Despicable me

[EthanSPK]

For some reason, I feel like most people treat me in a distant/cold way.

 

Sometimes I couldn't care less, but this is becoming an everyday thing since a few months ago. Why could that be? I know I'm not perfect, I want to be better but first have to identify my negative personality traits. How can I do that from my subjective/personal/biased perspective?

 

Thoughts? Ideas? Magic spells?

[Chilli]

Need a few more ideas about you or what you think it might be or at least something to go on first.

[EthanSPK]

Need a few more ideas about you or what you think it might be or at least something to go on first.

 

Well, first of all, I tend to be on my own almost all the time. It's not that I don't care about others' feelings or presence, but I mostly feel comfortable with what many call "awkward silences". Sometimes I get pissed off (but don't show it) when I'm doing something (like eating, for instance) and someone interrupts me just to talk.

 

Secondly, I don't show any emotions at all (except under certain circumstances or when I'm next to people I consider nice). Many think I'm angry or something like that, but it's not the case, it's just that I'm in a permanent IDGAF mind state unless something stimulates me enough.

 

I'm also under the effects of Clonazepam so I'm even more emotionless than before. Considering how f*cked up I was the past year, that's a bliss.

 

Also, I despise small talk with a passion. When I'm next to someone talking nonsense/shallow stuff in a loud manner (even a quiet manner), it really pisses me off and leave the room if possible.

 

 

...

 

 

You know what? I think I'm starting to understand why almost everyone cuts me off, haha

[Chilli]

Yeah, fraid so , it's all right there.

You've gotta soften your whole self up a bit basically because there's not really any openings left in all that for anyone to work with so they aren't bothering.

 

A few things l could suggest. People don;t like all heavy and serious all the time, but your probably coming across like that . If you could lighten up a bit all round it would really help a lot.

Try small steps in all that , try to chill a bit, be a bit more light hearted. life's a downer when it's all just serious.

 

Another thing is, l use to despise small talk myself too.

But then l realized , it's just a starting point yknow, most people know that they're just finding a starting point for convos that's all so really, it's a compliment because they're making an effort. Some then flows into real convos and off it goes but others don't and so be it, ah well, who cares, no hard feelings in a way it's was nice of you both to try.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Chilli

[EthanSPK]

A few things l could suggest. People don;t like all heavy and serious all the time, but your probably coming across like that . If you could lighten up a bit all round it would really help a lot.

Try small steps in all that , try to chill a bit, be a bit more light hearted. life's a downer when it's all just serious.

 

My psychologist used to tell me the exact same thing, that I'm always too serious and judgmental. Probably because my father is the same with everyone, so I absorbed his manners.

 

But yeah, could use being more light hearted. It would help me with my daily stress.

 

For instance, last week I was invited to a friend's birthday. I didn't know any of her friends, and she's from a 'higher' social circle. I dreaded it until the last day because I was thinking something like "oh well, guess I'll have to deal with the empty-headed, cool rich kids for a whole night, wish I could bring someone with me". HOW WRONG I WAS! They're all awesome (except for 'Charlie', everyone hates you, twat)

[EthanSPK]

Update: I'm giving a try to this being-more-light-hearted thing... man, it's sooo difficult! I'm dying

[anika99]

Yeah, people are mirroring you. You are distant and cold so people can't warm up to you. I used to be a lot like you when I was younger. Serious, remote, judgemental. I also got a lot of that from my overly controlling judgemental step father. On top of that I was a very introverted and couldn't relate to small talk at all. It sounded asanine to me and like a total waste of words.

 

I've lightened up a lot over the years. I'm still introverted but when I have to be with people I've gotten a lot better at being social and going with the flow. I still enjoy having lots of time to myself but when I'm out I do enjoy the flow of easy lighthearted conversation. It comes with practice. You have to force yourself at first but then it becomes easier and eventually it's fun.

 

I truly like people now although I still reach a point where I say to myself "okay that's all the socializing I can do for today, I need to be alone now". That's just part of being introverted but I'm careful to not offend anyone when I feel like I've had my fill of socializing. I always stay friendly and polite as long as I'm in the company of others. Its about finding a balance, taking time for yourself when you need it but also giving of yourself when you can.

