LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Mind, Body & Soul > Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

Anger problems and alcoholism.


Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being Start off with a great foundation! The place to ponder the journey towards improving yourself!

Like Tree99Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 19th September 2017, 8:54 AM   #91
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 8,024
Quote:
Originally Posted by Protec View Post
One small beer (0,3L) with dinner during 2 weeks is not self medicating. Sure, i try to be completely without. But it's not like i take one beer and go berserk and fly trough the walls. I am very satisfied with myself i could do even that, just being dumped and all. And i am going to keep getting better.

Reason why i don't want SSRI etc. medicines because i once used them for panic attack, and those side-symptoms were so bad..it was not worth it.

-Loss of all emotions aka. Living dead
-Horrible night sweating - had to switch bed sheets every night
-Nightmares - woke up screaming in the middle of night
-Erectile dysfunction - this was the worst. GF really liked that we couldn't have sex at all.

I just need to get my life back on tracks. And find people around me who like me.

I don't need judging. at all. I have issues and i have finally admitted to myself that "hey, you have anger problems, you are not ok." That's why i go to therapy. I think that is something.
Yes, it is a good thing that you are getting therapy. You are on the path to resolving and managing all this. However, it will be a long journey and you need to fully embrace treatment but doing everything you possible can to help you be successful with it. It's a process, not an event. And, I am not judging you at all. I am pragmatic and direct in giving advice/viewpoint.

And, there are always side-effects and if you are receiving the "correct" medication and the diagnosis is correct, those side effects should subside at least as your system begins to tolerate the medication. If those side-effects are severe and the medication isn't doing what it's intended to do, the diagnosis may be incorrect, therefore, the medication isn't going to work. Just something to consider/explore . . . people sometimes receive changing diagnoses over time because the therapist, over time, begins to seeing other things. And, sometimes people have co-morbid conditions and so sometimes it's unclear until some time has passed during therapy. In addition, if you continue to drink at all while you are on medications like that, you are preventing the medication from being effective and putting yourself in danger by mixing them.

And, if alcohol contributes to your in ability to control your anger and results in even 1 significant violent outburst, you should refrain from drinking at all. One beer at dinner for someone else who doesn't have the issues you have is no big deal. But if you want to be sure that you don't have any more alcohol-fueled outbursts, you would serve yourself better to refrain from it because you don't know when you will decide to have a few more. Removing it from your routine is the best way to at least start on the path of helping yourself to take preventive action. You, yourself, said you have alcohol problems and you do. If you have even ONE uncontrollable and violent outburst per year and you attribute it to alcohol, it's a problem. And, you were drunk when you lashed out with your girlfriend. It wasn't that you were struggling with a break up with her at that point.

One small beer (0,3L) with dinner during 2 weeks is not self medicating. Sure, i try to be completely without. -- One beer with dinner over a 2 week period is one too many for someone who is in denial or simply doesn't understand the importance of avoiding it altogether.

Stick with the therapy. You do sound as though you're doing a little better at least as far as we can tell here. I wish you well in your journey.
Redhead14 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 10:14 AM   #92
Established Member
 
Protec's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Finland
Posts: 960
Quote:
Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
I hope you love living in your new place!

When do you move in?
Should be November 1st.

I am having a terrible day after all. Few moments after i was very happy i sent message to the woman i dated few weeks ago (before the incident happened),
she sent me something that got me off the rails and i am so depressed now i want to drink beer.

I found out that my evil-ex has told some things to this woman (they know each other through a similar friend) and that's why she does not want to keep seeing me anymore.

"I've heard some things about you so it's pretty hard to forget...."

WHY DOES SHE BELIEVE SOMEONE LIKE HER!? My ex is total human garbage. She is a snake in human skin. Oh i regret the day i even told her i was seeing this woman. I thought she would be happy for me that i have finally found a new woman but no. She does everything to destroy me.

It's not enough she destroyed my mental health, but she wanted to destroy my relationship with this woman too. Few days before the incidet my ex's evil friend called this woman i dated and told her all kinds of stuffs about me. Some lies, soem truths.

