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Thinking bad thoughts and then feeling guilt...


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Old 31st October 2005, 9:39 PM   #1
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Thinking bad thoughts and then feeling guilt...

OK- i know we all aren't perfect beings, and probably all sometimes think something quite uncharitable or mean...it of course doesnt mean we would act on that thought, or that in reality we would even wish whatever bad thing it was, to actually happen.

Yet, I tend to think too much...and obsess on things (I have OCD) and sometimes I obsess about a bad thought I may have had (I have read this can be a symptom of OCD, but I am sure it happens to others too)...
and feel guilty.

Anyone else relate? How do you overcome this?

ie...a thought might flash into my mind as I contemplate a sports competition "I wonder how xx will go?...I hope they dont do well, maybe they'll even make a mistake"...

now, i would never in reality, wish for someone to make a mistake in an important competition. I understand I thought that, because that particular person is someone i dont like much, and who has irritated me much of the year...so, some part of me thought the uncharitable nasty thought... I quickly dismissed it, got angry with myself, realised i really didnt mean that, or wish that, even though that thought floated through my mind for a brief moment. I actually in reality would always wish a person to do their best, no matter whether I like them or not, or whether some tiny part of me at one point thought otherwise.

But i still keep feeling guilty it floated in at all.

Can anyone relate...or help me stop so much self analysis and guilt over even the tiniest things, such as a fleeting thought.
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Old 31st October 2005, 10:19 PM   #2
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Sometimes a mean thought just passes through my mind. It bounces back as I reject it. I refuse to think that I might benefit from other people's misery in any way.

I also feel very guilty for these thoughts and thankfully they occur very rarely. But when I feel guilty, I say to myself: "Well I don't wish bad to anyone and this feeling of guilt is a proof that I am a good person. Because if I were a bad person, I would actively wish such things and perhaps even act upon making them come true without feeling guilty. These thoughts are merely a natural chemical reaction to frustration, rage or disappointment."

I also keep reminding myself that actions, not words count so I try to do good.
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Old 31st October 2005, 10:41 PM   #3
 
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Guilt is a waste. It's a form of personal rejection. Most things you do (or are) that cause you to feel guilt you do (or are) for legitimate reasons. That doesn't make them right, but you have to get to what those reasons are. Maybe you have insecurities or jealousies that you need to deal with. But you should go easy on yourself about it, because those feelings are human and they are there for a reason.

Usually it's because of expecting too much from yourself or protecting yourself from something. You're probably still over-reactioning to small, hurtful things that happened decades ago that have no relevance anymore.

It isn't healthy, however, to allow those insecurities to go on unaddressed. They cause more weird behavior than just wishing people would fail. I'm sure there are other things you do that you didn't mention.

Don't feel guilty though. You aren't REALLY wishing for their failure. In your heart you know that their failure isn't going to benefit you at all. In fact, if you're competing against them, you know you aren't going to really feel like such a victor if you beat that person because they made a mistake. You're going to feel real glory from beating the best person at their best. Anything less would be empty.

If you could get rid of your own insecurities (or whatever they are) you'd find that hoping for the best for everyone comes naturally. Even people who are annoying or who are spiteful and petty. They're just misguided and doing their best, after all. Just like you are.

Defeating the thoughts you mention by addressing them alone is just a losing battle. It's like trying to take down a big tree by smacking at its leaves. Get to the trunk. It's easier to find than you think. It's generally huge and you're probably running into it all the time.
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Old 31st October 2005, 10:45 PM   #4
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that was a really insightful post johan
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Old 31st October 2005, 11:08 PM   #5
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Thanks both of you for the thoughtful responses.

Johan- i think i do suffer from many insecurities, which often might be the time when i would ever not wish the best for someone...even as a fleeting thought.

I find it confusing when such thoughts cross my mind, because i try to do good by people and wish them well...so it's confronting if anything not good goes through my head.
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Old 31st October 2005, 11:10 PM   #6
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Nobody's a saint. One of my better moments was hearing the Dalai Lama say that he gets angry and frustrated at people sometimes. I said to myself 'oh well if even HE gets upset I can't be all bad'
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Old 31st October 2005, 11:13 PM   #7
 
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I don't know, Outcast. The Dalai Lama can be SUCH a jerk sometimes. I can't stand that loudmouth.
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Old 31st October 2005, 11:15 PM   #8
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thanks...i just beat myself up so much for things, big and small. i wish i didnt.
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Old 31st October 2005, 11:33 PM   #9
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I don't know, Outcast. The Dalai Lama can be SUCH a jerk sometimes. I can't stand that loudmouth.
You are damn lucky I put my cup down before reading this or I'd be coming after you for funds to replace my drowned keyboard and screen.
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Old 31st October 2005, 11:34 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by JS17
that was a really insightful post johan
I wholeheartedly agree.
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Old 5th November 2005, 4:26 AM   #11
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or a passing influence

powers and principals. we can be influenced in many ways, in ways we do not even know. put on your aurmor of God Almighty, the creator. If you think meanness towards someone , appollogize to your self, and repent, then wash your hands. Give it to God, pray in Jesus christs name and thank you for his help. If you are mean to someone, appologize to them, repent, wash your hands, and give it to God. The younger we make these ideas work in ourlives help them to become habits that will help us and continue always to help us.
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Old 7th November 2005, 8:20 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thinkalot
it of course doesnt mean we would act on that thought, or that in reality we would even wish whatever bad thing it was, to actually happen.
Can anyone relate...or help me stop so much self analysis and guilt over even the tiniest things, such as a fleeting thought.
I'd analyse it once, then try and avoid going over and over it. I hadn't seen this thread until today but it fits with something I mentioned to you recently. Do you think it would help to think about the consequences? The way you phrase it makes me think that maybe you would feel worse if the bad thing actually did happen, because that's not what you meant when you had the thought.

This feeling of being disturbed that fleeting everyday thoughts could in some was cause something negative is not uncommon and though you know it's illogical, that doesn't always help if you have this problem. One way of distancing yourself from it is to look at it the opposite way around, if you didn't have the bad thought, would you feel you'd been reponsible for the person's success? Probably not. Some people find this a useful way of reminding themselves of what the limit of their reponsibility actually is, even if it feels wider.
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Old 10th November 2005, 3:40 PM   #13
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i have obbsessive thoughts to. and NOT to long ago i posted a thread about thinking mean things about my friends..and just people in general....and how i cant help what i think and i alwasy think it!....its hard to stop and yeah i do feel guilty....but atleast you over think what your thinking about and know its wrong...some people dont even do that and just think mean things...


i try to tell my self, im not perfect eaither..and were human we cant help our minds!
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Old 11th November 2005, 2:20 PM   #14
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everybody has millions of thoughts each day that they arent even aware of, or they dont take much notice of. with ocd's the person becomes preoccupied with the thoughts, it is not the thoughts themselves that are a problem, but they become a problem because you worry about them reccurring, thinking that having them makes you a bad person. the more you worry about them and look out for them, the more you will notice them, in fact the more you will have them. the problem is how you feel about yourself that makes you feel so responsible and think that you have to be perfect.
my advice is to stop bothering about the thoughts and they will stop bothering you. try meditation techniques and things that get you in touch with your inner being and away from your mind and also relax you, they will help.
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Old 12th November 2005, 11:02 PM   #15
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thanks everyone.

It is true- the more i worry about them, the more i notice every little thought and worry about it! That has bee happening a lot lately. Sometimes it will have been a barely formed thought and i will think "hang on- did i just think something negative/bad about that person...oh know..i think i did..." etc. ridiculous thought patterns.

anyway- thanks for the advice.
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