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Anger problems and alcoholism.


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Old 28th September 2017, 6:31 AM   #121
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Did you put those shelves up with hopes of getting something from her in return?
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Old 28th September 2017, 6:50 AM   #122
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I got so depressed and angry (not angry at her, at myself) i decided to go and buy alcohol. Here i am, having a hangover and i need to leave to therapist.
Protec, people on the internet can't help you, you have to help yourself.. by taking yourself to AA and finally admitting you are powerless over Alcohol..

She isn't your biggest problem and neither is your anger.. you are your own worst enemy and ALCOHOL IS the biggest problem you have.. stop minimizing it.

Your denial is unwavering and is really obvious to the outsider...

I've helped many people on the internet and LS sober up, most of them today are still sober but I can't seem to help you, you have a comeback for every thing I say and ignore the fact you are an Alcoholic when I discuss it.

Good Luck and remember to eat well and don't drink.. when you have the urge to drink call a friend or your sister instead of buying any Alcohol or post here on LS.

~Art
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Old 1st October 2017, 11:16 AM   #123
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New start.

New month. 1st day. Here we go!
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Old 1st October 2017, 11:35 AM   #124
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Protec, people on the internet can't help you, you have to help yourself.. by taking yourself to AA and finally admitting you are powerless over Alcohol..

She isn't your biggest problem and neither is your anger.. you are your own worst enemy and ALCOHOL IS the biggest problem you have.. stop minimizing it.

Your denial is unwavering and is really obvious to the outsider...

I've helped many people on the internet and LS sober up, most of them today are still sober but I can't seem to help you, you have a comeback for every thing I say and ignore the fact you are an Alcoholic when I discuss it.

Good Luck and remember to eat well and don't drink.. when you have the urge to drink call a friend or your sister instead of buying any Alcohol or post here on LS.

~Art
Trust me, alkohol is not my worst problem. I've had these issues of mine when i was a kid. And i did not start drinking until i was 22-23 years old.
I was sober until then.

Sure, alcohol doesn't help my problems to go away, but alcohol is not causing them. Something else is and i am using alcohol as medicine, as it temporarily eases me. I can be days without drinkin, so apparently i am not hooked. I don't have to take a drink first thing in the morning.

And yes, i admit i too drink too often, but i don't drink every day. And i try to be without alcohol as much as i can. But alcohol is not the cause of my problems, sure, i makes emotions stronger, but something else causes those emotions and yes, i've done stupid things under influence of alcohol, so alcohol does not work with me always that well.

I've never had even a sip of alcohol when i was teen, but for some reason i bursted in full rage mode, i felt lonely, isolated, strange, i daydreamed a lot, i felt anxious because i felt i am the only person on this earth that understands me.

I talked with my therapist this week. I have thought about my past a lot, and my behavioral pattern has been pretty much the same since my childhood.
Having emotion control problems, having a meltdown for something ridiculous thing etc.

So alcohol has not caused those because i was about 8 years old.

My problems are caused by wide mood swings. I have started to suspect that maybe i have some sort of Autism Spectrum Disorder, since i've pretty much felt lonely my whole life, and that's why losing a GF hurts to me so badly. Because finally i don't feel lonely, i feel i belong somewhere, that someone understands me. When i am with my friends, deep inside me i still feel lonely. It's been like this even since i was in school. Well i was picked on a lot because for some reason i was "strange" for having a sense of humour that others did not understand.

Maybe i should've become a stand up comedian after all...

Anyway, i try to stay from alcohol, but now more important thing is to find out why i behave in such a way?

I could make countless of stupid examples that make my life difficult.

Like furniture. Everything has to be in same place - ALWAYS. Otherwise i will go berzerk. I don't know if it's the feeling of safety. I feel safe when everything is at the same place, familiar. If something changes, i feel unease, suddenly it's different. When i was a kid, i went nuts because living room tv was 1cm off. I came home from school and when i got to the living room

"WHO HAS TOUCHED TV?! It's MOVED!"
"It's in the exact same position as before"
"No it's not! See! The markings on the carpet are 1cm off!!"