GOD DAMNIT!

Yes. My ex tried to get me in jail for sexual abuse. It's not like anyone could even abuse her sexually since she opens her legs for practically any man.
She has even cheated her new fiancee once with me, and few months ago i even saw her in Tinder, and when i asked her about it she lied to my face "no, i am not in there." Funny, but after that she disappeared. Or, maybe she was there to check if i am in Tinder. Anyway, being engaged to someone, it's pretty cruel to look new people from place like Tinder.

Here we go again....

Soon this nightmare will end that i have finally got rid of evil people in my life (my ex).

This is a blow in my face, a minor setback.

Last edited by Protec; 19th September 2017 at 10:16 AM..
Protec is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 10:18 AM   #93
Established Member
 
Protec's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Finland
Posts: 960
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redhead14 View Post

Stick with the therapy. You do sound as though you're doing a little better at least as far as we can tell here. I wish you well in your journey.
Thank you. I try my best. Right now i am having a very hard time. But i guess not every journey is easy one. 2 steps forward 1 step back.

I will get better.

I hope i can take a picture of myself 1 year from now and show it to you guys and you will be like "wow! You look amazing and so happy! Well done!"

That's what i want to do :cry:
Protec is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 10:36 AM   #94
Established Member
 
amaysngrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Jersey Shore
Posts: 23,219
If your exGF is going to believe bad things about you so easily it's probably best that's she's your EX.

I think you care too much what other people think of you. Screw 'em. The opinion you should value most is your own.

I'm going to have to disagree with you that you don't have an alcohol problem since when you are upset the very first thing you want to reach for is a beer.

That's not cool.
__________________
just dance
amaysngrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 10:39 AM   #95
Established Member
 
MidwestUSA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 7,432
Quote:
Originally Posted by Protec View Post
Should be November 1st.

I am having a terrible day after all. Few moments after i was very happy i sent message to the woman i dated few weeks ago (before the incident happened),
she sent me something that got me off the rails and i am so depressed now i want to drink beer.

I found out that my evil-ex has told some things to this woman (they know each other through a similar friend) and that's why she does not want to keep seeing me anymore.

"I've heard some things about you so it's pretty hard to forget...."

WHY DOES SHE BELIEVE SOMEONE LIKE HER!? My ex is total human garbage. She is a snake in human skin. Oh i regret the day i even told her i was seeing this woman. I thought she would be happy for me that i have finally found a new woman but no. She does everything to destroy me.

It's not enough she destroyed my mental health, but she wanted to destroy my relationship with this woman too. Few days before the incidet my ex's evil friend called this woman i dated and told her all kinds of stuffs about me. Some lies, soem truths.

GOD DAMNIT!

Yes. My ex tried to get me in jail for sexual abuse. It's not like anyone could even abuse her sexually since she opens her legs for practically any man.
She has even cheated her new fiancee once with me, and few months ago i even saw her in Tinder, and when i asked her about it she lied to my face "no, i am not in there." Funny, but after that she disappeared. Or, maybe she was there to check if i am in Tinder. Anyway, being engaged to someone, it's pretty cruel to look new people from place like Tinder.

Here we go again....

Soon this nightmare will end that i have finally got rid of evil people in my life (my ex).

This is a blow in my face, a minor setback.

The recent ex was looking for confirmation of your behavior, and you gave it to her. Only one person to blame for that.

So, why not tell her the truth? That you broke into a house. That you're lucky you're not in jail for assault charges. That you had a thing going with this ex while she was engaged to another guy (yes, it does take two. Why is it her fault?)

You're reaping what you've sown, do you realize that? All I see is blame shifting. No one ruined your mental health. I'm pretty sure anyone here who knows your history would have warned this woman to run and not look back if she were here asking.

So which is it today? You have a problem with alcohol or you don't?

