michellew Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Just got a group text this morning from a colleague asking us to keep her in our prayers today because of a family emergency. Everyone quickly replies with 'God Bless', 'Amen', 'praying', scriptures, etc. I don't believe in God and always feel so awkward when these type of occurrences arise. I usually reply with, "thinking of you. (((hugs)))" or something similar. It's no big deal, but I'm just curious to know what other people in my shoes tend to say in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I generally respond as you do. I do wish them well, and there's no good reason to inject my personal philosophy into their difficulties. And there is certainly no need to click "Reply All"! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Never had that happen. I would say "you're in my thoughts" and be annoyed at the whole group text thing...ugh I hate when you get those responses coming in forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I think a polite and tactful person would just say "sending good thoughts your way" and leave it at that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Clair93 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 If they're genuine, I say "of course". If they're not and they're trying to be dicks, I say "& I'm asking you for some thinking". Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 If they're genuine, I say "of course". If they're not and they're trying to be dicks, I say "& I'm asking you for some thinking". I'd be interested to know how one could be certain a person was trying to be a dick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 When someone asks an atheist or agnositc for prayers... If they're genuine, I say "of course". Clair, why do you say "of course"? Why not just be honest, as it doesn't seem like you'd really be praying? There are many other possible responses (thinking of you, hugs, how can I help, etc). Just curious . Link to post Share on other sites
wed4ever Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 OP, I find myself in the same situation. Not so much with text messages but in other areas like church and christmas time. My family is religious but I'm not. I've decided its better to keep peace and just play along with the game. It would cause turmoil if I came out and said I was an atheist. They know I'm not the same as them, but I don't press the issue. It's up to you. If you want to be a mover and shaker then go ahead and stir the pot. But if you don't, that's ok too. There is no definite answer on how you should voice your opinions. It comes down to how you look at yourself in the mirror and if you can live with yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I think any response of encouragement is fine. I have friends of all flavors, faiths, no-faith etc. and I would certainly not expect someone who doesn't believe in God to pray for me. Think of me, send positive vibes or karma, offer a "if you need to talk I am here"...it's all good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clair93 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Clair, why do you say "of course"? Why not just be honest, as it doesn't seem like you'd really be praying? There are many other possible responses (thinking of you, hugs, how can I help, etc). Just curious . Because I don't think it's relevant whether I will eventually pray or not and I don't need to find a smart way to tell them that I don't believe in what they believe. If they think my prayers will be helpful, why would I say anything that suggests I won't be praying? Link to post Share on other sites
Clair93 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I'd be interested to know how one could be certain a person was trying to be a dick. If they know that I don't believe, and still emphasize again and again on the praying part, they're trying to be dicks. It doesn't happen as much of asking me for prayer. It's usually them trying to offer prayer knowing that it doesn't give me any comfort. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I just simply the thank them for their thoughts...I can appreciate the fact that they are doing it out of good will and what they feel is best. I've always had friends and family from different beliefs, I don't really care if it's not bombarding me. It gets annoying at times if it's excessive but I just chalk it up to an act of kindness and don't take it personal for the most part...but in mass it could definitely get on my nerves as I don't believe and they all sounds a bit crazy and dysfunctional after a while...It's like an obsession for some people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) If they know that I don't believe, and still emphasize again and again on the praying part, they're trying to be dicks. It doesn't happen as much of asking me for prayer. It's usually them trying to offer prayer knowing that it doesn't give me any comfort. offering a prayer is also about showing a person you want to help them in a way that you feel would help them ...for you to say it provides you no comfort when someone wants to help you in the way they know how....thats a bit harsh..i have athiest friends....who have when i have said, what can i do to help and i get anxious because i really do want to help and i cant find a way physically to be there for them ro to take the pain away..... that have said to me ...just pray deb....and i say of course.....funny coming from an athiest....to me its not surprising..its happened more than once......they believe that i believe and its enough for them..they know my prayers come from my heart and its all about love....and yes comfort for them in any way possible.... i invited a friend of mine over once....i had missionaries over for dinner and her bf was abusing her so she bought the kids to my place i wanted her to stay with em for a while to let him settle down......i offered her and the kids dinner.....adn when i said a prayer over dinner she didnt ask me to she is an athiest.....she cried when i finished and gave me a huge hug and said thankyou ...the words in my prayer were heartfelt and real....whatever she believed..........friendship goes beyond what faith you believe in...or what god....or lack of faith...crosses bridges.....true friendship that is.....deb....... Edited January 28, 2015 by todreaminblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaxAHCruel Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 An extended reply might be "I will keep you in my thoughts - but if there is anything of any actual use I can do too - then my time is yours". Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 A family emergency would be about them, not about me. So I'd do the same as what you do - a neutral response like "keeping you in my thoughts. do take care" or similar. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 An extended reply might be "I will keep you in my thoughts - but if there is anything of any actual use I can do too - then my time is yours". If someone said this to me, I would view exactly as it was intended: a need to make a point during a very tough time, which is completely tactless. We can make our points about religion at times OTHER than crises or tragedies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaxAHCruel Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 If someone said this to me, I would view exactly as it was intended: a need to make a point during a very tough time, which is completely tactless. Nice of you to tell me what my own intentions are - as if you know them better than I do myself - but you are simply wrong. The "intention" is to offer my time - the most valuable resource we as people have - to someone who is likely in need of it. