Jump to content

Reaching out to God in Grief


Recommended Posts

autumnnight

So I am grieving very heavily right now. I break into tears randomly and cannot sleep. I have been reading Psalms, listening to inspirational music, praying (even when all I can do is cry out "God, it hurts. Please help me"). I have face to face friends, but my closest one is going through a really big health crisis with one of her kids, so I don't want to lean too heavily.

 

When you have had your world rocked with pain, how do you allow God do comfort you? How do you draw close and lay down the grief? Yes, I know it takes time, but any hints for speeding up the process lol? I'm really getting tired of the stuffy nose and headaches :)

 

Seriously, I have to work and take care of people and go on with life. I can't be crying in the grocery line and the gas station and in the car for no apparent reason.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You simply keep your faith and put yourself in the hands of the Almighty. In due time he will make things right.

 

These tough times are the true test of our faith.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
autumnnight

True. Simple.

 

You know, I don't think anything happens in a believer's life without a purpose. Parts of me have needed to be broken for a long time.

 

They are.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
regine_phalange

I'm sorry for your grief :( It's a very powerful feeling, it can make you temporarily forget all the beautiful things. Whoever your god is, you could try praying for yourself, as if you would pray for someone you love. Cry as much as you can when you're alone, as suppressing negative feelings can make you sick. If you feel pain then cry even more. This kind of pain is pressure from powerful emotions that need a way out. Eventually most of them will come out and you'll feel calmer the next day, even though with less energy.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry for the pain and grief you are going through...

 

And yes, I in the past year or two at several points asked myself "how" do you put it in God's hands? People are so quick to tell you to do that, yet no one tells you "how".

 

I think I know sorta "how"

 

I guess it's sort of like the serenity prayer. You take a look at what you can change, what you have power over and the rest (which you can't change), you just have to let go and I guess that's where you trust that God will take over and if its meant to be, He'll make it happen.

 

In other words, you sorta like stop pushing, stop trying at something.

 

See, I think accepting what we can't have/change/etc is the hardest things for us humans. Sometimes we just have to accept "what is".

 

Stop trying to convince that guy to love/want you. Stop applying for the same types of jobs. Stop trying to get a friend to change her ways. Get my drift?

 

Hang in there...this shall pass. I know that's hard to imagine right now. But, we have to endure the pain to move on to the next step. So, cry, grieve, even get angry. But, in the meantime stay busy, stay active...don't be like me last week where I was in bed pulling the covers over my head. Saturday morning I said "no more" and I got up and while it was hard adjusting to not lying in bed under the covers, I had a great day and am doing waaay better.

 

Oh, and music. Turn on music and just dance, cry, scream. Trust me on this one ;)

 

Good luck and get better!!!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
autumnnight

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I'm blessed also to have some very faithful friends in my church and life. I have a close small circle of people who believe all of God's Word and have lived it faithfully in their lies and homes.

 

You know, God is pretty stringent with regard to stiff necked and rebellious Christians and how other believers respond to them. In Corinthians it says "do not even eat with such a one." However, when a brother or sister is truly broken and grieving, the directive is just as clear: mercy, compassion, and coming alongside in restoration. The Bible even says that we are to be a part of "the ministry of reconciliation (that isn't referring to marriage)."

 

That said, I think I should probably, for a time, surround myself with flesh and blood friends who know me fully and have a reason to have a vested interest in my life, if that makes sense. The cruise I have referenced is cancelled, and my focus is on the personal and spiritual.

 

I won't be on LS for awhile, but I would appreciate prayers. Thanks for the encouragement.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle
How do you draw close and lay down the grief? I can't be crying in the grocery line and the gas station and in the car for no apparent reason.
By doing exactly what you're doing. Yes, you can be crying in all of those places. And when the confused person asks you what's wrong, you tell them. You give them whatever version satisfies you at the time. In short, keep doing what you're doing.
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

God has been the key to always helping me get over grief, especially breakups. Keep praying it will help. God bless.

Link to post
Share on other sites
TheFinalWord
So I am grieving very heavily right now. I break into tears randomly and cannot sleep. I have been reading Psalms, listening to inspirational music, praying (even when all I can do is cry out "God, it hurts. Please help me"). I have face to face friends, but my closest one is going through a really big health crisis with one of her kids, so I don't want to lean too heavily.

 

When you have had your world rocked with pain, how do you allow God do comfort you? How do you draw close and lay down the grief? Yes, I know it takes time, but any hints for speeding up the process lol? I'm really getting tired of the stuffy nose and headaches :)

 

Seriously, I have to work and take care of people and go on with life. I can't be crying in the grocery line and the gas station and in the car for no apparent reason.

 

Praying for you AN.

 

It sort of depends on what I am grieving about. If you are distressed over a romantic relationship, the quickest way to get over it is to go out on a date with another person. Working out helps as well. Also, if you have a friend you can talk to. Personally, I play with my dogs. They will love you unconditionally :) But I'm a guy, I think we may process things differently. I do believe everyone needs a period to grieve (5 stages of grief and all that). The main thing is to not get stuck in that phase for too long. If you feel you are, you can also see your doctor. Sometimes some medications can help you with sleep.