You know there are more SSRIs out there than I can count; you have to stick with treatment until you find one that works. It seems as if you're stalling on every front. Pick one battle and get to it.
__________________
Well, bless your heart.
MidwestUSA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 4:41 PM   #96
Established Member
 
NuevoYorko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 835
Quote:
Originally Posted by Protec View Post
Should be November 1st.

I am having a terrible day after all. Few moments after i was very happy i sent message to the woman i dated few weeks ago (before the incident happened),
she sent me something that got me off the rails and i am so depressed now i want to drink beer.
You asked for it by messaging an ex, especially when she broke it off due to your rage problem/

Quote:
"I've heard some things about you so it's pretty hard to forget...."

WHY DOES SHE BELIEVE SOMEONE LIKE HER!? My ex is total human garbage. She is a snake in human skin. Oh i regret the day i even told her i was seeing this woman. I thought she would be happy for me that i have finally found a new woman but no. She does everything to destroy me.
You must be kidding. You told your ex about your other ex and now you are complaining about how "evil" she is? Hard to wrap my mind around. If you think a person is evil it is unhealthy to keep in touch with them much less share details of your personal life with them. Again, you created this.


Quote:
Yes. My ex tried to get me in jail for sexual abuse. It's not like anyone could even abuse her sexually since she opens her legs for practically any man.
I looked and saw that you have quite a few threads on here and one of them deals with you hitting that ex, if I remember it correctly. That earns jail.

You have a terrible attitude about women if you believe that sexual abuse can only happen to a chaste woman. It can happen to a prostitute and in a relationship with ones partner. Often does.

That whole post - in AA we call that "stinkin' thinkin'." We also call it "The Blame Game" and "taking someone else's inventory." The only person's shortcomings you need to be concerned with are your own; that is, if you actually want to do something about the condition of your life currently. Personal accountability.

I'm thinking you aren't there yet; I hope you do get there. Things can be so much better, there are a few on this thread who are living proof.
NuevoYorko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 4:44 PM   #97
Established Member
 
Protec's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Finland
Posts: 960
Quote:
Originally Posted by MidwestUSA View Post
The recent ex was looking for confirmation of your behavior, and you gave it to her. Only one person to blame for that.

So, why not tell her the truth? That you broke into a house. That you're lucky you're not in jail for assault charges. That you had a thing going with this ex while she was engaged to another guy (yes, it does take two. Why is it her fault?)

You're reaping what you've sown, do you realize that? All I see is blame shifting. No one ruined your mental health. I'm pretty sure anyone here who knows your history would have warned this woman to run and not look back if she were here asking.

So which is it today? You have a problem with alcohol or you don't?

You know there are more SSRIs out there than I can count; you have to stick with treatment until you find one that works. It seems as if you're stalling on every front. Pick one battle and get to it.

She ruined my mental health. I was perfectly fine and happy before i started dating her. All her cheatings and mind games drove me almost insane. You have no idea what i had to go through. yeah yeah, i had the chance to leave anytime. Unfortunately life is not that black and white always.

And again i am feeling i am losing it. I sent a perfectly normal message to the woman i dated, it was a picture of my apartment with some candles lit

"I'm enjoying the evening in candlelight and some jazz music I don't know what people have said to you, i am not a bad person".

Then she sent me "DON'T EVER WRITE ME AGAIN!"

I have no idea what i did wrong or what i said wrong. I seriously feel that i am not human at all. I don't understand anything.
Protec is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 5:06 PM   #98
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 5,317
Quote:
Originally Posted by Protec View Post
She ruined my mental health. I was perfectly fine and happy before i started dating her.
So are you lying to us about your anger issues since you were a kid?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Protec View Post
Then she sent me "DON'T EVER WRITE ME AGAIN!"
I have no idea what i did wrong or what i said wrong. I seriously feel that i am not human at all. I don't understand anything.
When you break up you quit contact.
You always seem to wish to continue it and then as Midwest said you blame shift to everyone else. Why?

You come here asking for help about anger and alcoholism, everyone suggests AA and anger management and yet again you ignore these suggestions.
You do this all the time OP. You always ignore advice given when yu ask for advice.
I'm not sure what you want form the forum OP.
There are steps you could take but you have to take them.