Then i could not watch tv before the tv was EXACTLY on the same spot as before.

That is one thing i remember when i was a kid. Everything had to be always in the same place. Even now when i am older.

At some point something happened to me because when i was younger i did not have problems with furniture moving.

It's something else, i'm gonna stay off alcohol as much as i can. But i need to find the cause.
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Old 1st October 2017, 11:42 AM   #125
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Did you put those shelves up with hopes of getting something from her in return?
No. She even offered me money.

"No, please, put your money away. I don't need anything. You fixed my pants for free earlier "

I just wanted to help. I help people if they ask me to.

But that rambling i wrote earlier...i was angry then. The anger really takes control of me, and i do feel like different person. it's so strange.

My therapist said this to me "You are so nice, calm and polite man so i am really having trouble to believe you can actually behave this way, but it's very good that you can be honest with yourself."

It is very confusing to me too, and that's why probably she got so scared too.
I am very nice guy, i smile, i help, i am very kind and polite. But when i get angry i become completely opposite person.

I am still thinking about medication, i just don't think it will help since my problems have been with me ever since i was a kid. And i highly doubt i've been depressed / Alcoholic my whole life and i did not even drink alcohol until i turned 22.

It's not depression. It's something else.
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Old 1st October 2017, 12:20 PM   #126
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and that whole post is why they call it denial....

Protec.. why won't you give Alcohol up ?.. I guess good things happen to you when you are under the influence ?

What good and positive things has Alcohol brought to your life ?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 12:02 AM   #127
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Just because alcohol is not the root of your anger problem does not mean it's not a problem. That'd be like thinking you can't be an alcoholic because you're already a drug addict.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 12:15 AM   #128
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And i highly doubt i've been depressed / Alcoholic my whole life and i did not even drink alcohol until i turned 22.
So what? Some people had their last drink 22 years ago but it doesn't mean they're not an alcoholic.

Have you gone to an AA meeting? Journaled? Or done anything else that's been recommended you try to help improve your life?

I know change can be scary but are you really that comfortable with feeling uncomfortable? Dysfunction is your buddy or something?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 12:44 AM   #129
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Dysfunction is your buddy or something?
You must not be familiar with his other threads.

Protec, you're doing what you always do: Ask for help, then ignore everyone's suggestions, and continue to lament how crappy things are.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:16 AM   #130
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Hey, I haven't read most of your posts--just your first few.

I highly recommend EFT (emotional freedom technique) for the anger and associated beliefs that you describe. It's very easy to learn on YouTube and I've used it for myself to deal with the aftermath of a lot of trauma/abuse/etc.

Also, do you have mercury amalgams/silver fillings in your mouth? If not, as a physical measure I would consider looking into the Andrew Cutler protocol for low-dose chelation therapy (irregularly scheduled/high dose chelators are dangerous) for this lifelong mood problem that you describe. I'm heavy metal poisoned so I'm biased, but you would be surprised how many people on the spectrum or with ADD/ADHD have a hidden heavy metal toxicity, that, once chelated, resolves a lot of mood swing issues and other symptoms. Just something to consider. Best of luck.
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Old 9th October 2017, 2:57 AM   #131
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You must not be familiar with his other threads.

Protec, you're doing what you always do: Ask for help, then ignore everyone's suggestions, and continue to lament how crappy things are.
It takes time. I tried to find some anger management classes but they cost money for some reason. There is also anger management class on the same place where i go to therapy but for some reason my therapist have not mentioned anything about it...i guess i need to ask about it from her next time.

I finally feel better again, i went to gym last friday and tomorrow i have a job interview for a part time job. When i get money and maybe something to do, i don't drink so much.

It easy to say on the internet "do this, do that". It takes time. I do my best. Back then people told me not to contact my ex. I simply could not do it. Now? I don't even think about calling or messaging her. It just takes time.

