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'Christian household'


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Old 19th January 2017, 12:04 PM   #1
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'Christian household'

What does this mean in practical terms?

I am asking because I'm still trying to make sense of my ex behavior. The long story short: he's Christian, I was raised Christian (sort of - we were following the holidays etc but not going to church regularly), but I consider myself agnostic. I told him that, told him I can go to church with him, but I can't promise I'll ever become a believer.

So... 1.5 years later - I never became a believer although I was going to church with him (for him because I knew it is important for him) and *behind my back* he started scrolling on a dating site... Later (after we broke up) I discussed with him why he was not satisfied in the RL: I'm citing
- 'I definitely want a Christian wife and household'
- 'I'd never have friends if I stay with you' - explaining: he only considered friendship material the people from his church. Even for my friends (not religious) he suggested to invite them to join, otherwise he didn't seem interested in befriending them
- 'You're not interested in marriage' - I was actually, HE was the one suggesting living together and holding off proposal because he wanted to ask permission from my family first (they are overseas and I'm not close to them)... Although he was deeply uncomfortable living together and I've witnessed people from his church commenting on it ... Then he told me he viewed our living together more as a roommate situation than commitment which would have came with engagement?!?

I'm wondering was he an d*ck stringing me along or waiting for me to 'convert' before proposing? What is the typical advice Christian men get when dating a non-believer (I know he got 'advice' from his pastor - I wonder did he suggested him dumping me... he'll never tell me the truth for that matters)

In general, would a Christian men marry a non-believer if she's openly saying this but nevertheless doing the things important for him (like attending church with him)?

The question is mainly because when I start online dating again, maybe I need to weed out religious folks if that's something that is generally a problem (i.e. they won't be serious if the woman is not a believer and/or they'll attempt converting her)
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Old 19th January 2017, 12:22 PM   #2
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Oh, NG, your ex sounds like a dick. I could write a dissertation on this topic, and will, when I get my laptop back this weekend. But bottom line, if he knew he wanted a Christian wife, he should not have dated you to begin with, that's awfully unfair to you. Furthermore, I'd say that unless you're planning to convert, avoid Christian men on dating sights, at least ones that are openly practicing, because you'll probably run into similar issues. You don't want to be with a guy with these kinds of hang ups.
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Old 19th January 2017, 12:33 PM   #3
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Yes. Just going to church is not the same as believing in your heart. I imagine he will want his children raised Christian and he will want his wife to play a major role in that. I don't think non-believers and believers should marry. You are opening yourself up to a lot of resentment from both sides down the road.
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Old 19th January 2017, 12:51 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
What does this mean in practical terms?
It means that you and your boyfriend have a critical incompatibility.


Take care.
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Old 19th January 2017, 1:01 PM   #5
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Sounds like this guy is not just a Christian, but a religious fanatic. Wow, don't consider non-Christian people friendship material! Why didn't he just ask his pastor to set him up with another religious fanatic? Does raising his kids in a Christian household include telling them not to engage in pre-marital sex?
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Last edited by JuneL; 19th January 2017 at 1:07 PM..
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Old 19th January 2017, 6:10 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by JuneL View Post
Sounds like this guy is not just a Christian, but a religious fanatic. Wow, don't consider non-Christian people friendship material! Why didn't he just ask his pastor to set him up with another religious fanatic? Does raising his kids in a Christian household include telling them not to engage in pre-marital sex?
Which he's no doubt participated in with OP?

Very hypocritical of him.
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Old 19th January 2017, 6:55 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by losangelena View Post
Which he's no doubt participated in with OP?

Very hypocritical of him.
That's exactly what I was trying to get at. Personally, I have no problem with anyone, religious or otherwise, engaging in pre-marital sex. But if you are some religious fanatic who is aggressively trying to impose your religion on others, you'd better follow what your religion teaches yourself first.
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Old 19th January 2017, 11:16 PM   #8
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Yeah the premarital sex with him really was the puzzling part - we made out on date 1 (he initiated), date 4 went all the way (he initiated) and then was intense throughout the RL. And at 8 months HE asked me to move in with him.

On the other side: he didn't want to tell people that we live together for over half year and when we were visiting his friends and family - I was never allowed to sleep in the same room with him - because they said we're not married...

