of entitlement (because I am a Christian, I should have no problems). I've actually had this conversation quite recently with a friend of mine whom I consider to be the most Godly woman I know. I sent her a long email asking her some of this stuff, not because I was feeling it, but I was kinda wondering why in the world I don't and some people in my life do/are struggling with it. I've had some very crappy things in happen in my life, but for some reason (certainly not my piety) I've never doubted God's presence and goodness and my beliefs have never wavered. Why is that? Why do hard times affect other Christians/believers the completely opposite way?

I haven't seen The Shack (but know what it is), but if you're at all interested in changing your view or feeling better about it, a good book is Letters From a Skeptic. It's a collection of letters between a father (agnostic) and son (Christian).
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Old 16th August 2017, 6:52 AM   #5
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Hmmmm... its a tough question you propose. You want free will, or you want God to control you and everything around you? Or you want just the right amount of choice and for him to pick you up when you fall and limit bad things?

I had bad things - nasty things happen to me - I was mad at God for a long time. But after I while I just figured he was not micro managing the world, and more or less I was on my own and ***** just happens.

My pastor said once in a sermon - that we used to have a paradise (Eden) and everything was perfect and provided. We were asked to just obey and follow a few (one) simple rule given to us. Nah - we wanted free will and choice and to see for ourselves - so we got kicked out of the garden in to the big random world to go figure it all out and was told "its tough out there kids - good luck - love you !"
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Old 16th August 2017, 7:58 AM   #6
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OP, your post puzzles me and this is why-

Many people claim to be 'Atheist', although blame God/Christianity for everything under the sun... then in the same breath support religion/other religions/faiths.

It makes no sense to me, as if one is truly an atheist why do they consider 'God' or gods at all?

If they really believe that God/gods do not exist then why do these non entities bother them so much, why the hate?

Why hate something that does not exist? Is it because someone else believes, so hate on them because they believe in a particular way?

Bottom line, one cannot hate something that does not exist (in their mind), either it really does exist, or hypocrisy/denial is taking place.
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Old 16th August 2017, 1:08 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy-J View Post
I wasn't really sure where to place this. I've trawled these forums quite a bit lately after going through a divorce and some pretty hard times so it seemed as good a place as any.

For most of my life I have been an atheist. Never believed in god. Religion in general just seemed kind of crazy to me. I tried to be a good person but that came from my parents raising me to respect others and try to treat others how I wanted to be treated. Not from any religious superstition. When I hit my 30's its like my entire life got just nuclear bombed. Divorce followed by going through a series of other truly terrible times which affected my family and people close to me. I guess out of desperation from the seeming catalogue of disasters and grief I started reaching for something more. I don't want to go into the details but I ended up having a pretty intense experience that left me in no doubt there is actually some form of god or whatever the hell you wanna call it.

But different to what most seem to get from belief or knowledge there is a god, this hasn't served to comfort me in any way shape or form. Initially I had this temporary blissful experience which quickly passed. It left me laughing as if this little pat on the head was some how supposed to be a comfort ?!? For me it did more harm then good - now I can't help but see God as some kind of awful monster. I know now without a shadow of a doubt he is real and its worse for me then the alternative.

It made sense before. That this life is imperfect because it was random chance and luck and sometimes bad things just happen. Its a statistical probability. But now knowing that there actually is a god who has a measure of control and he allows the awful, terrible and disgraceful things to happen. A god that sinks the boot in when you are down - I am lost. I actually have developed a deep hatred and anger towards god. Honestly if I ever make it to the pearly gates and sit face to face with him I would not ask for entry. I would probably spit in his face and tell him he can shove his eternal life straight up his ass.

I feel like some of my punishment is karma - but any karma I have received has so outweighed anything bad I have done its incomprehensible. I made mistakes in my life but nothing to warrant what I have gone through. I have no respect or understanding for a god who operates the way he does.
You might find some insight in a book written by James Dobson called "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". It's an interesting read and addresses some of your attitudes.