I am seriously motivated getting better, i am not sure if i can ever cut down alcohol complelety. But even if i can cut it down so i drink only few beer at weekends, would be massive improvement. I can be days without alcohol, but then sometimes i want to relax and take few beers while watching movie etc. But i try to cut it off completely, since i really have to lose weight and drinking alcohol and eating snacks and sweets will not help.

Right now i feel positive about my future, i got myself a new apartment by some miracle, and i am finally finding out what i want to study. i've been a limbo for a long time. I just simply don't know what i want to do for living.

I am very jealous to those people who are in they 20's and already in their dream jobs. I am 33. soon 34 and i still have no idea what really interests me .
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Old 9th October 2017, 3:13 AM   #132
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and that whole post is why they call it denial....

Protec.. why won't you give Alcohol up ?.. I guess good things happen to you when you are under the influence ?

What good and positive things has Alcohol brought to your life ?
Well, nothing positive.. I just have some times problems to relax.
I have no idea how to relax. I have tried listening music, eating something good, meditating, sometimes i feel so nervous and unrelaxed.

But I have been able to cut down my consumption a lot now. And i intend to cut it down even more.
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Old 9th October 2017, 8:23 AM   #133
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So first question - did you have any traumatic experiences in childhood that precipitated the anger issues ? Just curious as it sounds like something that emerged at a specific point in time.

Based on what you have described it sounds like you have a lot of ungrounded energy. Very on edge - frayed -anxious\nervous energy. Your nervous system, thinking patterns and likely also breathing patterns and heart rate are over excited - then you use alcohol which is a depressant - to essentially suppress these and dull them down so they are easier to manage. Problem is when it does erupt its amplified even worse then normal.

Clearly the alcohol thing is not healthy or sustainable - you're using its depressant characteristics to calm yourself and compensate for your unbalanced overexcited system. I think you need to look at trying to solve both issues concurrently if you want to get back to being a healthy person - because the alcohol is a coping mechanism at present - an unhealthy one - but to be able to give it up you need to develop new healthier coping mechanisms to bring yourself back to a place of balance.


My first recommendation. Magnesium. Both salt baths and oral supplements.

Magnesium is a key nutrient in the body and plays a critical role in regulating and calming the nervous system and greatly effects mental health. Deficiency in this mineral is also heavily linked to depression. Prolonged periods of stress, anxiety drain the bodies reserves of magnesium. When we become deficient one of the common side effects is feeling on edge, unable to relax or calm yourself, racing thoughts and also depression. The body overused it's supply and now can't replenish it so you get stuck into a cycle of continually feeling this way and unable to relax.

Now to make matters worse: Whilst alcohol can mask those feeling for a while and allow you to relax - high alcohol consumptionalso significantly drains the body of magnesium. It's like a double whammy - to filter the alcohol your drinking to calm yourself the kidneys excrete large amounts of magnesium. This leaves your body less able to deal with stress and calm itself naturally in future ...... which leads you to drink more - which drains more magnesium and makes you less able to deal with stress .... which leads you to drink more. You get the picture. Vicious cycle. Studies have shown the majority of alcoholics are significantly deficient in magnesium.

https://www.activationproducts.com/b...um-deficiency/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3544909


So I would recommend regular Magnesium Salt Baths - 10-15 mins at a time and also oral Chelated Magnesium daily. You should get immediate short term calming effects to your mood and thinking patterns after a bath and start to see more long terms effects after only a couple of weeks. This will hopefully help to reduce your reliance on Alcohol to calm yourself and relax. Cost for both supplements and bath salts are very cheap. I would also recommend another supplement called Taurine which is a key amino acid which numerous studies show it is very safe to supplement with and that it has similar calming effects on the body\mind. A lot of people say - "but isn't Taurine in energy drinks like red bull" - and yes it is. For that exact reason - to calm the body and counteract all the nervous energy that gets produced by the boat load of Sugar, Caffein, Gurana in energy drinks. So it could also help in this regard and is very safe to take.