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 f there is anything of any actual use I can do Sorry, I guess I focused on this, the implication seeking to be that prayer is of no use. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I'm an agnostic and I pray very rarely, only in times of extreme importance (why would god want to hear from me everyday begging for stuff like a hobo?), but if you're an atheist I don't get if it's a close friend why not just help them out and shoot off a quick prayer anyway even if you don't believe? What exact harm does it do? If it's actually important and not something stupid they're asking you to pray for. I'd probably understand more if most atheists weren't the kind of people who would go out of their way to adapt to local customs while visiting some dumpy village in Africa on their latest liberal pilgrimage, but it just seems downright bizarre they refuse to do something that takes 100 times less effort and is for someone who's an actual friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 why would god want to hear from me everyday begging for stuff like a hobo?) HA! I love this, and sadly, that is how way too many people treat prayer - like a vending machine or Santa's lap. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I'd probably understand more if most atheists weren't the kind of people who would go out of their way to adapt to local customs while visiting some dumpy village in Africa on their latest liberal pilgrimage, but it just seems downright bizarre they refuse to do something that takes 100 times less effort and is for someone who's an actual friend. We are? How interesting, and I'm not 100% sure how that relates to this. If I visit a church, I will generally bow my head with them, but that doesn't mean I have to send up a prayer if I don't believe God exists. I'd typically just say "Keeping you in my thoughts," or "I'm sorry you're hurting/for your loss/[whatever is appropriate to the situation]" or "Hope things get better for you." If someone else wants to believe in God and wants to ask for prayers, I don't have any problem with that. It is not intended as a slight to me. They just want support, and I'm happy to offer that to them. Likewise, if they offer me prayers, I won't tell them to f*ck off! I'll thank them. After all, if they are going to take the time to pray for me, who am I to spit on that? Even if they don't actually pray for me (I doubt many of these people do!), it's still just offering a word of support, similar to me wishing them well. The world can use all the positive energy it can get, and who am I to tell people what type of positive energy they are allowed to put out there? (The exception to this, of course, being someone who is praying for my soul because they think I'm going to hell - if they wish to waste their time on that, so be it, but they should NOT be rudely saying it to my face!) Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 compulsivedancer- well said. Fair and kind. My friend is an atheist said, listen if I can pray to the toilet throne on my worse night out, I have no place to tell you who to pray for or to. Thought that was interesting .... Link to post Share on other sites
TaxAHCruel Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Sorry, I guess I focused on this, the implication seeking to be that prayer is of no use. Daniel Dennett wrote a wonderful letter when he survived a medical issue. In it he made some comment related to asking why people who offer prayers do not also offer to sacrifice a goat. I must dig it out. We already have no reason to think prayer is of any actual use. Actually we have some study showing it can be positively harmful. It has been shown people being prayed for AND know they are being prayed for, fare worse medically. It is one thing to keep someone in your thoughts - but as I say I prefer to let such people also know my actual time - the best gift we have to offer another person - is at their disposal as well. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 We are? How interesting, and I'm not 100% sure how that relates to this. If I visit a church, I will generally bow my head with them, but that doesn't mean I have to send up a prayer if I don't believe God exists. I'd typically just say "Keeping you in my thoughts," or "I'm sorry you're hurting/for your loss/[whatever is appropriate to the situation]" or "Hope things get better for you." If someone else wants to believe in God and wants to ask for prayers, I don't have any problem with that. It is not intended as a slight to me. They just want support, and I'm happy to offer that to them. Likewise, if they offer me prayers, I won't tell them to f*ck off! I'll thank them. After all, if they are going to take the time to pray for me, who am I to spit on that? Even if they don't actually pray for me (I doubt many of these people do!), it's still just offering a word of support, similar to me wishing them well. The world can use all the positive energy it can get, and who am I to tell people what type of positive energy they are allowed to put out there? (The exception to this, of course, being someone who is praying for my soul because they think I'm going to hell - if they wish to waste their time on that, so be it, but they should NOT be rudely saying it to my face!) A family emergency is an iffy reason, but if an actual friend of yours was having some kind of life or death moment, going into surgery or something and it would make them feel better to be prayed for then it strikes me as very narcissistic and unloving to take that moment to remind them subtlety that you don't pray. Is it really an unsufferable burden to close your eyes for 5 seconds and say "gee, I don't really believe you exist but on the off chance I'm wrong could you help out my friend blah blah because I care for them." That's all it really takes, and I'm sure doing something like that would make the person, who's supposed to be your friend or someone you care about, feel loved. =/ Which is never a bad thing if they're facing a serious crisis. Link to post Share on other sites
TaxAHCruel Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 As I said above however there was a study done about people in such situations being prayed for. The test subjects were split into 4 groups. People who were not prayed for but did not know it - people who were not prayed for and knew it - people who WERE prayed for and did not know - and people who were prayed for and DID know. The first three groups all did as well as each other - showing no benefit of prayer - or lack of it. The group who were prayed for AND knew it however did worse however. So actually - in the scenario you describe - there is at least SOME basis therefore for refusing and letting the person in question know you refuse. And thats the opposite of narcissistic and unloving - even if the person in question does not appreciate your refusal or even hates you for it. Link to post Share on other sites
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