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Patronizing


Spirituality & Religious Beliefs Contemplate your place and purpose in the universe.

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Old 24th May 2017, 11:29 AM   #31
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To me, saying "I'll pray for you" is the same thing as saying "I'll do nothing to help you through your situation"

Yeah, thanks for your prayers. I just spilled the beans to you, Im asking for your help! That's the best you can do? "I'll pray for you" ok well thanks for nothing!
"My father is in surgery"

"I'll pray for you"

"So you'll do nothing"

"Ok, nm, I'll scrub up and try to do my best."

Whether praying for someone or just telling them you are sending positive thoughts their way, there are a lot of situations where you really are helpless.
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Old 21st June 2017, 8:22 AM   #32
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Why do some people tell you you're being patronizing or get offended when you tell them you will say a prayer for them?

I think it's nice that someone would think about you enough to say a prayer for your happiness or for help in solving s problem or peace or whatever
I honestly have never had anyone tell me i am patronizing them if i have told them i am praying for them. Even if they may not beleive in the power of prayer...I would hope that they would know my sincere concern for them.

Recently you shared some sad information and i told you i would be lifting up in prayer. I meant it sincerely...and i have prayed for you everyday.
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Old 21st June 2017, 11:00 AM   #33
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I honestly have never had anyone tell me i am patronizing them if i have told them i am praying for them. Even if they may not beleive in the power of prayer...I would hope that they would know my sincere concern for them.

Recently you shared some sad information and i told you i would be lifting up in prayer. I meant it sincerely...and i have prayed for you everyday.
I went through some illnesws in the last year or so. I had quite a few people say they were praying for me. Several were NOT of the Judeo-Christian faith. That means they were praying to someone else.

You know what? I didn't care. When my friend of another religion took my hand and said, "I'm praying for you," I knedw that meant she cared about me and my well-being and wanted things to get better. She was showing care, even love, for me.

Why in the world would I have caller condescending, berated her for not being able to treat my illness, or taken that gesture as an opportunity to tell her how ridiculous her belifs are (not that I think that).

Doing any of those things would have said way more about me than about her. Full stop.

OP, if you are sincere when you pray for someone, there is nothing condescending about it.
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Old 21st June 2017, 11:23 AM   #34
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I went through some illnesws in the last year or so. I had quite a few people say they were praying for me. Several were NOT of the Judeo-Christian faith. That means they were praying to someone else.

You know what? I didn't care. When my friend of another religion took my hand and said, "I'm praying for you," I knedw that meant she cared about me and my well-being and wanted things to get better. She was showing care, even love, for me.

Why in the world would I have caller condescending, berated her for not being able to treat my illness, or taken that gesture as an opportunity to tell her how ridiculous her belifs are (not that I think that).

Doing any of those things would have said way more about me than about her. Full stop.

OP, if you are sincere when you pray for someone, there is nothing condescending about it.
Oh my gosh yes.. to me prayers are prayers... it is positive energy being raised on my behalf.. keep em coming! Lol
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Old 21st June 2017, 1:11 PM   #35
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For some people religion is a very sore spot to begin with, particularly if they have bad past experiences with their own religion being mocked and belittled by others, or with being cast out of the religious group they were raised in. Especially for people who were cast out for being gay or something, and the last thing they heard from their family/church was "we'll pray for you to change".

If you know that religion is a painful subject for someone then it would be polite to not tell them that you're praying for them. But if you don't know, then it's not your fault if you accidentally upset them. If they ask you to please not do that again, just try to remember and move on.

Other times, it may just be that the person is so upset because of the pain of the situation that they're currently in that they lash out at offers of help that don't feel helpful to them. The "what are your prayers going to do? nothing!" angry response. It's very hard to predict how a stranger is going to react to an offer of prayer when they're under intense personal pain. Do offer them your thoughts and care, but recognise that they may slap your hand away. Try not to get angry if they do. They're hurting.
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Old 21st June 2017, 3:32 PM   #36
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For some people religion is a very sore spot to begin with, particularly if they have bad past experiences with their own religion being mocked and belittled by others, or with being cast out of the religious group they were raised in. Especially for people who were cast out for being gay or something, and the last thing they heard from their family/church was "we'll pray for you to change".

If you know that religion is a painful subject for someone then it would be polite to not tell them that you're praying for them. But if you don't know, then it's not your fault if you accidentally upset them. If they ask you to please not do that again, just try to remember and move on.

Other times, it may just be that the person is so upset because of the pain of the situation that they're currently in that they lash out at offers of help that don't feel helpful to them. The "what are your prayers going to do? nothing!" angry response. It's very hard to predict how a stranger is going to react to an offer of prayer when they're under intense personal pain. Do offer them your thoughts and care, but recognise that they may slap your hand away. Try not to get angry if they do. They're hurting.
The key phrase is IF YOU KNOW. There are a couple of things about me that not many people no. If they accidentally made a remark related to them I wouldn't wig out or lecture them or get offended. I would either shrug it off or calmly tell them I'm sensitive about X.

If I KNOW someone hates religion, I'll tell them I'm thinking of them or hope things turn out well. If I don't know and they tell me "Religion is kind of a trigger for me," I will apologize and not make the same mistake. If they get condescending and jerky about it, I'll walk away. And like I said, that will say more about them than me.

I'm sorry, but people are not psychic. I don't believe most people intentionally offend, so there's no need to be rude about it.
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