That leads to the next item - whats your diet like ? Are you eating healthy fresh food ? Are you drinking a lot of caffein and stimulant products ? You should aim to clean this up - eat fresh healthy food and remove as many stimulants like caffein and sugar as you can. Pretty obvious - but not always followed.

Next you need to develop a healthy way to relax. Seated meditation really isn't the best for people in your head space. Meditation draws more of this unbalanced nervous energy up into the mind so has a tendency to amplify this and make things worse. You should look at practices like Qi Gong and Tai Chi instead - they have flowing movements which focus on what they call "grounding energy". Drawing it down from your mind - so you are not so hyper focus, analytical, overthinking and instead centered and relaxed. Also a diligent daily stretching routing. Kind of a like a modified yoga routine for beginners can also be great .... but you have to stick to the plan and do it every day if you want to see the benefits. Also just exercise regularly - running or hiking out doors is great to remedy the type of issues you described.

Lastly something a little left field I often recommend to people with issues calming themselves and relaxing is a practice called TRE - Tension, Trauma Release Excercises. Very unusual and doubt you will have seen something similar before. It involves going through a postural movements that fatigue the muscles to induce and involuntary tremor in the nervous system. Its exceptionally good at releasing pent up nervous, anxious energy. Similar to how your body shakes after a traumatic incident to release stress .... it works the same. By systematically releasing these in a regular controlled way it can stop these building up and coming out as inappropriate anger outbursts. You can normally find practitioners in most locations. Some more details below if your interested.

https://youtu.be/27VgK0LrR3Q?t=41

Find providers here -> https://traumaprevention.com/tre-provider-list/

Hope these help.
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Last edited by Justanaverageguy; 9th October 2017 at 9:38 AM..
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Old 12th October 2017, 6:27 AM   #134
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@Justanaverageguy

Thank you. Yes i take magneium and vitamin supplements. and i have started to try eat more healthy. I drink lots of water and i eat carrots as a snack instead of sausages.

I had good therapy session today, i have studied about my own behaviour and my behaviour does have similarities with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I have diagnosed of cyclothymia but i don't think that is correct one. As my problems are more "personality / identity" related. But therapist said it seems i do really have some traits of BPD.

I did have a good childhood IN HOME. I had good parents, but in school i was picked on and bullied a lot. So if any traumatic experiences come to mind, it was because i was bullied a lot in school.

One of the worst things they did was that everyone gathered around me, formed a ring, i was in the middle. And everyone stared at me for 15 minutes. If i tried to leave the ring they would not let me out.

Other type of bullying was that everyone ran away from me. So i was left alone.

No matter what i did, i was always bullied. I have lots of imagination so sometimes during recess i just watched the sky. Even then people came "OMG you are so weird! What are you doing? Standing here like a robot watching the horizon. You freak!"

I just wanted to watch the sky and imagine. I still do it. It helps me to calm down and i can think about stuff. These days i think about music.

When i think back about my school years, it gets me bit angry.

Eventually, when i got in "high-school" (there is not similar high school here than in USA etc.) i just went completely silent. I shelled myself. I didn't say anything, i didn't do anything. I only did the necessary things, like go to classes etc. But during recess i just was silent. I though "if i don't say anything or do anything, no one cannot have any reason to bully or pick on me"

Since i left school, i started gradually to feel better. I got out of my shell little by little, but my guess is that if i ever developed a mental problem during my life, it was durin my teenage years in school.

I was basically living inside my head every day. In school i was bullied, but in home i was safe. With my games and music, i am safe and in a place that i understand.

So, i am now building a list about my symptoms that cause trouble in my life and i will go to the psychiatrist once i get some money.

But this is not just depression, i am sure about it.
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Old 14th October 2017, 5:03 AM   #135
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I've been spending more time researching about Borderline Personality Disorder, and the anger problems with BPD and me are strikingly similar and what triggers it seems spot on as well.

Oh man. That could explain lots of things. It's just so hard when your mind changes so much. That is one of the reasons i really get nothing done.

Like seeking help. I go to therapy yes, but sometimes i just feel so fine, so ok, i think "nah, i don't need more help. I feel great!"
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