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Cookiesandough

Hi does anyone know of any self help books/videos/articles/techinques that helped them build self confidence? I don't know if I ever had any, I've always done that "fake it til you make it" technique but it's too fake I think. I just don't feel like I have much if anything to offer: maybe that's a self esteem issue but I want some confidence.

 

Thanks

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Unfortunately I'm not, but I am open to any ideas . Ty

 

OK, well, I loved the book So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us by Beth Moore. I read the book and participated in a small group study of it and I thought it was excellent. It is a Christian book/study, though.

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There's a book by Leo F. Buscaglia, PH.D. entitled "Personhood, The Art of Being Fully Human". I have a relative who is a Professor and he recommended it.

 

Good luck!

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thefooloftheyear

Do you currently have an exercise routine??

 

I feel like sometimes I wear out this advice, but really,. with regard to this topic, other than my professional accomplishments, I pretty much live for my training..

 

It gives me just about everything...It's helped me through some difficult times..The feeling of being strong of body really has an amazing effect...There is a definite and noticeable aura around those of us..You walk differently, people treat you differently...The endorphins eclipse any illegal/recreational drug out there..for me, at least...

 

And best of all, if you do it right, it makes you tired...You have less time to ruminate over the petty garbage happening in your life...You sleep better..

 

This and many forms of meditation, and for me, music....Music does wonders as well for a general feeling of well being....for many.

 

TFY..

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Cookiesandough
Do you currently have an exercise routine??

 

I feel like sometimes I wear out this advice, but really,. with regard to this topic, other than my professional accomplishments, I pretty much live for my training..

 

It gives me just about everything...It's helped me through some difficult times..The feeling of being strong of body really has an amazing effect...There is a definite and noticeable aura around those of us..You walk differently, people treat you differently...The endorphins eclipse any illegal/recreational drug out there..for me, at least...

 

And best of all, if you do it right, it makes you tired...You have less time to ruminate over the petty garbage happening in your life...You sleep better..

 

This and many forms of meditation, and for me, music....Music does wonders as well for a general feeling of well being....for many.

 

TFY..

 

Thank you for the book suggestions. I will definitely be checking those out. I am very interested in starting to work out and meditate. I want to start lifting. This gives me motivation! Thanks

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No books or anything but I recently heard a quote that said something along the lines of "ask yourself who in your life adds what to your life, and if the answer is nothing substantial then you need to ask yourself why you listen to them. Then you will discover that you do not need to put much time and energy into what people think of you."

 

That hit home with me and it's been working very well ever since.

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Nothing I'm particularly good at

 

Everyone is good at something; you just haven't found it yet. What do you like to do in your spare time? Or better yet if you could do anything in your life as a job, what would it be?

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Nothing I'm particularly good at

 

Could this be you talking yourself down?

 

For instance, I think I'm good at dressmaking. Yet, every second project goes in the bin. Do you know what those binned things are? Learning experiences.

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Hi does anyone know of any self help books/videos/articles/techinques that helped them build self confidence? I don't know if I ever had any, I've always done that "fake it til you make it" technique but it's too fake I think. I just don't feel like I have much if anything to offer: maybe that's a self esteem issue but I want some confidence.

 

Thanks

 

My dear why don't you start from learning who you are really inside I did.

Start learning how to do a deep meditation. I walk with confidence, when I go out and in stores. I am no ones fool, I am me and I am proud to be me. Can you say the same thing. If not then you need to reach out for help I can teach you how to be a better person from within. You worry too much about things. I stay happy and carefree... I do care but when I with someone close then I will be. I am not with anyone now. So I can help once again. You should start with healing yourself, ground yourself then you meditate You can play 3 different type of music at the same time. Very easy to do today on laptop. Then sit back and relax. Lay down on the bed focus and just let yours self go. Best to do this at night or in a dark room it has to be dead silence.

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Success breeds success.

 

Set some little easily attainable goals & achieve those -- lose 5 pounds; clean the house (or a specific room) by Friday; do a couch to 5k etc.

 

As you succeed in those goals you will gain the confidence to take on bigger more difficult tasks. You will also begin to see yourself as a winner.

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I think this is a good list:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem

 

My shortlist from that list:

 

1) Exercise (mix of weight lifting and cardio) is a huge one.

