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Narcissism and Hoovering...vs. Sincerity


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Old 31st December 2017, 12:20 PM   #46
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She is in a relationship with another guy and using you as her emotional sound board, not someone she is thinking of getting back with and missing..

She has labeled you with NPD..

You are in control of this, YOU are allowing the contact and you are NOT doing NC right now..

Block her and don't respond to ANY contact from her.. you will feel better
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Old 31st December 2017, 12:31 PM   #47
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Gosh darnit! She has been wavering back and forth regarding this narcissism accusation. She has been texting me with rapid flurries of anger, regret, distrust and her uncomfortable relationship with her current bf. She's told him about me. I have tried to go NC 3-4x just within the last 10 days and she continues to text me. Always heavy and often angry. Initially I just wanted to know if she was okay and get her address as we do send holiday, birthday gifts to our respective children.

Prior to that, I had not communicated with her for 8-months. Complete and absolute NC. I found out a couple of days ago that she emailed my brother to try to get to me and further explain her side. This was after the divorce.

I look at her life and cannot believe the decisions she has made before, during and now after me. It saddens me...and pisses me off.
Maybe this comes across as harsh but I'm always honest. Brutally sometimes.
This reads to me......

I run away, she follows, I stop and talk,
I run away, she follows, I stop and talk,
Rinse and repeat.......

If you really want it to end. END IT! Don't stop and talk. Keep running.
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Old 31st December 2017, 12:45 PM   #48
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I know, I know. I am consciously aware, but spiritually and emotionally confounded by guilt, concern and a dire need to forgive her and myself.
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Old 31st December 2017, 12:59 PM   #49
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I know, I know. I am consciously aware, but spiritually and emotionally confounded by guilt, concern and a dire need to forgive her and myself.
Likely she knows this already and is using it to keep the game going you SAY you don't wanna play. Your actions aren't really matching up though it seems.
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Old 31st December 2017, 1:00 PM   #50
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Likely she knows this already and is using it to keep the game going you SAY you don't wanna play. Your actions aren't really matching up though it seems.
I agree. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you miss her?
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Old 31st December 2017, 1:43 PM   #51
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Likely she knows this already and is using it to keep the game going you SAY you don't wanna play. Your actions aren't really matching up though it seems.
It seems? No, they are not. I have been in therapy and some of the discussions have revolved around forgiveness. I could have kept it simple, but chose to acquiesce to my Ďbetterí nature. It has been unrelenting since then. Anger, accusations, sadness, disappointment, but mostly civil and remorseful. I dumped her once before and I donít want to be the one to leave again. Does that make sense? I have, on a number of occasions, given her an out. I have learned a lot about me, us during this time. I know she is hurting and she takes some comfort in me being in contact. I am NC again. I pray I can keep it up. Just being honest... or a fool.
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Old 31st December 2017, 1:48 PM   #52
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I agree. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you miss her?
Ugh. What a question. How you torment me...😜 Today, itís somewhere between a 1 and 3. Some days, about a 7, but unusual. Iíve been at the 10 once or twice. Iím usually around a 5. Lol, even my answers are convoluted.
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Old 31st December 2017, 1:57 PM   #53
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It seems? No, they are not. I have been in therapy and some of the discussions have revolved around forgiveness. I could have kept it simple, but chose to acquiesce to my Ďbetterí nature. It has been unrelenting since then. Anger, accusations, sadness, disappointment, but mostly civil and remorseful. I dumped her once before and I donít want to be the one to leave again. Does that make sense? I have, on a number of occasions, given her an out. I have learned a lot about me, us during this time. I know she is hurting and she takes some comfort in me being in contact. I am NC again. I pray I can keep it up. Just being honest... or a fool.
I think you need to do more work around how you define forgiveness.
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Old 31st December 2017, 2:00 PM   #54
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I think you need to do more work around how you define forgiveness.
Absolutely. My therapist and I are doing just that. Iím being resistant to some of the expectations, especially those that involve forgiving myself.
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Old 31st December 2017, 4:18 PM   #55
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It seems? No, they are not. I have been in therapy and some of the discussions have revolved around forgiveness. I could have kept it simple, but chose to acquiesce to my Ďbetterí nature. It has been unrelenting since then. Anger, accusations, sadness, disappointment, but mostly civil and remorseful. I dumped her once before and I donít want to be the one to leave again. Does that make sense? I have, on a number of occasions, given her an out. I have learned a lot about me, us during this time. I know she is hurting and she takes some comfort in me being in contact. I am NC again. I pray I can keep it up. Just being honest... or a fool.

I understand where ya out on this deal but sometimes you gotta put you first and foremost. Sometimes that's gonna be perceived as mean spirited. Also keep in mind some people need the bluntness to get the point.
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Old 31st December 2017, 4:25 PM   #56
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I understand where ya out on this deal but sometimes you gotta put you first and foremost. Sometimes that's gonna be perceived as mean spirited. Also keep in mind some people need the bluntness to get the point.
I appreciate that. She is a woman lost right now and I am heavily responsible for that. I won't return her anger with more anger...not at her. It goes against my nature. I tried a few days ago to be blunt and 'in your face', believe me, I am capable, but NOT AT HER EXPENSE.

She doesn't need that. I'll need to come up with an honest and healthy plan with my therapist. A full day of NC so far.
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Old 31st December 2017, 4:30 PM   #57
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I appreciate that. She is a woman lost right now and I am heavily responsible for that. I won't return her anger with more anger...not at her. It goes against my nature. I tried a few days ago to be blunt and 'in your face', believe me, I am capable, but NOT AT HER EXPENSE.

She doesn't need that. I'll need to come up with an honest and healthy plan with my therapist. A full day of NC so far.
Why are you so protective of her feelings?
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:11 PM   #58
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Why are you so protective of her feelings?
Believe it or not, she is trying to get past the anger. I know her SO well. OMG, I wish I could share what kind of woman she can be when she has her stuff together!

I can be candid w/o the acridity.
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Old 1st January 2018, 3:31 PM   #59
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Yes, refusing to take no for an answer could be considered narcissistic because you don't care if your persistence makes her upset. Anyway, it's a new year, so time to move on to newer people and things and next time not make the same mistakes. We all make mistakes. Got to learn from them though.
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Old 1st January 2018, 3:40 PM   #60
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My ex posted passive aggressive narcissist quotes on FB for a long time. Take a look at this board. If everyone who has been called or believed to be a narcissist or BPD or sociopath by their ex actually was one they would probably account for the majority of the population. Your ex is the last person whose counsel you should be taking for your mental health(even if your ex is really a psychiatrist, get a second opinion.)
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