To pursue or not to pursue that is the question...

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

So I've been single for many, many years now.

 

In the big wide world out there, pretty uncommon to be single for many, many years unless there is something wrong with you or you are incredibly picky.

 

But I have felt recently from God that I have pursued men and God has been very direct in telling me not to.

Seeking men seems to be a typical knee-jerk reaction to me trying to quicken the pace and get what I desire if I were to be completely honest.

 

I just had a Christian friend telling me to woo a guy I like by cooking him dinner. I don't have anyone to cook for, and I don't think I would purposely go out there and prepare a meal for someone unless we were heading into a more promising romantic future.

 

I know it's 2016, but I feel for me, I felt very strongly not to pursue- but some people may have different experiences, results or advice...

 

Can anyone advise and share some guidance?

 

P.S. I'm not interested in anyone at the moment

[Justanaverageguy]

 

But I have felt recently from God that I have pursued men and God has been very direct in telling me not to.

Seeking men seems to be a typical knee-jerk reaction to me trying to quicken the pace and get what I desire if I were to be completely honest.

 

 

How has god specifically been telling you not to ?

 

Regardless I think you might of answered yourself in the above statements. It sounds like it's not so much that you shouldn't pursue a relationship with a man .... but perhaps more that you shouldn't pursue a relationship with a man for the wrong reasons - as a knee jerk reaction - to maybe unhappiness or to avoid doing work in some other area.

 

I find normally when we get this feeling like we shouldn't be doing something - there is a why there you have to uncover and work on that then opens the door to us feeling ok to move forward.

Edited November 25, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

How has god specifically been telling you not to ?

 

Regardless I think you might of answered yourself in the above statements. It sounds like it's not so much that you shouldn't pursue a relationship with a man .... but perhaps more that you shouldn't pursue a relationship with a man for the wrong reasons - as a knee jerk reaction - to maybe unhappiness or to avoid doing work in some other area.

 

I find normally when we get this feeling like we shouldn't be doing something - there is a why there you have to uncover and work on that then opens the door to us feeling ok to move forward.

 

Well I'll give you a case and point. So I met this guy online and we were both interested in music, we are thinking of getting in a band together. I'm in my last rounds of study so not to long to go thank goodness! He's catholic and I was going to invite him to my church- but I felt from God, don't pursue him. It was so weird, I thought I was doing the right thing, inviting him to church but I felt strongly from the Holy Spirit to not invite him to church. I didn't necessarily think anything romantic, but I felt like God was speaking to me from a " don't go there". So I didn't. I guess the reason I pursue or have pursued is because yeah I want to get married and I figure if they're not asking me out, there is no reason why I can't ask them out. Some men like to be wooed, right?

[LancasterAmos1966]

 

Can anyone advise and share some guidance?

 

P.S. I'm not interested in anyone at the moment

 

 

There's nothing sinful in marrying and there's nothing sinful in remaining single. You know what you want, and that's your decision.

 

"I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." I Corinthians 7:8 & 9

 

My best friend that I've known for well over 40 years that has never married. He is content being a lifetime bachelor. He looks at my situation of being estranged from my wife, and he is happy that he did not have to deal with that kind of situation.

 

However, I look at his life and am happy that I experienced marriage. I was able to share loving companionship, and now I have become Mr. Mom to my 6 kids. I feel I got a terrific deal even though my wife chose to walk away.

 

Concerning wooing a man, maybe it would be best to court rather than date.

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having male friendship, but if you are making a meal to "woo" him into a future marriage relationship, then I'd suggest courtship. It just fits a Christ-follower so much better.

 

"What is the difference between dating and courtship? The main difference between dating and courtship involves the goals to be reached by spending time with a potential marriage partner. Men and women who choose to date often have no commitment to consider marrying the other person. Maturity and readiness for marriage are not considerations in the decision to date."

[LancasterAmos1966]

But I have felt recently from God that I have pursued men and God has been very direct in telling me not to.

 

 

You have a tender heart and attitude towards the things of God; and I commend you for that.

 

I really know nothing about your religious background, but I'll assume that you are a Christ-follower. And if that is the case, then you believe John 14:26

 

"But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you."

 

Provided your conscience and inner voice of God does not go against the Bible, then it's ok to follow those promptings.

 

Marriage is wonderful, but all marriages eventually end by way of divorce or death.

 

Marriage is not all fun, fun, fun. It's a lot of work, it can bring disappointments.....Don't consider yourself a half-person because you are not married. I'm estranged from my wife, and I'm not half-a-person because she is not with me.

 

"I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost," Romans 9:1

 

Since you sense God leading towards remaining single for now, that is very wise to follow that prompting. Some people "sear" their conscience, and are not able to discern the correct decisions to make in life. And then their life becomes "shipwrecked." I Timothy 1:19

 

I know you did not ask for this information, but I would like to share some websites that go along with your topic of being single. I won't give website links, but just google these 2 phrases:

 

Single, Satisfied, and Sent: Mission for the Not-Yet Married

 

Four things God says singles The Gospel Coalition

[Justanaverageguy]

It was so weird, I thought I was doing the right thing, inviting him to church but I felt strongly from the Holy Spirit to not invite him to church. I didn't necessarily think anything romantic, but I felt like God was speaking to me from a " don't go there". So I didn't. I guess the reason I pursue or have pursued is because yeah I want to get married and I figure if they're not asking me out, there is no reason why I can't ask them out. Some men like to be wooed, right?

 

So it was more like an inner sense of "knowing" or a gut feeling that you shouldn't go down that path then. I've found when that happens I can't always understand "why" at the time but if I ignore that intuitive feeling I shouldn't be doing something it normally doesn't end well and I find out the why the hard and much more difficult way.

 

I'm into meditation - it sounds like you are christian and so I would guess are into prayer. I find for me when I sit silently and set an intention to uncover "why?" I have this feeling or why something happened I will inevitably be lead to an understanding if I let it come to me. Maybe not immediately but in the coming days something will just become clear to me.

 

Maybe in this case it was as simply as just not being the right guy for you to approach and so this feeling warned you away from him. Or maybe there is another area of yourself that the spirit or your unconscious feels you need to work on first.