Link to post
Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers

Thank you for writing this thread.

 

 

I, too, am grieving heavily and cannot see an end to it.

 

 

Cannot even make out my next steps and feel very lost.

 

 

Thank you for reminding me that it is temporary and that my Heavenly Father will take care of me.

 

 

Thank you as well for reminding me that it is normal even if others don't talk about it very often.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel for the posters who have suffered loss. Of little comfort now but try to remember most of the people you see everyday have suffered loss. See that they have survived and even thrived in time. If someone close to you has passed, realize that this person would certainly want you to recover and enjoy life again when you can.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
autumnnight

Thank you so much for the encouragement. There has been much loss. There will be more.

 

But focusing on who Jesus is makes the most sense to me now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue
True. Simple.

 

You know, I don't think anything happens in a believer's life without a purpose. Parts of me have needed to be broken for a long time.

 

They are.

 

 

Parts of me have needed to be broken for a long time.

 

 

can you explain this to me autumn night..your thoughts behind this comment.....

 

because honestly i question being broken all the time or continuously broken....a contrite spirit makes you turn to god.....but if you are turned to god.....why should it be continuously your spirit that has to break over and over again...in the act of contrition your brokenness of your spirit has served its purpose......the first time you turned to god...not the 7890th time.....

 

i actually think a lot fo my brokenness isnt coming from god...maybe i am wrong...but i believe....its the agency of others influenced by the gutters of evil that breaks my spirit more often than not...it is always god who seems to be there after the fact......even sometimes during......

 

i honestly believe that if i thought that god made peopel do and say things to me they do....i would kill myself..why i keep going is the hand god puts around my shoulders after i cop it.....and a still small voice says...you didnt deserve it.....you are beautiful...........deb

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
autumnnight

Thank you, todreaminblue, for you kind post.

 

I do think there are times when we need to be broken: when we have become hard-hearted, when we have sinned, when we need to be reminded that God is enough to sustain us, when we place something or someone before Him.

 

However, you are correct. A full and accurate reading of all Scripture makes it clear that God never intends for His children to remain broken. It is we humans who typically desire to see someone broken and in pain until WE deem them sufficiently "taught" a lesson.

 

I have been broken for several reason. The loss of someone was a catalyst, but definitely not the whole story. In many ways having the whole story laid in God's hands and in the hands of people who I know truly DO care for me with a Biblical type of care is both comforting and convicting.

 

We humans do like to stay on one extreme or the other of the balance that is God's Word when it comes to "justice" versus "mercy."

 

That is why I am surrounding myself with those who understand that balance in the way that Jesus does. Because no matter what, HE does not desire to see me remain broken indefinitely.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not a Christian.

I do not believe in God, and chose, consciously, to step off that path in favour of another.

But this much I definitely know.

 

you must 'surrender' your Grief.

 

If you're asking God to take this chalice away from you, then you must be willing to let him take it.

You have to loosen your grip on it, and not cling to it as if it were the only thing keeping you alive.

 

It is only by dying - letting go - releasing - giving it up - that you can Live again.

 

You believe Christ died for your sins.

You believe he sacrificed his life on the cross, to set you free.

 

It is therefore, no great thing to ask that you follow his example, and give up what pulls you down, and let God take it.

He is doubtless willing.

Goodness knows, his shoulders are broad enough.

 

He is TRYING to help you. He is TRYING to relieve your pain. But until you acknowledge it needs releasing, then clutching the razor wire with your tightened fist, will continue to make you bleed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
autumnnight

Badpenny, your post is full of wisdom and the perfect segue into the TRUTH I was reminded of tonight.

 

The church I attend is preparing to present a musical/drama program for Easter, as are many churches. One of the songs the choir will be singing is a 1980's Christian standard called "Calvary's Love."

 

During the drama, a college student plays a Christian who is sitting in a park, reading her Bible. A cross is in the background. One by one, individuals walk into the park, carrying weighty bags of various sizes, and ALL of them were wearing chains. Long chains, short chains, large chains, fine chains...they all wore chains.

 

And I couldn't help but think of Jacob Marley and A Christmas Carol, you know, where he said "I wear the chains I forged in life. I created them link by link and yard by yard." Powerful stuff that. Wearing the weight of our bad life choices around our necks and shoulders and arms. Carrying them endlessly, even into eternity, with bowed backs and shame. Yes, very powerful.

 

Problem is, it's not Biblical. Not in the least. Any professing Christian with an understanding of the Bible and salvation knows the chains fall at the cross. Jesus frees us, cleans us, and the chains disappear. In fact, the sin that forged them as separated from us as far as the east is from the west.

 

Oh, it is sometimes comforting to the sinner to continue to wear them as punishment. It is most certainly satisfying to the Pharisee or two who want us to keep carrying them. But if we believe in the Jesus of the Bible, then we know that the same Jesus who said be holy as I am holy is the same one of whom Paul said:

 

"Christ came to save sinners, of whom I am chief."