Take some responsibility for yourself and your actions, current and previous.
GemmaUK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 5:19 PM   #99
Established Member
 
Protec's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Finland
Posts: 960
Quote:
Originally Posted by GemmaUK View Post
So are you lying to us about your anger issues since you were a kid?


When you break up you quit contact.
You always seem to wish to continue it and then as Midwest said you blame shift to everyone else. Why?

You come here asking for help about anger and alcoholism, everyone suggests AA and anger management and yet again you ignore these suggestions.
You do this all the time OP. You always ignore advice given when yu ask for advice.
I'm not sure what you want form the forum OP.
There are steps you could take but you have to take them.

Take some responsibility for yourself and your actions, current and previous.
I have not lied about my anger issues. But my ex drove me insane so i had to seek help from therapist etc. Never before i've felt like i am going insane but when i dated my ex.

Why is it that when you break up you quit contact? Who wrote that rule? SHE said to me "i want to stay friends". SHE SAID IT. Not me. If she doesn't want to stay friends then don't say you want to stay friends!

I don't know how to go to anger management classes. I need someone to take me there and AA as well. I can't get anything done these days anymore

What i want is support. Not to be judged all the time. Only person that doesn't jugde me is my therapist.
Protec is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 6:07 PM   #100
Established Member
 
amaysngrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Jersey Shore
Posts: 23,219
I think it's probably good that she drove you to seek therapy since it sounds like it's helping.

She probably didn't like the picture you sent because it seemed romantic like you wanted her as FWB. That's why you don't stay friends with some people. They can't handle it even if they say they can.

She's whack.
Protec and knabe like this.
amaysngrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2017, 1:17 AM   #101
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,523
It's good you're doing therapy, sounds like you need a twist with your counseling. Try Cbt, cognitive behavioral therapy. Will help with your anxiety and depression.
Quote:

she sent me something that got me off the rails and i am so depressed now i want to drink beer.
Fact that this was your first reaction, to want to drink just shows that you need AA and a sponsor. Only good can come of this if you choose to go.

I assume you want to feel healthy and happy?
Protec likes this.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2017, 2:31 AM   #102
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 5,317
Quote:
Originally Posted by Protec View Post
Why is it that when you break up you quit contact? Who wrote that rule? SHE said to me "i want to stay friends". SHE SAID IT. Not me. If she doesn't want to stay friends then don't say you want to stay friends!
Often times it's just a thing people say to soften the blow or something said where the intent is for the future and in general - eg that you'll say hello to each other on the street when you bump into each other. It doesn't mean they want to keep up regular contact right after ending things. There was a reason she ended it, a very valid one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Protec View Post
I don't know how to go to anger management classes. I need someone to take me there and AA as well.
have you spoken to your therapist about wanting to go and wanting help going?
Protec likes this.
GemmaUK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2017, 5:03 AM   #103
Established Member
 
Protec's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Finland
Posts: 960
Quote:
Originally Posted by GemmaUK View Post
Often times it's just a thing people say to soften the blow or something said where the intent is for the future and in general - eg that you'll say hello to each other on the street when you bump into each other. It doesn't mean they want to keep up regular contact right after ending things. There was a reason she ended it, a very valid one.


have you spoken to your therapist about wanting to go and wanting help going?

Hi. Yes, i understand it's to soften the blow. But tell it to my brain. As my brain will understand it as "you've been lied to". And usually when i find out someone lies to me (yes, i am very, very gullible and naive) it triggers my anger.

And what i noticed as well, it's any kind of rejection that triggers my anger. It does not have to be "romantic" rejection, but i remember from my childhood
when i asked from my friend "hey can you play with me today?".

And he responded "no, sorry, i have other things to do so i am alone today".

Then later on i saw my other friend going to that friends house. I got so angry i went at my friends home and lifted him up against the wall "Don't NEVER LIE TO ME! If you don't want to play with me, just say it straight but don't lie!"

I was 12-13 years old then?