The punishment you perceive you are experiencing is not anything that God has exacted upon you. It is simply the consequences of dealing with earthly problems, choices/mistakes. God did not, for instance, create divorce per se. That is a worldly practice so worldly consequences ensue. God did not create cancer. Cancer is the result of a man's ways in the world -- i.e. insecticide treatment on vegetables/fruit, smoking, etc. There was none of this when the world as we know it was created. Humans compromised the environment given.
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Old 16th August 2017, 1:16 PM   #8
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Stop blaming your problems on God. If you want to see the source of your problems look in the mirror.
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Old 16th August 2017, 3:22 PM   #9
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Hey OP, thank you for sharing your thoughts, and I'm sure a lot of us can empathize with your pain. Faith in God brings a new dimension to pain. I think your feelings are completely understandable and are one of the main reasons people abandon faith. One of my favorite writers, Peter Enns, recently did an informal survey on his blog and then listed the top 5 reasons people abandon Christianity. One of the those reasons was the feeling of anger/confusion that God did not intervene to stop bad things from happening to people. Or the idea that if you believe in predestination, God even planned/orchestrated these events. So it seems like you are in pretty good company. I've certainly felt anger at God for not intervening in my life. At the very least, I think the majority of people have at least questioned it.

Many Bibilical authors grapple with the questions you are touching on: Why do bad things happen to good people? Why doesn't God step in? Does God orchestrate all of this, and, if so, doesn't that mean God orchestrates really awful things? I'd encourage you to read Job and Ecclesiastes. I'd also encourage you to read C. S. Lewis' "The Problem of Pain." So many people have grappled with these questions, and you are far from alone. Even Jesus asked God if there was any other way to reconcile this world other than crucifixion. Jesus asked God why he had forsaken him on the Cross, so even Jesus himself expressed feelings of abandonment.

I can't offer you any concrete answers, but I can empathize with your pain and your questioning of God. And again, we're in good company. Peter Enns said it best I think: "I'm not really sure what God is up to." That about sums it up for me. Maybe after you get over the acuity of your pain, your feelings will soften a little. Sometimes, deep anger can be a place where God can meet you in your pain.
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Old 16th August 2017, 3:26 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pureinheart View Post

If they really believe that God/gods do not exist then why do these non entities bother them so much, why the hate?

Why hate something that does not exist? Is it because someone else believes, so hate on them because they believe in a particular way?

Bottom line, one cannot hate something that does not exist (in their mind), either it really does exist, or hypocrisy/denial is taking place.
Yes, this is exactly what it is. I've experienced it (still am) with a family member.
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Old 17th August 2017, 11:42 PM   #11
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God isn't doing anything to you. People are. Something bad happens and you automatically say, "God why are you doing this?!" instead of holding the people who did it accountable. Why?

If you really did look enough into religion enough to be like, "Nah, this isn't for me" you would've also looked into all the theories of life purposes. The median of purposes being, we are here to LEARN. And how do you learn? Experiences. Are experiences always pleasant? NO. But you've survived every single one of them thus far haven't you? So He is looking out for you. He is never giving you more than you can handle because you are still here.

Deep down you do know this because you're questioning it and you're questioning everything. Guess what? The people in the Bible questioned too. He's not mad that you're questioning and trying to punish you into absolute obedience or crush your spirit so you can't fight back. Questioning is actually the foundation to a relationship with God. You want to understand and He wants to be known.
But know, God is not the monster here.
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Old 19th August 2017, 9:48 AM   #12
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I tend to think of God as more of a parent to adult children. When our children become teens and then young adults we have to let them go live their lives and learn their lessons. We still love them madly but we can't control their lives or fix their mistakes, nor should we. They need to experience life in full technicolor. Life isn't supposed to be painless. Sometimes deep love and profound spirituality is experienced in life's worst moments. Through our own pain we learn empathy, compassion and kindness for others. There will always be terrible ugliness in the world because there are terrible people but the world is also full of kind loving people. You are a grown up and you get to decide who you want to be. People who angry at God whenever life is hard always sound childish to me.
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Old 19th August 2017, 8:39 PM   #13
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sometimes I feel as if i'm nothing more than one big blob of hypocrisy, denial, hatred, resentments, nothingness, confusion, judgmentalism and being different and unlovable


but there's more....to me ... than that....there's also love, forgiveness, innocence, caring, empathy, honest questioning, concenscience (hyper-as-it-may-be), hope and vulnerabilities

none of us gets out of this alive. someone once told me that God works his magic in each living thing....in his own way...and we come to him....through our own understandings (or misunderstandings). We are all uniquely the same.

You're in good hands Jimmy....bank it
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Old 19th August 2017, 9:05 PM   #14
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Last edited by whatnot; 19th August 2017 at 9:06 PM.. Reason: wrong thread
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Old 24th August 2017, 6:47 AM   #15
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I feel bad for posting this now - was in a bad place when I did. Thanks all for the responses.
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