 

So you are right, badpenny. Carrying any kind of chain is a choice. And making that choice is really kind of thumbing our nose at the price Jesus paid to rid us of them.

 

So I'm shedding them, regardless of who would like to see them remain on my back. The theif on the cross didn't have to live through an earning probationary period. neither do we, according to real Biblical truth.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I talk to God, I express how I feel without asking for anything or help I just talk to him and sleep with my Rosary in my hand. It really does help me oddly enough.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

read the prayer of st. francis, ". make me a channel of your peace",

 

It comforted and re validated that he is the one carrying the burdens and i have to blindly surrender them.

 

Sincerely pray that whatever this grief entails , that you know that God is your strength and other people are his instruments to see you thru.

Link to post
Share on other sites
pureinheart
So I am grieving very heavily right now. I break into tears randomly and cannot sleep. I have been reading Psalms, listening to inspirational music, praying (even when all I can do is cry out "God, it hurts. Please help me"). I have face to face friends, but my closest one is going through a really big health crisis with one of her kids, so I don't want to lean too heavily.

 

When you have had your world rocked with pain, how do you allow God do comfort you? How do you draw close and lay down the grief? Yes, I know it takes time, but any hints for speeding up the process lol? I'm really getting tired of the stuffy nose and headaches :)

 

Seriously, I have to work and take care of people and go on with life. I can't be crying in the grocery line and the gas station and in the car for no apparent reason.

 

Like TFW said, it depends on what the grief is. I didn't read your entire thread and feel this may be what the Lord is leading me to say... or this may be the flesh.

 

I've been going through the same thing. God is cleaning up my past and will just leave it at that.

 

IMO God is doing a work throughout this land and the world. He's bringing those who will not resist to the end of themselves. For me, through time and allowing too much of the world into my thinking, I had lost my first love and my heart became ugly (it always was though).

 

Yours sounds like a travail and cleansing- we hate pain, we want 'happy, happy, joy, joy'. Again IMO the only way to get the true joy of the Lord is to go through the cleansing pain.

 

I've been through what you speak of many times in my life and just learned to go with it... but this last time was HARD because I had so much unconfessed sin.

 

There are many different ways God will lead a person through travails and cleanings, although I really get the sense concerning you that you may be in serious travail/intercession.

 

God is doing an amazing work in this day and hour- He's getting His Church ready.

 

God Bless you, and I'm lifting you up as we speak love:love:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
autumnnight

Pure in heart, your post is so encouraging and challenging at the same time. I feel as if God has been systematically removing every :prop: from my life except Him and at the same time pointing me toward the mirror of His holiness. Oh, we can always find another human whose mirror will make us look good, but no one fares too well in His mirror. Thank goodness He also offers His son, cleansing from all unrighteousness, and His redemption.

 

I lost someone I loved, I lost the distractions to help me cope, I lost the opportunities that could have been a chance to "run away" in a manner of speaking. I am left with Him, His word, and time. It's really a gift, if I can just choose each day to see it that way. I keep thinking of this old song:

Link to post
Share on other sites
pureinheart
Pure in heart, your post is so encouraging and challenging at the same time. I feel as if God has been systematically removing every :prop: from my life except Him and at the same time pointing me toward the mirror of His holiness. Oh, we can always find another human whose mirror will make us look good, but no one fares too well in His mirror. Thank goodness He also offers His son, cleansing from all unrighteousness, and His redemption.

 

I lost someone I loved, I lost the distractions to help me cope, I lost the opportunities that could have been a chance to "run away" in a manner of speaking. I am left with Him, His word, and time. It's really a gift, if I can just choose each day to see it that way. I keep thinking of this old song:

 

Awesome song! Did the someone you love know the Lord? Forgive me if this is an uncool question, it will just give insight.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I would suggest Ave diem by Amadeus Mozart.

I have always loved this first line from The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy.

 

"My wound is geography. It is also my anchorage; my port of call."

 

If you have surrendered OP to God, then everything is exactly what should be. It is only the distance between what you want and What is.

Edited by Timshel
Link to post
Share on other sites
pureinheart
I would suggest Ave diem by Amadeus Mozart.

I have always loved this first line from The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy.

 

"My wound is geography. It is also my anchorage; my port of call."

 

If you have surrounded OP to God then everything is exactly what should be. It is only the distance between what you want and What is.

 

Very cool...

Link to post
Share on other sites
pureinheart
Awesome song! Did the someone you love know the Lord? Forgive me if this is an uncool question, it will just give insight.

 

AN, had other stuff with this post which may have been relevant or not to your situation.

 

I bolded your comment about 'running'- career runner here and God has recently stopped my running, so intended on praising the fact that you are not running.

 

Death is hard, no matter who or what has passed. Your post sent my typical walls way up- just the thought of losing a loved one.

 

I want to help you so bad, say something from God that will touch your spirit, but am at a loss because of my own limitations... so the best thing to do is pray for you:love:

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...