 

Just keep stretching your social muscles and putting yourself out there. When you are open to people and treat them warmly you will find that plenty of people will also be warm and friendly right back. You still have to honor your true self so don't try to be someone different, just expand your horizons somewhat.

[anika99]

Update: I'm giving a try to this being-more-light-hearted thing... man, it's sooo difficult! I'm dying

 

Good luck! It is really hard at first but like I said it gets easier and often times even quite enjoyable. Don't give up

[Soak]

Yeah, fraid so , it's all right there.

You've gotta soften your whole self up a bit basically because there's not really any openings left in all that for anyone to work with so they aren't bothering.

 

A few things l could suggest. People don;t like all heavy and serious all the time, but your probably coming across like that . If you could lighten up a bit all round it would really help a lot.

Try small steps in all that , try to chill a bit, be a bit more light hearted. life's a downer when it's all just serious.

 

Another thing is, l use to despise small talk myself too.

But then l realized , it's just a starting point yknow, most people know that they're just finding a starting point for convos that's all so really, it's a compliment because they're making an effort. Some then flows into real convos and off it goes but others don't and so be it, ah well, who cares, no hard feelings in a way it's was nice of you both to try.

 

You're so wise Chilli, thanks for your wise words, timely now off to chill.

[EthanSPK]

Update:

 

Made a little bit of progress today. Talked to a girl from the institute about her broken computer (she came to me last week asking for help); basically asked if she managed to solve the problem, she did. Then, I recommended her to buy a new one since hers is kinda obsolete, and offered to help her choose the best budget laptop whenever she decides to buy it (which is going to be soon). We talked a little bit more while having dinner (both of us live in the campus).

 

Good progress? Maybe. It's something.

[EthanSPK]

Update:

 

Made more progress on the subject. There's this woman from the institute who wouldn't talk to me at all except for saying 'hi' or asking specific things, and tonight she came to me and talked for a while, then we had dinner together (we're both living here).

 

She told me about this hateful colleague she is forced to work with, and gave her some advice (she's so easy-going that this despicable woman takes advantage of it and treats her in a bad way). It was awesome because we had a chance to know more about ourselves: I had a chance to talk a bit about myself, and took it.

 

[EthanSPK]

Update:

 

Last week I decided to stop taking Clonazepam. Before that, I've been gradually lowering the daily dose to avoid any possible complications. The first thing I notice is how my anxiety is slowly increasing, but not to the point where it's impossible to manage.

 

Anyway, people's being nicer to me. For now my main problems are anxiety and burnout, I'll have to cut down on coffee, salt and internet.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well, first of all, I tend to be on my own almost all the time. It's not that I don't care about others' feelings or presence, but I mostly feel comfortable with what many call "awkward silences". Sometimes I get pissed off (but don't show it) when I'm doing something (like eating, for instance) and someone interrupts me just to talk.

 

Secondly, I don't show any emotions at all (except under certain circumstances or when I'm next to people I consider nice). Many think I'm angry or something like that, but it's not the case, it's just that I'm in a permanent IDGAF mind state unless something stimulates me enough.

 

I'm also under the effects of Clonazepam so I'm even more emotionless than before. Considering how f*cked up I was the past year, that's a bliss.

 

Also, I despise small talk with a passion. When I'm next to someone talking nonsense/shallow stuff in a loud manner (even a quiet manner), it really pisses me off and leave the room if possible.

 

 

...

 

 

You know what? I think I'm starting to understand why almost everyone cuts me off, haha

 

 

LOL! Ya think??? Do you have Asperger's, by chance?

[EthanSPK]

LOL! Ya think??? Do you have Asperger's, by chance?

 

Nope, not at all. All of my social issues derive from childhood trauma - my mother suffered from schizophrenia since I was a child, my big sister killed herself and my father was always aggresive to me (he used to beat the crap out of me and insult me)

 

Yeah, talk about happy memories!