He was so confusing with his beliefs that I'm not even sure what it was. I just can't forget one thing: he was firmly believing only people at church accept him. I don't know if that's something Christian specific or his own thing (he had some psychological hangups with acceptance / social interactions).

Losangelena - look forward to more insights from you whenever the laptop is available
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Old 19th January 2017, 11:40 PM   #9
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Like Eve, you had led him to the forbidden fruit. And yes, it was all your fault.
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Old 20th January 2017, 12:40 AM   #10
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I tend to think that a person of faith has a tolerance for varying views. It's the practicing that takes years to master.

It's important to not classify "all faith filled" persons as incompatible to relationships. Basically don't let one incident cloud the opportunities when a kind soul crosses your path.

I dated a gent who very much made it clear that I would not be welcomed into his faith. I walked with bitterness for him. The reality was... He was dripping in intolerance and secular snobbery. That is a human trait even agnostics and atheist can exhibit. So instead, I find balance in humanity by keeping my faith in check .
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Old 21st January 2017, 9:59 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Simple Logic View Post
Like Eve, you had led him to the forbidden fruit. And yes, it was all your fault.

I agree in effect both were missionary dating hoping to draw the other to their side. That the OP was not a Richard Dawkins type but rather a let's just don't fight on that issue makes her little different from most folks of faith, even the evangelizing faiths of Christianity and Islam, who about the same mentality into personal relationships.
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Old 21st January 2017, 6:03 PM   #12
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Ng...

I don't know what country you live in.

But as a former bible believing Christian, I would like for you to understand a couple of things.

1) This guy is an actual moron. Absolutely as dumb as a box of rocks. Stay away from him at all cost.

2) The "views" that he has about Christianity are as wrong as he is stupid. Real Christianity has nothing to do with the views he expressed or the way that he acted. His version is some type of warped form of the religion that actually has nothing to do with what the bible actually says or how you are supposed to behave as a "Christian".

Just be glad that you did not marry him. If you want to know what Christianity is about, read the bible and it will tell you all you need to know.
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Old 22nd January 2017, 8:40 AM   #13
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I do not think the guy was being kind. I go to a Christian church and consider myself a Christian in terms of my value system. I believe the teachings of the church: help one another, be kind to everyone,,,etc But I don't take everything in the Bible literally. I may be more agnostic myself.

Either way: I would never not marry a guy (Since I am a girl I will use a guy as the example) because he was not Christian. I would not care what religion he was or even if he was religious. We all have our own beliefs and should be allowed to do so. I care if someone is a good decent person and that to me is what really matters.

He was being unkind when he said he would not have friends because he only wants friends from his Church. Again, I believe people should have a wide circle of friends (in terms of religion and beliefs). People do not need to believe what you do to be a great person.
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Old 22nd January 2017, 5:17 PM   #14
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I didn't try to make him lose his faith.

The thing that was grinding on me was the social aspect of it: his ideal week was going together to church and hanging out with the folks there on Sunday (ok with me), going to a Bible study one evening each week (I was doing it with him but reluctantly), and then going out with them once again to do something social. For me, abstracting entirely from the religious aspect, it was too much, way too much time spent with the same people in a group every week... I started resenting this whole social dynamics...

Quote:
Originally Posted by taiko View Post

I agree in effect both were missionary dating hoping to draw the other to their side. That the OP was not a Richard Dawkins type but rather a let's just don't fight on that issue makes her little different from most folks of faith, even the evangelizing faiths of Christianity and Islam, who about the same mentality into personal relationships.
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Old 22nd January 2017, 5:19 PM   #15
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I live in the US.

On 1) - why do you say so? I'm just curious what information makes you conclude that? We're not in contact but I am thinking maybe we can be friends down the line (after we both find new partners, if they are ok with it).

Quote:
Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
I don't know what country you live in.

But as a former bible believing Christian, I would like for you to understand a couple of things.

1) This guy is an actual moron. Absolutely as dumb as a box of rocks. Stay away from him at all cost.

2) The "views" that he has about Christianity are as wrong as he is stupid. Real Christianity has nothing to do with the views he expressed or the way that he acted. His version is some type of warped form of the religion that actually has nothing to do with what the bible actually says or how you are supposed to behave as a "Christian".

Just be glad that you did not marry him. If you want to know what Christianity is about, read the bible and it will tell you all you need to know.
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