It's combination of "been lied to" or somehow someone has betrayed my trust that triggers it.

I know it sounds very ridiculous. But i am honest. I can say white lies and so on. But i would never lie to a friend or anyone about something like that. If i say, "let's be friends". I mean it. I mean it to the end of the world. If i say "I love you". i REALLY mean it. I don't say things for fun. And that is why i have hard time understanding other people. I mean my ex gf said that she loves me.

So i believe that. I believe it so much that she means it in the same way i do.
And then when they want to break up, i feel betrayed, i feel like i've been lied to.

In my mind there is a conversation like this "You said you loved me, why is it that you suddenly change your mind? Why do you say you love me if you change your mind only few weeks after saying it? Why did you lie to me? If you don't love me, then don't say it. I trusted you. I believed you. I gave my heart to you and i would have never left your side."

Yeah, i've become quite good analysing myself. Thanks to therapy.

But i am getting closer to the root of my anger.

IT's not always about rejection though. Of course when i was bullied i got angry too. But i don't get angry about physical pain. It's always something mental that triggers it.

My therapist is on vacation this week, but i will talk about AA and anger management classes with her.

It's only 45 minutes per week and that is very short time :/

I am sorry i dropped from the wagon. I will recollect myself now and start from scratch.

So here we go again: Day 1.

Sigh.

Yes. I want to be happy. Now i am kicking myself out from the door and go for a walk.

I started dating too soon... or at least the speed was too high. We saw each other suddenly 4 times a week. We should've taken it slower.
Protec is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2017, 6:02 AM   #104
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 8,024
Quote:
Originally Posted by Protec View Post
Thank you. I try my best. Right now i am having a very hard time. But i guess not every journey is easy one. 2 steps forward 1 step back.

I will get better.

I hope i can take a picture of myself 1 year from now and show it to you guys and you will be like "wow! You look amazing and so happy! Well done!"

That's what i want to do :cry:
It's OK to cry. You should let yourself cry. Crying is an outlet for stress and pent up emotions, etc. Cry for a little bit, let some of that stuff out and then pull yourself together and get focused on your life and your goals.

Enjoy your new place. A change of environment may be one of the things that helps you leave some things in the past.

See the future you want for yourself and do your very best to get there.
Protec likes this.
Redhead14 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2017, 8:34 AM   #105
Established Member
 
Protec's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Finland
Posts: 960
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redhead14 View Post
It's OK to cry. You should let yourself cry. Crying is an outlet for stress and pent up emotions, etc. Cry for a little bit, let some of that stuff out and then pull yourself together and get focused on your life and your goals.

Enjoy your new place. A change of environment may be one of the things that helps you leave some things in the past.

See the future you want for yourself and do your very best to get there.
Thank you I really hope i enjoy the new apartment. At least i finally have my own balcony and it's towards the ocean so i can watch the horizon.

I have tried to find out what is wrong with me and found interesting quote from an ASD site. (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

"If you break up with a autistic person and say "we can still be friends", we won't see that as a throwaway line, we will expect that friendship! And we'll often getting blamed for breaking confort zone boundaries with our exes further down the line because we took at your word"

That sounds so much like me. Lots of times, i've made a person angry, because they've said "we can stay friends". And i've actually thought they mean it.

Also it seems lots of times people misinterpret me and i usually get confused why i make some people angry, as i only had good intentions but for some reason i made them mad.

Just like now with this woman i dated. I have not said anything bad to her or about her after we broke up, but still she got mad and angry at me.

And i was very confused last night what i did wrong.
Protec is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Anger problems in marriage, EMDR Therapy is ing CarboniteCammy Marriage & Life Partnerships 6 26th April 2013 2:56 AM
ex says i have anger problems. loveburden Second Chances 0 22nd November 2011 7:14 AM
20 year old girl with anger problems :( layercakegal Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 7 14th August 2008 8:27 AM
My relationship seems useless, alcoholism, too many problems... bluelips General Relationship Discussion 21 27th December 2005 1:43 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:21 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.