Guest Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 I'm embarrassed to admit, but I don't have any friends. Because of my embarrassement over my lack of friends, I'm also hesistant to make any because I fear they will wonder why I have none. I know I don't have to outright admit it, but eventually they may start wondering. I'm not sure how to get past this catch 22. The loneliness is starting to hit, and I'm tired of being a loner. I am now working, and there is no one really at work for me to hang around with. They all have their own lives they are busy with. I've tried doing an online search for clubs and groups where I can potentially meet new people, but the searches have not been fruitful. I'm not sure how to make any progress and don't know how to meet others my age. It also doesn't help that I'm shy, and that I can't just go upto people and say hello. I'm kind of self-conscious. I guess I'm in a tough spot...I'm not sure if there is anything I can do, but any advice would be appreciated. FYI, I'm a male. Link to post Share on other sites
Vagabond Loner Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 I've been in your Catch-22. I don't know, but I escaped it somewhat and somehow made two friends. I made them from work. I don't really have any advice to give, but I could tell from when I first met them that they would be good potential friends. If this helps any. Link to post Share on other sites
quietintrovertgirl Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 We have alot in common Guest and i feel your pain Link to post Share on other sites
Jane Doe Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 I can feel your pain, too. I'm the same way. I've spent my whole life on the outside looking in, although people often describe me as a social butterly. I'm anything but. Guest, how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 Hi Guest. I understand how you feel, I was once there as well. I would not rule anyone out as a potential friend. At my previous job I did not care for one particular person, but I decided not to be so judgemental and open myself up to conversation, this person ended up coming through for me when I needed help and is now a good friend. I know that you are younger then me however, don't rule someone out that is older then you as a potential friend. I have kept myslef open and have friends of all different ages that are all different. I learn something different from each of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross_K Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 If people wonder why you don't have any friends, say you've just moved to the area. Link to post Share on other sites
BestGuest Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 When you meet a new friend, they don't automatically enter your life to the extent where they can see who your other friends are. Often in the early days of knowing someone there will just be the two of you, doing whatever you are doing. They aren't all that likely to ask about who your friends are, but you may be afraid they'll wonder why you don't talk about your friends. You can refer to people by what they've done. Mention something that a cousin or family member has done, but say it as "a friend of mine went to ..... ", make out it was a friend not a relative. While getting to know someone for a couple of months, you could also start to cultivate somebody else at the same time. Eventually they can meet, they're unlikely to ask each other how long you've been friends, and even if they did, nobody gets suspicious if one of your friends happens to be a very recently acquired friend. Everybody has recently acquired friends, so it wouldn't be anything unusual. But, as with most things, when you relax and don't focus on it, it all comes more easily. Paranoia is the last thing you should have ... that's likely to make you appear nervous. Over the years, people's personalities change to some degree. I've been a shy person at times in my past, and a very extraverted person at others. Now I'm somewhere in between. The degree of shyness can certainly alter. I've seen it in other people too. Push yourself into daring to be the centre of attention from time to time. The confidence you gain will help you to slip more easily into that same mode in the future. Remember, people are not monsters, they don't mind people coming up and talking to them. On the other hand, sometimes anyone, even the most outgoing, just wants to be alone and turn down invitations to parties. Don't go looking for friends, just open up to the possibility that they will come along, and also train yourself to see the opportunities. There's nothing more unattractive to a potential friend than someone who looks desperate. Set your mind up that you're not at all bothered whether you make any additional friends or not. This mindset will project in your face, voice and manner. It's like finding sexual partners. They're always more abundant when you're not bothered whether you find one or not. As soon as you start thinking "I'm really desperate and need some" that's when it gets more difficult. You could join some group, such as learning a foreign language or going to art classes. There will be other people there who share at least that interest with you. If you are muscially talented you could join a band. You don't mention how old you are. It would be easier to think of appropriate advice if your age was known. Link to post Share on other sites
dreaming4ever Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 I can also be shy and self-conscious at times. Plus, I don't have any close friends in the area that I'm living. I made the mistake of spending all of my free time with my bf and now that we are broken up, I have no one. I'm trying though. I am 26 and still live at home and I just joined a painting course with my mom cuz it's something I've always wanted to learn and maybe I can meet people my age there too. I am also joining a gym tomorrow. I don't really know where people meet friends......I enjoy working with certain people at one of my jobs but they're not really anyone I would go out with. So I'd suggest maybe signing up for a course like I am or perhaps going to some kind of conference on something you're interested in. My ex made a friend at the bookstore once, so if you're into reading that could work too. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Thank you all for replying, especially BestGuest. I should have included my age earlier. I am 27 years old. If that will help give more specific advice, I'd like to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 If you make friends one by one by one, then it will take you a long time to get socially connected. Try to befriend some people who already have many friends and you will find that your social circle will expand much more quickly. I'm embarrassed to admit, but I don't have any friends. Because of my embarrassement over my lack of friends, I'm also hesistant to make any because I fear they will wonder why I have none. I know I don't have to outright admit it, but eventually they may start wondering. I'm not sure how to get past this catch 22. The loneliness is starting to hit, and I'm tired of being a loner. I am now working, and there is no one really at work for me to hang around with. They all have their own lives they are busy with. I've tried doing an online search for clubs and groups where I can potentially meet new people, but the searches have not been fruitful. I'm not sure how to make any progress and don't know how to meet others my age. It also doesn't help that I'm shy, and that I can't just go upto people and say hello. I'm kind of self-conscious. I guess I'm in a tough spot...I'm not sure if there is anything I can do, but any advice would be appreciated. FYI, I'm a male. Link to post Share on other sites
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