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Patronizing


Spirituality & Religious Beliefs Contemplate your place and purpose in the universe.

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Old 4th April 2017, 9:19 AM   #1
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Patronizing

Why do some people tell you you're being patronizing or get offended when you tell them you will say a prayer for them?

I think it's nice that someone would think about you enough to say a prayer for your happiness or for help in solving s problem or peace or whatever
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Old 4th April 2017, 9:47 AM   #2
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I think some people hate religion, full stop.
And, some people do not like to think they are in need of so much help that someone else would think of praying for them.
They think they are doing fine and are offended that someone else would think they are struggling emotionally, ethically, financially, morally, spiritually, etc.
A "Thanks but no thanks" sort of attitude.
Of course "I will say a prayer for you (you poor thing)" can be seen as patronising, and can be met with a lot of defensiveness or pricklyness as it can sometimes be used as a put down.

I am not particularly religious. but if someone wants to pray for me then I am glad of all the help I can get...

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 31st May 2017 at 12:48 PM.. Reason: Deleted quote of entire previous post. ~JC
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Old 4th April 2017, 10:15 AM   #3
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Without context, it's difficult to assess.

What's the motivation for praying? How is that motivation conveyed or expressed?
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Old 4th April 2017, 5:22 PM   #4
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I'm hardly religious, but I'd take this positively. Someone praying for me, be it Allah or God, whatever means that at least they think about me... now will it work? The religious would believe so, but I'm not offended by that in any way.
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Old 4th April 2017, 6:44 PM   #5
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It makes me uncomfortable when people say they will pray for me. Mostly, I think it will have no impact on the outcome. I also find that offering a prayer is something that is thrown around all the time and not very genuine. My worldview is very different I guess. I don't view prayer as an opportunity to ask God for things. I see prayer as an open line to talk to God for comfort, but I would never pray to God for the purpose of asking for something. So it makes me uncomfortable when someone wants to do that on my behalf. Praying for the healing of any illness makes me exceptionally uncomfortable. If there is a God, I don't think he/she/it dips into our lives and changes the outcome.
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Old 4th April 2017, 6:48 PM   #6
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I saw a friend post something about this but in a more spiritual sense recently. She's the single mum to a very disabled child.

She said "people say to me, 'so when is the universe going to help you'?". But she notes that the same people do absolutely nothing practical to help her. These people are all words. Words are not much help if what a person needs most is financial or practical assistance. Of course, if you are already giving much practical assistance, those words will have substance.
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Old 4th April 2017, 7:11 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
I saw a friend post something about this but in a more spiritual sense recently. She's the single mum to a very disabled child.

She said "people say to me, 'so when is the universe going to help you'?". But she notes that the same people do absolutely nothing practical to help her. These people are all words. Words are not much help if what a person needs most is financial or practical assistance. Of course, if you are already giving much practical assistance, those words will have substance.


i agree basil.there are peopel who would say that to fob people off ...its almost a blase atttitude .patronizing and dismissive of the actual struggle that person has.......i have been in need of help its hard for me to ask .....for help i hardly ever do ...i have had at times been at thend of a dismissive reply........so to think people actually sincerely pray for me and have some inkling of how much i struggle is a beautiful thought i hold close to my heart...for i believe god answers prayers...and sometimes i cant even ask god for help myself i feel like a burden.....


if someone is in need of help my first response is normally what can i do to help you how can i make this easier on you......what do you need how can i get it.....

when i cant be with someone i care about physically or i have exhausted all my advice and nothing i can do to help them would ever really work...i tell them il will pray fro you...i have had to do this with my daughter...and i have asked her to pray for herself as well and i have asked other people to pray fro her going for multiple prayers......i cant solve aND FIX everythiNG no matter how hard i try and praying is often the best answer and the only answer that can give me peace that god will take over and help the person i really want helped...


at times i reach to help others by asking others to help those people as well.....before i pray or i pray and i am inspired to reach out to others to help others........i always mean it..i try to set up support networks for friends and family next door neighbours....im not perfect but i do good when i can...and follow the whispers in my heart from prayers i feel are answered..........my prayers are mostly for others.....or thanking god.....or asking god to guide me to people who need help.....or guide them to me...so basil i truly believe when people say i will pray fo ryou......


a lot of the time it is because they dont know what they can do to help the person they say i will pray too..... other than to pray its their only answer they can think of that might make a difference.............deb.......
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Old 4th April 2017, 7:20 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
I saw a friend post something about this but in a more spiritual sense recently. She's the single mum to a very disabled child.

She said "people say to me, 'so when is the universe going to help you'?". But she notes that the same people do absolutely nothing practical to help her. These people are all words. Words are not much help if what a person needs most is financial or practical assistance. Of course, if you are already giving much practical assistance, those words will have substance.
That's a good point. I see so many people on social media offering prayers, and it's seems so hollow. If prayer could actually change the outcome, I think we would have figured that out by now.
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Old 4th April 2017, 7:50 PM   #9
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Back in the day when under the iron fist of the Catholic Church, when praying or as I liked to put talking to God, I never announced or communicated to others if/when including them or references to them in my prayers, rather just did it privately. Generally though it was talk to gain guidance in dealing with others

What's IMO missing in the example is the how and why?

Say someone is sick..... express support and concern and then go off and pray for the person to regain health. That's one example of a bazillion. It's really hard to discern, even to a modest degree, why someone would feel patronized without knowing the circumstances and context. If someone expressed concern and support when I was facing difficult times or was feeling low, I'd be appreciative. Everyone's different.
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Old 4th April 2017, 11:27 PM   #10
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I don't know I'm new at this. I've returned to religion recently ( wasn't happy with catholic faith growing up, I am Christian now)....and just don't want to offend people I guess. I do actually say a prayer for the people I say it to, it's not some hollow phrase.
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Old 5th April 2017, 6:52 AM   #11
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Hollow is the right word here.

Saying a prayer for you is an easy cop out to actually help someone out. Most people do understand this standard reply. It's a good test though.
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Old 5th April 2017, 8:47 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by mikeylo View Post
Hollow is the right word here.

Saying a prayer for you is an easy cop out to actually help someone out. Most people do understand this standard reply. It's a good test though.
What if it's a stranger on an Internet forum and you can't physically help them?

All you can do is say a prayer
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Old 5th April 2017, 1:59 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by aileD View Post
What if it's a stranger on an Internet forum and you can't physically help them?

All you can do is say a prayer
On a forum, we give support in the form of advice ( it is help ), words that are cheering and compassionate. The person responding is using their time to think and give advice after trying to understand and being in the posters shoes. There is some investment unlike people who lend an ear in RL and give ' will say a prayer ' line.

It's a mutual suppprt that is unbiased. No one knows anyone here but we invest. Makes sense ?
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Old 5th April 2017, 2:08 PM   #14
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Example: A fellow hobbyist posted up they were in today for 20 days of in-patient cancer treatment so may be away for awhile. Along with others I offered support but privately did a bit of spiritual talk and put my flag out in their name. Hence, they'd never know if I 'prayed' for them or not. That's one instance and context. Billions of others exist. Would they feel patronized if expressed publicly? IDK, others did so. Everyone offers or responds in their own way.
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Old 5th April 2017, 2:10 PM   #15
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Ok so don't tell people if I pray for them.

And I do give advice and pray too. And with the nature of this forum it's not like I'm praying "please make this woman wake up and stop cheating on her husband". It's more a "please help guide her to the choice that is best for her life and heart and self"

Just an example
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