-Cardio boosts endorphins

-Building muscle makes you feel strong and powerful, stand taller, etc.

-Makes you feel more attractive

 

2) Another big one (at least for me) is being creative.

Takes my mind off things so I can't overthink.

 

3) Spend your time with people that lift you up and have qualities that you admire.

Edited by olivetree
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  • 3 weeks later...

Have u tried knitting or other creative project? Making some with my hands is very fulfilling. You can go at your own pace so there is no Pressure and you have something u made with your own hands in front of you.

I also find it very meditative to do.

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Meditation is a good place to start. The 'Stop, Breathe & Think' app is very good and easy way to start meditation.

 

Another good way of improving your self confidence is visualization and try to get yourself out a negative thinking cycle. For example one small thing goes wrong at the start of the day and you then think you will have a terrible day. Try to think positive - it will take time and at the start you might not see or feel any progress, but perceive and you will see and feel them.

 

These techniques take time to work so you need to try any new technique for at least a month to six weeks to see any improvement. Unfortunately, there is no overnight long term treatment.

 

 

Wait.... There's an app for meditation?? Now that's just silly!!

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I am kind of in the same situation...

I was feeling lonely...

I just turned to God...

I'm not talking about reading the Bible... (but you can for yourself)...

I'm talking about knowing that you're never alone..

That there is someone who loves you no matter what...

That God's love is always there...

That you can always talk to God...

I know life can be hard...

No one is perfect... I am not...

I dont think anyone is...

But you are here for a reason and everybody's life is important and has meaning...

Everyone has God no matter what...

Self help books are okay to read too, but true understanding yourself comes from within...

When you understand your path with God...

I'm still searching for mine...

You're never alone hun..

 

Tame care.. ?

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Oh Cookies, I am SO proud of you! You are practising a deeper and more honest exploration of yourself than anybody i know. I have really seen you take some big steps in the last few months (i've been watching and taking notes), i am always here!

 

I particularly like the advice of the first book (religious, but why not give it a try? No one can disprove that a higher power does noe exist), and the advise about exercise (endorphins and weight-lifting). I think the Universe brought some angels to your thread.

 

And about being 'good at something', my advise is to start pratising these healthy habits to life your spirits and your fine self.

 

Something i will add is that diet (what you eat day to day, as opposed to an actual "diet"), is really important.

 

For instance, i feel most clear when i eat no wheat, no saturated fat (butter, cheese etc)), and stick to a clean, healthy diet - white meat (fish, chicken), vegetables, fruit and lots of water. Vegie sticks, nuts for snacks.

 

Seriously, when your liver is healthy, you're happy!

 

????

 

[quote=Habibiti;7464629

That God's love is always there.?

 

Habibiti: quick question.. Although i have prayed to God myself and had "faith" at various time, i'm wondering how you know the above statement to be true? Asking out of curiosity really ?

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I think self confidence ebbs and flows during our lives. Success breeds confidence just as failure can diminish it. I agree with exercise and getting physically healthy as a great starting point, then taking stock in exactly who you are, what you want out of life, and enacting a plan to get there. When you start seeing results, your confidence will build.

 

I seem to recall you're rather young, and you should feel great that you're thinking about this right now. I am somebody who spent my twenties carrying on in a manner that I think was disingenuous to myself, and I wasted a lot of time. You have a lot of life to live, and I think the prognosis is excellent for somebody who is not afraid to look at their weaknesses and improve. Good luck!

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Weight lifting did more for my self-esteem than anything else in my life. I would beat myself up in my head all day, thinking I'm a loser who can't do anything right, only to go to the gym and lift two hundred pounds off the floor. It was such a bold, tangible reminder that YES, I can accomplish things if I try.

 

How is your job? Are your managers good about feedback? What about your coworkers? One of the weirdest confidence boosters I ever experienced was hearing that the interns in our office---kids in or straight out of college, all with perfect hair and makeup and looking like Chanel models---describing me as "so cool" and "way too smart".

 

As you get older, you realize so many things you cared so much about are trivial and silly. Confidence isn't about looking great, although that helps. Confidence comes from knowing what you want, getting it, and not putting up with any BS in your way. Think about the successes you've had in life. What have you done for yourself and how did you do it? How do you achieve your goals?

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